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#992852 01/22/13 01:45 AM
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Here is one that me and Kim wrote some time ago and I just had redone. It is based on an article I read and I always thought this was such a heartwarming story. Thanks to Gale (thegatorhole) and Melissa (vocal) for bringing this to life for me! Let me know what you think? :)))) Scotty


Your Card © Richard Scott/Kim Ragans

http://www.reverbnation.com/scottysongwriteronlyvariousmusicians#!/scottysongwriteronlyvariousmusicians/songs

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=12391057&q=hi

Your Card ©2012 Richard Scott/Kim Ragans

I was young, caught in the moment
Not caring where that night went
Just knew I’d spend forever in his arms
But forever became the day
I told him I was late
He left and I felt my world fall apart

(Prechorus)
Now I realize to you it’s just another birthday
But to me today’s the day they took you away

(Chorus)
Now I sign this same card every year
Even though it’s not going… anywhere
I hold it and hope you read it someday
(I hold it and hope maybe some day)
Dry my tears, then put it away

I’ve missed all the candles and wishes
First steps and pretty prom dresses
Wish I could have shared them all with you
But that’s the price I’ve had to pay
For the choice I had to make
Hope you understand what I had to do

Prechorus)
Now the only thing I have is the memory
Of that moment I held you close to me

So I sign this same card every year
Even though it’s not going anywhere
I hold it and hope you read it someday
(I hold it and hope maybe some day)
Dry my tears, then put it away

(Bridge)
After years of hoping and waiting
I got a call… Lord knows I’ve been praying…

(Final Chorus)
Now I sign this same card one last year
Cause that day I’ve prayed for’s finally here
And I know it’s not much but it’s a start
Love Momma… baby here’s your card
Yeah Happy Birthday, baby here’s your card

Last edited by Richard Scott; 07/24/13 02:48 AM.
Richard Scott #992884 01/22/13 11:20 AM
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Great county song, this is real country music.
Stan

Stanj3 #992886 01/22/13 12:23 PM
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Richard, I can't find anything to crit, so how big was that fish you're holding?

Seriously, I'm impressed with all aspects of your song--it's a finished, polished song, well done.

I've been in a couple of discussions on this forum lately about music flow between verse/pre-chorus/chorus/bridge/etc., and I could use your song as the example of how it's done from a musical flowing perspective--it's easy to structure a song this way, it's another thing to have the music flow smoothly. Super production.

steady-eddie.

E Swartz #992895 01/22/13 02:06 PM
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I hesitate to say anything as the demo's made and you won't be able to change anything....
If this was a work file I would have said, (to me) there's a few problems. There's a huge jump between the first verse, (well set up) to the pre. If you'd explained: ....and now it's Sept. 19th her birthday's come around again-the day etc. it may have flowed better. The chorus doesn't feel like a chorus to me-more like a bridge.
This verse appears to say what a chorus should:
I’ve missed all the candles and wishes
First steps and pretty prom dresses
Wish I could have shared them all with you
But that’s the price I’ve had to pay
For the choice I had to make
Hope you understand what I had to do

Some good stuff here but a few problems as well. Best of luck!
-Mike



9ne #992916 01/22/13 05:39 PM
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Richard, I went back and listened to this one again, thinking that I may have been caught up with the quality production and missed flaws within the lyrical structure as Mike was commenting about. Firstly, there is a jump from the 1st verse to the pre-chorus in "story thought process," but the title of this song is "The Card," and I think that jump is what makes the pre-chorus effective--in other words, it's launching the chorus. The chorus is promoting the song title and expounding upon those related feelings, and rather well. The "bridge," later, is making a digression and dramatic statement, and very well I might add.

Having said this, there may be merit in what Mike is saying and little in what I am saying to be fair. I always enjoy differences of opinion, as sometimes everyone learns perhaps one small thing, including myself.

I still think this is a fantastic write aside from the performance and production being top notch. No question, when the production is stellar, it is easy to over-look basic structure or lyrical flaws. Take another (subjective) listen Mike, come on now this one's in the can anyway. Scotty may quit fishing from depression!

steady-eddie.

E Swartz #992979 01/23/13 12:15 AM
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pretty smooth Scotty,i like it!Mike

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StanJ, thanks for stopping by and taking a listen!!

Michael, I appreciate your comment dude!!

