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#1154606 - 06/26/19 09:13 PM My first co-write since Helen  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
This is the first co-write I've done since my life partner and soulmate Helen passed away. She was a great songwriter and we wrote many many songs together.
It's been a year and a half now. God Bless Her
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi folks and friends.

We have had a lot of feedback above on our song "A Songwriters Dream (Gone Is The Wonderland)".

I have posted out new animated video into the video forum, but also here because of the number of views on this topic, who may be interested in following us, but miss the video forum.

I hope that you like it



If you can, a youtube like or comment would help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cInPgJ5LS8

thanks and God Bless to all

-----------------------------------------------------------


First of all, a big thanks to all who left thoughts, comments and suggestions on the original song.

This is a re-write of the song with a male singer now. A finished song....

It has changed direction from the original, which is what happens sometimes when doing re-writes.

We hope that you enjoy it, and comments are welcome.

God Bless to all

https://soundcloud.com/roycooper/a-songwriters-dreamgone-is-the-wonderland

A Songwriters Dream (Gone Is The Wonderland) (c) Roy Cooper - Jane Karwoski 2019

Verse 1:
When I get up for work
It's midway through the day
Wish I could stay in bed
But I have my bills to pay

verse2
I get home late at night
From a gig in Santa Fe
Singing to an empty club
To keep the wolf away

Chorus1
Gone is the Wonderland
I would dream of as a child
Singing with a famous band
To a crowd who's going wild

verse 3:
Now when I have a dream
I dream I'm writing songs
I have my own publisher
And I'm winning music gongs

Chorus1
Gone is the Wonderland
I would dream of as a child
Singing with a famous band
To a crowd who's going wild

bridge
I'm strumming on my guitar and have a drum machine
Knocking out some tunes, sounding really mean
A hundred sheets of paper, screwed up on the floor
Rejected words I've written, still I'm writing more

verse 4
Now it's come together
Another finished track
Feeling really shattered
It's time to hit the sack

verse 5
But before I fall asleep
I'll play the song that I wrote
Analyzing every word
Replaying every note

Chorus1
Gone is the Wonderland
I would dream of as a child
Singing with a famous band
To a crowd who's going wild

Tag outro
Now when I have a dream
I hear my latest song
I'll dream it's a massive hit
And I'll win myself a gong.....

Dream on..Dream on..Dream on..Dream on..Dream on..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------






Original Lyrics

Gone is the wonderland (c) Roy Cooper / Jane Karwoski 2019

Verse 1:
As I get up for work
It's early in the day
Wish I could stay in bed
But I have a bill to pay

chorus 1:
Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,
When Mum and Dad where there
To lead me by the hand

verse 2:
It's late when I get home
Been working hard all day
Relaxing in my chair
Takes my pain away

verse 3:
And when I fall asleep
I now dream of going far
Touring around the world
Become a superstar

chorus 1:
Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,
When Mum and Dad where there
To lead me by the hand

bridge
I worked all week paydays here again
Borrowed money for my music so I can't complain
Though paying a 'Bill' is always such a pain
Because 'Bill' ......... is my lenders name

chorus
Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,
When Mum and Dad where there
To lead me by the hand

Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,

Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 09/02/19 11:49 PM.

'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1154609 - 06/26/19 10:42 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 376
JAPOV Offline
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JAPOV  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 376
North Alabama
Just a thought....

A cigarette and a shot of rye remind me who I am
Gone is that wonderland that filled my childhood dreams
Lovers, fools, unpaid dues and no tears left to cry
Mum n Dad's loving wish won’t get you far it seems...

On a side note, the whole "going into debt to chase a superstar dream" motif is kind of odd to me. To simply mention a childhood dream of stardom is more universally relatable I believe. I think this should just be a story about "growing up". Perhaps a story about getting his Dad's old guitar out of the pawn shop would be an interesting angle? Just an opinion. Nice harmony smile


JAPOV is Just Another Point Of View but my friends call me Tony. If you like to sing then I'd like to know ya' smile https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/?bandID=1449856
#1154612 - 06/27/19 12:47 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: JAPOV]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Originally Posted by JAPOV
Just a thought....

A cigarette and a shot of rye remind me who I am
Gone is that wonderland that filled my childhood dreams
Lovers, fools, unpaid dues and no tears left to cry
Mum n Dad's loving wish won’t get you far it seems...

On a side note, the whole "going into debt to chase a superstar dream" motif is kind of odd to me. To simply mention a childhood dream of stardom is more universally relatable I believe. I think this should just be a story about "growing up". Perhaps a story about getting his Dad's old guitar out of the pawn shop would be an interesting angle? Just an opinion. Nice harmony smile


Thanks Japov for taking time to have a read/listen and for your thoughts. You have given me some food for thought.
I will dwell on it for a while and also see what others say.
It is JaneK doing the vocals and it was her who did the music/melody. Good job.

