Who's Online Now
18 registered members (Everett Adams, Brian Austin Whitney, E Swartz, CTthomas, Gavin Sinclair, couchgrouch, Irwin, Fdemetrio, Dave Rice, 4 invisible), and 318 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
lane1777
lane1777
south of the mason,dixon line
Posts: 1,184
Joined: April 2008
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Edit: ALL Corona Virus Post MUST Go Here
by Brian Austin Whitney. 08/09/20 06:57 AM
Piano (instrumental)
by Irwin. 08/08/20 11:49 PM
This is for collaboration
by Irwin. 08/08/20 11:44 PM
I Wear My Heart
by John W. Selleck. 08/08/20 10:27 PM
How Many Fingers Am I Holdin' Up
by Dave Rice. 08/08/20 09:54 PM
limericks
by CTthomas. 08/08/20 04:39 PM
It’s Getting Pretty Complicated Right Now
by CTthomas. 08/08/20 03:51 PM
Hey Moonlight - Lyrics Mike Blottenberger
by Gavin Sinclair. 08/08/20 10:12 AM
"I Saw Jesus Today" Country
by Jethro Aberdeen. 08/08/20 01:39 AM
I Paint the Town
by E Swartz. 08/07/20 08:50 PM
A heart in Love never lies
by ckiphen. 08/07/20 09:28 AM
Conversations In A Minor Key
by Gerry. 08/07/20 06:09 AM
Best Moment Of My Life Original Song
by CWMusic. 08/07/20 05:02 AM
VIDEO is done...”Spread Your Wings & Fly”
by Steve Altonian. 08/06/20 09:37 PM
I Been There
by Songbird52. 08/06/20 09:16 PM
Peace of Mind
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:13 PM
A Day In The Life
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:12 PM
Hard World Waiting
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:11 PM
Sea of tranquility
by ckiphen. 08/06/20 02:53 PM
Wisdom's Wildfires
by Perry Neal Crawford. 08/06/20 01:04 PM
60 Happy Years
by Dave Rice. 08/06/20 09:34 AM
Your Guitar (Now with alternate bridge)
by John W. Selleck. 08/05/20 01:35 PM
Children of the same God
by ckiphen. 08/05/20 01:25 PM
Encore in the house of the Lord
by ckiphen. 08/05/20 01:06 PM
You Touched Me
by John W. Selleck. 08/04/20 10:11 PM
ChrisWMusic
by Gavin Sinclair. 08/04/20 05:50 PM
Tell Me
by Travis david. 08/04/20 04:01 PM
Michelangelo/ re- write
by ckiphen. 08/04/20 03:38 PM
Don't Send My Ashes to My Exes /NEWER BRIDGE
by John W. Selleck. 08/04/20 01:51 PM
Natural Melodies?
by Fdemetrio. 08/04/20 09:27 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,834
Travis david 11,921
Kevin Emmrich 10,666
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,845
glynda 8,679
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,909
couchgrouch 7,799
Dave Rice 7,765
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,618
Mark Kaufman 6,584
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
ben willis 6,107
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
niteshift 5,683
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,376
Roy Cooper 4,241
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,104
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,926
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,815
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,580
E Swartz 3,518
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,846
MidniteBob 2,712
Nelson 2,603
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Fdemetrio 2,476
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,219
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Sunset Poet 2,050
Marty Helly 2,027
maccharles 1,988
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
GocartMoz 1,552
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Tom Franz 1,473
RogerS 1,471
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Deej56 1,319
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Gerry 1,221
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
lane1777 1,184
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,172
Diane Ewing 1,158
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
IronKnee 1,009
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
90 dB 943
9ne 931
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
ant 747
Andy K 746
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 734
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Irwin 674
Katziis 652
Pat Hardy 641
Moosesong 640
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
JAPOV 563
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
R&M 527
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
ckiphen 437
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1166560 - 07/13/20 04:08 AM What did you do in the war dad? Rewrite  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks to John for his chorus ideas which I use The lyric is set in the early 70s


