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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Dec 2011
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Title: Hungry Tonight (c) All Rights Reserved, 05/05/2011 Fran Williams
Hungry Tonight
V1) My heart feels empty-lying on white silken sheets On one else can satisfy me- our love was so right Need your loving arms and kisses,so desperately Miss you darling, love you- I'm hungry tonight
Lift) Honey, you could always love me-just the right way Sweet kisses were so soft and filled me with delight Missing you baby-I love you- I'm So Hungry Tonight
Chorus) Honey-lately I've been a little hard to get along with I know we had a small disagreement-You were so right Been spending to much time working and everything You're my world- let me love you-don't want to fight Darling please forgive me- I'm so hungry tonight
V2) My arms reach out for you honey- you just lay there Cold as a winter storm- let my love melt your heart Give me a chance to love you- make things alright Darling please forgive me- I'm so hungry tonight
Repeat chorus)2X's Tag) Honey-I am- So Hungry- Hungry for love tonight Hungry- I feel So Empty- Hungry for love tonight
All constructive advice and suggestions are appreciated..
Best regards, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Hi Fran,
I like your lyrics. Good visual set up right in 1st verse. I'd just suggest some small tweaks to tighten up wording in the Lift & Chorus:
Honey, you could always love me just right Soft sweet kisses filled me with delight Missing you baby - love you- I'm So Hungry Tonight
Honey-lately I've been hard to get along with we had a small disagreement and you were so right I’m spending way too much time working and I don’t want to fight You're my world- let me love you- I'm so hungry tonight
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Hi Fran,
I like your lyrics. Good visual set up right in 1st verse. I'd just suggest some small tweaks to tighten up wording in the Lift & Chorus:
Honey, you could always love me just right Soft sweet kisses filled me with delight Missing you baby - love you- I'm So Hungry Tonight
Honey-lately I've been hard to get along with we had a small disagreement and you were so right I’m spending way too much time working and I don’t want to fight You're my world- let me love you- I'm so hungry tonight
[/quote]
Hi Cathy, I love the suggestions you made. It helps the structure of the lyrics so much. I will do a a re-write and you are appreciated. I realize that it needs some help with note counts, to make it more singable. I picture a low sexy voice, that drops even lower, when they sing I'm-So_Hun_..Gry_To-Nig..ht. Thanks again!
Lonely girl, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Fran, I never try to re-write people's songs. I just make comments as some sort of overview about what is there. I like what you have. It is honest, even erotic. Nice work. Jim Colyer
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Hi Fran- I can only relay helpful suggestions I've learned over the years; many from feeback from publishers. My opinion of this lyric is: The lyric in the different parts seems to be very similar in content. The lift reads like a chorus, and the chorus reads like a verse.... I don't hear a unique powerful chorus that seperates itself from the rest of the song. I can't feel any build up or climax in this song. Even though rules can be broken, for the most part put your title/hook in the choruses... so it stands out...repeat it as many times as you can! Makes the song memorable that way. Study the basic song strucures; know how they work best for different lyric..... start listening to hit songs and write down the patterns....ABABCA...ABAB....AABA etc.. listen to the musical and lyrical hooks and build ups, and where the hooks are placed. The 30's, 40', 50's and 60's songs had a ton of strong titles/hooks. Listen to the current hits and THE BEATLES! Your meter needs work. I GOT RHYTHM says it all. Just say it, you feel it. Sheila Davis has a great book that explains all this; SUCCESSFUL LYRIC WRITING. This Melissa Manchester hit from the past is an example of a strong hook. One can see and feel the meter when reading the lyric. http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/intolerablecruelty/dontcryoutloud.htm ~C~
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Hey Fran-
Just a quick example of a chorus that may fit into this kind of lyric.... chorus
I'm Hungry Tonight Still starving for affection I wont settle for rejection I'm Hungry Tonight You're my fav'rite recipe Feed me your love don't let me feel so empty I'm Hungry Tonight
Still starving= alliteration the st's Feed me your love don't let me feel so empty= assonance repetiton of internal vowel sounds the ee sounds in feed, me, feel & empty
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Fran, I never try to re-write people's songs. I just make comments as some sort of overview about what is there. I like what you have. It is honest, even erotic. Nice work. Jim Colyer Hi Jim, thank you for your comments. My novice lyric writing ears needed to hear some encouragement. Yes, it was suppose to be erotic, without using, Bad Words. I really don't mind a lyric re-write, if it helps to produce a great song. Well, I do expect my credits.. I appreciate you! Best regards, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Hey Fran-
Just a quick example of a chorus that may fit into this kind of lyric.... chorus
I'm Hungry Tonight Still starving for affection I wont settle for rejection I'm Hungry Tonight You're my fav'rite recipe Feed me your love don't let me feel so empty I'm Hungry Tonight