God Bless Roy

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 06/27/19 07:17 AM.

'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

Our Record Label

Our Personal Website
#1154616 - 06/27/19 07:58 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,821
MFB III Offline
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MFB III  Offline
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Posts: 3,821
ohio
Hey Roy I like the raw emotion of your female vocalist, and the music is a perfect match fpr the story she tells in your words. It sets a mood that a lot of us deal with daily leaving our guitars orphaned for 40 to 60 hours a week while we chase dead presidents just to pay for the chance a being a musician and making it big.That's probably why the call it a PUNCH clock. it is frustrating to hear music by my peers that far exceeds anything out thiere in the industry of POP PULP Crap. I am so sorry to hear about Helen. It is crippling to lose a lifelong love, and quite a bit like having a piece of your heart and soul ripped away. My condolences to you. But I am sure she is enjoying your continued work on the other side with a big smile.

#1154618 - 06/27/19 09:08 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,353
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,353
Texas
Morning, Roy: (...and Jane, by default)

Roy, it's so good to see you posting again. You have been missed here at JPF more than you'll ever know. Thanks, Jane... for dragging Roy back into the "limelight" again. This is a really good start for a co-write.

I listened and thought the mix needs a little "adjusting" to get Jane's vocal "pulled up a notch or two." It is often "drowned-out" by the music. Great "first take" and I look forward to hearing what the two of you do with it. I won't suggest any lyric changes... you have some previously posted thoughts and ideas to consider.

Wishing both of you success and all things good! ----Dave

#1154621 - 06/27/19 10:10 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,137
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,137
UK
Hi Roy. Good to see you're posting again.

For me, production is ok but needs more work both lyrically and vocally.

Lyrically, your first verse sets up the story of a normal working guy and the chorus tags on informatively and that is fine.
Then there's the part about relaxing in a chair (anything special about that particular chair?) taking the pain away without explaining what the pain is.
There is also a period of dreaming of superstardom without mentioning a reason (Is he an ex pro something or a pub singer?).
The attempt to insert humour with "bill is my lender's name" seems disconnected and is a dead end.

You may also work a little on the rhythm of the lyrics and or change the rhythm away from "swing".
The emphasis on "when" in "when .... mum and dad ..." sounds odd.
Like it's been hung out to dry.
"When mum and dad" sung straight could sound better.

Needs a little meat on the bones.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1154623 - 06/27/19 11:36 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: MFB III]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Originally Posted by MFB III
Hey Roy I like the raw emotion of your female vocalist, and the music is a perfect match fpr the story she tells in your words. It sets a mood that a lot of us deal with daily leaving our guitars orphaned for 40 to 60 hours a week while we chase dead presidents just to pay for the chance a being a musician and making it big.That's probably why the call it a PUNCH clock. it is frustrating to hear music by my peers that far exceeds anything out thiere in the industry of POP PULP Crap. I am so sorry to hear about Helen. It is crippling to lose a lifelong love, and quite a bit like having a piece of your heart and soul ripped away. My condolences to you. But I am sure she is enjoying your continued work on the other side with a big smile.

Thanks so much MFB for stopping by and giving our song a look/ listen.

You make some good points and thanks so much for your kind thoughts on my loss. I also think that Helen is smiling down on me.

Will bare your comments in mind as I work on a re-write

God Bless from me and from Helen

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 06/27/19 03:26 PM.

'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

Our Record Label

Our Personal Website
#1154628 - 06/27/19 01:28 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,048
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,048
California
Originally Posted by Roy Cooper
Hi folks and friends. This is a co-write that me and JaneK have done together.
It's also my first song since my Helen passed away and she was always my sounding board. I valued her opinions so much.

Now it's up to you to add your thoughts and suggestions before we go to the next stage.

God Bless to all and thanks in advance

Roy

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13891673


Gone is the wonderland (c) Roy Cooper / Jane Karwoski 2019

Verse 1:
As I get up for work
It's early in the day
Wish I could stay in bed
But I have a bill to pay

chorus 1:
Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,
When Mum and Dad where there
To lead me by the hand

verse 2:
It's late when I get home
Been working hard all day
Relaxing in my chair
Takes my pain away

verse 3:
And when I fall asleep
I now dream of going far
Touring around the world
Become a superstar

chorus 1:
Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,
When Mum and Dad where there
To lead me by the hand

bridge
I worked all week paydays here again
Borrowed money for my music so I can't complain
Though paying a 'Bill' is always such a pain
Because 'Bill' ......... is my lenders name

chorus
Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,
When Mum and Dad where there
To lead me by the hand

Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,

Gone is the wonderland,
I dreamt of as a child,





Hi Roy and Jane,

Jane, very nice musical composition.

