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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235 |
Hi Stevie,
This sounds good. The effort and energy you put into this really come thru.
I really didn't care for the unchanging big snare sound thru the whole tune. You might consider trying something different if you can. Some folks do wonders w/ drumagog but thats $$$. If not, maybe a little subtle flanging with a long flanging period... that'll make the sound vary a bit over time.
I also think you you should replace the chorus about you with the chorus about her. "garter belt - velvet thigh - treasure chest" are all quasi sexual descriptions and the descriptions of the guy aren't comparable or as good IMO. And the line "Beneath a silky shirt, I'm a butterfly" doesn't work for me... IE it seems kinda strangely effeminate.
Also, I think focusing the tune mainly on her, might make it stronger... just from a focus standpoint.
I don't know if you could make that substitution at this point. But it seems like most of your backing vocals are OOs and it might be possible?
Anyway, I realize this is an old tune. But I have this predilection for just calling 'em as I see 'em. I think with these two changes you might make this a lot stronger if you want to go that route.
I enjoyed the listen.
Peace,
Ian
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
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Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Hey Stevie,
This is cool. The Rickie always adds that McGuinn sound but I thought of the Seekers and Spanky and Our Gang too. Definitely sixties redux.
I might substitute firefly for butterfly in chorus 2.
A well done production!
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581
Top 50 Poster
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OP
Top 50 Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581 |
Hi Stevie,
This sounds good. The effort and energy you put into this really come thru.
I really didn't care for the unchanging big snare sound thru the whole tune. You might consider trying something different if you can. Some folks do wonders w/ drumagog but thats $$$. If not, maybe a little subtle flanging with a long flanging period... that'll make the sound vary a bit over time.
I also think you you should replace the chorus about you with the chorus about her. "garter belt - velvet thigh - treasure chest" are all quasi sexual descriptions and the descriptions of the guy aren't comparable or as good IMO. And the line "Beneath a silky shirt, I'm a butterfly" doesn't work for me... IE it seems kinda strangely effeminate.
Also, I think focusing the tune mainly on her, might make it stronger... just from a focus standpoint.
I don't know if you could make that substitution at this point. But it seems like most of your backing vocals are OOs and it might be possible?
Anyway, I realize this is an old tune. But I have this predilection for just calling 'em as I see 'em. I think with these two changes you might make this a lot stronger if you want to go that route.
I enjoyed the listen.
Peace,
Ian
Thanks for the listen and comprehensive feedback Ian. Both appreciated greatly. Yeah the drums are a sore spot for sure and I'm gonna go back and put real drums in there when I have time. The ones there are from drum machine software I've had for years. As for focusing just on her, it's a wedding and both have butterflies in their stomachs (baby your so moi and I'm so vous, like a chocolate vow I melted into you, etc.)so it had to include the guy as well but after the bridge it all focuses on her again. Besides, I just did the music and Chad had the lyric complete before I started. Thanks again for the listen and honest feedback. Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235 |
As for focusing just on her, it's a wedding and both have butterflies in their stomachs (baby your so moi and I'm so vous, like a chocolate vow I melted into you, etc.)so it had to include the guy as well but after the bridge it all focuses on her again. Yeah, I got that about the butterflies. But IMO it didn't work that great... especially since the 1st chorus is so sexy (or at least double entendre) ... the 2nd chorus is kind of a letdown. I think a repeat of C1 after V2 would work absolutely fine with no changes to the lyrics even necessary. And, upon revisiting, maybe calling yourself (the guy) a Centrifugal Sundae in C2 seems kind of odd. I'm not sure it works? SHE is the Centrifugal Sundae! At least she should be IMO. I imagine the wedding this was for is over?... It might not hurt to refashion a version for posterity that's just the best overall song possible? Anyway, no problems either way... just my 2¢. It's all good! Peace, Ian
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 938
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
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Mr. Biederman
Im like it
Cheers
Paul
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581
Top 50 Poster
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OP
Top 50 Poster
Joined: May 2001
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Mr. Biederman
Im like it
Cheers
Paul Hey Pauly. Do you mean you're like it or you like it? Thanks, Steve
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 938
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
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Joined: May 2001
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OP
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Always the smart guy, aren't you Pauly?
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
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Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
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Hi Stevie,
This is really fun and sweet ... it's always a treat to listen to your songs but now it's a special treat -- lol!
I thought maybe "crunchy" shirt (like a starched shirt), instead of a "silky" shirt!
Lisa
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581
Top 50 Poster
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OP
Top 50 Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581 |
Hi Stevie,
This is really fun and sweet ... it's always a treat to listen to your songs but now it's a special treat -- lol!
I thought maybe "crunchy" shirt (like a starched shirt), instead of a "silky" shirt!
Lisa Thanks for the visit, Lisa. Glad you liked it. Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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