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Revised lyric 12/13 In My America Chorus Doo doo In my America choice is free work each day we can build a lot In my America we are at peace each person alive has a vision to be In my A mer eeeai ri ca verse Even though we have misery fallout, hatred and swelling seas
people love life and hope remains giving where they can to those in need
Doo doo Chorus In my America choice is free work each day we can build a lot In my America we are at peace each person alive has a vision to be In my A mer eeeai ri ca
verse the world changes but we stay strong when structures crumble we shore them up
Let's make something that grows again where towns and people love their land
In my A mer eeeai ri ca √ In my A mer eeeai ri ca Bridge the tired, the hungry and weak still deserve a home in peace Chorus In my America it 's written in our hearts walk honestly you can do a lot In my America love is free everyone has reason to be In my A mer eeeai ri ca
Hi was nice to have a visit from my muse in 2013 once anyway : ) - here's the rough I'm playing around with -- If you have any suggestions they will be considered and many thanks for listening ! http://youtu.be/GjEUJ1YU9pUIn My America © joicemarie 2013 Intro -Doo doo Chorus In my America the promise we got live honestly you can build a lot In my America we all live free each person alive has a vision to be In my A mer eeeai ri ca Verse In this life we have misery fallout, hatred a swelling sea Doctors , priests the richest men can't make the lost (ones) alive again Break -Doo doo Chorus In my America the promise we got live honestly you can build a lot In my America we all live free each person alive has a vision to be In my A mer eeeai ri ca Verse We see nothing stays the same when worlds crumble love and faith remain Let's make something that grows again where towns and people work Hand in Hand Refrain In my A mer eeeai ri ca √ In my A mer eeeai ri ca Bridge the tired, the hungry and weak still deserve a home in peace Chorus In my America it 's written from the heart walk honestly you can build a lot In my America we walk free everyone has reason to be In my A mer eeeai ri ca
Last edited by Joice Marie; 12/13/13 05:40 PM.
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Joice!!
Howdy friend and neighbor, so very happy to see you here!! I miss you!!
Love the song, love the melody, the only thing that makes me wonder is the "walk honestly you can build a lot"...not sure that line is the best it can be, but love the rest!
So happy to see and hear you!!
Tammy
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Hey Joyce!
Nice melody & vocal tone. "Smile, darn ya smile!"
steady-eddie.
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Joice!!
Howdy friend and neighbor, so very happy to see you here!! I miss you!!
Love the song, love the melody, the only thing that makes me wonder is the "walk honestly you can build a lot"...not sure that line is the best it can be, but love the rest!
So happy to see and hear you!!
Tammy Thanks for your Kind Welcome back Tammy and nice feedback also. Thinking about that line maybe I will try "walk honestly you can DO a lot" The shift seems important in my mind because we often (or our inner critic) stop the possibilities by fear of trying/failing.... anyway I will work on that thought, Thank you ! jm
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Hi Eddie
Thanks for listening -- I'm smiling : )
It's the concentration I need when I'm learning and working out a new song --- eventually when I know it I will be sure to smile . Thanks for the reminder
jm
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Thanks Calvin for listening ! Nice to have a new song to share - I appreciate you taking the time jm
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Joice Marie, I really like the melody and the hook/refrain "In my America." I'd experiment with rearranging the structure of the song and also look harder at the lyrics. You might start the song with the "In my America" refrain, singing it twice before going into the the verse. There also seems to be two slightly different verse melodies.
MELODY ONE In my America the promise we got live honestly you can build a lot In my America we all live free each person alive has a vision to be In my A mer eeeai ri ca
MELODY TWO In this life we have misery fallout, hatred a swelling sea
Doctors , priests the richest men can't make the lost (ones) alive again
I like the second melody and might stick with that throughout the song, going back and forth with that melody and the "In My America" refrain.
I'd also dig deeper on the lyrics, telling us what America means to you without using cliches and catch phrases. It's always tricky writing patriotic songs without resorting to cliches and platitudes we've heard a hundred times before.
With that melody and refrain you've definitely got something good to work with. It's good already. I'd try to polish and shine it into a great song.
Best of luck with it.
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Hi Joice,
It's so nice to see you AND hear you -- it's a very nice song and I enjoyed the listen! (I thought maybe adding something at the end about "our America" but, maybe not!)
Lisa
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Joice Marie, I really like the melody and the hook/refrain "In my America." I'd experiment with rearranging the structure of the song and also look harder at the lyrics. You might start the song with the "In my America" refrain, singing it twice before going into the the verse. There also seems to be two slightly different verse melodies.
MELODY ONE In my America the promise we got live honestly you can build a lot In my America we all live free each person alive has a vision to be In my A mer eeeai ri ca
MELODY TWO In this life we have misery fallout, hatred a swelling sea
Doctors , priests the richest men can't make the lost (ones) alive again
I like the second melody and might stick with that throughout the song, going back and forth with that melody and the "In My America" refrain.
I'd also dig deeper on the lyrics, telling us what America means to you without using cliches and catch phrases. It's always tricky writing patriotic songs without resorting to cliches and platitudes we've heard a hundred times before.
With that melody and refrain you've definitely got something good to work with. It's good already. I'd try to polish and shine it into a great song.
Best of luck with it. Hi Dan My apologies for not labeling how I see the structure -- but I added it to the post now. I was actually hearing what you pointed out as Chorus and verse melodies --- so that's why they are different. I also tried starting with the verse first -- but decided to have the chorus open. In earlier lyric -- I had More Cliches -- (ha ha) -- from biblical quotes to the constitution , doctors/ lawyers for instance -- so I Do understand the sentiment -- but it's not easy -- since it is a universal subject and as you know, been done before ... I appreciate your time and I will try to continue to evolve it through performance. jm
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Hey Joice,i really enjoyed this one!Mike
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It is been awhile since I've have heard me a "joice" song. Your playing live a lot has really improved the quality of your voice. I guess proper practice does make perfect! Have you heard of or tried Streetjelly yet (it's on on-line busking site). You would fit right in. A very nice listen.
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Hi Lisa
Thank you for your thoughts and it did help - I have a newer lyric I'll post above
jm
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Thank you Michael for listening jm
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Hi Kevin and a Big thank you for the improvement nod ! It does help to perform live I think.
No on the Street Jelly - but I will check it out- I currently am trying to recover my voice from a cold - I'll post an upgrade to the lyrics here --- but the recording will have to wait for now.
Thanks for listening jm
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Hi Joice -- OH! I like your changes VERY much....it seems much more harmonious, in keeping with the peaceful intent of the song! -- Lisa
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Another good'n! Small distraction with the buzzing/muted (and slightly off key) string heard throughout...otherwise, I liked it. Keep up the nice work.
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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