Roy,

It seems you're trying serve two tonally different themes here, 1) lamenting the loss of innocence/chidhood and 2) a "play-on-words" novelty song like "My Girl Bill" --it's a valiant attempt, but I think the "Bill" idea could easily be sacrificed for the larger, more meaningful lament over the loss of childhood idea. The inclusion of the "Bill" stuff just weakens the impact of the loss-of-childhood theme, for me.

I believe the chorus seems to be something I could imagine from a girl fresh outta school, and newly in the job market, but there's no "feel" for that or indication of that in the lyric. The lyric really needs to impress upon the listener this is a YOUNG person, or it just would just seem odd that a mature grown-up would want to be "led by the hand" by mom and dad so much--which isn't a bad thing in a song to say--only it would need reinforcement from other lines in the lyric, to make it a strong idea that fits, imho.

So maybe think of a re-write with more lines that could come from a young woman. Maybe she's working at her first job?

Or keeping the Bill stuff? I think you'd need to tighten the language leading up to the punch line and create a lighter mood with the job stuff, planting humorous lines and thoughts along the way. You might have to lose the chorus idea, cuz I think it might be too dark for a novelty song that would just focus on the "Bill" idea.

Trying to keep both themes seems like a bad choice to me, cuz it seems like the two ideas want different "tones" to make them work. As it is, the song shifts tone late in the bridge, and I as a listener feel a little bit "had."

All in all, a little tweaking could make this much stronger, I think.

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 06/27/19 02:03 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1154632 - 06/27/19 03:38 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Dave Rice]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Morning, Roy: (...and Jane, by default)

Roy, it's so good to see you posting again. You have been missed here at JPF more than you'll ever know. Thanks, Jane... for dragging Roy back into the "limelight" again. This is a really good start for a co-write.

I listened and thought the mix needs a little "adjusting" to get Jane's vocal "pulled up a notch or two." It is often "drowned-out" by the music. Great "first take" and I look forward to hearing what the two of you do with it. I won't suggest any lyric changes... you have some previously posted thoughts and ideas to consider.

Wishing both of you success and all things good! ----Dave


Thanks Dave for having a read/listen. Pleased that you liked our first draft co-write. Now comes more work...lol
Mind you my friend, after the number of co-writes I have had over the years, I knew what to expect.

Yes please watch this space for re-writes

God Bless to you and family

Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

Our Record Label

Our Personal Website
#1154634 - 06/27/19 03:43 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Originally Posted by Vicarn
Hi Roy. Good to see you're posting again.

For me, production is ok but needs more work both lyrically and vocally.

Lyrically, your first verse sets up the story of a normal working guy and the chorus tags on informatively and that is fine.
Then there's the part about relaxing in a chair (anything special about that particular chair?) taking the pain away without explaining what the pain is.
There is also a period of dreaming of superstardom without mentioning a reason (Is he an ex pro something or a pub singer?).
The attempt to insert humour with "bill is my lender's name" seems disconnected and is a dead end.

You may also work a little on the rhythm of the lyrics and or change the rhythm away from "swing".
The emphasis on "when" in "when .... mum and dad ..." sounds odd.
Like it's been hung out to dry.
"When mum and dad" sung straight could sound better.

Needs a little meat on the bones.

Vic


Thanks Vic for having a read/listen. You make some great points in your comments that I will definitely use in a re-write.
You have always been good at spotting blips Vic and I do appreciate it very much.

God Bless to you and family

Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

Our Record Label

Our Personal Website
#1154635 - 06/27/19 03:47 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Michael Zaneski]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,120
Originally Posted by Michael Zaneski


Hi Roy and Jane,

Jane, very nice musical composition.

Roy,

It seems you're trying serve two tonally different themes here, 1) lamenting the loss of innocence/chidhood and 2) a "play-on-words" novelty song like "My Girl Bill" --it's a valiant attempt, but I think the "Bill" idea could easily be sacrificed for the larger, more meaningful lament over the loss of childhood idea. The inclusion of the "Bill" stuff just weakens the impact of the loss-of-childhood theme, for me.

I believe the chorus seems to be something I could imagine from a girl fresh outta school, and newly in the job market, but there's no "feel" for that or indication of that in the lyric. The lyric really needs to impress upon the listener this is a YOUNG person, or it just would just seem odd that a mature grown-up would want to be "led by the hand" by mom and dad so much--which isn't a bad thing in a song to say--only it would need reinforcement from other lines in the lyric, to make it a strong idea that fits, imho.

So maybe think of a re-write with more lines that could come from a young woman. Maybe she's working at her first job?

Or keeping the Bill stuff? I think you'd need to tighten the language leading up to the punch line and create a lighter mood with the job stuff, planting humorous lines and thoughts along the way. You might have to lose the chorus idea, cuz I think it might be too dark for a novelty song that would just focus on the "Bill" idea.

