10 members (Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill),
4,088
guests, and
270
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230 |
Hi all - I haven't been very active lately on the site - This is a new song I had help with on the production end which has brought a different sound to my music - Not sure what to think about it yet but wondering what you thought about it. Any comments on the arrangement/production would be helpful - Jane K
Sometimes (You Gotta Go Home)
Wandering Aimlessly Sifting through the debris Clinging To memories Is the only future you see Running Like lightning There isn’t time to think You hold on firmly To what you believe
Chorus
Sometimes you gotta go home Wherever that may be Sometimes you need the comfort Of your friends and family
Sometimes you gotta go home It’s the only place to go When your stuck out in the cold Sometimes you gotta go home
Your walking A tightrope No one ever see’s They think Your winning You live with your deceit You take All your losses And wish to be set free Hoping To rest And find some inner peace
Repeat chorus
Grab what you go Even if it’s all you have Better to be safe With what you know
Repeat Chorus
Words/Music Copyright 2020 Jane Karwoski
Last edited by JaneK; 04/03/20 10:02 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Hi Jane The song sounds pleasant enough but I think the phrasing needs smoothing out. For instance: rather than jumping from one line to another (Your walking ...... a tightrope & They think ...... you're winning etc.) you could smooth the lines over by say "You're walking on a tightrope", or "You're walking a tight..rope".
Nothing wrong with having what you have for an effect occasionally but if you do it to often it sounds like you forgot to come in on the right beat.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230 |
Hi Vic,
I agree the vocals and the phrasing do not line up with the music but it was done through the internet. It's just a BIAB backing track that was made around my vocal - I should have resung it again before the final production - or what I am thinking is there should be more color to the arrangement - it is just blah! Thanks for listening and I appreciate your suggestions.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
I think both yourself and Vic have it right Jane But I really like the lyric it is well thought through and with a take or two you'll have a great song, keep at it! Regards John
Last edited by Travis david; 02/17/20 04:31 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
The arrangement can be improved for sure in the final production but the main thing is to get the phrasing right. I like the lightness of the vocal. You need to sing and record it with the music a few times 'til you "feel" it all blending together. That's all it needs before the final musical embellishments.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559 |
Hi Jane,
I agree with what has already been said, but have a request. When I hear this song, honestly I hear it as a simple acoustic strummer. I would love to hear this with just an easy going strum on the acoustic. I don't think it needs a full production. It doesn't strike me as the kind of song that needs that. I love the lyric and the melody. For whatever reason, the drumming seems out of place to me. The less production on this, the better imo.
Dave
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230 |
Hi Vic, John and Dave,
I wish I could change it. Unfortunately, this is the final version not a draft.
I don't have the stems. - I paid someone to do this for me (it is mixed and mastered already) so I can't change it without paying for the changes - I do have a no vocals version I could mess with but it would be hard to get it to sound right when I try to mix it together (I think). A simple acoustic guitar would have worked with this type of song.
I don't have Mike Z's production skills on my songs so I am screwed!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
Hi Jane:
You've been missed around here. I believe this song would "sell" in today's Nashville. It seems to be beat driven... and that is most of what I hear coming out of the Labels there, these days. I loved the lyric and message of the song. From only my first listen, I believe the vocal needs to be "lifted" a bit above the music.
Depending upon your plan for marketing your songs, I'm assuming you have no desire for "stardom" because it is such a treacherous road... but would prefer to make some change from having others do "covers" of your work. If that is so, don't spend alot of time or money on making changes. Just use an "editing software package" on your PC (Many are "free") and raise the volume on each line or verse a few percentage points. Remember, if a big name artist is drawn to (or forced to) record your song... they are going to add their own stylistic flair to it... as suits their particular style. Don't be discouraged. It has potential.
Wishing you the best out there in the Valley. I spent a little time down south of there in Santa Clarita years ago. Beautiful, earthquake prone region... but like your song... Home kept calling me.
----Dave
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230 |
Hi Dave,
Good to hear from you again - Thanks so much for listening and commenting on the song. Seems like songs are never done even when you hire someone these days. And it is always the producer's vision of the song instead of your own when you pay someone to help you but it didn't cost me an arm and a leg so what can I expect. I have decided to keep my spare change and use it for BIAB and try to learn myself (if that is possible!) I am actually beginning to enjoy working with Pro Tools so who knows BIAB might be fun to learn.
Ah, Santa Clarita over the good old grapevine - Yes, Beautiful but pricey!
Jane
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964 |
Where's the song? The link says it's been removed.
Regards,
Bob
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230 |
Sorry Bob - I put the song on "private" and didn't change the link on the original post. Thanks for trying to listen.
