7 members (Sunset Poet, Gary E. Andrews, Everett Adams, VNORTH2, couchgrouch, Fdemetrio, Perry Neal Crawford),
4,188
guests, and
270
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842 |
it has been awhile since I posted on this baby. I haven't been workin' on lyrics much cuz my band basically just jams out and we have some kick ass music now but we all lost the will to write... I have a few songs that are unfinished but I'd like the JPFers to check them out and tell me where to go from there.
About How I Melt
I’m gonna write you a song and never let you read it until the day I go away You won’t even know that I’ll be singin’ it secretly in my room I’ll tell you that I love you and that I’d love to treat you good I’ll confess my deepest fears and tell all of my transgressions I’ll tell you that you’re wonderful and what this friendship means to me But you’ll never know these things until I’m gone You’ll never know these things until I am gone gone gone
I’ll be standing on a corner trying to make my dreams come to life Thinking bout the girl that I wanted to make my lovely wife About how she didn’t really feel the feelings that I felt About how I made it all go away… about how I melt
Rockito Ergo Sum
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 512
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 512 |
"I’m gonna write you a song and never let you read it until the day I go away You won’t even know that I’ll be singin’ it secretly in my room" She does now -- the way you've written the forst stanza, you're actually talking to her! Seriously though, because of this, I think that the lyric may be best written as though you're speaking to the listener (her/she) like you did in the 2nd stanza, and not to the girl herself. It's kinda hard to critique this one because I sense the music may be on the "alternative rock" side, thus a lyric with an unusual structure (not that that's a bad thing at all).
Laziness breeds fatique - Passion breeds action
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 842 |
yeah the whole talking to her bit at the beginning... I had a reason for that but forgot what is was... so I can't argue with you on that until I remember...
the music actually was heavily influenced by Bob Dylan in one of his Folk Rock stages... BUT it was also influenced by a band called Dredg that you may not of heard of but I guess they would be sort of alternative... but not really... so this is more an Alternative Folk Rock... you could say
I think I will try out the song with the her/she stuff and see if I like it... I will also try hard to remember my own reasoning that I had for writing it the way I did... thank you for your comment
Rockito Ergo Sum
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,718
Posts1,160,951
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|