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Hi there,
Here is a song I am working on. It is really rough...but wanted to see if anyone had any feedback.
Thank you!!

Up and At 'Em by Bethany Koubsky Copyright 2020

You've been feeling lost and lonely,
like you've got no place to turn.
You want to run away and hide
but you've got lessons still to learn

You've only got one life to live
Only so much time under the sun.
You've got to stay and face your demons
no time to turn and run.

(Chorus)
Up and At 'em, listen to the call
Like alarm bells going off
there is no time to stall.
Up and at 'em
It might be your last chance
Live the life that you were given.
It's time for you to dance.


(Verse 2)
There's no turning back now
It's time to face the music you hear
March to your own drum
and push aside the fear.

Make this life the one you dream
It's the only one you get
Up and at 'em, moving forward.
It's not over yet.

(Chorus)
Up and At 'em, listen to the call
Like alarm bells going off
there is no time to stall.
Up and at 'em
It might be your last chance
Live the life that you were given.
It's time for you to dance.

Bridge:
It's your life, stand up and move
Don't let nothing bring you down
You've got nothing to prove
if you're lost you can be found.

(Chrous)
Up and At 'em, listen to the call
Like alarm bells going off
there is no time to stall.
Up and at 'em
It might be your last chance
Live the life that you were given.
It's time for you to dance.
It's time for you to dance.
Up and at 'em.

In Synchronization Licensing, where companies pay for 'use' of your music to promote their product, they're always looking for something that promotes the way the consumer will feel if they buy the product. They often specify 'female empowerment'. TAXI customers also specify female empowerment. Your Song/Lyric seems to lean into that realm, not necessarily female, but the 'You' to whom the Singer addresses the instruction, whoever might be listening.

Up and At 'Em by Bethany Koubsky Copyright 2020

(Verse I)
You've been feeling lost and lonely,
like you've got no place to turn. (turn) (like you have no place to turn, 7 syllables/7 Notes to sing.)
You want to run away and hide
but you've got lessons still to learn (but you have lessons still to learn; I'm wondering how these will 'sing' as opposed to 'read')

You've only got one life to live
Only so much time under the sun. ('under' doesn't seem to hit the beat hard enough; perhaps 'beneath'?)
You've got to stay and face your demons
no time to turn and run. (turn) (This is no time to turn and run. Wondering about so many uses of 'turn', but then it is part of the strategic concept of the 'Up and at 'em' idea.)

(Chorus)
Up and At 'em! Listen to the call
Like alarm bells going off
There is no time to stall.
Up and at 'em
It might be your last chance
Live the life that you were given.
It's time for you to dance. (The last Line in a Chorus, the one left ringing in their ears, is the most strategic position for a title Line. I think this one is a stronger title; "Time For You To Dance".

(Verse II)
There's no turning back now (turning) (Doing a syllable/Note count, Verse II Line 1 is 2 short, compared to VI Line 1. Slight variations in Melody can still work.)
It's time to face the music you hear (VI Line 2 has 7 syll/Notes. VII Line 2 has 9. Can work. Only hearing can determine if it is a problem.)
March to your own drum (5, compared to 8. Now Melody begins to be different, perhaps perceptible to the listener. Problem? Only hearing will tell.)
and push aside the fear. (6-8. The article 'the' is not as strong as 'your fear'. Letting them 'own' it, keeping your 'you' person in the Line, seems a stronger possibility.)

Make this life the one you dream 7-8
It's the only one you get 9-7
Up and at 'em, moving forward. 9-8 (Using this Line from the Chorus may work. Ordinarily it might be inadvisable. But you're simply hammering home that theme of encouraging the 'you' Character to take action, so it might work. You'll have to 'hear' it performed to know.)
It's not over yet. 6-5

(Chorus)
Up and At 'em! Listen to the call
Like alarm bells going off
There is no time to stall.
Up and at 'em
It might be your last chance
Live the life that you were given.
It's Time For You To Dance.

Bridge: (A Bridge serves the function of breaking the Verse/Chorus, Verse/Chorus 'Repetition' with 'Change' so it is appropriate to have a change of 'beat' in the Lyric. Yours seems to have it.)
It's your life! Stand up and move
Don't let nothing bring you down
You've got nothing to prove
if you're lost you can be found.

(Chorus)
Up and At 'em! Listen to the call
Like alarm bells going off
There is no time to stall.
Up and at 'em!
It might be your last chance
Live the life that you were given.
It's Time For You To Dance. (Repeating here you emphasize this as THE main idea, the gist of the Song, THE Hook.)
(Coda)
It's Time For You To Dance.
Up and at 'em.
( Repeat Coda, if time permits. Sing through it and see how long it is. Shorter is better. It's not an epic poem, just an 'exhortation'. Simplicity is powerful.)

Thank you so much for the feedback. This is definitely a work in progress. I appreciate all the help i can get!
Will work more on it and repost!

Hi Bethany...briefly, you need a better hook. The one you have is a cliche. Unless you twist it somehow, it won't hold the listener. Similarly, the second section of your first vs has a lot of cliches.

Just as general advice, wait until you think of a strong hook. When you do, the rest will likely roll right out. Make sure you meter your lines, otherwise your melody will be weak.

Prolly need to explain what hook means, some people just write and don't know they need one.

Hook= in lyrics is one line, many times its the title, and then everything the lyric says should be built around it. Instead of just writing whatever comes out you build it around one line.

I am open to all advice i am new to this so it helps me to hear the good and the bad, it is all helpful!

Gary has given some good advice... before I start I'm not suggesting you change anything.. just offering things to consider.. Just my opinion..The last line of the first verse is not really in fitting with the rest of the verse.. and the 2nd and 3rd lines in the 2nd verse are possibly the weakest lines... face your demons... don't be afraid to rip it apart and re write


You've been feeling lost and lonely,
you want to run and hide,
Blocked at every turn.
holding down the bile, (or.... like holding back the tide)

You've only got one life to live,
no time to turn and run.
Still so much to learn,
to bring a little sun,

cheers

Noel...