Who's Online Now
10 members (Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill), 4,088 guests, and 270 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
ShoutChat
Comment Guidelines: Do post respectful and insightful comments. Don't flame, hate, spam.
What's Going On
Does Billy Joel belong in top 10?
by Fdemetrio - 03/28/24 11:10 PM
It Is Done
by Sunset Poet - 03/28/24 07:44 PM
Music Industry Summit, Athens Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/28/24 06:14 PM
Can you save me from me
by VNORTH2 - 03/28/24 03:11 PM
As human as yo
by ckiphen - 03/28/24 09:55 AM
Fox News Reports Stunning Archeological Discovery.
by couchgrouch - 03/27/24 08:02 PM
Wasting My Time
by David Gill - 03/27/24 07:42 AM
Song available
by JAPOV - 03/26/24 03:38 PM
YELLIN AT CLOUDS
by David Gill - 03/26/24 03:20 PM
"Reliving" the great Lou Rawls!
by Brian Austin Whitney - 03/26/24 01:49 PM
::: The Best In My Life :::
by Bill Draper - 03/26/24 01:32 PM
The show must go on
by ckiphen - 03/26/24 09:06 AM
NYC Motel 1972
by rpirone - 03/26/24 12:43 AM
usic Industry Summitt
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 11:32 PM
The Rant Arena
by JAPOV - 03/25/24 07:39 PM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Lancaster Festival, Lancaster, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 10:51 AM
Wasting my time
by Rob B. - 03/25/24 03:45 AM
Tom Waits.. What's he building
by Fdemetrio - 03/25/24 12:09 AM
Rick Beato, bad lyrics
by Fdemetrio - 03/24/24 11:23 PM
Inspirational Videos Post Them Here
by Sunset Poet - 03/24/24 11:27 AM
Used to take a Genius to Mix
by Fdemetrio - 03/23/24 11:00 AM
"Broken Places"
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/22/24 07:45 PM
All You Are Is A Lie
by Sunset Poet - 03/22/24 06:55 PM
Pour Choices
by Gavin Sinclair - 03/22/24 05:29 PM
Billy's 30 year overdue song.
by Fdemetrio - 03/22/24 01:30 PM
Make my dreams come true
by ckiphen - 03/22/24 10:51 AM
Top Posters
Calvin 19,857
Travis david 12,264
Kevin Emmrich 10,941
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 9,003
glynda 8,683
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 8,160
Colin Ward 7,911
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,916
Mark Kaufman 6,589
ben willis 6,114
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Fdemetrio 4,990
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,670
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,271
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,195
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,171
MFB III 4,143
Sunset Poet 4,126
nightengale 4,096
E Swartz 3,985
JAPOV 3,973
beechnut79 3,878
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,845
Dan Sullivan 3,710
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
Nigel Quin 2,891
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
MidniteBob 2,761
Nelson 2,616
Tom Tracy 2,558
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,246
Wendy D 2,235
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
maccharles 2,134
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,041
DukeWill 2,002
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
GocartMoz 1,559
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,481
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,409
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
Deej56 1,385
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,294
lane1777 1,280
Gerry 1,280
DakLander 1,265
IronKnee 1,262
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
VNORTH2 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,174
Diane Ewing 1,162
ckiphen 1,120
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
9ne 1,035
David Gill 1,032
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
ant 798
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
bennash 763
teletwang 762
Andy K 750
Andy Kemp 749
tbryson 737
Jackie444 731
Irwin 720
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Pat Hardy 692
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 668
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
R&M 614
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 590
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 513
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
Rob L 439
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Alek 386
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Ann_F 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
ddreuter 371
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Rob B. 364
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Jaden 344
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
Char 286
ktunes 285
Top Likes Received
JAPOV 86
VNORTH2 45
bennash 38
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate Thread
#1157645 10/11/19 10:38 AM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
A little song about Little Lies. Comments welcome.


https://90dbband.bandcamp.com/track/little-lies






Little Lies


Copyright 2019 Robert Randall Burke



The fine wines
The white lines
Tools of temptation
The long dark hallways
Of your imagination


All the little stories
All the little lies
I never saw them
In your eyes.


I was just
A pastime
Lamb to the slaughter
A plaything
A gold ring
For the devil's daughter.


All the little secrets
All the little lies
I never saw them
In your eyes.


