JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Rising from the Dead (Updated)

Hi, all:

I've finished a more robust version of this song (well, by "finished" I really mean I've taken it about as far as I can, I think) . . . so I'm opening the thread back up. The original post is below with the original "acoustic" take, for those that might want to compare. Surprisingly, while I thought I would keep it stripped, I ended up going slightly bigger than that . . . for better or worse. More likely the last, LOL, but I offer it up for what it is. For what it's worth, I did try to address the comments on the vocal mix in this version--perhaps not successfully, but I'll leave that for you folks to weigh in on.

My regards to you all.

Deej

The New Version:

Rising from the Dead


The Original Post:

Here's a song I started writing while I was vacationing in Italy this past summer. The hook/refrain came to me while on a boat out of Porto Santo Stefano, sailing along the Maremma coast . . . it took these past few months to finish the lyric and tune--even now just an acoustic take (just me on guitar) I will probably still tweak a line here or there, but before doing a more produced version (which I'd intend to keep fairly stripped), I though I'd share for thoughts and suggestions. Thanks in advance for your feedback -- Deej

Here’s the song:

Rising from the Dead (Accoustic)

Here are the lyrics:

Driving north to nowhere out of Rome
from the grasp of ghostly fingers round my soul.
With every turn and every mile
my face recalls a buried smile
that hints of freedom I have never known
in the rolling fields and hills that lie ahead . . .
As I drive along these Tuscan roads
I’m rising from the dead.

Gliding cross the blue Tyrrhenian Sea—
the sun and wind upon my skin, and I can breathe.
In the boneyards I forgot
the things I am and those I’m not,
and here I’ve found the better part of me.
So the emails on my phone all go unread . . .
As I sail along the Maremma coast
I’m rising from the dead.

And I’m trying to leave it all behind;
in my mind, to break the ties that bind.
So the New York City push and pull
that tears my soul and wears my will
it somehow seems to vanish more in time,
as I find me in my head . . .
Underneath these Tuscan skies
I’m rising from the dead.

Some day that life will call me home
and lay its claim to my body and my bones.
And if that’s meant to be somehow
it don’t matter much to me right now,
I’m worlds away in a heaven all my own.
‘Cause the sun just turned the sky Barolo red . . .
As it dips beneath the Tuscan hills
I’m rising from the dead.

(c)2019 DJ Lekich

Hi Deej,

Nice performance and a beautiful lyric. In the first verse, the way the imagery moves along is breathtaking! Same with the second verse, and although I've never heard of that sea, the exotic name spurs my imagination on..and if it weren't for the emails, I'd be lost there along with you.

But that's the point of the song! The singer's struggle and temporary victory over a life that is binding..as becomes clear in the bridge, where your voice appropriately soars like it does so well..the only line that was so "poetic" to me that it made me pause to figure it out was "wears my will" as it sounded like maybe an old warhorse of a phrase that had somehow gotten passed my radar for sixty years, but nope..so I still puzzle over its meaning, wondering if you are meaning something like "breaks my will."

"As I find me in my head" was a little confusing, too..that image seems to relate more to his New York experience(?), cuz in Tuscany his senses were engaged and back-to-life (..if I'm reading you right) so I am wondering if something like "that was me when I lived in my head" is something like what you are meaning, there. Then maybe adding, "BUT underneath these rising skies.." just to re-enforce he's talking about NYC, then Italy.

I thought the tempo maybe a tad fast? Your voice can probably relax more into the song at a slightly slower tempo and really help sell the tag line even more. The current tempo, though, does sell the singer's plight over finding that inner..something..that can help him learn to carry that "Tuscany feeling" with him back to the States since he must return, as we learn with "Some day that life will call me home" --it's a subtle thing, but the faster tempo relates more to the States, somehow, and a slower one would relate more to him having found that inner peace..all totally subjective thinking on my part..

Lovely work. I agree, keep it simple..

Mike

Hi Deej ...

Love the song! I lived in Europe almost 12 years and can identify with your geographic references ... that adds a little extra pleasure in the song for me.

Self-discovery is great thing, eh??!! No matter when, where or by what means. You have a unique voice that's very pleasant to listen to. Your upper register, on the chorus, was a very pleasant surprise. You lost nothing in tonal quality or vocal strength. Nicely done! And I like the "folky" presentation. Not much to complain about here. if I may, just one small suggestion, for what it's worth ... possibly trim the higher EQ on the vocal just a wee bit.

If these comments were of any value, I'm delighted. I did enjoy your song very much!

