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#338439 - 04/02/04 04:24 AM Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 512
King Song o' Man Offline
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King Song o' Man  Offline
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Posts: 512
Chelsea, Quebec, Canada
Howdy folks! Some may recall that last week I posted the lyric to my new song Fly To The Heavens, and I received great feedback that helped finalize the rewrite.

I just set-up a site at SoundClick and I uploaded this new song. I'd REALLY appreciate it if you'd take a listen and let me know the absolute truth about what you think. Please know, that this is a one-take recording, just me and my guitar (with all it's blemishes). I haven't sang the song much yet, and I'm still trying to smoothen-out the phrasing. But I think the point is made. The final lyric is posted again. Many thanks!

Tom
----------

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/tomguertinmusic.htm

FLY TO THE HEAVENS
© 2004 Tom Guertin All Rights Reserved

(Verse 1)
It's been too long since I prayed to You
Hope You're listening 'cause I'm feeling blue / today
A bit tired and lonely

Got to thinking 'bout the life I live
Knowing I have so much love to give / I say
You're my one and only

(Build)
When the time has come
To meet You, my maker
I'll raise my heavy arms
And spread my wings
Then...

(Chorus)
I'll fly / to the heavens / when I die
I believe / I'll one day / get that high
I'll behold / my Savior / in paradi-i-i-i-ise
I'll fly / to the heavens / when I die

(Verse 2)
The love You share will make me whole
When Your spirit fills my soul / I'll know
The meaning of devotion

Will You show me in the dead of night
How to find Your guiding light / I'll go
To the heart of my emotion

(Build)
When the time has come
To meet You, my maker
I'll raise my heavy arms
And spread my wings
Then...

(Chorus)
I'll fly / to the heavens / when I die
I believe / I'll one day / get that high
I'll behold / my Savior / in paradi-i-i-i-ise
I'll fly / to the heavens / when I die

(Bridge)
As each midnight hour draws near
I fall asleep, I have no fear
When it's time to take Your hand
Your wish, Dear Lord, is my command

(Chorus)
I'll fly / to the heavens / when I die
I believe / I'll one day / get that high
I'll behold / my Savior / in paradi-i-i-i-ise
I'll fly / to the heavens / when I die
I'll fly / to the heavens / when I die


Laziness breeds fatique - Passion breeds action
#338440 - 04/02/04 04:34 AM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
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Bill Osofsky Offline
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Bill Osofsky  Offline
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Utah
Hey Tom,

I think it's very pretty. Maybe would have liked to hear the music change from verse to build to chorus- it sounded the same to me, though I don't have the greatest ear.

Bill


#338441 - 04/02/04 04:39 AM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
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King Song o' Man Offline
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Chelsea, Quebec, Canada
Thanks for listening Bill. This is just a quick 'n dirty recording using only my cheap computer mic, and I'm hoping that a full production (but not overdone) will take care of any 'sameness' in the spot you mention (mainly caused by the fingerpicking style of the acoustic I think, that won't be as prevalent in a full production, when other instruments are added). Thanks again.

Tom

[This message has been edited by Tom Guertin (edited 04-02-2004).]


Laziness breeds fatique - Passion breeds action
#338442 - 04/02/04 05:02 AM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Jul 2003
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Tricia Baker Offline
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Tricia Baker  Offline
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Greenwood, LA USA
Hi, Tom. I love that finger picking style and it works so well on this particular song. This is so nice. Take a bow! P.S. Cute accent, too. [Linked Image]


"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
#338443 - 04/02/04 05:05 AM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
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Tricia Baker Offline
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Tricia Baker  Offline
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Greenwood, LA USA
I love it. I love it. I love it!!


"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
#338444 - 04/02/04 05:22 AM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Apr 2001
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Curtis Cameron Offline
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Poulsbo, WA
Hey Tom,

I like it alot.

It's nice to see something fresh from the desk of Tom Guertin.

I'm really digging the grove in the verses on this, but I must say, the way the notes repeat in the verse, I was expecting a substantial change in the chorus.

Truth is, I think you've got it set up musically where that chorus could truly "fly" both melodically and rhythmically. The hypnotic effect of the notes in verse one really sets the ear up for an explosion when the chorus hits.

I think it would help the song a lot if you lifted that chorus above the verses. It would make the return to the second verse have that much more impact also. I'd definitely consider a rythmic change there.

Enjoyed the listen immensely. Seriously good to see you around.

Peace,

Curtis

[This message has been edited by Curtis Cameron (edited 04-02-2004).]

#338445 - 04/02/04 05:26 AM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
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Curtis Cameron Offline
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Poulsbo, WA
BTW... I really like the lyric and the melodic phrasing... Nice. [Linked Image]

#338446 - 04/02/04 12:42 PM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Apr 2002
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Posts: 19,834
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Tom,

Glad I stopped in to check this one out.
Very laid back feelings & most enjoyable.
I'd be proud of it.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

#338447 - 04/02/04 01:03 PM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Kaley Willow Offline
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Posts: 10,240
PA
Very Lovely...Tom....very lovely....

humbly offer a suggestion....
i think your build is fine also..your verse is a beautiful set up... the first two lines
of the chorus...are where I'd suggest you look melody wise.... just on a sing through a minute ago....i took the first line of your chorus...and played with a melody that lept off gently from your rise...on the last line of the lift. ...backed it with a second.chorus line......and then it led right back in to your 3rd and 4th...lines of your chorus exactly as they were...
Personally don't think ya need to change it anywhere else.

think it's very lovely.....
best wishes.
Kaley [Linked Image]

P.S. your voice is (still) nice.