I was just
A pastime
Lamb to the slaughter
A plaything
A gold ring
For the devil's daughter.


All the little secrets
All the little lies
I never saw them
In your eyes
I never saw them
In your eyes.

90 dB #1157657 10/11/19 03:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Top 30 Poster
Offline
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Enjoyed the song. Thought the lyric was stunning. Thanks for sharing.

----Dave

90 dB #1157664 10/11/19 07:34 PM
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 169
C
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
C
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 169
I like the lyrics but the music does nothing for me. It can be better musically.

90 dB #1157674 10/12/19 12:10 AM
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211
Likes: 2
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211
Likes: 2
Good word economy in the lyrics which are really good.
Lots to like here musically - solid vocals, guitar work, drums.
Perfect arrangement, length.
No nits from me and I've been known to pick them smile

Paul

90 dB #1157690 10/12/19 04:53 PM
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
This is a good song with lot's of verve in the mix. Very well done.

Your vocal delivery sounds a little like Peter Gabriel. Especially when you sing the line " in your eyes". I like it!

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Enjoyed the song. Thought the lyric was stunning. Thanks for sharing.

----Dave




Thanks for the listen, Dave. Loved your last one too.


Regards,


Bob

CTthomas #1157734 10/13/19 05:47 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Originally Posted by CTthomas
I like the lyrics but the music does nothing for me. It can be better musically.



Sorry you didn't care for the music, but thanks for listening anyway.


Regards,

Bob

PaulCanuck #1157735 10/13/19 05:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Originally Posted by PaulCanuck
Good word economy in the lyrics which are really good.
Lots to like here musically - solid vocals, guitar work, drums.
Perfect arrangement, length.
No nits from me and I've been known to pick them smile

Paul




Paul,

Thanks for the kind words. I'm a big fan of your stuff as well.


Regards,


Bob

90 dB #1157770 10/14/19 01:36 PM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711
Likes: 18
Top 50 Poster
Offline
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,711
Likes: 18
Hi Bob,

You have a really strong song here. The verse melody has a classic George Harrison feel (circa "While My Guitar Gently Weeps") and is married perfectly to the lyric.

Because of the space between lines, in the last verse, as I was listening I was imagining a piano echoing the vocal melody 2 beats later, then realized you could use your lead vocal instead (with a digital delay), or sing the echo yourself, or use an instrument to do that, like the aforementioned piano. I only mention this cuz I was expecting some kind of addition there, like...for the arrangement to add another instrument or something, and so I was hearing it strongly in my head.

The only other thing I could imagine was harmonies above your vocals on the chorus.


Very beautiful song and I enjoyed it very much. smile


Mike


PS...whoops! I noticed upon re-listening your lead guitar is adding nice fills in the last verse..I guess then I was hearing those echoes in spite of the last verse being thickened..

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 10/14/19 05:26 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
90 dB #1157794 10/15/19 12:12 AM
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385
Likes: 1
D
Top 200 Poster
Offline
Top 200 Poster
D
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385
Likes: 1
Bob,

Like everything about this one. Engaging vocal—really accentuates the melody on the first two lines of the chorus—killer. Wonderfully done . . . man, that chorus is an ear worm. Cool stuff!

My humble regards,

Deej

90 dB #1157843 10/16/19 07:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237
Likes: 11
Serious Contributor
Online Content
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237
Likes: 11
I like the mood of this song.
I like the voice and the guitar.

I agree that it sounds like Harrison... and maybe Dire Strait...

Have fun!

JaneK #1157952 10/20/19 11:03 AM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Originally Posted by JaneK
This is a good song with lot's of verve in the mix. Very well done.

Your vocal delivery sounds a little like Peter Gabriel. Especially when you sing the line " in your eyes". I like it!



Jane,

Thanks for the listen and kind comments.


Regards,


Bob

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Originally Posted by Michael Zaneski
Hi Bob,

You have a really strong song here. The verse melody has a classic George Harrison feel (circa "While My Guitar Gently Weeps") and is married perfectly to the lyric.

Because of the space between lines, in the last verse, as I was listening I was imagining a piano echoing the vocal melody 2 beats later, then realized you could use your lead vocal instead (with a digital delay), or sing the echo yourself, or use an instrument to do that, like the aforementioned piano. I only mention this cuz I was expecting some kind of addition there, like...for the arrangement to add another instrument or something, and so I was hearing it strongly in my head.