Trying to keep both themes seems like a bad choice to me, cuz it seems like the two ideas want different "tones" to make them work. As it is, the song shifts tone late in the bridge, and I as a listener feel a little bit "had."

All in all, a little tweaking could make this much stronger, I think.

Mike


Thanks Mike for having a read/listen.
You also make some good points that I will bare in mind in the re-write.

God Bless to you and family

Roy

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 06/27/19 03:47 PM.

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#1154636 - 06/27/19 04:22 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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You're welcome Roy.
I hope my comments didn't sound too mean and of course I could be wrong on all counts.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1154639 - 06/27/19 05:41 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Hello Japov, MFB III, Dave, Vic and Mike,

Thanks so much for listening to our first collaboration. Your comments are very helpful to me as working long-distance is a very unique process. Roy has been doing this for a while and I am the amateur here so you will have to bare with me on my quirky productions. Hopefully I will get better as I gain more experience, and this is a great way to get it and have fun in the process.

Jane

#1154644 - 06/27/19 07:27 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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First draft is always "quirky" lol. You guys are off to a great start though! Nice voice! smile


JAPOV is Just Another Point Of View but my friends call me Tony. If you like to sing then I'd like to know ya' smile https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/?bandID=1449856
#1154655 - 06/27/19 11:31 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Thanks very much Japov.

#1155829 - 08/12/19 10:34 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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First of all, a big thanks to all who left thoughts, comments and suggestions on the original song.

This is a re-write of the song with a male singer now. A finished song....

It has changed direction from the original, which is what happens sometimes when doing re-writes.

We hope that you enjoy it, and comments are welcome.

God Bless to all

https://soundcloud.com/roycooper/a-songwriters-dreamgone-is-the-wonderland

A Songwriters Dream (Gone Is The Wonderland) (c) Roy Cooper - Jane Karwoski 2019

Verse 1:
When I get up for work
It's midway through the day
Wish I could stay in bed
But I have my bills to pay

verse2
I get home late at night
From a gig in Santa Fe
Singing to an empty club
To keep the wolf away

Chorus1
Gone is the Wonderland
I would dream of as a child
Singing with a famous band
To a crowd who's going wild

verse 3:
Now when I have a dream
I dream I'm writing songs
I have my own publisher
And I'm winning music gongs

Chorus1
Gone is the Wonderland
I would dream of as a child
Singing with a famous band
To a crowd who's going wild

bridge
I'm strumming on my guitar and have a drum machine
Knocking out some tunes, sounding really mean
A hundred sheets of paper, screwed up on the floor
Rejected words I've written, still I'm writing more

verse 4
Now it's come together
Another finished track
Feeling really shattered
It's time to hit the sack

verse 5
But before I fall asleep
I'll play the song that I wrote
Analyzing every word
Replaying every note

Chorus1
Gone is the Wonderland
I would dream of as a child
Singing with a famous band
To a crowd who's going wild

Tag outro
Now when I have a dream
I hear my latest song
I'll dream it's a massive hit
And I'll win myself a gong.....

Dream on..Dream on..Dream on..Dream on..Dream on..

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 08/13/19 03:49 AM.

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#1155830 - 08/13/19 06:04 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Hi Roy.

It has a workable melody but to be honest, I see too many lines that are either laboured and wordy or seem to be there just to make the rhyme.
Do people still say "To keep the wolf away"?
You paint a picture of a hapless character and a depressing existence.
It needs an uplift somewhere which I thought kicked in with the opening of the chorus but then the chorus didn't follow through.
Maybe you could start by removing the word "Gone" to "Looking for" E.G:

"Looking for the Wonderland
I dreamt of as a child
Up there with a famous band
The fans are going wild"

That way he hasn't given up on his dream.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1155831 - 08/13/19 06:12 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Vicarn]  
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Originally Posted by Vicarn
Hi Roy.

It has a workable melody but to be honest, I see too many lines that are either labored and wordy or seem to be there just to make the rhyme.
Do people still say "To keep the wolf away"?
You paint a picture of a hapless character and a depressing existence.
It needs an uplift somewhere which I thought kicked in with the opening of the chorus but then the chorus didn't follow through.
Maybe you could start by removing the word "Gone" to "Looking for" E.G:

"Looking for the Wonderland
I dreamt of as a child
Up there with a famous band
The fans are going wild"

That way he hasn't given up on his dream.

Vic


Thanks Vic for having another look.

I always like honest opinions and do appreciate your thoughts.

I actually saw it as someone still having hope in his life and dreams of what could be.

Maybe 'Looking' would be an alternative to 'Gone' but it is what it is and I wont be changing it at this stage.

Maybe in the future.

