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#310409 05/12/03 07:16 PM
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Critiques would be most appreciated.


Verse 1
You keep tellin’ me
Everything is ok
But I’m not as sure
And I’ve got things to say

Verse 2
It’s weighin’ on my mind
Been troublin’ me
Is there some other place
You would rather be

Chorus 1
‘Cause we don’t
Phone to say hello
Go for an evening walk
Take in a movie show
Find the time to talk
I’m just a man
Lookin’ for an answer
We seem to disagree
Maybe it’s just me

Verse 3
You know how I feel
Torn apart inside
It’s like we’re goin’ down
A never-ending slide

Chorus 2
‘Cause we don’t
Squeeze our hands as tight
Hold that kiss as long
Whisper in the night
Listen to our song
I’m just a man
Lookin’ for an answer
We seem to disagree
Maybe it’s just me

Bridge
I’m feelin’ insecure
Tell me that I’m wrong
You need to reassure
Our love is still as strong

Chorus 3
‘Cause we don’t
Visit with our friends
Watch the setting sun
Dance ‘till the music ends
Have a little fun
I’m just a man
Lookin’ for an answer
We seem to disagree
Maybe it’s just me

I’m just a man
Lookin’ for an answer
We seem to disagree
Maybe it’s just me

Copyright © 2003 Steven McDonald


[This message has been edited by VNORTH (edited 05-16-2003).]

[This message has been edited by VNORTH (edited 05-26-2003).]

#310410 05/13/03 11:53 AM
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Steve,

Nice to see you back. Missed your stuff.

This is very nice. Simple and very touching.

Stan

------------------
Having Fun!!!!
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/stanlohmusic.htm

#310411 05/15/03 06:37 PM
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Stan

thanks for your comments. Most appreciated.

Steven

#310412 05/15/03 06:59 PM
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Hello VNorth,

...HIGH QUALITY my man!!!

It's a real "Keeper!"

This is one FINE song that is the kind that comes from "Livin' It" and not just dreamin' something up. I've been through relationships like this (I'm on marriage # 3), so I hope you're in a happier condition than's reflected in this song.

It IS one millions of folks can relate to and will stand a chance of getting recorded with some music composition that is of equal appeal.

Great work,

Stan


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#310413 05/15/03 08:01 PM
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Steve,

Bet this one hits home for a lot of folks! I've read it 3 times and can't really find anything to nit. It's simple and to the point with just enough words to say what needs to be said. A very nice piece of work!

Alan

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When you talk, you say something you already know...
If you listen, you might learn something new.

#310414 05/15/03 11:46 PM
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Steve,

I think this is an excellent lyric. I love the way you've set this up...

Best Wishes..
Kaley [Linked Image]

#310415 05/16/03 06:02 PM
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Stan

I am most humbled by your comments. Thank you

Steven

#310416 05/16/03 07:59 PM
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I like this a lot, Steven! My only nit would be that in your final chorus, you are repeating the line "I'm just a man" and I think it would sound better (and strengthen your hook) by repeating your hook "maybe it's just me". That way you are saying it twice at the end. Other than that, looks pretty darn good! [Linked Image]

------------------
Mary Lou

#310417 05/16/03 09:09 PM
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I'd go with Mary Lou on this one Steve. Really does make a better impact.
Good lyric.
Graham

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/grahamhendersonmusic.htm

#310418 05/16/03 09:43 PM
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Sideman, Kaley

Thanks for your kind words, most appreciated.


Steven

#310419 05/16/03 09:53 PM
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Mary Lou

Thanks for your kind words. The last line of the song is actually "Maybe it's just me" How i've formatted it is just me being lazy. The three dots ... at the end of the lyric is my way of saying all the words after that line just written, repeat. I've edited it so that it is clearer. Thanks for bringing it to my attention

Steven

[This message has been edited by VNORTH (edited 05-16-2003).]

#310420 05/17/03 06:57 PM
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Steven

What a great lyric. Even though it's written from a man's perspective, there is so much of it that seems to reflect a woman's point of view. Unique twist

Mardy

[This message has been edited by WRMISS (edited 05-17-2003).]

#310421 05/20/03 08:21 PM
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Graham

Thanks for the comments.


Steven

#310422 05/22/03 12:21 AM
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Steve.........he swings, and hits it out of the park. nice job buddy. no nits here either. If i had to REALLY STRAIN for one, i'd say CALL in stead of PHONE, because that sounds "British" to me. [Linked Image] Not a real nit though.

Very nice.

#310423 05/23/03 05:42 PM
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Mardy

Thanks for your comments. I suppose it's true what you say. Probably they are closer to statements we associate with women as oppposed to men.

Steven

#310424 05/23/03 05:45 PM
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[This message has been edited by graham.a (edited 05-23-2003).]


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#310425 05/23/03 05:48 PM
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Nice one Steven!
Can't fault this at all (and I'm quite picky at times [Linked Image]). I hope it does well for you.
Good luck,
Graham.a

------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#310426 05/23/03 06:48 PM
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I have to echo the reply of some of the others Steven.....Ya haven't lost your touch buddy.....this is great lyric writing.

Have a good one from an east coast Canuck.

Eric


If you're going to judge someone, do it on the side of mercy.
#310427 05/24/03 03:02 AM
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Really like those changed choruses, Steven. It describes the former relationship so well and in a realistic way.

The only bit that bothers me a little is:

I’m just a man
Lookin’ for an answer
We seem to disagree
Maybe it’s just me

Was thinking that perhaps something like:

Have you noticed
how often
we seem to disagree?
Maybe it’s just me


might lead into the hook better if it doesn't mess up the tune you had in mind.

Good luck with this. I enjoyed the read.


JeanB


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#310428 05/24/03 11:04 AM
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Hi Steve!

Wow, this DOES "Feel like we're goin' down a Never-Endin' Slide!"

Painted the Picture Brilliantly, in soft somber tones!

Hope, when-sung, it helps open up a few Dialogues...heh-heh!

"KUDOS" for some Real Depth to the term "Conversational Quality" here.
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

#310429 05/25/03 10:31 PM
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Blakeh

Thank so much for your thoughts. The "phone" rolls off my tongue a little easier. I had it with "call" in it as well. Being from Canada, it's probably the British influence.

Steven

#310430 05/26/03 06:46 PM
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Graham.a

Thanks for the read. Most appreciated

Steven

#310431 05/27/03 05:27 PM
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Eric


Thanks for those kind words

Steven

#310432 05/31/03 12:47 PM
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JeanB

Thanks for the kind words. Most appreciated. Thanks for the thoughts on the chorus. At present it doesn't quite fit with the music to change the chorus.

Steven

#310433 06/03/03 09:39 AM
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Stan

Thanks for those kind words.

Steven

#310434 06/03/03 10:08 AM
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Good Morning Steven
Seems I'm late jumpin' in on this one... I will echo praises above... Love the unique set-up, love the simplicity... No nits here!!
Lots of Luck
Joanne

#310435 06/04/03 06:56 PM
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Joanne

Thanks for the read and kind words

Steven

#310436 06/04/03 10:04 PM
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Yeah I looked at this the other day during a quick in out Steve. Neglected to come back and tell you so until now. What struck me was the "ordinary and real" this portrayed.

Caio


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

#310437 06/08/03 11:23 PM
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John

Thanks for the read and comments. I did want to get that effect. Thanks for the confirmation

Steven


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