Who's Online Now
14 registered members (Dave Rice, Gavin Sinclair, couchgrouch, GocartMoz, Irwin, AntonyRobWells, Everett Adams, 3 invisible), and 545 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Richard Maclemale
Richard Maclemale
New Port Richey, FL, USA
Posts: 613
Joined: November 2006
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Sometimes (You Gotta Go Home)
by Dave Rice. 02/17/20 11:06 AM
Stop Wasting Your Time (Have A Good TIme)
by Dave Rice. 02/17/20 10:50 AM
Child Of Nova - Instrumental
by GocartMoz. 02/17/20 10:29 AM
DRINK WITH ME. DEEJ & Travis. ( updated)
by Travis david. 02/17/20 10:22 AM
Not really a Blog, but something I'm doing
by Dave Rice. 02/17/20 10:03 AM
Somewhere South of Nowhere. Vic
by Vicarn. 02/17/20 09:41 AM
The Same Sun Shines On Us All
by Gavin Sinclair. 02/16/20 10:00 PM
low tide
by John Paragreen. 02/16/20 07:44 PM
New Add to Playlist
by joyceonthekeys. 02/16/20 04:21 PM
A Master Of Reason And Rhyme
by Mackie H.. 02/16/20 12:24 PM
Crimson Red
by ckiphen. 02/16/20 11:34 AM
What will be will be
by ckiphen. 02/16/20 11:32 AM
Fiver anyone?
by Dave Rice. 02/15/20 01:55 PM
Darker side of me
by ckiphen. 02/15/20 01:05 PM
The Millionaires club
by ckiphen. 02/15/20 12:59 PM
Without You
by Gerry. 02/15/20 09:35 AM
Does this seem legit?
by Colin Ward. 02/14/20 05:41 PM
URGENT! Our Site is being shut down on JAN 31st!
by ben willis. 02/14/20 05:32 PM
Time for me
by ckiphen. 02/14/20 04:40 PM
Wave of the future in music…
by John Lawrence Schick. 02/14/20 03:07 PM
NEW MEMBERS CHECK HERE
by Brian Austin Whitney. 02/14/20 08:42 AM
Songwriter Seeking Co-Writers
by niteshift. 02/13/20 10:09 PM
ASCAP International Royalties...
by John Lawrence Schick. 02/13/20 08:19 PM
The Human Spark
by Fdemetrio. 02/13/20 10:47 AM
Runaway Train
by Marvin Adcock. 02/13/20 05:51 AM
VA Beach busking
by DeMoni. 02/12/20 07:34 PM
I Am Not My Song!
by Dayson. 02/12/20 06:45 PM
Old Navy Footlocker
by couchgrouch. 02/11/20 07:08 PM
JPF Donations Honor Roll
by Brian Austin Whitney. 02/11/20 12:17 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,815
Travis david 11,725
Kevin Emmrich 10,589
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,600
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,845
glynda 8,659
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,908
couchgrouch 7,671
Dave Rice 7,523
Corey 7,357
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,568
Vicarn 6,290
ben willis 6,107
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
niteshift 5,587
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,653
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,372
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Roy Cooper 4,189
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
nightengale 4,092
TamsNumber4 4,075
MFB III 3,902
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,814
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,561
E Swartz 3,447
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,603
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,219
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,022
DukeWill 1,988
maccharles 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Fdemetrio 1,771
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Martin Lide 1,651
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,603
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,462
GocartMoz 1,462
Tom Franz 1,455
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Deej56 1,157
Gerry 1,148
lane1777 1,145
summeoyo 1,126
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
9ne 889
90 dB 888
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
Dayson 774
teletwang 762
Andy K 744
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
Irwin 634
Pat Hardy 625
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
Moosesong 609
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
JAPOV 562
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 496
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1155889 - 08/15/19 01:50 PM New Single  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 298
Stephen John (singch Offline
Top 500 Poster
Stephen John (singch  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 298
Trinidad & Tobago
Hey guys just sharing a new single for critique. Let me know how you all feel about this one.

Bless

Whoo Hoo (So Beautiful)

#1155892 - 08/15/19 07:39 PM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 208
JaneK Offline
Serious Contributor
JaneK  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 208
California
Hi Stephen,

I like the song and the vocal delivery is great. The production is sharp and clear has a great R & B sound.


