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#477364 02/23/07 11:04 PM
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This is my first attempt at a gospel tune. Just remember who I'm singing about when it comes time to critique. The lead part is a work in progress as is the whole song for that matter. Let me hear the truth! It will set me free!


Lay Down Your Burden
www.soundclick.com/arealrush

Terry Rush
(C) 2007



When your young and so confused
And all your trust has been abused
You've reach despair and cannot cope
Don't give up there is still hope

Lay down your burdens at the feet of your lord
There will be shelter for the incoming storm
Turn over your worries and release the pain
Give into the love and the peace will reign

When we grow older and go on with our life's
We might choose to become husband and wife's
We' are then responsible and accept any blame
And when we fall short we suffer the shame

chorus

As we mature there are fewer illusions
We give up results and unwanted intrusions
Everyone needs a guiding light
To find a way through their darkest night

Last edited by arealrush; 02/24/07 01:57 AM.
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Probably get a better response with a link smile


http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Yeah - give us a link! It's church night! grin

Scott

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b.y.o.b. Scott, bring your own bible smile


http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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I was waiting on a miracle.... oh.... alright it's up now.....duh!!!! Am I showing the first signs of the big "A"....that would be yes!!!!!

www.soundclick.com/arealrush

Last edited by arealrush; 02/24/07 02:00 AM.
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Hi Terry,

I loved the musical changes and feel a lot.

The melody is where it could be altered... I can hear this being sung.

Love the key flute like solo w/echo.

This has wonderful potential especially if you wanted to take it in a more commercial direction. Not commercial in a bad way but the good way.

I think "Lay Down Your Burdens" should be the chorus- is it? Man you got to cut lose on this section. smile

I hear this whole song more soulfully.
Re work the melody and it could really sail..

Nice work
Peace
Sub


Thanks!
Peace Mike
Sub

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Terry,
I would consider slowing down the tempo a notch so the words flow easier. You're on the right track lyrically with only a few pings and pongs as they say. If you're like me,,you'll probably rewrite the song a number of times till it says exactly what you're trying to convey in the message. One verse at a time...What am I saying? I've totally rewritten lyrics for some of my own stuff....BUT,,,You are right on the money in your direction..Nicely done melodically and instrumentally.
Enjoyed the listen!!!
BOB


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Thanks Louis and Scott for making an effort to listen....I fixed the the faux pax.

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Hey Terry, got to listen , good message, would be more powerful if you sang it from a 1st person perspective, like you been there done that. Really neat how your vocal bounces from my left ear to my right ear constantly.


http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Sorry about the panning louis.....I won't do that any more. This one has some more work left to do. I'm sure I'll have a different version as soon as I can get a choir to back me on the chorus. My studio is pretty small but you gotta do what you gotta do! ( song title, hmm) Thanks for the listen!!!

Arealrush

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A choir would be cool.. I liked that panning smile


http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Hey Terry:

I liked this a lot. Cool change from the verse to the chorus.

Yeah, a choir on the chorus would be very cool!

Agree with Sub that you could cut loose a bit more vocally on the chorus.

Loved the instrumental part at the end with the flute. The earlier short break - I wondered how that would sound if you cut loose a little more there too.

Will listen to this tomorrow at work (over my headphones) so that I can check out the panning grin

Scott

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Terry,

I like the idea that someone else mentioned about making this a 1st person lyric. I think the chorus needs a more poweful impact, music-wise. Maybe some kettle drums and a choir coming in strong.

Even if you don't redo it in 1st person, the lyrics are still strong enough. I just see you needing more power on the chorus.

I, personally, found the fast panning to be distracting. I was thinking more about it than I was the lyriics and music at times. I think you have the makings of areally good one going here, Terry. I hope you stay with it until you get exactly how you want it. Can't wait ti hear it when it gets to that point.

Really good start here!

Alan

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Terry....I not sure on this one....I think first you need to find a real "gospel" vocalist...then like Alan said bring in a choir....you would need to be the producer on this one if your leading toward that direction....other instrumentation is needed also....but way to go anyway, for thinking outside the box...with your talent you'll get this one right...I'm sure....Bob

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Hey Scott, T-Bob. Alan....I think you are all correct. This needs some work. I'm going to try and find a singer....maybe try my wife if I can tie her down. I heard the choir thing right off but I am clueless on how make that happen at this point. On the breaks I can cut loose although I left a pretty small space for a lead. And I thought at the time it wouldn't fit but I'm thinking otherwise at this point. So to everyone ....thanks so much for the comments and suggestions. You're sincerely helping me become a better composer, singer, and writer.

Arealrush

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Terry....On that choir part....get in contact with "Niteshift"...I think he might could help you that....maybe....hey ask him....seriously....Bob

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Terry,

Great arrangement...do love that flute part...yeah more expression in the vocals...I know you are still working on it and will echo Alan's "good start"...

tom

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Thanks Tom.....It's a work in progress alright. You wouldn't have a choir hangin' around would ya? How bout' a gospel singer? Just thought I'd ask! Thanks as always for stoppin' in and commenting.

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This is not a genre in which I feel competent to comment. My favorite part is the flute ending and agree the vocal could use a little more emotion. I think with your blues background you could belt this one out with lots of feeling.

Clint

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Thanks Clint for listening and commenting. This one is either goin' away for awhile or I'm going to get some help and see if I can breathe new life into it. It's not a genre I've spent much time exploring but I wrote the lyrics for a neice of mine that was struggling and still is to find her place in this crazy life! Anyway as always thank you for taking the time!!!!!

Arealrush

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Terry, just to echo, yeah, good start!
Go buy your wife some flowers, ice cream, dinner, whatever! and get her in there to pull off this song! It needs her. smile

You don't need a whole choir. You need the parts written. Then you multi-track those parts one at a time. Then add "chorus" effects so it sounds like there's more people. Done!

Hey, Queen did it with 4 guys and a 16-track? tape deck in 1975 for Bohemian Rhapsody. And one of the 4 couldn't really sing. smile So there's no reason, with today's technology, that you can't get a choir out of the two of you, if you want it bad enough. wink

Linda
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Love the hook!

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Thanks for the comments Linda....I'll try it several ways to see what I can come up with the chorus idea...... Getting my wife in here is iffy... she isn't the studio rat that I am. She says it smells like testastrone. Whatever!! When I went to your site after your e-mail about being buddies. I heard a song written by William Cooper/Bill/Lost N Texas.
Bill and I have been friends for several years....We actually met one time when I was gigging down around Houston. Good Guy...Good writer!!



MJM....Thanks !

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Hi Terry,
Yeah, I found that song by Bill right around my husband's 40th birthday--it was PERFECT! Too, too funny, and just right for how he was feeling. smile

OK my son is being very distracting in the next room--he's hijacked my "studio" and Garageband and howling at the moon or something. I'm nervous about my new mic--but he isn't hurting anything--I just keep thinking there's a catfight outside...

Anyway... sorry, tangent!
So your studio is too full'o testosterone stink, eh?
Here's what you do. Find some candles she will LIKE and set them up in there about an hour before you want her to come in. Also bring her roses smile and put 'em in a vase. And find a tablecloth and put it on... something... and see if that helps.

If all else fails there's always this stuff called "deodorant." LOL wink

Linda

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Linda....Your suggestion sounds like the way we set up in the past to make beautiful music together except it was a metaphor! I've been married to the woman for 30 years if I did what you suggested she'd think I was guilty of something. She loves it when I stay in the studio. I've been on the road so much at least she knows what I'm doing.

Arealrush


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