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The truth as it was written. (c) 2005, Comments please. V1 In the bible God is speaking and He gave His Holy word Said if you will be my people then I will be your Lord But the people didn't listen turned away from his plea Took the path of old satan and the rest is yet to be. C In the truth as it was written, and the truth that I see God gave His only son, to save the likes of you and me Somewhere man went wrong, way back in history changed the truth as it was written, made our God a mockery. V2 In the rising of our nation our Lord was standing by His spirit in the heart of man as He watched from on high His guidance was a blessing to them that shared this land They gave Him thanks everyday for the ruling of His hand. V3 Our country once stood tall it's people proud and strong Our morals now lie bleeding, oh God where did we go wrong In this world of pain and sorrow where evil has no end We will see a new tomorrow when our saviour reigns again. Repeat C
[This message has been edited by Emmy (edited 11-29-2005).]
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Emmy,
A very serious-minded piece, here.
Reminds me a bit of the book of Lamentations, that the prophet Jeremiah wrote about his own nation when it had gone so wrong and was suffering the natural results. Or the "roll call of nations" where God's ancient prophets decried the evils not only of their own nation, but of the nations that bordered them on every side--predicting unhappy ends for unholy ways. (God is, after all, a God who will bring all into judgment in the end--not simply those who currently aknowledge Him.)
Keep writing.
Skip
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Hi Skip,
Thank you most kindly for taking a look, and the comments, I really appreciate you taking the time for this.
Emmy
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emmy... not my forte but i enjoyed the read!! scotty
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Hi Scotty,
Glad you enjoyed, Thanks for stopping by.
Emmy
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Good start Emmy.
You've written a piece that is a description of events in a serial way, which is fine. But methinks you need more picture and feeling words here. You want to convey frustration, disappointment, anger etc.
kinda like this
In the bible God is speaking and He gave His Holy word Promised if you'll be my people then I will be your Lord But the people closed their ears and turned and disappeared to surface next to satan where they've been trapped for years
the above is only an example of what I mean. You can use it of course...
Hope it helps.
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Hey Emmy! I've read this and think you've gotten straight to the point. Thanks for checking out my Someone's Everything lyrics...the structure of the lyric can seem to not make sense but with the music it's more understandable..Good to see you're still writing. Take Care, Linda
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Hi John,
Thanks for stoppin by, and the good words. I like what you did with the verse, and will see if I can use it, or maybe some of it. I agree it needs more feeling, will work on it some more. Thanks.
Emmy
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hey Emmy I really like the feel of this it's not my genre but it has more then just a religious feel to it ,where did we go wrong ,I've just finished writing a song on the same theme it's alot different in style but the same theme I think.I don't really have any nits ,but Iam left to wonder if there is an audience for these type of songs 'good luck with it and have a great weekend
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Emmy, It's not a gnre that I write, nor is it one I feel competent to critique. Of the 500 or so songs I've written, only 2 have a spiritual theme. All of that having been said, I do like your lyrics. I do think a little more "show and tell", as John has noted, might bump it up just a notch. But, of course, that's only my opinion. I could be wrong, ya know! Glad I took the time to look at this one. Alan ------------------ If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most. Alan on Soundclick
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Hi Linda,
Thanks for the read and the comments. Yeah I guess as long as the words keep poppin into my head,I'll keep writing the lyrics. I liked your lyric about the wild rose. Thanks again.
Emmy.
Hi java,
Thank you for stoppin by, and the comments. Is your song posted? As far as an audience, I would guess everyone that feels as I do about our nation and it's rulers, would like this kind of song. Thanks, Emmy
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Hey Emmy - Nice write... great message! The only thing that truely bothers me & it jumps out at me with every read. You're not gonna like it! But....in verse 1, you are really stretching that rhyme (WORD/LORD) In the bible God is speaking and He gave His Holy WORD Said if you will be my people then I will be your LORD You have perfect rhymes in the other verses and while word/lord my look like perfect rhymes... they don't sound a bit alike... thats all!! JMHO Nice writing ------------------ [*]The Best is Yet to Be - Joanne Lurgio-singer/songwriter www.joannelurgio.com [*] Joanne's Gig Calendar - http://www.musi-cal.com/search?key=performers&value=Lurgio [*] http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=100751
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Hi Joanne,
Thanks for checking this one out. You know I never thought about the sound of "Lord and Word" I just knew the spelling was the same except for the first letter, I even sing it this way, and think it sounds ok, but I'm trying to come up with something diffrent, cause others may see it as you have, and I appreciate you pointing that out to me.
Thanks Emmy
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Hey Emmy, I stopped by again to see how your doing with this one. I'd love to hear it! I think the two lines with the near rymthes are okay and they're very strong together...sets the mood for the rest of the song. My critique might not be the most expertly based and I tend to go alternative with my advice so I say keep it as long as it meters out and makes sense to the message you're attempting to convey! I bet your voice is lovely..can't wait to hear this. Good Day! Linda A
p.s. knew i shouldah looked up that dang word rhymes
[This message has been edited by Linda A (edited 11-20-2005).]