Still starving= alliteration the st's Feed me your love don't let me feel so empty= assonance repetiton of internal vowel sounds the ee sounds in feed, me, feel & empty Hi Cal, Thank you for your advice and suggestions. I really love the verse you wrote. I do realize that I am a novice lyric writer. I am starting to get discouraged about my efforts. I have seen some, who want to just use my lyrics to get inspired..I feel DUMPED.. I have hundreds of lyrics,but I am going to put them back in the "Chicken Nest". Perhaps I will read all the Books you suggested..Guess I need more help than I realized. Thanks! I needed that.. Eating Crow, FranW
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Hi Cal, Thank you for your advice and suggestions. I really love the verse you wrote. I do realize that I am a novice lyric writer. I am starting to get discouraged about my efforts. I have seen some, who want to just use my lyrics to get inspired..I feel DUMPED.. I have hundreds of lyrics,but I am going to put them back in the "Chicken Nest". Perhaps I will read all the Books you suggested..Guess I need more help than I realized. Thanks! I needed that.. Eating Crow, FranW Hey Fran- Please don't feel frusterated by my comments or feedback from others; they are posted to help. Keep working on these writings you posted. There's no rush. I was told by Ralph Johnson Big Wedge Records Nashville TN that many staff writers at publishing companies focus on only 3 to 4 songs per year; but ultimately get cuts. http://www.wedgeentertainment.net/keepinitcountry.htmDon't sweat the small stuff! You have a lot going for yourself as a songwriter! You have a ton of lyric, you are in Nashville, your ideas are real good, and you are young. You're ideas can cross over into many genres. I took me years to catch on; like I mentioned, feedback from the pros, JPF's was a great help, songwriting and lyric books, studying songs and listening to the hit tunes. Also writing and re-writing over & over till a song is the best one can make it. With diligence I'm sure you will find success with your writings. Try this: When you go to bed each night say: "I will wake up with a song in my heart."The spiritual context is that "song" stands for a sense of joy in existence, but since we are songwriters, the effect is doubled. Also, say to yourself from time to time; "I will write a hit song." Stay positive motivated and alert to those opportunities that lie ahead; The right people are there right now; anxious, willing and ready to help you. Try the 10 day free trial here at songU Nashville...lots of great stuff! http://www.songu.com/pubTopTenQuestions.aspalso; a must to read for every aspiring songwriter, by Danny Arena songU staff. http://www.songwritersresourcenetwork.com/be-successful.html ~C~
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Hey Fran- Please don't feel frustrated by my comments or feedback from others; they are posted to help. Keep working on these writings you posted. There's no rush. I was told by Ralph Johnson Big Wedge Records Nashville TN that many staff writers at publishing companies focus on only 3 to 4 songs per year; but ultimately get cuts. http://www.wedgeentertainment.net/keepinitcountry.htmDon't sweat the small stuff! You have a lot going for yourself as a songwriter! You have a ton of lyric, you are in Nashville, your ideas are real good, and you are young. You're ideas can cross over into many genres. I took me years to catch on; like I mentioned, feedback from the pros, JPF's was a great help, songwriting and lyric books, studying songs and listening to the hit tunes. Also writing and re-writing over & over till a song is the best one can make it. With diligence I'm sure you will find success with your writings. Try this: When you go to bed each night say: "I will wake up with a song in my heart."The spiritual context is that "song" stands for a sense of joy in existence, but since we are songwriters, the effect is doubled. Also, say to yourself from time to time; "I will write a hit song." Stay positive motivated and alert to those opportunities that lie ahead; The right people are there right now; anxious, willing and ready to help you. Try the 10 day free trial here at songU Nashville...lots of great stuff! http://www.songu.com/pubTopTenQuestions.aspalso; a must to read for every aspiring songwriter, by Danny Arena songU staff. http://www.songwritersresourcenetwork.com/be-successful.html ~C~ Hi Cal, thank you so much for your special words of encouragement. I realize you were trying to help me! I appreciate you!.. "My Prayer Last Night" Father in heaven, I pray my soul to keep Help me stay strong, as I face my defeat He said child, You are in my music garden Plant your seeds- they will grow It won't happen overnight, and Sometimes the best happens slow Just take a few seeds of talent Plant them in a rich bed of patience Nourish them with prayers of love If disappointments should develop I will water them with angel tears And, my child in time if you're lucky You will create a remarkable thing Called- A song. Amen, Now go to sleep Best regards, FranW
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Fran;
Thouht your lyric as originally written was very thought-provoking and yet all the suggs given by others were very enlightening as well. I am probably still a novice in a lot of ways even though I have written hundreds over the years. I really feel you should, over time, post your entire repetoire here as I have done. Of course you will probably find that some lyrics get no feedback, just as many of mine haven't. Would like to invite you to check out my post "Burgundy and Blue" which I posted just yesterday.