I actually do use "To keep the wolf away" quite often when telling someone I'm going to work lol. well I did before retiring..

thanks again friend

God Bless to all

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 08/13/19 06:22 AM.

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#1155833 - 08/13/19 06:23 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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I understand what you were trying to do Roy, but when you say "Gone" it doesn't give the idea that there is hope.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1155834 - 08/13/19 06:28 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Vicarn]  
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Originally Posted by Vicarn
I understand what you were trying to do Roy, but when you say "Gone" it doesn't give the idea that there is hope.

Vic


Yes Vic, but its the childhood dream of being a superstar on stage in front of screaming crowds that's gone.

His dream has become to be a great songwriter, and only sings at gigs to '"keep the wolf away".... sorry friend had to use it.

I suspect that quite a few will relate to the story.

How many are sat at home with their home studios, trying to write a great winning song...It's their dream to be successful.

That's hope...

Not sad or hapless at all..and certainly not depressing. If we didn't have dreams, what then...

I always dream that every song will be a winner, and the fun and enjoyment is in following the dream and trying my best, but it doesn't feed me and I do other things to 'Keep The Wolf Away'. but that's life...

Of course the odds are against winning, and some will have given up on the dream or just enjoy songwriting for songwriting sake. That's cool.

But even in my advancing years, I still have dreams lol..

so everything is just my opinion.

God Bless to all

Roy


Last edited by Roy Cooper; 08/13/19 06:54 AM.

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#1155836 - 08/13/19 09:27 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Hey Roy, I didn't find it depressing in quite the way that Vic did. It's not exactly a happy picture - all those crumpled pieces of paper on the floor, playing to empty rooms - but I got that he had not so much given up dreaming as switched to another dream. The outro does lift it a bit too.

I'd have to say that the target audience for this is probably pretty small, as it would be hard for anyone not a songwriter (or maybe someone who is fond of a songwriter) to really relate to what the song describes. Nothing wrong with niche marketing, but most aspiring songwriters are only really interested in their own songs LOL.

#1155841 - 08/13/19 07:44 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
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Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
Hey Roy, I didn't find it depressing in quite the way that Vic did. It's not exactly a happy picture - all those crumpled pieces of paper on the floor, playing to empty rooms - but I got that he had not so much given up dreaming as switched to another dream. The outro does lift it a bit too.

I'd have to say that the target audience for this is probably pretty small, as it would be hard for anyone not a songwriter (or maybe someone who is fond of a songwriter) to really relate to what the song describes. Nothing wrong with niche marketing, but most aspiring songwriters are only really interested in their own songs LOL.


Thanks Gavin for dropping by and having a look/listen.

It's good that you understood the story, and I also agree that the target audience may be niche, but I do believe that given the size of the internet, and the numbers involved, even a niche audience can be huge. So hope springs eternal...lol

I actually thought that aspiring songwriters may see the words as a bit inspiring to carry on. Sometimes its good to see someone who is struggling still has a dream.
If that makes sense. Of course I could be way off base, but hey, that's life. Hopes and dreams.

Thanks again Gavin

God Bless to all

Roy


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#1155842 - 08/13/19 08:59 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Hey Roy, Don't lose the charm of old school to the demands of twitter sized lyrics with a ten second attention span. I can hear the child in you singing this as well as the adult and the chasing the wolf away is a child touch...in an adult world. The addition of Jane makes the song mean as much to any and all songwriters male or female, or for that matter anyone whose had a dream and been unable to fulfill it completely. The song "She Believes In Me. " has always been one of my favorite songs. Your song compares to it in quality, emotion, expressive vocals and lyrics and style. It is a lovely work of heart and it should be heard by all in just the way it poured out of your soul. it's a keeper and I will listen to it often. ~~Matt

Last edited by MFB III; 08/13/19 09:01 PM.
#1155843 - 08/13/19 11:01 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Welcome to Wonderland
Enjoy the lights and sound
Been getting older with my fans
But the crowd's still going wild... smile


JAPOV is Just Another Point Of View but my friends call me Tony. If you like to sing then I'd like to know ya' smile https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/?bandID=1449856
#1155844 - 08/14/19 01:57 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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The Journey's Only Half The Battle.


Come out and rise up from
your down under land,
tearing your doubts and failures
asunder and stand
like the star that you are,
with your well worn guitar
baptized in the applause
of many thundering hands.

Each song starts
with one note
plus blunders unplanned,
each chord finds progessions
till they meet your demands
then each vocal and lyric
starts to flow and expand,
in your journey to find
music's sweet wonderland.

Millions traveled its path
over decades of time,
many fell by the wayside
as they failed to find,
the key that fit perfectly
to all listeners ears,
you are part of a legacy
you must play
through your fears.