:))) scotty

Richard Scott #992986 01/23/13 12:46 AM
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Mike and Eddie... wanted to say thanks for listening and commenting. The original version of this one clocked in at damn near 5 minutes which is too long, too much trying to explain what the story was. In this version, I rewrote it to try and condense everything to where the story was explained but much less wordy. As you said eddie, the 1st prechorus is two lines bringing in the whole birthday thing while also letting you know she gave the girl up for adoption. The chorus' are the meat, saying that she signed the same card each year, hoping to one day be able to give it the daughter. The bridge let's you know the daughter connected and the final chorus means she gave her the card to show the daughter she has thought of her all these years. Whew!! LOL This wasn't an easy story to tell in these few lines but I tried!! Thanks again for your comments!! Eddie, that's a Speckled Sea Trout that went a hair over 4 pounds!! :))) scotty

Richard Scott #992992 01/23/13 01:01 AM
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Richard, I love it,that's how a country song should be done.Good music,good story line......Mike

mike kruse #993047 01/23/13 02:47 PM
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Mike, thanks for taking a listen and the great comments,I appreciate them!! :))) scotty

Richard Scott #993130 01/23/13 10:02 PM
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No nits from me sounds like a pretty pro demo......and a well crafted song. I like the twist at the end when we find out who the card is for.......it was a curved ball I was not expecting.

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Scotty, Great demo of your song. It kind of grows on me as I listened. I'm not a big fan of these pre-chorus or lifts. I think you could just go from the verses directly into the chorus. I'd also rewrite the melody of the first line of the chorus to slide more smoothly into the last three lines (and I LOVE last three those melody lines). Something seems off about that first melody line. Maybe its an unusual chord that doesn't fit to my ear. (Now I sign this same card every year). Or maybe it's just me. If nobody else notices it, I could very well be wrong.

You've done a good job on this. Congratulations.


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

https://dansullivan2.bandcamp.com

http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/dansullivan2
Dan Sullivan #993154 01/24/13 02:46 AM
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Hey Richard,

Man, that's a real tear jerker. Solid writing, and a very good demo. It's going to mean a lot to some folks more than others, but it's a very good write on a very difficult subject.

cheers, niteshift


Dan Sullivan #993159 01/24/13 03:10 AM
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Bravo Scotty
Another masterfully crafted piece.
Thumbs up to all involved.

You folks are on a roll.

Good luck with it.

Nelson #993288 01/25/13 01:51 AM
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Jim, thanks for taking a listen and commenting!! :))) scotty

Richard Scott #993289 01/25/13 02:02 AM
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Real pro stuff here Scotty! Solid work all around. I'm impressed.

Best, John smile

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Dan, Nite, Nelson and John.... thanks to all of you for listening and commenting, I appreciate and take note of them all!! :)))) scotty

Richard Scott #993496 01/26/13 08:19 PM
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Hi Richard,
Good country story line. good melody and Kudos to Kim on the vocal.
Yeah,the jump from 1st V to pre, probably will throw some people. You'd pobably get a difference of opinion in different sites as to how well it works. Course there's always a difference of opinion between "It should explain itself as it goes along" and the "Twist" song.
For whatever reason, Kim seems to hold it all together and make it work. Maybe her rather "Plaintive" for want of a better word, delivery. You kinda sense right away what happened.
All JMO
Write on

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Hey Richard, nice quality recording. We can nit and go back and forth all day on country lyric structure and flow, but when it comes down to it’s how the song is presented. This was nicely done.

Iggy #993579 01/27/13 06:17 PM
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Iggy, thanks for the comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :))) scotty

Richard Scott #995129 02/08/13 08:42 PM
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Wyman, thanks for taking a listen, been a long time since I've seen you commenting? :))) I really didn't intend for this to be a "twist" song, I thought I was telling the story as it went along. Of course, as a writer, we know exactly what we are saying and don't realize that there are other perceptions that are equally valid! I just hope that everyone arrives at the same point at the end of the song, she finally met her daughter and was able to give her the card she had been saving for all those years!! :)))) scotty

Richard Scott #995139 02/08/13 11:51 PM
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Powerful stuff there, Scotty. You done gooood. Tugs at the heart strings for sure.

Stevie


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Thanks Stevie, I'm glad you liked it!! :))) scotty

Richard Scott #995195 02/09/13 05:32 PM
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Richard,

Really well done...Good country!!!

tom

Tom Breshers #995208 02/09/13 08:34 PM
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Tom, thanks for dropping by and taking a listen, I appreciate your comments!! :)))) scotty

Richard Scott #995212 02/09/13 08:49 PM
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Nice song. Ill tell you your a good writer. Shes a good singer. The song is a good country song for sure.

rogerjohn #995222 02/09/13 11:31 PM
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Scotty,

Really like the song, very emotional and great vocal on it.

