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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690
Top 500 Poster
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690 |
I posted this as a 1+1 but I don't think I ever posted this version with production... https://soundcloud.com/subspacefreq/under-stoneHow is the mix? (and any other comments welcome) UNDER STONE I'm a man with an unrealistic goal Eternity As time breaks me down I'm facing a new Reality Mortality Words for my engraving Here lies a man who needed saving A young man still argues with my soul To spite me As sunset brings applause from all the stars A finality That bites me The speed of the trains increasing And I can feel my tracks descending Take me home Take me home Under stone I'll be waiting for the masters key While some pretty weeds grow over me All my feelings they will suspend In the garden next to my friends Until we breathe again The beat of my heart's decreasing Kill the machine that keeps me dreaming Take me home Take me home Take me home Take me home Under stone Words on my engraving Here lies a man who needed saving
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
What's not to like? Love the lyrics.
Vic
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
I've been trying to find time to give this "interesting title" a listen... and I was not disappointed. Your lyric was intriguing and the melody has a "folkish" aire to it... and to me, quite special. After listening, it made me start wondering how I would have arranged it... and I doubt if I could have matched your creativity. Well done. Best of luck with it. ----Dave
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895 |
This is awesome, Ricky. Interesting and fresh lyrically, it's nicely produced and I was so glad you didn't go the way of a dirge musically. Good work.
Ricki
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Ricky,
What a wonderful concept and beautiful lyrics with a great melody & rhythm to this song. Cool harmonies that really give this song great build. Any sugs from me........you know I have to have at least one, but only a sug not a nit. On the ending epitaph, you might consider a short interlude or longer pause separating those last lines to empower the very last line.
Well done!
steady-eddie.
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 123
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 123 |
Nice "unconventional" lyrical phrasing.
Really nice finger-picking.
Melody, harmony, production - awesome!
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Ricky,
Just wanted to chime in and add my voice to those above--really strong tune, musically, lyrically, everything. Love the guitar work. Thanks for sharing.
Deej
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690
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OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690 |
Vic --- Thanks!
Dave --- Thanks for taking the time. I had the guitar riff for a few years before figuring out how to put a vocal melody to it. "Creative" is kind of how this turned out in the end. For example I really like the G to B in the verses....sounds different to me but works. Thanks again!
Ricki --- I had the music first on this one and I know it doesn't match perfectly with the dark lyrics...but I agree with you in that it doesn't have to sound sad. Just a man that is resolved to his end. (many are reminded of Dust In The Wind by Kansas for obvious reasons with the guitar picking but even the lyrical content is pretty similar...) Thanks!!!
Eddie --- Thanks for the comments! Glad you liked it. As I mentioned this was a back burner song that finally got finished. Thanks for the sug too. I think I can hear what you mean and it might be easy to fix that. I'll give it a try...
Toby --- Definitely unconventional in spots. Thanks for the compliments !!!
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,990 Likes: 15
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Top 50 Poster
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,990 Likes: 15 |
Awesome,kind of 70's singer songwriter ish. Really nice song with a great sound!
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,683
Top 20 Poster
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Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,683 |
Love this song very much and your voice..great all around..
glyn
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Ricky,
Sounds good man, I'm a bit rusty on the 1st version--but enjoyed this much.
steady-eddie
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262 Likes: 19
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,262 Likes: 19 |
Hey There Ricky....so good to see / hear you. It's been a while, and it seems you've been practicing!! Great guitar playing...and a very nicely written song. I enjoyed the vocals, too! Love the whole production, man! -Tom
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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