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Critiques would be most appreciated.
Verse 1 You keep tellin’ me Everything is ok But I’m not as sure And I’ve got things to say
Verse 2 It’s weighin’ on my mind Been troublin’ me Is there some other place You would rather be
Chorus 1 ‘Cause we don’t Phone to say hello Go for an evening walk Take in a movie show Find the time to talk I’m just a man Lookin’ for an answer We seem to disagree Maybe it’s just me
Verse 3 You know how I feel Torn apart inside It’s like we’re goin’ down A never-ending slide Chorus 2 ‘Cause we don’t Squeeze our hands as tight Hold that kiss as long Whisper in the night Listen to our song I’m just a man Lookin’ for an answer We seem to disagree Maybe it’s just me
Bridge I’m feelin’ insecure Tell me that I’m wrong You need to reassure Our love is still as strong
Chorus 3 ‘Cause we don’t Visit with our friends Watch the setting sun Dance ‘till the music ends Have a little fun I’m just a man Lookin’ for an answer We seem to disagree Maybe it’s just me
I’m just a man Lookin’ for an answer We seem to disagree Maybe it’s just me
Copyright © 2003 Steven McDonald
[This message has been edited by VNORTH (edited 05-16-2003).]
[This message has been edited by VNORTH (edited 05-26-2003).]
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Steve, Nice to see you back. Missed your stuff. This is very nice. Simple and very touching. Stan ------------------ Having Fun!!!! http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/stanlohmusic.htm
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Stan
thanks for your comments. Most appreciated.
Steven
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Hello VNorth,
...HIGH QUALITY my man!!!
It's a real "Keeper!"
This is one FINE song that is the kind that comes from "Livin' It" and not just dreamin' something up. I've been through relationships like this (I'm on marriage # 3), so I hope you're in a happier condition than's reflected in this song.
It IS one millions of folks can relate to and will stand a chance of getting recorded with some music composition that is of equal appeal.
Great work,
Stan
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Steve,
Bet this one hits home for a lot of folks! I've read it 3 times and can't really find anything to nit. It's simple and to the point with just enough words to say what needs to be said. A very nice piece of work!
Alan
------------------ When you talk, you say something you already know... If you listen, you might learn something new.
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Steve, I think this is an excellent lyric. I love the way you've set this up... Best Wishes.. Kaley
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Stan
I am most humbled by your comments. Thank you
Steven
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I like this a lot, Steven! My only nit would be that in your final chorus, you are repeating the line "I'm just a man" and I think it would sound better (and strengthen your hook) by repeating your hook "maybe it's just me". That way you are saying it twice at the end. Other than that, looks pretty darn good! ------------------ Mary Lou
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Sideman, Kaley
Thanks for your kind words, most appreciated.
Steven
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Mary Lou
Thanks for your kind words. The last line of the song is actually "Maybe it's just me" How i've formatted it is just me being lazy. The three dots ... at the end of the lyric is my way of saying all the words after that line just written, repeat. I've edited it so that it is clearer. Thanks for bringing it to my attention
Steven
[This message has been edited by VNORTH (edited 05-16-2003).]
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Steven
What a great lyric. Even though it's written from a man's perspective, there is so much of it that seems to reflect a woman's point of view. Unique twist
Mardy
[This message has been edited by WRMISS (edited 05-17-2003).]
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Graham
Thanks for the comments.
Steven
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Steve.........he swings, and hits it out of the park. nice job buddy. no nits here either. If i had to REALLY STRAIN for one, i'd say CALL in stead of PHONE, because that sounds "British" to me. Not a real nit though. Very nice.
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Mardy
Thanks for your comments. I suppose it's true what you say. Probably they are closer to statements we associate with women as oppposed to men.
Steven
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[This message has been edited by graham.a (edited 05-23-2003).]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nice one Steven! Can't fault this at all (and I'm quite picky at times ). I hope it does well for you. Good luck, Graham.a ------------------ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I have to echo the reply of some of the others Steven.....Ya haven't lost your touch buddy.....this is great lyric writing.
Have a good one from an east coast Canuck.
Eric
If you're going to judge someone, do it on the side of mercy.
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Really like those changed choruses, Steven. It describes the former relationship so well and in a realistic way.
The only bit that bothers me a little is:
I’m just a man Lookin’ for an answer We seem to disagree Maybe it’s just me
Was thinking that perhaps something like:
Have you noticed how often we seem to disagree? Maybe it’s just me
might lead into the hook better if it doesn't mess up the tune you had in mind.
Good luck with this. I enjoyed the read.
JeanB
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Hi Steve!
Wow, this DOES "Feel like we're goin' down a Never-Endin' Slide!"
Painted the Picture Brilliantly, in soft somber tones!
Hope, when-sung, it helps open up a few Dialogues...heh-heh!
"KUDOS" for some Real Depth to the term "Conversational Quality" here. Big Guy-Hug, Stan
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Blakeh
Thank so much for your thoughts. The "phone" rolls off my tongue a little easier. I had it with "call" in it as well. Being from Canada, it's probably the British influence.
Steven
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Graham.a
Thanks for the read. Most appreciated
Steven
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Eric
Thanks for those kind words
Steven
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JeanB
Thanks for the kind words. Most appreciated. Thanks for the thoughts on the chorus. At present it doesn't quite fit with the music to change the chorus.
Steven
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Stan
Thanks for those kind words.
Steven
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Good Morning Steven Seems I'm late jumpin' in on this one... I will echo praises above... Love the unique set-up, love the simplicity... No nits here!! Lots of Luck Joanne
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Joanne
Thanks for the read and kind words
Steven
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Yeah I looked at this the other day during a quick in out Steve. Neglected to come back and tell you so until now. What struck me was the "ordinary and real" this portrayed.
Caio
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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John
Thanks for the read and comments. I did want to get that effect. Thanks for the confirmation
Steven
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