The only other thing I could imagine was harmonies above your vocals on the chorus.


Very beautiful song and I enjoyed it very much. smile


Mike


PS...whoops! I noticed upon re-listening your lead guitar is adding nice fills in the last verse..I guess then I was hearing those echoes in spite of the last verse being thickened..




Mike,


Thanks for the listen and critique.


Regards,


Bob

90 dB #1157966 10/20/19 03:57 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831
Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831
Likes: 2
Really good concise writing that is so descriptive. Good rhymes that sing so well.

I like: "The long dark hallways/Of your imagination."

The music has an ominous feel to it. Nicely done!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
Deej56 #1158016 10/21/19 03:35 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Originally Posted by Deej56
Bob,

Like everything about this one. Engaging vocal—really accentuates the melody on the first two lines of the chorus—killer. Wonderfully done . . . man, that chorus is an ear worm. Cool stuff!

My humble regards,

Deej




DJ,


Thanks for the listen and kind remarks. Love what you've been doing lately as well.


Regards,


Bob

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Originally Posted by Guy E. Trepanier
I like the mood of this song.
I like the voice and the guitar.

I agree that it sounds like Harrison... and maybe Dire Strait...

Have fun!




Guy,


Appreciate you taking the time to listen.


Regards,


Bob

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Originally Posted by Kristi McKeever
Really good concise writing that is so descriptive. Good rhymes that sing so well.

I like: "The long dark hallways/Of your imagination."

The music has an ominous feel to it. Nicely done!

Kristi




Kristi,


Thanks for the kind comments. Appreciate it.


Regards,


Bob

90 dB #1158065 10/21/19 11:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985
Likes: 22
Hey Bob!

Comments Welcome..........so here are some:

I like especially the verse melody--(and yes I immediately felt Beatles "My guitar gently weeps," although you're not exact on that melody--which is a good thing).

I might suggest that you boost the volume a bit with the guitar solo and "build" that area up a bit. You might also drop the chorus after the solo and go directly to the 3rd verse--I don't see this as a "chorus hook driven song," and that you will actually empower the last chorus by this delayed omission. Then on that last chorus, do not tag the last two lines, rather go back to vs and fade out slowly with this very cool verse music--as IMO this verse melody with the concise verbal delivery is the strength of your song. You will not add song time if you cut the chorus after the solo. Another option--is to possibly cut a couple measures from the intro, as this song's verse is raring to be launched and doesn't need a long intro IMO.

Now this is an optional alternative production arrangement--not saying it is better, just how I might interpret doing it and just sharing that idea with you. None of us would produce a song exactly the same, so don't think I'm not liking what you have, I do and wouldn't spend this much time here if I didn't! I'm certainly not saying my suggestions are necessarily better........use or lose.

A great write, and definitely strong potential here!

steady-eddie

E Swartz #1158090 10/22/19 03:18 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
90 dB Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Originally Posted by E Swartz
Hey Bob!

Comments Welcome..........so here are some:

I like especially the verse melody--(and yes I immediately felt Beatles "My guitar gently weeps," although you're not exact on that melody--which is a good thing).

I might suggest that you boost the volume a bit with the guitar solo and "build" that area up a bit. You might also drop the chorus after the solo and go directly to the 3rd verse--I don't see this as a "chorus hook driven song," and that you will actually empower the last chorus by this delayed omission. Then on that last chorus, do not tag the last two lines, rather go back to vs and fade out slowly with this very cool verse music--as IMO this verse melody with the concise verbal delivery is the strength of your song. You will not add song time if you cut the chorus after the solo. Another option--is to possibly cut a couple measures from the intro, as this song's verse is raring to be launched and doesn't need a long intro IMO.

Now this is an optional alternative production arrangement--not saying it is better, just how I might interpret doing it and just sharing that idea with you. None of us would produce a song exactly the same, so don't think I'm not liking what you have, I do and wouldn't spend this much time here if I didn't! I'm certainly not saying my suggestions are necessarily better........use or lose.

A great write, and definitely strong potential here!

steady-eddie




Eddie,


Thanks for the thoughts on production.


Regards,


Bob


Link Copied to Clipboard
Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
chriscastle, yasir252, cathennashira, Samwise, HappySousa
21,470 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
warriorgirl (2024)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5