Jane
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 964 |
Jane,
I don't usually critique the work of others; as an amateur myself I find it difficult to criticize someone else. I will say the song has potential. Some prosody adjustments would help, I think.
As for the backing, I would advise you to follow your own thought:
"I have decided to keep my spare change and use it for BIAB and try to learn myself (if that is possible!) I am actually beginning to enjoy working with Pro Tools so who knows BIAB might be fun to learn."
BIAB is a great writing tool. Highly recommended.
Regards,
Bob
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230 |
Hi Vic,
Got your PM's You should be getting an email from me soon might not be till tonight - I am in "no man's land" right now.
Hi Bob
Glad the link worked now - I am going to get some help with this song from Vic, which I so need because I would like to see this song reach it's full potential. I will be purchasing BIAB soon.
Jane
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,827
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,827 |
Hey Jane, It's a cute tune. I especially like the harmonies. As already stated, yes the prosody is a bit out, but can easily be fixed by sliding the vocal time line. It's almost there and with a tidy up, will work well. cheers, niteshift
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Jane,
I read the lyrics first and came away quite impressed. It’s a really good write. Production-wise, I thought it was pretty good actually. Maybe some artistic differences to debate, but musically the bed sounds solid to me. Maybe some fine tuning on the vocal (not the singing, but the prosody and mix) to better align with it—but it’s not far off, truly . . . at least not to my ears. You’re in good hands with, Vic.
I’d definitely encourage you to explore BIAB. It took me a while to get there and to get a basic handle on it once I did (though I'm tech challenged, LOL!). But the software really is pretty easy to use, and you’ve got resources here to help. And BIAB has a great website with lots of FAQs and tutorials.
For me, it was well worth the investment, which is pretty modest for the basic packages--even for the all in price compared to a demo. The biggest challenge of doing this stuff on your own won’t be BIAB itself, but the mixing of the instrumental and vocal tracks (typically done in your DAW) to get everything to blend and work together. At least it is for me, LOL!
Good luck with it . . . and I’ll look forward to hearing this again.
Regards,
Deej
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42 |
I Gotta Go Home (Consider 'I', instead of 'You', getting the Singer-Character in the Song, speaking First-Person, telling her own story, her personal experience, as opposed to an anonymous narrator speaking generic philosophy to the collective 'you'. You get it done in 2:51. Short Songs work.) "Sometimes I Gotta Go Home" Words/Music Copyright 2020 Jane Karwoski (Verse I) (I'm) wandering, Aimlessly, Sifting through debris! Clinging, (enunciate clearly) To memories. (It's) the only future (I) see! Running, Like lightning. There isn’t time to think! (I) hold on firmly To what (I) believe! (Chorus) Sometimes I Gotta Go Home Wherever that may be! Sometimes I need the comfort Of friends and family! Sometimes I Gotta Go Home! It’s the only place to go, When I'm stuck out in the cold! (your/you're) Sometimes I've got to...I've Gotta Go Home. (Verse II) I'm out walking, A tightrope, No one ever sees! They think, I'm winning. I live with my deceit! I take, my losses! I wish to be set free! Hoping to rest (there) To find inner peace! (Repeat Chorus) (Bridge) (I) Grab what I've got Even if it’s all I have Better to be safe With what I know (Repeat Chorus) (Cathy Heller Reinstein of www.catchthemoonmusic.com recommends giving a producer some reference tracks to demonstrate the kind of 'feel' you're going for, as opposed to just letting them run with it. Seems like sound advice. TAXI does that when seeking Songs/music for its customers.)
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11 |
Very good!. Nice melody. Good structure.
I agree with Gary about I instead of You.
Have fun!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230 |
Thanks for the link Bob - I am sold on BIAB. I will probably go cheap at first just in case I get too overwhelmed.
It will take me a long time to get to the place that you guys are at. You're all so good at it I never knew you used it.
Thank you Deej for listen and the feedback. It is so nice of Vic to help me.
Niteshift - Phrasing and Prosody is my problem when vocalizing the lyrics - I am more of a melody person. I appreciate your support - thank you so much.
Gary - That's a good idea about making the song more personal - I will see what Vic comes up with - he is going to sing it. I am always open to change as I am just learning to be a songwriter. Thank you for your suggestions.
Guy - Thanks for the listen and comments. I am having fun now that I am back on the site again!
This is what I love about JP folks - how you are all willing to help a newbie like me get better at what they love to do.
Jane
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211 Likes: 2
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 211 Likes: 2 |
Hi Jane - link didn't work for me today..
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 230 |
Hi Paul,
Thanks for trying to listen - I took it off soundcloud to work on it.
Jane
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|