What did you do in the war dad?
v
Street after street
were torn down
Till there was no heartbeat
for a mile around
v
Homes,shops,schools
weren't repreaved
decimated by fools
with plans ill conceived

c
What did you do in the war dad?
Son we stood for what we believed
so no bugger could take what we've earned
with families we needed to feed
Then why have they taken our home away?
When non of us wanted to leave?
What did they do after the war dad
son,they took away all we acheived


V
Dwell on the past
bath in memories
Treasure old friends
while your mind can still see

B2
Once flames danced
chimney's smoked
Frozen limbs warmed
wood crackled and spoke
when the homefires burned
before the chain was broke

c
What did you do in the war dad?
Son we stood for what we believed
so no bugger could take what we've earned
with families we needed to feed
Then why have they taken our home away?
When non of us wanted to leave?
What did they do after the war dad
son,they took away all we acheived

Last edited by Travis david; 07/14/20 05:23 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1166566 - 07/13/20 07:20 AM Re: What did you do in the war dad? [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
This one is about my home city, Salford. Formerly in the county of Lancashire.
It was once an industrial area situated near another thriving city, Manchester.
In the 70s the planners decimated my city, pulling down, homes school, shops churches etc
This was in the guise of progress
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1166590 - 07/13/20 05:56 PM Re: What did you do in the war dad? [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,010
John W. Selleck Online content
Top 100 Poster
John W. Selleck  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,010
NJ
Originally Posted by Travis david
This one is about my home city, Salford. Formerly in the county of Lancashire.
It was once an industrial area situated near another thriving city, Manchester.
In the 70s the planners decimated my city, pulling down, homes school, shops churches etc
This was in the guise of progress
John

Hi John,
This looks like a protest song to me! I like it, except the chorus to me is a little confusing at the end. A little suggestion, KOS

What did you do in the war dad?
Son we stood for what we believed
so no bugger could take what we've earned
with families we needed to feed
Then why have they taken our home away?
When non of us wanted to leave?
What did they do after the war dad
son,they took away all we acheived


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#1166592 - 07/13/20 07:08 PM Re: What did you do in the war dad? [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,199
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,199
Conover, North Carolina, USA
I'll be honest, John. this is not one of my favorite lyrics from you. It seems all over the place and the bit about churches and Christmas seems incongruous like you are just heading off on a generalized rant and losing focus. Some of the language seems a little stilted and unnatural, like:
"Homes,shops, schools
weren't reprieved
decimated by fools
with plans ill conceived"

I like John S's suggestion. Those are my favorite lines.

I can connect with the anger at those arrogant and idiotic planners. I recently found out that Princes Street in Edinburgh, one of the world's great streets came close to being demolished in the sixties as part of a boneheaded modernistic scheme. Several beautiful buildings were lost before the outrage from the locals finally stopped it. It seems amazing today that anyone even considered it.

#1166597 - 07/14/20 04:01 AM Re: What did you do in the war dad? [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Gavin
I suppose it is a rant albeit a factual rant.
The Christmas reference in the first bridge can go and has been deleted, that was a soapbox job.
I liked John's take and will take a further look at it.
Cheers Gavin much appreciate your comments and suggestions
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1166598 - 07/14/20 04:05 AM Re: What did you do in the war dad? [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi John
Thanks for your help I have used your take on the chorus and after seeing Gavin's comment deleted the first bridge
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1166606 - 07/14/20 11:24 AM Re: What did you do in the war dad? [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 2,476
Fdemetrio Online content
Top 200 Poster
Fdemetrio  Online Content
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 2,476
Yeah, it's generally a no-no to change point of view in a song, let alone change it from first line of chorus to second line.

And it probably should be the kid narrating it, or the man starting right out telling the story to the kid.

It's not even clear there was any war, or even what war it might have been.

I'm sure you can shape it up into a good song. Good start.

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 07/14/20 11:26 AM.
#1166607 - 07/14/20 11:28 AM Re: What did you do in the war dad? [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,921
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Yes it needs a complete rethink Fd there's one or two lines I like but it's in need of another couple of rewrites - at least
Thanks for the once over
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
Dean_McAlister, CWMusic, CBAY, mrpeepshow, Craig Allen
21286 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics120,612
Posts1,135,015
Members21,286
Average Posts Daily35
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"The music industry is filled with risk takers, but not so filled with people who educate themselves before taking the leap." –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Rick Harris (62)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0