Alan

Morning, Deej:

I read each line... sometimes more than once... and I began imagining how you were going to perform such a nearly perfect lyric. You never cease to impress me with your willingness to stretch the bounds and borders of what I call real music. The song works well exactly the way you performed it. Thanks for making my morning down here in the quiet chaos of another day in West Mayberry. Someday, if I live long enough, I'll be able to say, "Yeah, we did a couple of songs together a year or two ago, before he became famous with that unique voice."

Best of luck with this one... it has all the right stuff to carry you far.

----Dave

Always a pleasure listening to you DJ
and your writing is always impeccable...in my case if I were anywhere around Italy you`d be hearing a "pizza song
from me. nice performance in this song, lots of heart in there.. Lane

Hey Deej!

What great lyrics! I could relate a bit as Italy has a way of capturing your spirit given aesthetics, history, and the passion inherent within their country--been there and all over a good portion of that county! I get your theme, but I'm sure these are the type of lyrics that you could tweak forever searching for the best expressive articulations--I'd only entertain a certain amount of lyric polishing, as I can tell these lyrics were inspired.

I know you need to push your tenor range for the music as written, in which you do very well and are on pitch for sure--but maybe soften the eq a bit with your "mid to high mids" slightly if possible--as with this modest production, your vocal doesn't have anything to compete with in finding the top of the mix. Maybe also adding a little air in key places to your vox will "pull" the listener to the story even more - IMO.

What a great write/performance/lyrics/melody--I'm impressed, and even though I share alternative production sugs, doesn't mean they're better........just what's in my reactive soul kitchen!

steady-eddie

Mike, Alan, Dave, Lane, and Eddie:

Thanks for the listen and great suggestions. It will give me something to think about moving forward.

I’m going to close down this thread for now; at least until next run through. This feedback is really helpful. My thanks again.

Deej

incredible story telling that paints a picture in the listener's head and sets a mood that is so entertaining.

Hi, all:

Bumping this thread per my update in the main post.

MFB III: Apologies for the delayed reply . . . but I do appreciate your comment on giving this a read even though I had closed the thread. That's dedication!

Regards,

Deej

Yep, fantastic lyric!
I don’t know if I’m just biased, but I listened to the original all the way through and loved it! The rhythm of V2 is just... well........
I think in V2 you need to double-time the strum on that acoustic, pull the drums back to just a simple bass-rim tap-high hat kind of thing, and up the tempo just a smidge. It needs more "bounce"

Hi Deej,
I didn't see it referenced but this feels a who lot like the folk of the late 60's early 70's which I listened to a lot and wholly enjoyed, as I did yours. I actually took a road trip with Joan Baez when she went to see her husband up in Lompoc prison and was part of a demonstration for him outside the gates. This kind of song brings back many memories. This has a great feel and I really enjoyed your pickin'. Thanks for sharing.

Deej,

Hey nice job! I like both directions with your productions--but you have achieved "gluing" your vocals much better with your new mix version, given your style of vocal delivery. Your new version pulled me into lyrics and the song much better--vocals are sitting much better. Well done.

steady-eddie

Deej, what a cool road song...very visual lyrics. The production supports them so well and your vocal really brings home that theme of rebirth. Well done.

Ricki

Another good one, Deej.
I liked it all.

Vic

Hi Deej

I know I'm late to the party here but had to say I really like this.
As others have said, great lyric and story.
Hook is well placed and respected - so important IMO.
I have two tiny nits - hardly worth mentioning - I found the snare a bit too loud. I know they say it should be as loud as the lead vox but for this one, it seemed a bit too aggressive. The second nit is where you sing the first high note in the chorus..To me the slur is a bit too long - maybe get to that high note just a tad faster? Probably just my personal pref there.so ignore at will.

Good work on this song
Paul

Thanks, JAPOV, glad you liked the lyric. I’ll need to think through your suggestions re the second verse. May be a bit beyond my technical skills at this point. But definitely food for thought. Appreciate the listen and comment.

Deej

Thanks, John. Appreciate your giving this a spin and glad it brought back memories. Road trip with Joan Baez, really? Very, very cool.

Cheers,

Deej

Thanks, Eddie. My last few tunes I’ve been trying to focus on getting my vocal to sit better in the mix. And certainly had your prior feedback in mind as I did this version. Thanks for helping make this sound better.

All my best,

Deej

Thanks a ton, Ricki. Glad you enjoyed the listen.

Hope all is well with you.

Deej

Thanks, Vic. Appreciate the listen.

My best to you as always,

Deej

Paul,

Late to the party is better than never! Two great suggestions. I wanted the drums to pop on this, but listening again after reading your comment and I agree they can come down a bit. Definitely will tweak that. As for the slur, vocally I’m not sure I could hit that high note that quickly; that is, the slur helps me get there. But I’ll give it a shot and see if it works.

Again, great suggestions. Appreciate the listen and the feedback.

Kind regards,

Deej