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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 169
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Talk to Me
Verse 1: Who knows when things began to crumble What I did or didn’t do goes through my mind I can’t remember when the drinking started Or the places that I left her on her own... All alone Chorus: She said.....talk to me There’s need for change But her words rang hollow in my head Those words she’d said With pain..…once again But things always seem to stay the same Verse two: Who knows why a man can have such courage Strength coming from Jack Daniels shots He feels no need or worry about others As he sits there pours another, getting ever drunker All alone Chorus: She said.... talk to me There’s need for change But her words rang hollow in my head Those words she’d said With pain….once again But things always seem to stay the same
Verse 3: Who knows where this story will be ending If the bottom of a bottle can’t be found When you’ve lost all that really matters And you find yourself crying and hell bound.... All alone Chorus She said.....talk to me There’s need for change But her words rang hollow in my head Those words she’d said With pain…..over again But things always seem to stay the same Bridge- There was a time two lives really mattered Two hearts so connected beat as one To a tune of love not known by many others Till the walls of what we had came tumbling down Chorus: She said.....talk to me there’s need for change.......
copyright 2020 craig kuchler
Last edited by CTthomas; 10/14/20 08:55 AM.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
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Hi Craig, Rough subject, well done. This is usually the story, and the ending usually the same.
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Joined: Apr 2009
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The last verse in the piece is what is known in the field as "hitting bottom". And can apply to other things besides only excessive drinking. That's when you reach the point when you may wonder why you even got out of bed. Perhaps I'll come up with one with that theme. Felt very fortunate that I never developed a huge taste for drinking-- only a beer every now and then. For another powerful piece on this subject, check out Lucinda Williams' "Drunken Angel".
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Joined: Sep 2019
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Thanks John. Tough row to hoe. Like Beechnut I’m lucky I haven’t taken that road though I’ve been close.
Thanks Beechnut. Hitting bottom would be a tough place to hit.
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,696 Likes: 43
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You don't have THE Hook. "Talk To Me" is your intended title, but it's not the gist of the Storyline. Even though she says it, there's no follow-up. She doesn't ask again, just that one time in the Chorus. And he doesn't talk to her. And using it as the first Line of the Chorus makes it forgotten by the end of the Chorus. THE Hook is the main idea of a Song. When you hear it it sums up what the Exposition in the Verses has been leading up to. The last Line of a Chorus is a strategic position. Even if you use it in the first Line using it again in the last Line means that's what's left ringing in their ears. I'd rewrite to get "Talk To Me" into the Exposition in the Verses. She wanted to talk to try to fix the relationship, to fix the drunkard. Even if there's no happy ending, that missed chance to talk and maybe have a different outcome is the main idea of the Storyline. It might be too clever to find a happy ending if they do talk. Sad Songs are easier to write. The ones where things are going good and stay good are rarer, and harder to write, maybe. Maybe not. If I were you, I'd talk to her. In fact, if you don't, I'm probably the guy who will. LOL
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 39
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Joined: Sep 2020
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Hi, I wrote a song with this title years ago, it's near the bottom on my soundclick page, just to kinda explain what Gary means the chorus goes
Talk to me Talk to me We have nothing to hide Don’t shut me out Don’t keep it all inside, Let me into your world Your voice is the key Take me into your heart Talk to me.
I like your idea of
She said, talk to me
but I also suggest ending the chorus on it
all the best,john.
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Joined: Sep 2019
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Definitely needs work Gary. Love your suggestions.
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This song definitely needs some rework Gary. I will take all your suggestions in when re-writing. I and I’m sure many others on this site appreciate all the critiques you give to us. They are mostly spot on and always will make for a better song. I just hope that those that take your ideas to heart myself included will include you in the co-write credits. I have on a couple of tunes.
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Joined: Nov 2019
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Casual Observer
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I think you have a good start here, but i want to see more of the evolution of the problem. I also think in the chorus you could be more repetitive...you say "she says talk to me" i imagine her saying it again and again to try to get through to him. You allude to it, but only say it once in each chorus. What about switching it around and telling it from her perspective? Just as an exercise?
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Thanks Bethany. Love your ideas. Definitely in my rewrite file.
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