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#1158538 - 11/10/19 02:22 AM RAGING STORMS  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,882
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Raging Storms
V
The years went by
and still we tried
turning over many pages.
The same sun hung in the sky
even when hope had faded
V
A bitter wind blows
'cross the path we chose
over broken glass and stone.
By your bed a withered rose
As at night we slept alone
C
From sweet dreams
to a bed of thorns
From calm waters
To a raging storm

V
Pieces of you
things we used to do
my they're a handsome pair
So It was said a time or two
could have danced with you on air
B
I studied you that last time
I could see, nothing there
And those naked walls
around that room
Where imagination wasn't spared



Music

C

Last edited by Travis david; 11/24/19 02:37 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1158545 - 11/10/19 12:10 PM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,573
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,573
UK
Couple of suggs Travis
and I don't quite get the blooded rose line
but I can see some nice lines in there

V
The years went by
and still we tried
turning over many pages.
Like the sun still lights the sky
even when hope has faded
V
A bitter wind blows
'cross the path we chose
over broken glass and stone.
In your hair a wilted rose
for the nights we slept alone

Use or lose
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#1158546 - 11/10/19 12:18 PM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: May 2017
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Posts: 1,138
Conover, North Carolina, USA
This lyric has a good feel to it, and I like Vic's suggestions. One thing that struck me, not necessarily as a problem, was that the general feel is regret, a kind of bitter wistfulness. The raging storm idea contrasts strongly with that and stands out from the rest in a way that could either be jarring or not. It would be an interesting dilemma when it comes to putting it to music - do you go with the wistful mood or the raging storm? Or both? That might be tricky because the two moods are interwoven in the chorus.

I am probably overthinking this LOL.

#1158612 - 11/14/19 05:55 AM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,913
John W. Selleck Online content
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John W. Selleck  Online Content
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NJ
Hi Travis,
Yes, some dichotomy. you could take this either way in a bridge, hopeful or accepting the sadness.I do like most of Vicarn's suggestions. I am a sap for reclaimed love so I would go with hopeful but sad works too. A chorus out would be nice too.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
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#1158775 - 11/21/19 03:16 PM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Louisiana
Always two sides to a story,i'd like to see her side also.Keep a writin'.Mike

#1158804 - 11/22/19 05:28 PM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,027
Marty Helly Offline
Marty Helly  Offline

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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,027
Florence, MA, USA
Feel like the raging storm metaphor doesn't work as well as it could when used in two different contexts.
The lines go A to B, A to B, A to B then because B. So the first time you use the phrase its a destination, the second its a cause.

From sweet dreams - to - a bed of thorns
Meandering stream - to - a raging storm
Love was born - then - was torn apart
by raging storms

You could rectify this just by adding a predicate to the last line of the chorus, i.e.
From the calm to the raging storm


Marty my home

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!
#1158842 - 11/24/19 02:39 AM Re: RAGING STORMS [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,882
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks to everyone for your ideas on this I've used ir adapted some, much oblged
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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