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#1164994 - 06/04/20 03:58 PM Re- write The darker side of me  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 375
ckiphen Online content
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ckiphen  Online Content
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Posts: 375
- Select One - houston, texas...
The darker side of me
Verse
The doubts I have about myself
Are chains I strain to break.
Iím caught up in a tug of war.
Donít know which side to take.
Chorus
Iíve built walls without windows
For fear the world would see.
Donít want the sun to shine in on
The darker side of me.
Thereís a tiger on the prowl.
Where danger lies unseen.
In the shadows of the night.
The darker side of me.
Verse
These eyes are blind my tongue is tied
Canít see or speak the truth.
The weeds they overgrow my mind
Where logic canít take root.
Chorus
Iíve built walls without windows
For fear the world would see.
Donít want the sun to shine in on
The darker side of me.
Thereís a tiger on the prowl.
Where danger lies unseen.
In the shadows of the night.
The darker side of me.

Verse
My ears are deaf to what you say.
Hope has no home in here.
My fears they overwhelm my faith.
These eyes they shed no tears.
Chorus
Iíve built walls without windows
For fear the world would see.
Donít want the sun to shine in on
The darker side of me?
Thereís a tiger on the prowl.
Where danger lies unseen.
In the shadows of the night.
The darker side of me.

#1164996 - 06/04/20 05:28 PM Re: Re- write The darker side of me [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,552
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,552
UK
Sounds like a good one for a creepy movie.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1165004 - 06/05/20 07:16 AM Re: Re- write The darker side of me [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 325
John Paragreen Offline
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John Paragreen  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 325
Scotland
Hi I like this a lot, pretty deep, I think the chorus is kinda long, I'd suggest a structure like

The darker side of me
Verse
The doubts I have about myself
Are chains I strain to break.
Iím caught up in a tug of war.
Donít know which side to take.

Chorus
Iíve built walls without windows
For fear the world would see.
Donít want the sun to shine in on
The darker side of me.

Verse
These eyes are blind my tongue is tied
Canít see or speak the truth.
The weeds they overgrow my mind
Where logic canít take root.

Chorus
Iíve built walls without windows
For fear the world would see.
Donít want the sun to shine in on
The darker side of me.

Verse
My ears are deaf to what you say.
Hope has no home in here.
My fears they overwhelm my faith.
These eyes they shed no tears.

bridge
Thereís a tiger on the prowl.
Where danger lies unseen.
In the shadows of the night.
The darker side of me.

Chorus
Iíve built walls without windows
For fear the world would see.
Donít want the sun to shine in on
The darker side of me

Don't want the sun to shine in on
The darker side of me.

just an idea, keep or sweep, but those lines

Don't want the sun to shine in on
the darker side of me

are nothing short of great ,
I hope you get a musician to finish the song
gotta repeat great lyric
all the best,john.
ps
this reminded me of the late great Leonard Cohen

Last edited by John Paragreen; 06/05/20 09:35 AM.

please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide
#1165123 - 06/07/20 08:00 PM Re: Re- write The darker side of me [Re: John Paragreen]  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 375
ckiphen Online content
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ckiphen  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 375
- Select One - houston, texas...
I appreciate it. May Deej can give it a go when he has time. Doing his own thing for a while and he's blowing it away. Super talented guy!

#1165124 - 06/07/20 08:05 PM Re: Re- write The darker side of me [Re: John Paragreen]  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 375
ckiphen Online content
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ckiphen  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 375
- Select One - houston, texas...
Perfect as you present it. Thanks!


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