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Hi Alan,
Don't know how I missed your post, but I'm glad you stopped by and took the time to read this one, I appreciate all comments, and I agree it could use something more. Thank you for stopping. Emmy
Hi Linda, Thanks for coming by again. I agree I'll just leave the two lines as is. About my voice, I used to have a pretty good singing voice, but age has pretty much takin care of that, oh I can still carry a tune, and maybe sing half a song, lol. I would love to find someone to sing and record my songs, so I could put them on here like most of you are doing.
Thanks again.
Emmy
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Hi again Emmy - Now.. this is YOUR song... you are free to do whatever you want with your song...Whatever you do, you will have a beautiful lyric... I just think you should shoot for the BEST lyric you can have. I would just like to offer one more thought on the LORD/WORD ??rhyme?? First I wouldn't consider lord/word a rhyme of any kind.. it isn't even a "near rhyme", they don't sound at all alike. If it was anywhere else than the opening lines of V1.. I don't it would bother me as much... Verse 1 should start out as STRONG as possible ... THAT'S where you will grap the listener... A quick check of the on-line rhymes there are several words that could fit into context - SWORD, REWARD, RESTORED, ACCORD, CHORD, TOWARD, IGNORED (WORD was not even listed as a sound like word for LORD) Once again.. just my humble opinion If you don't change anything... it still is a lovely lyric peace Joanne ------------------ [*]The Best is Yet to Be,Joanne Lurgio-singer/songwriter www.joannelurgio.com [*] Joanne's Gig Calendar - http://www.musi-cal.com/search?key=performers&value=Lurgio [*] http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=100751 [*] www.cdbaby.com/cd/lurgio
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Joanne, Hi again,
Did a little rearangeing here, took out " WORD",
Theres a story in the bible the people seemed in one accord God said if you will follow me then I will be your Lord But the people turned deaf ears to the Lord and His plea Took the path of old satan And the rest is yet to be.
Methinks this might work ok.
Thanks for stopping again.
Emmy
[This message has been edited by Emmy (edited 11-27-2005).]
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Em,Em,Em,
Notice you got a WHOOOLE lotta, "not my fortes". Which is a bit indicative of your very lyric. Ah, the irony. Very much to the point. I love it. Only thing that jumped out as a "Please tell her to change me!" is "They gave Him thanks everyday for the ruling of His hand." 17th century poetry, yeah, but don't think so here. JMO
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Scuse me for intruding on your thread Emmy, but I see Katie came back on, so had to comment, How long's it been Katie? A year I guess, huh? I'd agree with Katie that word and Lord at least "chime" except I don't want to disagree with Joanne so I won't say that <G>. Welcome back Katie Wy Oh,Emmy---I think writtin is s'posed to be written---(gotcha" <g>
[This message has been edited by Wyman Lloyd (edited 11-29-2005).]
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Hey Kaley & WY!! Nice to see both of you here!!! PLEASE!!! Feel FREE to disagree with me! I certainly don't take offense... I am by no means an expert!! I am still in the learning process... I will FOREVER be in the learning process. I have been told quite often that I talk funny... that could be the problem... no matter how I try I can't make those 2 words sound the least bit alike... but that's OK... I still think its a wonderful lyric. Emmy... you need to follow your heart! Joanne ------------------ [*]The Best is Yet to Be,Joanne Lurgio-singer/songwriter www.joannelurgio.com [*] Joanne's Gig Calendar - http://www.musi-cal.com/search?key=performers&value=Lurgio [*] http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=100751 [*] www.cdbaby.com/cd/lurgio
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Well, I can't make cow and gal sound alike either Joanne, so you're not alone. (I don't see how you could talk funny when you sing purty, but I guess anything's possible) (Now, Emmy, I know I misspelled purty.) Wy
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she talks funny it could be a problem no matter what her words are least bit alike but no matter she says she can handle everything with simple imperfect chime [This message has been edited by John Voorpostel (edited 11-29-2005).]
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Hey Ben, Thank you for the nice words, and comments, yes, I got alot of not my forte, but really good comments from all, and I appreciate that. Thanks, Emmy
Hi Kaley-Katie? er-- whatever your name is, good to see you again. I guess it must depend on ones accent as to how things sound, now cow and gal sound to me like you could rhyme them in a song, but Wy says they don't rhyme, well he's an "okie" you must be "dutch" being from Pa, an me I was a "WV mountain woman", before I moved to Ohio, an Joanne lives way over there by the ocean, shes bound to have a diffrent accent, put us all together, hard tellin what you might come up with, well, enough of that. Thanks for stoppin in, and the good comments. I hope you do post your hymns.
Emmy
[This message has been edited by Emmy (edited 11-29-2005).]
[This message has been edited by Emmy (edited 11-29-2005).]
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Hi Joanne,
Thanks for stopping again, I appreciate all the feedback I get, and I think on this one, I'll take your advice and follow my heart, even though I agree with you, if I just say WORD LORD, it don't rhyme, but when I sing it,it's diffrent,it seems to fit, as Kaley and Wy says, it Chimes, Ha,
You take care.
Emmy
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Hi Wy,
Good to see you on here again, and ya know what! you didn't misspell purty, thats the way purty is spelled.
Take care,
Emmy
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Kaley....K....A....L...E....Y.... ......hmmmmmm....somethings NEVER change ... hmmmmm....see what you stirred up?.... ... hugs to all... kk Emmy.. .yeah...I'll post them......need to rework some spots....
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