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Foray
by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,124 Likes: 15
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Crimson Red Verse The sun bled like a wounded beast Lying down to die; Surrendering to the night, to stars and candlelight. Chorus Lay me down, lay me down upon this burning bed. Lay me down, lay me down on sheets of crimson red. Verse To sail until the ship goes down In the stormy seas; Resolutely close my eyes while god and I make peace. Chorus Lay me down; lay me down upon this burning bed. Lay me down, lay me down on sheets of crimson red. Verse Please kiss my lips just one more time, Sing your lullaby. Hush sweet lover please don’t cry Just let me say goodbye. Chorus Lay me down, lay me down upon this burning bed. Lay me down, lay me down on sheets of crimson red. Verse Let’s have no regrets, no sorrow, No more tears tonight. Transgressions not withstanding I’ve made a mess of life. Bridge I’ve let you down; shattered dreams And I’ve broke your heart. The tragedy of my life is a work of art. Chorus Lay me down, lay me down upon this burning bed. Lay me down, lay me down on sheets of crimson red.
Ckiphen
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Joined: Nov 2010
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This reads well. Very poetic.
Vic
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Ckiphen
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Joined: Dec 2016
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ckiphen,
It's a strong lyric . . . among the best I've read from you. My only suggestion might be to change the title to "Lay Me Down". It's repeated often enough that I think it would become the hook in any arrangement, and it conveys the message of the song a bit more. Not much else I would change--though you might need to tweak here or there depending on the arrangement musically. Always tough to tell just reading a lyric.
Nice work on this!
Regards,
Deej
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