Even Elvis had flops
David Bowie faced losses
with his first albums hung
round his neck.... albatrosses,
but their hunger persisted
chasing hits but more cautious,
till their names brought them fame
and their music was flawless.

There are ten million artists
all trying to achieve
the top of a long list
though many find grief,
but the joy of making music
brings each one some relief
and the ones that will make it
bleed for what they believe.

Every song starts with one note
make each one noteworthy,
till your fingers are calloused
and your eyesight grows blurry
never settling for less
never trying to hurry
till you have a song list
that makes your fans all scurry
to hear your next tune
but you've got to stay thirsty.

Don't rest on your laurels
they become crowns of thorns,
each souls muse is a demon
and they cannot be scorned,
there are bands who have vanished
and their fans do not mourn
those concerts where they offered
the same old songs, tired and worn.

I speak from experience
I'm one of ten million
who is still not a star
I'm just a musical civilian,
but I write music daily
and I'm ready and willing,
though that wonderland
escapes me
my life's still fulfilling,
out there hustling the crowds
playing bars and pavilions.

And maybe someday
if fate blesses my dreams
I'll see you backstage
in a room that is green,
as we both share top billings
that we haven't yet seen.

Write on~~~~~~Right on!!!

For Roy and JaneK and
all of my peers at:
Just Plain folks
chasing for more lavish
tomorrows................................

by-Matthew Frederick Blowers III

©-2019-Art~Whimsically Yours Studio














[size:20pt][/size]

Last edited by MFB III; 08/14/19 02:01 AM.
#1155846 - 08/14/19 03:29 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: MFB III]  
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Originally Posted by MFB III
Hey Roy, Don't lose the charm of old school to the demands of twitter sized lyrics with a ten second attention span. I can hear the child in you singing this as well as the adult and the chasing the wolf away is a child touch...in an adult world. The addition of Jane makes the song mean as much to any and all songwriters male or female, or for that matter anyone whose had a dream and been unable to fulfill it completely. The song "She Believes In Me. " has always been one of my favorite songs. Your song compares to it in quality, emotion, expressive vocals and lyrics and style. It is a lovely work of heart and it should be heard by all in just the way it poured out of your soul. it's a keeper and I will listen to it often. ~~Matt


Thank you for the great review Matt,
It is truly appreciated and welcome.

I went and listened to "She Believes In Me'. Great song and I've added it to my favs.

Also you words in 'The Journey's Only Half The Battle'.

Superb and also so inspiring. Did you just write it....

Write on~~~~~~Right on!!! my friend

Thanks again

God Bless to all

Roy


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#1155847 - 08/14/19 03:32 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: JAPOV]  
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Originally Posted by JAPOV
Welcome to Wonderland
Enjoy the lights and sound
Been getting older with my fans
But the crowd's still going wild... smile


Thanks for stopping by Japov.

I like your words, but not for this song...Its set in stone now, but your verse would make for another good song I think.

thanks again

God Bless to all

Roy


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#1155862 - 08/14/19 02:45 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Great poetry Matthew on the "The Journey's Only Half the Battle". Do you have a music for this? We would love to hear it.

Japov - I think you made another song! You two are very prolific songwriters.

#1155864 - 08/14/19 03:26 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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I guess I have to agree with Vic on this one..... It wouldn’t take much to tweak this lyric into a story about an aging entertainer who still feels like the lifestyle is worth the effort. Besides, a song about writing songs that nobody will ever hear hits too close to home lol... smile

Here’s another song
No one will ever hear
Another note of harmony
Falls upon deaf ears........... Lol

Last edited by JAPOV; 08/14/19 03:36 PM.

JAPOV is Just Another Point Of View but my friends call me Tony. If you like to sing then I'd like to know ya' smile https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/?bandID=1449856
#1155865 - 08/14/19 05:09 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Thanks Roy, I wrote it five minutes after listening to your brilliant song. it just comes to and flows through me. Must have God on my side occassionally. LOL JaneK thanks for your kind words and read, I may put music to this with some changes obviously cause it's a bit long...but then hey, so is the songwriters journey to fame.

#1155870 - 08/14/19 10:12 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: JAPOV]  
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Originally Posted by JAPOV
Welcome to Wonderland
Enjoy the lights and sound
Been getting older with my fans
But the crowd's still going wild... smile

Here’s another song
No one will ever hear
Another note of harmony
Falls upon deaf ears..........


Well Japov, 2 real good sets of words written in smart time.

I would love to see if you go anywhere with them..

The first maybe as a tribute to 'Mick Jagger' or the 'Stones'...

The 2nd I'm not sure..as it is quite depressing...

Originally Posted by JAPOV
Besides, a song about writing songs that nobody will
ever hear hits too close to home lol... smile


The song is about a songwriter who (may well be a young man with years ahead)is still chasing the dream and who's to say that his next creation will not be the winner that he's looking for... again, hope springs eternal...