[This message has been edited by Kaley Willow (edited 04-02-2004).]

#338448 - 04/02/04 01:36 PM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,332
Randall Baker Offline
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Randall Baker  Offline
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Posts: 1,332
Nashville, TN
Hi Tom,

I really enjoyed this. It's cool to watch the evolution of a song being written and I've followed this since you posted the original lyric.

Overall, this sounds great to me. Kind of reminds me of Pink Floyd in some way, but not in a bad way. Only thing I would suggest is, basically, repeating what others have said. I'd consider making a change to the sound of the chorus. I think it'd work much more effectively if it "lifted" away from the verses. Other than that, nothing but positive things to say about this one.

Very nice work. Oh, and I definitely like your picking.

Randy

------------------
http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=RandyB

#338449 - 04/02/04 01:52 PM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,529
Ann Tygart Offline
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Ann Tygart  Offline
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Posts: 1,529
Selma, CA, USA
Hi Tom,

Enjoyed this a lot. However, as others have mentioned, I think the chorus should lift. When you say "fly" I expected that word to SOAR! Should be the highest note in the melody, in my opinion. Otherwise, a very nice song.

#338450 - 04/02/04 02:29 PM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 762
teletwang Offline
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teletwang  Offline
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Olive Branch, MS, USA
Hi Tom,

Very nice lyric and I really like the finger picking. My only nit sort of echoes what's been said already. To me it's a prosody issue with the chorus melody. The "fly to the heavens" message of the chorus suggests to me that the melody should be rising or soaring above the verse melody. The current chorus melody seems to move in the opposite direction to the mood of the lyric. Nice job though, especially so if you just did this with your computer mic.

Larry

------------------
www.taylormadesongs.com

#338451 - 04/03/04 03:01 PM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 512
King Song o' Man Offline
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King Song o' Man  Offline
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Chelsea, Quebec, Canada
Once again, thanks for the terrific feedback! Glad y'all like the song. Boy, you really gave me some food for thought. I agree entirely with the two major points that have been made:

* that a guitar-playing variation is needed to break-up the monotony of the fingerstyle approach I used throughout;
* a vocal "lift" coming out of the 'build' to make the chorus "fly" is needed.

Well, at first, I didn't have a clue how to pull this off. The fingerstyle guitar technique was emblazoned in my mind and I didn't know how to deal with it. Kaley, although I somewhat understood your suggested direction how to carry-on the lift out of the 'build', for the life of me, I couldn't 'hear' it.

So, I've been letting it percolate in my mind over the past couple of days, not playing my guitar or thinking of other lyrics. Well, this morning, I believe it came to me. Although some like the 'hypnotic' atmosphere of the verse fingerpicking and maybe found it became too much by the chorus, it's the verse guitar playing style I'm changing for the next attempt at this. The reason is because this song started with the chorus music and I really don't want to lose it. I've adjusted the verse music so it's played somewhat more 'rhythmic' and 'variant', than 'fingerpicked' and the 'same' which I believe creates the appropriate break and transition from the fingerpicked build and chorus. I've also found the vocal change to sing higher coming out of the build for two lines, then back to what I have for the final two (thanks Kaley!).

Tricia, I didn't know that I have an accent. It's probably you that has the accent! [Linked Image]

Randy, I'm honored that you hear this as a Pink Floyd type of song. They are one of my favorites, and I love it when David Gilmore plays acoustic rhythm and lead in some of PFs more acoustic produced pieces. Thanks for that compliment.

I hope to record this again soon, and I hope you'll stop back and listen to see if made the right adjustments to finish this one off.

Thanks again.

Tom


Laziness breeds fatique - Passion breeds action
#338452 - 04/03/04 03:27 PM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690
Richard G Blum (D) Offline
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Richard G Blum (D)  Offline
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Bronx, NY, United States
Hi Tom

very pretty piece, sweet melody

ok the nits

To meet You, my maker

my maker could come off stronger more assertive.

To the heart of my emotion

sounded strained, maybe leave out the my, or take a deeper breath.

not sure if you need the bridge and all that follows; i know by that point for me the song was over and done, and the rest felt like over-kill.



------------------
http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php

#338453 - 04/03/04 04:27 PM Re: Fly To The Heavens.mp3  
Joined: Jan 2001
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King Song o' Man Offline
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King Song o' Man  Offline
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Chelsea, Quebec, Canada
Thanks for the feedback, Ritt. For the "To meet You, my maker" line, that's an easy vocal fix. The "To the heart of my emotion" line, again, I'm still dealing with trying to work out all the vocal nits myself, and this line may turn out to be fine, but I hear ya, and it wouldn't hurt the line to drop the "my", so I'll take the suggestion if I have to. As for the bridge and the rest, sorry, it stays. Besides the lyrical aspect, I love the musical ending of the bridge too much -- the way it ends, then comes softly back into the final chorus. May be just me, but that part's a keeper for me. But thanks -- I do appreciate the thought.

Cheers!

Tom


Laziness breeds fatique - Passion breeds action

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