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




TamsNumber4 #995243 02/10/13 02:58 AM
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Richard, what a wonderful country song. Great story-telling, very emotional. Really good vocal. I enjoyed it a lot. I could hear this on the radio. Below are a few lyrical suggestions. Keep or sweep. Thanks for sharing.

_____________________________________
Even though it's not going anywhere
Change to: And each time, I'm crying the same tears

I hold it and hope maybe some day
Change to: I hold it and hope you'll read it some day

ejlawrence #995249 02/10/13 03:24 AM
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Sounds great, Scotty!! -- Lisa

Lisa Gundling #995335 02/10/13 10:07 PM
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Roger and Tammy, thanks for taking a listen and I'm glad you enjoyed it!! :)))) scotty

Richard Scott #995867 02/15/13 02:54 AM
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ej, I'm gonna keep the "read it some day" suggestion in my hip pocket, you said it better than me!! Thanks man!!

Lisa, glad you enjoyed it!! :))))

scotty

Richard Scott #995907 02/15/13 03:49 PM
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Nothing for me to critique. I think this is a fantastic write and professional mix and recording. Really well done.

Dave

Richard Scott #995949 02/15/13 07:05 PM
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SCOTTY--

ANOTHER ONE READY FOR THE RADIO AND JUKEBOX!

Mackie

Mackie H. #996259 02/18/13 01:56 AM
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Dave and Mackie.... really glad you took a listen and enjoyed this one, it was a great story that I wanted to write into a song!! :))))) scotty

Richard Scott #996300 02/18/13 06:06 AM
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Very sweet, Richard. Nice sound!! Love the lyric.
I think that this is a good piece of music!!
Good stuff............ -Tom

IronKnee #996628 02/20/13 03:01 AM
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Tom, I'm glad you liked it and thanks for taking a listen!! :))) scotty

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I liked EJs suggestion on the third line of the first 2 chorus' and I had Gale and Melissa change them and remix this one. Let me know what you think? :)))) scotty

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So many Moms left motherless, because of the need for cruel separations that life throws at them, but there is an umbilical cord between a mother and a daughter, that runs just eight or so inches below one heart to another, and cannot ever be severed. Nicely done.~~~Matt

MFB III #1002367 04/05/13 02:01 AM
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Matt, that's what drew me to this story and had me write a song about it. Glad you liked it!! :)))) scotty

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Wow, Richard. What a fantastic lyric. Men arn't supposed to admit crying, right? Well, I am going to admit that after reading this lyric, a tear came to my eye (Then again, I cried when Old Yeller died). I am a sap though. This was truly tremendous. No suggestions or complaints here. This is perfect, as is. Lyrically, performance, music, recording ... all spot on. Congrats on a great one.

Dave

GocartMoz #1002633 04/07/13 01:46 AM
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Dave, thanks for the great compliment and I'm glad you connected with this one!! :))))) scotty

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The singing really shines on this well written life affirming tune - beautiful work all around.

bruce l #1002873 04/09/13 01:28 AM
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Bruce, welcome to the board and thank you for taking a listen and the nice comment!! :))) scotty

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This is VERY nicely put together, thanks for the entertainment.


Calvin


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Calvin #1003019 04/10/13 02:02 AM
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Calvin, thanks man!!! Means a lot to me!! :)))) scotty

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I had a guy message me on LinkedIn and said he owns the rights to a software program that rates the merits of a song as far as hit potential, and this one earned a 92%, which he called very respectable. Y'all ever heard of that?? Hmmmmm... :)))) Scotty

Last edited by Richard Scott; 07/24/13 02:52 AM.
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Good song and good demo Richard.

It made me think about how not so long ago you would've had to change it to third person or make the singer be the baby grown up receiving the card because a female country singer couldn't or wouldn't put herself in that light with her fans by singing the lyrics as written. Times change though so hopefully that won't be a problem for you pitching it.

I like it. Very emotional. Enjoyed listening.


Josie

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JosieB #1017224 07/28/13 02:57 PM
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Josie, welcome to the board, I've haven't "met" you before!! Thanks for taking a listen and commenting. Yeah, that was a problem when I wrote this but it just didn't "read" well as third person, I wanted the song to be about the "Mom's" emotions and I felt it worked better with her as the singer. Thanks again!! :)))) Scotty


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