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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2
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OP
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2 |
Looking to get some feedback on the structure of this lyric. I have it as a kind of ABAB but could change it up. Nothing set in stone here. I’ve got a backwards kind of questioning going on. Is that confusing?
WHAT’S IN THE AIR ©2018 Kristi McKeever
Is it when you run out in the cold Can you feel it when you’re ninety years old What is strength
Is it when leaves start to blow away Does it find you on a sunny day What is luck
Oh, I hope to see what isn’t there Like the breeze that flips your locks of hair Questions come and go all night As my heart lifts and tries to fly With what’s in the air What’s in the air
Is it heavy like a block of gold Does it go deeper than a black hole What is love
Is it blind to our mistakes Does it sit next to the front gate What is trust
What is strength What is luck Oh, love will know Love will trust What’s in the air What’s in the air
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
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Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Kristi. Perhaps too many questions and one or two answers? A short bridge after the block of gold verse ? It's good and well thought through just something missing Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2
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OP
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2 |
Hi Travis, Yeah...it's a first draft I pulled out of somewhere...lol. Too impersonal too maybe. I'll have a think about it. Thank you for reading and your straightforward thoughts! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,143 Likes: 6
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Oh, I like your lyrical essay on strength, luck and Love... the way you approach and encapsulate it with lovely thoughts and words.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
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Hi again Kristi, I like the basic idea of the songs but I am not getting most of the allusions. For me it would be better with direct connects are something closer to luck and love and trust. Maybe only me but an idea. 4 leaf clover, horseshoe over the door, elephant with trunk up heart beating faster, stars in your eyes, always think of you no hands on the wheel, giving you my heart, falling for you
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