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#1158573 - 11/11/19 11:35 PM Need to Pray  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,706
John W. Selleck Offline
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John W. Selleck  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,706
NJ
Hi all, I know a long time and some of you have never seen one of my but I felt the need so here is fresh ink, and don't worry I will be visiting many of your lyrics and commenting if I can.

Need to Pray

I have sometimes often always wondered
As I go through life from day to day
If there is no joy in the hereafter
Do I really ever need to pray
Then I see an ant so far below
An eagle riding currents in the sky
A baby's face a smile has turned to golden
I can see the many reasons why

Life has many turns and twists and crossroads -------}Chorus
I will often think I've gone astray
But if I live to never hurt another
I'll find I am goin' the right way
When I see the miracles around me
Suddenly I have the need to pray

When I see a butterfly so free
An Orca leaping high out of the sea
The answer becomes so crystal clear
Existing can't explain just why I'm here.

Life has many turns and twists and crossroads -------}Chorus
I will often think I've gone astray
But if I live to never hurt another
I'll find I am goin' the right way
When I see the miracles around me
Suddenly I have the need to pray
Yes suddenly I have the need to pray

Copyright 11/12/2019
John W Selleck BMI

Last edited by John W. Selleck; 11/18/19 05:25 AM. Reason: lyric change

Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
#1158623 - 11/14/19 02:32 PM Re: Need to Pray [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,706
John W. Selleck Offline
Top 100 Poster
John W. Selleck  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,706
NJ
.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
#1158635 - 11/16/19 09:33 PM Re: Need to Pray [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,420
E Swartz Offline
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E Swartz  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,420
Ohio
Hi John!

I have to admit, I spend more time in the MP3 forum with crits/sugs etc. I do enjoy looking at lyrics however, but have found it more difficult to critique lyrics without hearing them in a music bed. So when I read them, I look for story structure, rhyme patterns (if they are rhyme), imagined metering, and general topic interest.

I like your topic and title, yes a fairly common story expressed many times and many ways--however still sweet. I've read over the lyrics a few times and feel they will meter fairly well, but may need a few tweaks for music prosody without losing your desired affect. You have some real nice lines that I think will flow really well with music. I do think the line about the baby's smile doesn't need to end with a metaphor.......a baby's smile is one of the sweetest things you'll ever witness, just end with that statement and let that be the emphasis--re-build the phrase before that statement.

IMO, the chorus could be less about telling the story, and more about making an exclamation that promotes your title a bit more. There is no concrete rules with composition structure, and there are many lyrical styles, but I think a good formula to make ballads more interesting are to let the verses tell the story, let the chorus exclaim theme or accentuate a hook line, then bridges, if used to digress lyrically with a twist or turn or maybe even a reflective moment--which is why also the bridge music usually also digresses with a change-up from developed melody.

I just gave you a few thoughts to ponder, and by no means without hearing lyrics with music can anyone be "too critical" without hearing the two together. My suggestions are JMO as well, so use or lose. I wrote a song called "Can you catch my soul" which was a song designed to "take a longer more serious look at how rusty one's relationship with God can gradually wain." Your song has a similar message.

Nice work here!

steady-eddie

#1158638 - 11/16/19 10:58 PM Re: Need to Pray [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,706
John W. Selleck Offline
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John W. Selleck  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,706
NJ
Hi Eddie,
Thanks for the visit and the thoughtful comments. It does meter well, easy to sing, Christian country, about, about 110 BPM str8 8ths. The last line first verse is to answer the 4th line. I think changing the 7th line in the chorus should help clarify it, and changing it all to first person should help. Let me know if you think it's better. I've written over 300 lyrics, have 200+ on demo but I have been away from here for a while. It amazed me how slow this has become but I understand with the business as it is today for songwriters.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
#1158656 - 11/18/19 04:47 AM Re: Need to Pray [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,789
Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,789
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi John,


Good to see you.
I enjoyed the beauty of your words.


Calvin

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=11440

#1158659 - 11/18/19 05:24 AM Re: Need to Pray [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,706
John W. Selleck Offline
Top 100 Poster
John W. Selleck  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,706
NJ
Thanks Calvin,
Great to see your still around too. It will probably never see music but I still love to write now and again.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
#1158845 - 11/24/19 01:51 AM Re: Need to Pray [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,640
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,640
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi John
Christian Country is a good genre for this one.
Sincere thoughtful and it does sing very well
The Best
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1158858 - 11/24/19 01:52 PM Re: Need to Pray [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 79
John W Selleck Online content
Serious Contributor
John W Selleck  Online Content
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 79
Hi John,
Sorry if I didn't catch your first name in your other posts. Thanks for the visit and the kind words. I write lots of Christian country and gospel, along with lots of different country styles, just no hip-hip or rap country. I know music evolves but I don't think country benefits from either of those. Good to see you.


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