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#1159716 - 12/17/19 05:21 PM I've Got Your Heart  
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 16
bethanykoubsky Offline
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bethanykoubsky  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 16
Omaha
Putting this out there...
It's just something I'm working on. Any feedback is welcome. Thank you!!

I Got Your Heart
Lyrics by Bethany J Koubsky

When the wind canít lift your sails
When you feel your hope depart
Reach out and take my hand
Baby Iíve got your heart

When youíre at your lowest low
And you donít know where to start
Take a deep breath in and know
Baby Iíve got your heart

Chorus:
Donít give up
Donít give in
I understand just where youíve been
Donít give up
Donít give in
Baby you and I can win

When there seems nowhere to go
You feel lost and torn apart
Reach out and take my hand
Trust in me, Iíve got your heart
Repeat Chorus
When you feel lost and torn apart
Trust in us, Iíve got your heart.

12/16/2019 Copyrighted

Last edited by bethanykoubsky; 12/20/19 10:45 AM.
#1159718 - 12/17/19 06:17 PM Re: I've Got Your Heart [Re: bethanykoubsky]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,284
John W. Selleck Online content
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John W. Selleck  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,284
NJ
Hi Bethany,
Welcome newbie. Being a lyricist is very tough, I know, I've been at it almost 20 years, also as a singer/songwriter, just not a performing one. This is a good first post. i like the lyric with the exception of the 3rd and 6th lines of the chorus. It would also be good to put a short, 2-4 bar turnaround after the first chorus, and an instrumental break, 8 bars or so after the second chorus. Also put in a date and list as copyrighted. Look at any of my posted lyrics to see what I mean. good luck.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#1159784 - 12/19/19 12:17 PM Re: I've Got Your Heart [Re: bethanykoubsky]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,824
Gary E. Andrews Offline
Gary E. Andrews  Offline

Top 200 Poster

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,824
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
I Got Your Heart
Lyrics by Bethany J Koubsky

(Verse I)
When the wind canít lift your sails
When you feel your hope depart
Reach out and take my hand
Baby Iíve Got Your Heart
('Baby' makes it very personal, First Person Singer-Character, communicating directly to Love-Interest Character.)

(Employing your title Line, THE Hook, to end each Verse makes this a Refrain-Type Chorus, a single Line, as opposed to a Stanza-Type Chorus composed of multiple Lines like a Verse.
Below, what you label as the Chorus becomes a Bridge, a device to renew listener interest, breaking the Repetition desired to supply Structure, two preceding Verses, and offering listeners a new Melody, different from the Verses, perhaps more emotionally urgent, upped in pitch. A Bridge supplies that function's demand best when it is brief, especially if it supplies pivotal information in the Storyline. The 'you and I' makes the point of the Singer-Character's plea poignantly, that he/she is making a commitment. Reading through again I think either sex could sing this. Nothing 'locks' it in as a male or female Point-Of-View (POV). And that type of reassurance from our loved one is what everyone wants.)

(V II)
When youíre at your lowest low
And you donít know where to start
Take a deep breath in and know
Baby, Iíve Got Your Heart

Bridge:
Donít give up
Donít give in
I understand just where youíve been
Donít give up
Donít give in
Baby you and I can win
(Some advise NOT to employ THE Hook in your Bridge. I wonder when to break that 'rule'. Andy Rasmussen advises, 'Rules are tools.' I think he(she?) implied 'tools' can be optional. I wonder if putting THE Hook, even Un-Rhymed, here at the end of the Bridge could work.)

(V III)
When there seems nowhere to go
You feel lost and torn apart
Reach out and take my hand
Trust in me, Iíve got your heart
Repeat Chorus (Bridge?)
Donít give up
Donít give in
I understand just where youíve been
Donít give up
Donít give in
Baby you and I can win
(Baby, I've Got Your Heart.)

(Coda, final Musical Movement)
When you feel lost and torn apart
Trust in us, (Baby?) Iíve Got Your Heart. (Nice little variation, 'Trust in us'.)
(And maybe another repeat, another'hit' on THE Hook, 'Baby, I've Got Your Heart').


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1159821 - 12/20/19 10:48 AM Re: I've Got Your Heart [Re: bethanykoubsky]  
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 16
bethanykoubsky Offline
Casual Observer
bethanykoubsky  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 16
Omaha
Thank you both so much for the feedback smile
I am mulling it all over and reworking!!!


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