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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 12:34 PM
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The Day You Said Goodbye
Verse 1
The days are long since you’ve been gone The nights they hold no more delight I’m tired of trying to untie a chord too tight To free me from your song
Verse 2
The daylight is too bright for me And midnight brings me no respite There’ll be no sweet release for me of sleep tonight Will nothing set me free?
Chorus
Melodies that make me cry Choruses that cause me pain Hopeless haunting sad refrains Of the day you said goodbye
Bridge
The day you said goodbye A part of me lay down and died Whatever pride I thought I had Was swept aside I wept for you I cried
Verse 3
I have to hold my head up high Forget the music that we made Accept that our sweet harmony died in a sigh The day you said goodbye
Chorus
Melodies that make me cry Choruses that cause me pain Hopeless haunting sad refrains Of the day you said goodbye
Copyright © August 2004 by D Rulliere
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Hi Johannavision, Too bad there's so many sad songs to be sung , this here is a sad one to be sure. If I get up my nerve , sometime I'll write a cheerful sad song, if I can. Got one in mind I'll call "perfect Love , unrequitted" . That ought to be interesting. Oh yeah , I like this one even if it's sad. Pete ps :we need blue frowning smily faces too!
Here we are wracking our brains today to write lyrics that rhyme and if we succeed, they'll end up in time as tommorrow's cliche's... Pete
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Hi Pete. I try so hard to write cheerful sad songs - but if they're sad, they're sad - very hard to make them happy!!
How many cheerful sad songs do you know? Maybe we could start a list?
Thanks for dropping in Pete! See you soon!
Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Diane, Nice to meet you. had it kind of mulling around in my head so I punched it out on the keyboard, and it's up. I guess there aren't too many sad happy songs, but ; maybe ; there oughta be. Pete
Here we are wracking our brains today to write lyrics that rhyme and if we succeed, they'll end up in time as tommorrow's cliche's... Pete
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Hi Diane,
A couple of observations for you to ponder. First, the internal rhyme you set-up in V1/L1 was nice and had me expecting it again in L1 of each verse. Not a biggy, but for you to consider. Next, although it may work with the music (if you have any), and maybe you intended it, the chorus rhyme scheme is the same as (most) verses. A variation often works best, but again, maybe it works with the music. Finally, you changed the V3 rhyme scheme. I'd make it match the others. JMO.
Tom
[This message has been edited by Tom Guertin (edited 08-18-2004).]
Laziness breeds fatique - Passion breeds action
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Thanks Tom. I'll work on changing the rhyme scheme in v3 to match the others. Unfortunately I don't have any music for the song. I can only write lyrics. All my lyrics are crying out for music!
Thanks for your help on this
Pete - thanks for dropping in again, and good luck with your happy sad song!!
Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Good morning Diane nice emotional rendering thinking you could flip flop bridge and verse 3, then call verse 3 a bridge (as it changes the flow as a bridge should) and all would be well! ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php
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Hi Diane,
I agree with what's been said about your rhyme scheme. Also, usually the bridge would not contain the hook...it would introduce new information.
I like the chorus a lot. Can relate. There have been times I couldn't listen to music because it just made me too sad!
Do your words come with no melody at all? Even if you used what they call a "dummy" melody, it would help to meter the song. You might even surprise yourself and start writing great melodies!
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when it comes to using known melodies to write to, i often choose the simplest ones, like peter paul and mary's "puff the magic dragon, or the supremes "dedicated to the one i love" though i never tell a composer the melody i'm using. I figure if it can work for one melody it can work for others. ------------------ http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php
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i too use a dummy melody cause i'm a dummy when it comes to music!! LOL nice lttle song here, i enjoyed the read!! scotty
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Thank you all - especially for the "dummy melody" tip - I'll certainly try that in the future!
I've swapped round lines 1 and 2 in the chorus to create a different rhyme scheme.
What if verse 3 became an outro after the final chorus - would that work?
Thanks again for all your suggestions!
Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Hi Diane, Chorus Melodies that make me cry Choruses that cause me pain HOPELESSLY haunting, sad refrains Of the day you said goodbye Bridge The day you said goodbye A part of me lay down and died Whatever pride I thought I had SWEPT AWAY BY THE TIDE I wept for you A few too many "eye" rhymes Maybe switch places between verse 2 and 3? ------------------ Terry
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Aye, aye Cap'n
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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