Jane K

https://soundcloud.com/user-296863402

#1155899 - 08/15/19 08:36 PM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,189
Roy Cooper Offline
Roy Cooper  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,189
Nice song John..and as good as they get.

I would have liked to read the lyrics here while listening..

God Bless

Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

Our Record Label

Our Personal Website
#1155920 - 08/17/19 11:29 PM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
Hi Stephen...great R & B production and groove, smooth vocal.

Two things...the lyric is so weak it hurts the song. In R & B, lyrics aren't that important but this one is very poorly written.

And the song's about a minute too long.

Thanks for posting it.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1155921 - 08/18/19 12:03 AM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 562
JAPOV Offline
Top 500 Poster
JAPOV  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 562
Just damn Grouch... Tell us how you really feel! lol

#1155927 - 08/18/19 07:56 AM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
I did, haha. Look, professionals were obviously involved with the track. And they should be able to come up with some better. A lyric full of lines like "you've got a nice body" and "you make me smile" deserves to be criticized, otherwise the site is a sham.

And it's too long, which can easily be fixed.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1155928 - 08/18/19 08:31 AM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 958
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 958
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Most of the pop songs on the radio have lines like those. They're not Shakespeare or Keats (or my cup of tea) but the listening public doesn't seem to care smile

Having said that, for me, what is missing here is a memorable hook.

Very smooth production and vocals.

#1155929 - 08/18/19 08:45 AM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
That may be true but if the makers of Captain Marvel posted a cut of their movie here for CRITIQUE, I'd say what I thought. And lyrics don't have to be Keats to be good just like melodies don't have to be Beethoven. That's a false dilemma. Lowering the bar helps no one.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1155931 - 08/18/19 09:21 AM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,651
Martin Lide Offline
Top 200 Poster
Martin Lide  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,651
Houston, Texas
To me ...

This song is about "the groove." Imo...in a song llke this one, debating the lyrics is for people who seek to make the song about them and their personal view of the world. In which, they are the pinnacle hero.

The lyrics could be re-written per someone's paradigm, but it would not affect the overall appeal of the song to most people. it's a pleasant groove,with a pleasant singular sentiment about a pretty woman.

Unprompted, my wife heard me playing it and called in from another room, and asked whose song it was. She said it sounded good and sounded like a "real song"....because so many songs don't on ammy sites.
Thank you for posting your song for us to listen to.

Thumbs up from Marty. wink

#1155932 - 08/18/19 11:50 AM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
To me, your critique is pretentious crap. But hey, at least you didn't say this song was like Kokomo. That was a howler.

It's a weak lyric, even for R & B. The rest of the track is good.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 08/18/19 12:21 PM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1155933 - 08/18/19 01:33 PM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,651
Martin Lide Offline
Top 200 Poster
Martin Lide  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,651
Houston, Texas
Unlike you,

This poster seems to actually have musical talent. That is the ability to do something musical, such as play an instrument or sing on key..
These sites are dying off and appear to be hanging on to the hangers-on. I don't see a lot of new blood. If you truly were, as self proclaimed, the world's greatest poet, who had found all of the holy grails of rhyme....and also knows everything about music and meter....(you aren't either)....not even close....

but given that fantasy, it seems like you could come up with words that would not just dump on the this poster but would encourage him to post again. I doubt that he will.
You dont because your moods overcome you and you cant.

Oh well.

#1155935 - 08/18/19 02:51 PM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,771
Fdemetrio Offline
Top 200 Poster
Fdemetrio  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,771
Well, if this site was about critiques, all critiques would be valid, even Couchgrouchs. But it's clearly not a critique site, people are not interested in getting them, or even giving them. That is why I vowed not to do it unless specifcally asked. My gut tells me hes getting tired of reading the generic atta boy critiques people pile on, and in his mind that takes away from himself.... although that's just a theory

A few things.... how do you say "new single, and all critiques welcome" at the same time? If its up for sale and being heard by the public already, what could be changed?

I dont feel confident critiquing r&b, I like old school r&b I love Smokey Robinson. But it's hard to give advice on something, when people who make millions of dollars write the same kind of stuff

So the critique becomes is this a money maker? Hope so on the money maker side.