Peace, Brian
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Hi Folks, this lyric had some awesome comments! It's been in the "chicken nest" for a long..long time!! Really got a big laugh reading it!.. Put it on my lyric laughter plate!! Today my young neice said, "Aunt Fran, You're too Skinny" Hope you enjoy the read, and if someone wants to help develop music..Go for it.. Laughin' all the way to the fridge, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Title: Hungry Tonight (c) All Rights Reserved, 05/05/2011 Fran Williams
Hungry Tonight
(VI) My heart feels SO empty, ALONE on silken sheets ( I ) Need your loving kisses. I don't want to fight. NO one else COULD satisfy me- our love IS ONE TO KEEP. (Chorus Refrain) (OH HOW I) Miss you darling. I'm so Hungry Tonight
(VII) WE ARGUED OVER NOTHING, YOU'RE RIGHT, I WAS WRONG. My arms reach out for you, YOU'RE Cold as winter's NIGHT Give me a chance to love you, YOU'VE BEEN GONE TOO LONG. OH HOW I miss you darling. I'm so Hungry Tonight
(Bridge) WE've been hard to get along with WE disagree, AND THAT'S ALRIGHT. Darling please forgive me- I'm so Hungry Tonight
(VIII) I THINK WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT, DON'T YOU THINK WE CAN? IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, STILL HERE BY MORNING'S LIGHT. AT LEAST WE'RE BACK TO TALKIN', YOU KNOW I NEED MY MAN. OH HOW I miss you darling, I'm so Hungry Tonight.
(Coda) OH HOW I miss you darling, I'm so Hungry Tonight. OH HOW I miss you darling, I'm so Hungry Tonight.
(I'm on her side Fran! Forgive her you fool! LOL)
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Title: Hungry Tonight (c) All Rights Reserved, 05/05/2011 Fran Williams
Hungry Tonight
(VI) My heart feels SO empty, ALONE on silken sheets ( I ) Need your loving kisses. I don't want to fight. NO one else COULD satisfy me- our love IS ONE TO KEEP. (Chorus Refrain) (OH HOW I) Miss you darling. I'm so Hungry Tonight
(VII) WE ARGUED OVER NOTHING, YOU'RE RIGHT, I WAS WRONG. My arms reach out for you, YOU'RE Cold as winter's NIGHT Give me a chance to love you, YOU'VE BEEN GONE TOO LONG. OH HOW I miss you darling. I'm so Hungry Tonight
(Bridge) WE've been hard to get along with WE disagree, AND THAT'S ALRIGHT. Darling please forgive me- I'm so Hungry Tonight
(VIII) I THINK WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT, DON'T YOU THINK WE CAN? IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, STILL HERE BY MORNING'S LIGHT. AT LEAST WE'RE BACK TO TALKIN', YOU KNOW I NEED MY MAN. OH HOW I miss you darling, I'm so Hungry Tonight.
(Coda) OH HOW I miss you darling, I'm so Hungry Tonight. OH HOW I miss you darling, I'm so Hungry Tonight.
(I'm on her side Fran! Forgive her you fool! LOL) Hi Gary, this was a delightful surprise. You really made the lyric singable now. "Delicious Kisses" might do the trick You're right, I'm wrong that's the way that love goes He needs to stop all that "Foolin" around..yeah!! Kicked him out of bed..Oh...Oh...Oh..last thing he said..Yeah Hungry girl, Fran W.
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Hey Fran,
Good to see you back posting!
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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