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#1160721 - 01/18/20 01:19 PM The Human Spark  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Fdemetrio Online content
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So many songs Ive forgoten about in this folder. Another fringe character, I wonder why I write about such fringe people, lol

New Years resolution is to start getting good recordings done, but this folder was a nice surprise.

The Human Spark
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13976881

She came from New York on a train
threw away her drugs
such a pretty thug
she thumbed a ride on 21
I thought "all right
aint nothin but time tonight"

We traded stories for a while
but this one had me beat
she grew up in the street
I said lets stop and get a drink
she said I appreciate that man, but no way
I appreciate that man, no way

Im lookin for an antibody antibody
to help me fight a soul disease
I lookin for ya anybody, anybody
dont wanna lose control of me
cause Im so sick of waitin
on the fadin dark
Tonight, Im seeking someone who'll provide
The Human Spark

There aint no posion worth it's salt
she whispered in my ear
As I tried to steer
It took me twenty years to learn
learned it all today
so mister whaddiya say
hey mister whaddiya say

Im lookin for an antibody antibody
to help me fight a soul disease
I lookin for ya anybody, anybody
dont wanna lose control of me
cause Im so sick of waitin
on the fadin dark
Tonight, Im seeking someone who'll provide
The Human Spark

#1160764 - 01/19/20 03:44 PM Re: The Human Spark [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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E Swartz Online content
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Ohio
FD,

I like the song, but a lot of treble? I'd back down the rhythm guitar track. I would like hearing more of the kick drum and less highs on the metalic/snare percussion--JMO of course. Nice write here however!

steady-eddie

#1160777 - 01/20/20 01:38 AM Re: The Human Spark [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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JAPOV Offline
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I've got some old 4track recordings that sound a lot like this lol....

Fantastic lyrics though FD, love the antibody hook! smile

#1160799 - 01/21/20 11:16 AM Re: The Human Spark [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Thanks Eddie and Japov.

I actually strummed that out on a electric when it should be an acoustic, thats one reason for the trebleness of it. I make a lot of fresh starts on songs and I give up on them too soon. My goal is to pick 7, 8 songs and finish them from song to master.

Thanks for the ears.

#1160831 - 01/22/20 02:20 AM Re: The Human Spark [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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Fdemetrio,

I like the sound of this one—Third Eye Blind type feel to this one, but also, particularly in the chorus, a The Cure sound. Really like the chorus on this . . . the antibody, anybody rhyme you have working there is catchy. There are a few lines in the verses that I think are lost opportunities, and strike me as a bit forced (e.g., “such a pretty thug” and “this one had me beat, she grew up on the street”). You can get by with them on the strength of the chorus—which is catchy as hell—but with some tweaking I think you can take this from good to great. Just something to think about.

Gotta admit, with this and “A Lot of Life to LIve” you’ve surprised me. They are by far the best offerings I’ve seen from you. It’s really good to see.

My best regards to you,

Deej

#1160851 - 01/22/20 11:45 AM Re: The Human Spark [Re: Deej56]  
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Fdemetrio Online content
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Originally Posted by Deej56
Fdemetrio,

I like the sound of this one—Third Eye Blind type feel to this one, but also, particularly in the chorus, a The Cure sound. Really like the chorus on this . . . the antibody, anybody rhyme you have working there is catchy. There are a few lines in the verses that I think are lost opportunities, and strike me as a bit forced (e.g., “such a pretty thug” and “this one had me beat, she grew up on the street”). You can get by with them on the strength of the chorus—which is catchy as hell—but with some tweaking I think you can take this from good to great. Just something to think about.

Gotta admit, with this and “A Lot of Life to LIve” you’ve surprised me. They are by far the best offerings I’ve seen from you. It’s really good to see.

My best regards to you,

Deej


Thanks D, all rhymes are forced in my opinion, it makes a case for not rhyming at all. I mean, in a serious conversation who goes around rhyming the last word as they speak, so its always forced, I guess the trick is to not make it so obvious and let it flow as its sung. I think you wouldnt notice the rhyme if you didnt read it on paper. I dont have alot of words to work with the way the melody is set up.

Ive been writing for a long time, my main problem is I get bored fast and dont follow through. I have shoeboxes worth of music that hasnt been looked at since I first put it down.

Well, that would be a first for me be compared to The Cure, I do like them, but never in a million years would I expect that one!

Appreciate the ears!

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 01/22/20 11:46 AM.
#1161400 - 02/05/20 06:42 PM Re: The Human Spark [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Fdemetrio Online content
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Bumpity dooh dah Bumpity day

#1161539 - 02/13/20 10:50 AM Re: The Human Spark [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Feb 2013
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Florida
Nice ... My favorite of the ones I have heard from you. Very soulful guitar solo. Loved the lyric. Out of what I heard it should be the lead off on the album. I totally agree with Eddie's comments regarding eq issues, but I realize this was just a demo. Good stuff. Really like the antibody line.

Dave

#1161541 - 02/13/20 11:47 AM Re: The Human Spark [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Fdemetrio Online content
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Fdemetrio  Online Content
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Originally Posted by GocartMoz
Nice ... My favorite of the ones I have heard from you. Very soulful guitar solo. Loved the lyric. Out of what I heard it should be the lead off on the album. I totally agree with Eddie's comments regarding eq issues, but I realize this was just a demo. Good stuff. Really like the antibody line.

Dave


Thanks GM, Im workin it out, Now I got new songs coming out at the same time. Focus!

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 02/13/20 11:47 AM.

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