I think the lead vocal may be too low, and there are some pitchy parts of the vocal, ie :29 made by (not sure of the word) made by God? The God word is off pitch on that run you do

That said, you defintly have talent, and people into this kind of joint may totally dig it.

Not really in my wheelhouse to dig deeper but I enjoyed listening.

Good Luck with it!


Last edited by Fdemetrio; 08/19/19 03:46 PM.
#1156003 - 08/21/19 02:17 PM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 562
JAPOV Offline
Top 500 Poster
JAPOV  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 562
I have to agree with Martin... Sounds to me like Stephen just got into a "groove" and threw some words at it which is typical today. The lyrics are quite juvenile though...... Lol, I guess I agree with all of you. Even you Grouch! smile

#1156007 - 08/21/19 11:37 PM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
couchgrouch Online content
Top 30 Poster
couchgrouch  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,671
Martin, you're sad.

I gave this guy an honest critique. And I may have been wrong. So what if I was? Quick, dial 911!! We have to keep standards LOW dammit!!

Now, look at your last two posts. You come off like a guy who's obsessed with what I say and write. Even what I think. Aren't you a grown man?

I notice the guy who posted the song hasn't responded once.
He showed less interest than you. Sad that.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
#1156011 - 08/22/19 09:24 AM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,771
Fdemetrio Offline
Top 200 Poster
Fdemetrio  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,771
Well, he did ask for critiques......

Im sure he has read the comments here, even if he hasn't commented back. Sometimes people find it useful just to see if anybody likes the track and that's enough, poof they are gone. Not interested in the back and forth banter. If somebody is new to a forum, they dont think like the regulars do. They are not thinking like they are gonna be on the forum forever.

But is the idea to say everything is good, for fear of ruffling feathers? I suppose its better to not say anything, than giving false praise or being mean.

Nobody knows what a great song is, this is true, which makes critiques hard, because they are just as subjective.

What IS a great song? Nobody seems to know.


Last edited by Fdemetrio; 08/22/19 09:25 AM.
#1156021 - 08/22/19 01:03 PM Re: New Single [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,651
Martin Lide Offline
Top 200 Poster
Martin Lide  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,651
Houston, Texas
Originally Posted by couchgrouch
Martin, you're sad.

I gave this guy an honest critique. And I may have been wrong. So what if I was? Quick, dial 911!! We have to keep standards LOW dammit!!

Now, look at your last two posts. You come off like a guy who's obsessed with what I say and write. Even what I think. Aren't you a grown man?

I notice the guy who posted the song hasn't responded once.
He showed less interest than you. Sad that.


Wrong as usual...that assumption in an aspect of your delusions of grandeur.
It was a momentary obsession with the fact that you are a pointlessly rude twit.
.
You are questioning my maturity? You? That's worth a smile.

#1156025 - 08/22/19 02:45 PM Re: New Single [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 565
Steve Altonian Offline
Top 500 Poster
Steve Altonian  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 565
Los Angeles, California
Its a single so it’s done. And a done track is subject to public opinion.

The Groove is to die for & the production is clear & crisp. Choir is phenomenal. Bass too. Sound is spot on for the tune, no Crits on instrumentation at all. Pros for sure. My thought is the production outshines the vocal performance & the written tune itself.

Some of the lines on the vocal track based on what I heard from the singer, could have been much better. Dude is a really good singer, but the first “God” is pretty off and should have been fixed. A couple of the ad-libs didn't really work to my ears. Felt forced, if you will. But not my genre so I could be way off. Didn’t get the Chimpanzee line at all and it distracted me. My daughter would love the gap in the teeth line.

The Hook/Title isn't quite there & the tune doesn't have that stand out Chorus. Others have chimed in on the quality of the lyric here, so I'll defer to them. It may be wise to look at the aforementioned opinions, and at the very least, consider them.

The production & sound & Groove is all there on this tune & it is phenomenal in so many ways. You definitely got great talent & skills..

Best of luck with this








Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
ellekene, sonusingh, DeMoni, Rich Murray, Vince Vinnie
21255 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics119,829
Posts1,129,214
Members21,255
Average Posts Daily30
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"If you choose the right rut to get stuck in, you'll enjoy the journey the whole way, regardless of the final destination!" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Oriel (34)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0