10 members (Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill),
4,088
guests, and
270
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
Work in progress...Thank you guys for listening I'm Not Lonely (PVD) https://soundcloud.com/domenic-mercurio/im-not-lonely-july28-reworkedhttps://soundcloud.com/domenic-mercurio/im-not-lonely (v1) It was something I couldn’t postpone In my heart I’ve always known That in the end I’d be alone But you, you live in my mind (v2) Memories help me to reflect Flashes of love where I reconnect Life with you was simply perfect It was the best of times (chorus) As many before have said: “I may be alone but not lonely” Though sometimes I’m lost in thought And sometimes I’m probably caught Drifting off with you, and I’m not lonely I’m not lonely never again (v3) The time we shared, the chapters we wrote Each page had your love as a footnote Every word you said I can still quote It’s all safely stored in my mind (v4) And as my hair turns from black to grey And time dictates what I must obey I will wait for that fateful day Where I’m no longer left behind no longer left behind
Last edited by Mimmo; 07/29/19 08:38 AM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711 Likes: 18
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711 Likes: 18 |
Hi Mimmo,
Beautiful song!
That last verse is killer. The way I read it--he is waiting to be living in those memories permanently. Maybe he's equating dying with the ability to do that. It's a little eerie, but not an uncommon thing to feel in the latter stages of life when a beloved is gone.
As you further produce this, consider adding harmonies to some of the latter verses lines, as you keep the melodic range constricted in the verses--some lines could easily accommodate them.
The song made me think of Late Sixties Elvis for some reason. I like the haunting choral voices in there and could imagine hollowing out the sound a little more, kinda like the way "In The Ghetto" sounds.. that would make the haunting element even more pronounced.
Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 07/23/19 12:38 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
Hi Mimmo,
Beautiful song!
That last verse is killer. The way I read it--he is waiting to be living in those memories permanently. Maybe he's equating dying with the ability to do that. It's a little eerie, but not an uncommon thing to feel in the latter stages of life when a beloved is gone.
As you further produce this, consider adding harmonies to some of the latter verses lines, as you keep the melodic range constricted in the verses--some lines could easily accommodate them.
The song made me think of Late Sixties Elvis for some reason. I like the haunting choral voices in there and could imagine hollowing out the sound a little more, kinda like the way "In The Ghetto" sounds.. that would make the haunting element even more pronounced.
Mike Hi Mike.. Thanks for listening and commenting on it. You have a few valid points, I didn't write the song, I did do the mixing and the singing/melody. I will point out your suggestions and see where we go from here. Thanks for stopping by. Regards Mimmo
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1 |
I like it and since it is in progress I would get out the scissors right now before you get attached to 2 things that stick out....
1.Lose the "As many have said before" it clutters up your Hook/TITLE which should be line 1 YOU CAN SIMPLY SING : I may be alone, but I'm not lonely (higher phrasing but it is there)
It sings this way ....I may be alone--------But, I'm not lonely
2. You'll notice I kept it consisitent On "I'm not lonely"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844 Likes: 1 |
I like it and since it is in progress I would get out the scissors right now before you get attached to 2 things that stick out....
1.Lose the "As many have said before" it clutters up your Hook/TITLE which should be line 1 YOU CAN SIMPLY SING : I may be alone, but I'm not lonely (higher phrasing but it is there)
It sings this way ....I may be alone--------But, I'm not lonely
2. You'll notice I kept it consisitent On "I'm not lonely"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,589 Likes: 1
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,589 Likes: 1 |
Hey Mimmo, wow this is excellent.
This comment may come out of left field, but to me, this is very similar to the compositional style and arrangement of several late-period David Bowie love songs, my favorite solo composer. It has that longing, light touch and attention to the emotional impact of the music to enhance the lyrics.
A very beautiful expression of the feelings of the lover who is left here to carry on, something most of us face at some point. Great work.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
Hey Mimmo, wow this is excellent.
This comment may come out of left field, but to me, this is very similar to the compositional style and arrangement of several late-period David Bowie love songs, my favorite solo composer. It has that longing, light touch and attention to the emotional impact of the music to enhance the lyrics.
A very beautiful expression of the feelings of the lover who is left here to carry on, something most of us face at some point. Great work. Wow Mark ...Thank you very much for listening and commenting on this. Do not know what to say!!! David Bowie? Wow!!! Thanks again really appreciate. Regards Mimmo
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
You turn out constantly good songs Mimmo. I liked Mikes views best of luck with this one John
Last edited by Travis david; 08/01/19 05:52 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559 |
Very pretty lyric. A very beautiful melody to boot. Well done. Enjoyed it.
Dave
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Mimmo,
This is a well done tune—and a really nice vocal. To me, it feels like a song Jim Steinman would have written for Elvis . . . not sure that makes sense, but regardless you do a wonderful job with this one. If I had a suggestion it might be to strip it down just a tad in spots—for example, when you dial it down at the end (around the 3:20 mark), boy, does that resonate. Wondering if going that throughout the song would add some emotion along the way—just a thought. But this is a really nice effort. Very well done!
All the best,
Deej
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
Thanks for your kind words Dave Mimmo
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
Thanks for listening John
Mimmo
Last edited by Mimmo; 08/02/19 08:36 AM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
Mimmo,
This is a well done tune—and a really nice vocal. To me, it feels like a song Jim Steinman would have written for Elvis . . . not sure that makes sense, but regardless you do a wonderful job with this one. If I had a suggestion it might be to strip it down just a tad in spots—for example, when you dial it down at the end (around the 3:20 mark), boy, does that resonate. Wondering if going that throughout the song would add some emotion along the way—just a thought. But this is a really nice effort. Very well done!
All the best,
Deej Hi Deej Thank you for listening and your post and your comments on the song. Originally I was repeating a few lines at the spot you mentioned (3:20) ...After a few more takes Terry (who wrote the music) suggested I'd hum the melody instead and I thought the back up would sound good in there ...This is what came of it For now I would live it as is . I might go back to it in a while and see if I can do anything else with it. Thanks again Regards Mimmo
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|