JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum No Room Left For Me - new tune :)

Hey folks,

Working on a new tune and I certainly would appreciate your thoughts and suggestions/critique.

Appreciate your thoughts....

No Room Left For Me (personal server) MP3@7.4mb @ 320k

At ReverbNation for those who can't hit my server..


No Room Left For Me - Chapman Jones


Didn't see the storm clouds rollin' in
Til they burst open
Everything inside my heart
Was either soakin' wet or broken

Even if I understood what went down
I didn't have the answer
Question's sitting inside my head
Never got the chance to ask her

Rain crow sings a mournful melody
Spreading wings for an unknown destiny
No room left for crying
No room left for me

[BREAK - INTRO REPEAT]

Packed my junk and hit the road
Didn't know where I was headin'
Seemed like every turn I made
Turned into a dead end

Caught a glimpse of raven hair
In the rear view mirror
By the time the red light changed
She was gone forever

[CHORUS]

[BREAK - INTRO REPEAT]

[BRIDGE]
I've fallen to the bottom several times before
To my best recollection it's the devils door

[BREAK - INTRO REPEAT]

[CHORUS]


**
Chap

Hey Chapman,

Nice song with a fine folk style. But what is a RAIN CROW?
I've never heard that term.

By the way, I like the Rickenbacker in your avatar. Is it a 360/12? That's what I have. I also see you're in Kentucky. What part. I'm originally from the Ashland area though I'm in Western North Carolina now.

Stevie

Hi Stevie,

Thank you for your thoughts.

I'm down in South Central Ky. close to Mt.Vernon. A few miles from the Renfro Valley area. The old folks around here call the mourning dove a rain crow. But I think it's really associated with a cuckoo bird. The rain crow seems to call out indicating a thunderstorm or rain is coming. Some folks call them a storm crow.

Love my Ric's. The avatar is my '05 330/6. But I also have an '02 360/12 Fireglo.

Chap

I got my 360/12 in '02 as well. I sent Roger McGuinn an email asking him if I should get his signature series with 3 pickups or the regular 36/12 and he emailed me back within an hour. Not only told me he only played with the bridge pickup but turned me on to the POD 2.0 and told me his settings for getting his sound. I was blown away.

I went to college in Richmond and still have friends there and in Lancaster. I turn get off I-75 in Mt. Vernon to cut over to Lancaster. Small world.

Stevie

CHAPMAN--

I LIKE THIS SONG A LOT--SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS PENNED FOR GARTH BROOKS--

THE CH SEEMS A LITTLE SHORT--I'D OFFER BUILDING UP TO CH WITH A COUPLE OF BARS (AN IDENTIFIABLE RIFF) AND THEN MOURN AND LAMENT…NO ROOM…….JUST MY THOUGHTS--START CH WITH …...NO ROOM….SANWITCH THE REST AND REPEAT WITH …...NO ROOM… JUST OFFERING OPTIONS--SOUNDS GREAT LIKE IT IS--

Mackie

Thank you Mackie! Good points. Gonna try some thing outs. Very cool

Chap

Chapman,I listened to the tune 3-4 times. I really liked your vocal. You have a very distinctive voice/delivery. The melody is simple, haunting, enjoyable and easy to remember. I'm not a musician, don't play an instrument but I know good playing when I hear it and you've got it down. The lyrics are very, very good; full of visuals and nice story-telling.

I wanted more of a melodic rise on the hook in the chorus to help give it more contrast to the verses. It may be me, but I also wanted an instrumental accompaniment on the bridge (violin/fiddle, steel guitar) - again, for contrast and to give the listener something different to hear. You might use the bridge lyric to explain why the two of you split.

All suggestions - keep or sweep. All that said, a really fine song. Thanks for sharing.

Certainly a very fine song. Wish I had written it

There is lots to like, not only about the way it is penned but the elegant guitar play and the lovely vocal sound. The last line of the chorus seems to end to early to me. And that was my only nit pick. It just seemed to cut the chorus off before it was finished.

Lovely song though, really liked it.

EJ, Allan

Thank you kindly for your attentive thoughts. You guys make some very good suggestions.

I don't know quite how to explain this. Even though I wrote the song, I have to learn it. I mean, I have to get comfortable with it in order to learn what I can do with it. The more I play it, the more I can hear and feel where things can be changed and improved. I've already re-written several lines as well as experimented with the vocals.

Seems the consensus is the chorus needs work. As is always the case with me. For some reason, I can't seem to get away from a weak chorus.

In any case, this is certainly a work in progress. Thank you all!

Chap

Hi,

WOW, very impressive performance.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Thank you very much Calvin.

Chapman,

Super job man! I absolutely loved it, and was really envious of that mic your using! What mic are you using? This song has everything going for it, so I won't mention them one by one. I thoroughly enjoyed this one!

steady-eddie.

Chapman,

I loved the guitar playing in this, what a beautiful melody. I do agree that a bit of a lift in the song would be good, but I'm a little torn because the music is so nice.

I do have one spot that is rough for me in the lyric.

These two lines don't match up for me, I would suggest trimming the second verse line to improve the cadance:


Didn't see the storm clouds rollin' in

Even if I understood what went down


You have a short line after each of these lines and the effect of moving to it in the second verse is lost since that line runs too long. And the shorter lines in each verse, to me could have a bit more emphasis emotionally because they really stick out as special because they are different. That is my opinion as a singer, I kept getting stuck on this, but know that I thought this was a wonderful song!

Tammy

Eddie,

Thank you very much for your compliments. Makes it all worthwhile!

On this I used an older MXL 990 Condenser mic for vocals. The mic is run through a Behringer X1222FX mixer and sound is delivered with an M-Audio Delta 2496 sound card. I have a Behringer V-Verb 2496 unit inserted as well. It covers all channels.

The guitar is a '74 Guild D-25 using an LR Baggs M1 pickup. It's routed through a JangleBox pedal to brighten it up and then into a pre-amp. From the pre-amp it's then routed into the mixer on a separate channel.

What's really cool is the MXL mic also picks up some of the natural tone of the guitar and adds a nice bit of mellowness to it.

Thanks again Eddie.

Chap

Hey Chapman,

Beautiful playing and awesome vocal. Well done. Nice write. No nits here. I didn't want it to end.

Dave

Hey Dave,

Thank you very much.

Chap

Tams,

Thanks for having listen.

Agreed on the 1st to 2nd verse offset. The lyric is indeed going through the rewrite phase and looking for a better, more effective way to say what I want.

It's always good to hear ideas from a singer. They're the ones who can really sell the song. Write to the singer!

Thanks

Chap