Of course I have never used 100 sheets of paper to write the lyrics of a song, and these days it's all done on my PC, However collectively back in the day, many many sheets of papaer ended up screwed up on the floor...lol

But we all have our OPOV and thats cool.

Thanks again for joining in

God Bless to all

Roy


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#1155871 - 08/14/19 10:16 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: MFB III]  
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Originally Posted by MFB III
Thanks Roy, I wrote it five minutes after listening to your brilliant song. it just comes to and flows through me. Must have God on my side occasionally. LOL JaneK thanks for your kind words and read, I may put music to this with some changes obviously cause it's a bit long...but then hey, so is the songwriters journey to fame.


Thanks Matt, again we are so pleased that you rate and like our song that much.

God Bless to all

Roy


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#1155875 - 08/14/19 11:48 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Roy,

This has a nice sound to it, good contemporary melody to it—a lot of good to work with here. Generally, in reading the comments, I tend to agree with Vic’s feedback in a lot of respects.—I particularly like the idea of changing “Gone is the Wonderland” to 
“Looking for the Wonderland”—and it’s most probably a reference I’m unfamiliar with, but not sure what to make of “win myself a gong”. But regardless, there are some beautiful lines here—love, simply love, the last two lines of that bridge. Not sure if you consider this a finished work. It’s solid as it stands; but if you are up for tinkering, just my two cents to consider.

Wishing you the best,

Deej

#1155878 - 08/15/19 12:19 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Deej56]  
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Originally Posted by Deej56
Roy,

This has a nice sound to it, good contemporary melody to it—a lot of good to work with here. Generally, in reading the comments, I tend to agree with Vic’s feedback in a lot of respects.—I particularly like the idea of changing “Gone is the Wonderland” to 
“Looking for the Wonderland”—and it’s most probably a reference I’m unfamiliar with, but not sure what to make of “win myself a gong”. But regardless, there are some beautiful lines here—love, simply love, the last two lines of that bridge. Not sure if you consider this a finished work. It’s solid as it stands; but if you are up for tinkering, just my two cents to consider.

Wishing you the best,

Deej

Hi Deej, thanks for stopping by and for putting your thoughts into words.

I have always been open to respecting everyone's POV and yours is as valid as everyone else's.

Thanks for the nice comments and we are pleased that you liked the song...

The original wonderland that he dreamt of a a child, has gone, because he has changed direction. My wonderland as a child was to join the circus, but that has definitely gone..
His new wonderland would be to become a successful songwriter and to win a gong.

His aspirations are not to look for a wonderland any more, but to write good songs, so looking for a wonderland, would be out of place given the context of the song/story.

Another song maybe yes...

A Gong in the UK has many meanings, but one is that it's used (It's maybe a borderline slang word) is to describe any award given for achievement. Its bit by bit becoming more universally used.
If I told someone that I might win an Oscar , I would be considered conceited lol even above my station, but if I said I might win a gong, that encompasses all awards, from small to large. does that make sense...

here are just a few examples of It's usage.

https://www.musicweek.com/talent/re...americana-awards-winners-revealed/075169

https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/american-music-awards-honours-xxxtentacion-13392898

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x101onj

https://www.celebsnow.co.uk/latest-...or-gong-at-mtv-video-music-awards-236024

https://www.thecourier.com.au/story/5781863/5sos-open-arias-and-win-first-gong/

I do consider it as finished Deej mainly because IMO it says exactly what I wanted it to say and for me in a good way.

I do really appreciate for stopping by

God Bless to all

Roy

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 08/15/19 01:59 PM.

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#1155891 - 08/15/19 03:01 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Hey Roy,

I listened at first the story seem to be simply about growing up, then I realized it was about making it as a musician. It could be a bit more relatable if the theme be a tad wider if you wanted that. I like the concept you started with though.

#1155900 - 08/15/19 09:40 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Stephen John (singch]  
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Originally Posted by Stephen John (singch
Hey Roy,
I listened at first the story seem to be simply about growing up, then I realized it was about making it as a musician. It could be a bit more relatable if the theme be a tad wider if you wanted that. I like the concept you started with though.


Thanks John for stopping by and having a look/see.

Its really about making it as an all round songwriter John, music and lyrics....

It's always good to start with a good concept..

thanks again

God Bless to all

Roy


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#1155986 - 08/20/19 11:27 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Hi Roy,

You're getting some good tips on story lyrics from some excellent writers for sure. I just wanted to say, I love this melody and song vibe--the foundation melody and production are in place for sure! I really enjoyed my listen.

steady-eddie

#1156002 - 08/21/19 03:17 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen [Re: E Swartz]  
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Originally Posted by E Swartz
Hi Roy,

You're getting some good tips on story lyrics from some excellent writers for sure. I just wanted to say, I love this melody and song vibe--the foundation melody and production are in place for sure! I really enjoyed my listen.

steady-eddie


Thanks for stopping by Eddie for a look/listen.

