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Hi folks,

Since I've never really tried to write anything with a bluesy feel, I don't even know if this works. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.

Larry

© 2004 Lawrence W. Hunt

Pink Slip Blues

Chorus:
Pink slip blues, pink slip blues
Seems like anything good I have
I find a way to loose
‘Cause the upside flips over
and ends up on bottom
with every thing I choose
My life’s like an apple
That lays on the ground
Sooner or later it’s rotten
And I’m swimmin’ up stream
Losin’ the battle
I got the pink slip blues

When I got down to the fact’ry this mornin’
startin’ fifteen years on the job
The boss man came over
and tapped me on the shoulder
As I was punchin’ that old time clock
Said man I hate to be the bearer of bad news
but you’ll have to turn in your time
That Japanese robot done took your place
out on the production line

Chorus:
Pink slip blues, pink slip blues
Seems like anything good I have
I find a way to loose
‘Cause the upside flips over
and ends up on bottom
with every thing I choose
My life’s like an apple
That lays on the ground
Sooner or later it’s rotten
And I’m swimmin’ up stream
Losin’ the battle
I got the pink slip blues

As I was drivin’ to town with my lady this evenin’
figured I might as well drop the bomb
I said honey scoot over
put your head on my shoulder
I got news brace yourself for the worst
She didn’t move she just stared at the windshield
and said there’s a good chance you’re wrong
Before you start ratin’ the bad of your story
you better hear my bad news first

She reached under the front seat
and pulled out the pink slip
and shook it in front of my eyes
Said baby you know I never wear hot pink
and besides it ain’t even my size
So whatever your news, it ain’t toppin’ mine
and you might as well pack
‘cause you’ve turned in your time

Chorus:
Pink slip blues, pink slip blues
Seems like anything good I have
I find a way to loose
‘Cause the upside flips over
and ends up on bottom
with every thing I choose
My life’s like an apple
That lays on the ground
Sooner or later it’s rotten
And I’m swimmin’ up stream
Losin’ the battle
I got the pink slip blues


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www.taylormadesongs.com

Hey Larry,

Very cool twist. I'd consider using just the first 6 lines of the chorus and then ending it with the hook. Those other 5 lines don't seem to do much. I think you might do a little better than bomb/worst and that the second half of V2 could be stated more clearly. But you certainly have a good thing going here

Bill

Howdy Bill,

Thanks for the visit and mental jog. You're absolutely right . . . I think it would sing better that way, but maybe end the chorus with a tag line (The jog also gave me an idea for an altered final chorus). Thanks for the help . . . I'm changing it below.

Larry

© 2004 Lawrence W. Hunt

Pink Slip Blues

Chorus:
Pink slip blues, pink slip blues
Seems like anything good I have
I find a way to loose
‘Cause the upside flips over
and ends up on bottom
with every thing I choose
I got the pink slip blues

When I got down to the fact’ry this mornin’
startin’ fifteen years on the job
The boss man came over
and tapped me on the shoulder
As I was punchin’ that old time clock
Said man I hate to be the bearer of bad news
but you’ll have to turn in your time
That Japanese robot done took your place
out on the production line

Chorus:
Pink slip blues, pink slip blues
Seems like anything good I have
I find a way to loose
‘Cause the upside flips over
and ends up on bottom
with every thing I choose
I got the pink slip blues

As I was drivin’ to town with my lady this evenin’
figured I might as well drop the bomb
I said honey scoot over
put your head on my shoulder
I got news brace yourself for the worst
She didn’t move she just stared at the windshield
and said there’s a good chance you’re wrong
Before you start ratin’ the bad of your story
you better hear my bad news first

She reached under the front seat
and pulled out the pink slip
and shook it in front of my eyes
Said baby you know I never wear hot pink
and besides it ain’t even my size
So whatever your news, it ain’t toppin’ mine
and you might as well pack
‘cause you’ve turned in your time

Chorus:
Pink slip blues, pink slip blues
Seems like everything good I had
I found a way to loose
‘Cause the upside fliped over
and ended up on bottom
My baby cut me loose
And left me here singin'the pink slip blues


------------------
www.taylormadesongs.com

[This message has been edited by teletwang (edited 04-03-2004).]

I like the title/premise.

I'm not familiar with country blues, but based on the lyric, it doesn't read all that bluesy to me. I think much in the chorus is somewhat redundant. I'd suggest something like...

Chorus:
Pink slip blues, pink slip blues
Anything good, I tend to lose
Pink slip blues, pink slip blues
There's no tomorrow, I'm yesterday's news
Just when I thought
I'd paid my dues
I'm comin' up empty
With the pink slip blues

There's a bunch of condensing I'd do in the verses too, and I wouldn't sing two long verses back-to-back, such as they are.

If this was my song, I'd save the twist and work it into a bridge. That's normally where such twists happen.

All JMO.

Hey Larry,

I was rereading V2. I guess you rhymed worst/first- I missed it before cause it's different than the scheme in V1. I'd consider moving the "worst" line (with a little change) into the L7 postition, and redo L5 to rhyme with L2. I'm getting used to L8 as acceptable Southern country-blues speak.

Bill

I really like Tom's suggestion on the chorus. What's Bill talking about in L8? Done?

When I first saw the title I thought it was about your muse losing a woman. DUH!

Hi Tom,

Thanks for the read and the suggestions. I liked the title/premise, too and this thing just kinda spilled out on the keyboard from there. I'm sure it'll go through a lot of re-writing before it's finished. I'll definintely keep your comments in mind when I tackle the re-write.

Larry

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www.taylormadesongs.com