We are so pleased that you liked our song. Its good to get positive thoughts and comments.

Thanks again Eddie

God Bless to all

Roy

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 08/22/19 02:01 PM.

'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1156286 - 09/02/19 11:47 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: Roy Cooper]  
Joined: Sep 2009
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Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

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Hi folks and friends.

We have had a lot of feedback above on our song "A Songwriters Dream (Gone Is The Wonderland)".

I have posted out new animated video into the video forum, but also here because of the number of views on this topic, who may be interested in following us, but miss the video forum.

I hope that you like it



If you can, a youtube like or comment would help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cInPgJ5LS8

thanks and God Bless to all

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 09/02/19 11:49 PM.

'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1156290 - 09/03/19 09:14 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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I enjoyed the video, Roy. Did you make it?

#1156292 - 09/03/19 11:39 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Sep 2009
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Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

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Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
I enjoyed the video, Roy. Did you make it?


Hi Gavin.

I wish that I could lol

I provided the script of the various scenes and also provided pictorial layouts of each scene to an animator on fiverr.com

He then made an animation of each scene, and I then edited all of the parts to marry up with the song and with each other. I also added a lot of my own animations to the mix.

I quote a message from the animator to me after I did all of the editing.

-----quote---
This is superb bro , how you do that ?
I mean on which software , this is just superb man
-----end quote--------------

So I am quite proud of my input to the finished video.

I am pleased that you liked it

God Bless

Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1156481 - 09/16/19 07:54 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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MFB III Offline
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MFB III  Offline
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ohio
Hey Roy I gotta bump this one back up to the topp..it's got everything and then some songwise.

#1156502 - 09/17/19 12:21 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

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WOW thanks Matt. I have been on JPF since 2009 over 10 years now and this is the first time another member has bumped a song by me, so you made my week.

Thanks friend, you obviously like mine and Jane's song.

Did you like the video. Only 1 person on JPF has commented on it so far, but I am getting great results on google for it, which was my intention.

A couple of songwriter blogs are going to feature it in their next blogs, so looking good, and good search results so far.

I wanted to try to get google to list it high up on searches for both 'A Songwriters Dream' and 'Gone is the Wonderland' and out of approximately 9,000,000 search results I am mostly on page 1 or 2 overall and the same for video search and in the images, I am no.1 for the youtube video..

So the first part of my plan worked...lol

now I have to promote it, and that may be the hard part lol.

Thanks again Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1156503 - 09/17/19 07:16 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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niteshift Online content
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#1156519 - 09/17/19 08:23 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: niteshift]  
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Roy Cooper Online content
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Originally Posted by niteshift
Hey Roy,

Brilliant ! I just shared on Linkedin.

cheers, Geoff


Thanks so much Geoff, we are so pleased that you like our little creation. And a big thank you for sharing on Linkedin...

God Bless to all

Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1156521 - 09/17/19 08:34 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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John Lawrence Schick Offline
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John Lawrence Schick  Offline
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Really good Roy! Loved it! BTW, you're video of the Melancholy Cafe is still up. Getting quite a few views.

Best, John smile

#1156530 - 09/17/19 10:00 PM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Totally enjoyed this. It worked all around for me. Loved the video too. Thanks for posting.

Dave

#1156533 - 09/18/19 03:52 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: John Lawrence Schick]  
Joined: Sep 2009
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Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

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Originally Posted by John Lawrence Schick
Really good Roy! Loved it! BTW, you're video of the Melancholy Cafe is still up. Getting quite a few views.

Best, John smile


Thanks so much John for having a look/listen and we are so pleased that you did and that you liked it. I't appreciated friend.

I am pleased that your 'Melancholy Cafe' has had quite a few youtube views as well and some great reviews on amazon.

well done and thanks again for stopping by for a look/listen

God Bless to all

Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1156572 - 09/19/19 02:07 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Roy Cooper Online content
Roy Cooper  Online Content

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Originally Posted by GocartMoz
Totally enjoyed this. It worked all around for me. Loved the video too. Thanks for posting.

Dave



Thanks for having a look/listen Dave Its always appreciated as are your thoughts.

We are pleased that you liked it, and the video too... that took some work and thought lol

God Bless to all

Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1156579 - 09/19/19 05:04 AM Re: My first co-write since Helen - Our Video [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Travis david  Offline
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Hi Roy
Thought commented on this sorry i'm late!
Perhaps too late but as a small change i'd exchange FAMOUS BAND to NAME BAND,one less syllable too.
Best of luck hope you're well.
Ups and downs for me
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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