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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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I wrote this for a friend...this is sort of how I saw the situation from his POV. This gal did a number on him... eventually ya see the light though.  I’m Gonna Fly © 2006 Bree Griffith You took the biggest part of me and you never even knew All the nights I spent alone, dreaming of you You tore my heart to pieces, why couldn’t I see? All you ever really wanted was to tap these wings But I want to fly I wanna sing I wanna soar away beyond these broken dreams Want to forget how your love feels All the things that it can do Wanna get on with my life And forget about you I want to fly Opened up my mail today first thing I saw your name as I read the words you wrote I knew you’d always be the same You’d tear my heart to pieces, now it’s clear to see No matter what you say, you never really loved me So I’m gonna fly I’m gonna sing Gonna soar away beyond these broken dreams And I’ll forget the pain your love dealt All the things that it could do I’m gonna get on with my life And forget about you I’m gonna fly I’m gonna sing I’ve already soared beyond those broken dreams I’m forgettin’ how your love felt All the pain that it could do I’m gettin’ on with my life And I’ll forget about you I’m getting on with my life................. And I’ll forget about you
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Hi Bree,
I can't find anything wrong with this. I must be losing it. Or maybe you're just getting that good. I'll check back and see if anyone else does.
Rick
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There ya go Bree, you've done it. A real fine I loved, I've lost, I'll mend lyric... Now you can move on 
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Bree, what a sweet gesture. The only trouble I had was with the word "tap"-I think I understand that you're trying to articulate clip without saying the word clip. I wish I could come up with a better alternative but I can't. Might just be that I'm tired and it's Friday. Maybe it's not even an issue at all! LOL! Happy Friday!
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Hi Bree!
Yep...dang near perfect in my eyes. I tend to agree with Tricia (which is usually a VERY intelligent thing to do) about the word "tap". And like Tricia, the only word that came to mind was "clip". If I think of something better, I'll get back to ya. But, this is really good!
Alan
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Hi Bree, Beautifully done. I hear a real powerful vocal during... But I want to fly I wanna sing I wanna soar away beyond these broken dreams concerning the word ( TAP ), how bout... You took the biggest part of me and you never even knew All the nights I spent alone, dreaming of you You tore my heart to pieces, why couldn’t I see? All you ever really wanted was to (FLAP) these wings Nice writing, have a cool weekend. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Hi Bree,
Yes, this is very well written. Hope your friend can really forget.
Most of the people I know who have been divorced, found it difficult to just "forget". But, it does seem to be what the singer in this predicament would want to do. ***But, I just read again and this could be about anyone, married or dating. Great job.
Vanessa
ps. This may be way off track from what you are saying but the word "sap" might get across the feeling?
Last edited by Vanessa Bailey; 03/24/07 12:21 PM.
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Hi Bree,
Just checking back in. I still can't find anything wrong with this. I like the word "tap". It's different.
I'll "tap" in again later.
Rick
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Bree
I love the chorus. This one nails me. I wish I thought of that. I have a question. In the first line you put the word "but", on the second chorus "so" on the last its gone. Since your title is Im gonna fly, can the melody support your choruses even without the "but" and "so"
I feel some magic when I read your last chorus without the "but" and "so".
lynman
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Hi Bree,
Good start. There are a couple areas that are not sitting quite right for me and these are always ONLY suggestions. I don't like stepping on creative toes.
I'm wondering in the 1st line of chorus do you want to say "I want to fly" or would it sing easier to sing "I wanna fly". I think "tap my wings" has to go. Possible replacements "stop my wings" or "cut my wings" "hold my wings". Was wondering where you have what looks like your last two tag lines instead of:
"I'm getting on with my life
and I'll forget about you
would be better said:
If I'm gonna fly,
I'll have to say goodbye
or
It's time for me to fly,
So my heart must say goodbye...
In your second chorus where you have "your love dealt" I think "dealt" sounds out of place there, how about "your love bought" or something.
Hope these help in some way.
Best,
Lynn
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BREE-Ly GOOD Lyric, Mz B!
(NATURALLY, I got a few Sugs t'Offer, Anyways!) Herewegooo...
V1, Line 4: "Watchin' Dreams fall through"
Last line: "Was to Break these Beatin' Wings" alt: Soaring Wings. (Alt: Clip..since ya use Break..as in "Broken" Dreams in da chorus.) "Tap" falls short as a Verb IMO here.
(Might consider "Buried Dreams" if ya do use Break here.)
"THEN forget about you" feels stronger than "And.."
"Saw" is smoother than "I knew" next Verse..
"Now it's SO clear to see"...
"You were always usin' me" insteada the Never Really Loved Me line.
TAG Sug, so ya go out With Your Hook:
"I'm gonna get on with my life,
I'M GONNA FLY...
& Forget about you--"
Keep0rSweep, M'Lady, & "KUDOS" ona fine Breakaway Song..Good Luck with it,
Big Hugs
Stan
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Hey there,
Nice writing....I thought I'd put my two cents in...I like tap these wings, could have a double meaning...I wouldn't trade that...more people can take what they want when they listen to the song, makes it personal for them. IMO of course...good luck.
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Hi Bree
what about "Fry" these wings...
I'm seeing the "mail" verse as filler.
experience is a great teacher
and i'm glad I experienced you
next time I meet an abuser
I'll know exactly what to do
I'll stand tall, and plainly say
sorry sweetheart, we're through
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Howdy Ms. Bree! Hey, I like this one a lot! I think 'tap' works fine as long as your intended meaning is 'use' or kinda 'take advantage of' which I figured you meant. I'd only change it if you want the implied restraint of 'clip'. My 2 cents. Best o' luck with it. Uncle Chuck
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Nice job, Bree! Just a couple of things for you to think about:
As I read through this, "Tap" wasn't working for me in that line. I was thinking "clip my wings" ... I see that Tricia mentioned "clip" also.
Lines 4 in both of your verses do not match up as far as syllable count / meter / stresses ... whatever way you use when you write. Works better for the melody if that matches in all of your verses.
Not sure I like that line 5 in both verses are pretty identical. You have made that point in verse 1 ... I don't think you need to say the same thing in verse 2. You may want to use the same idea, but say it differently.
Anyway, I don't know if those things will help you or not, but they are just my thoughts as I read through this. Good luck with your song, Bree!
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Thank you to EVERYONE for the response. It's been a busy weekend...so I'll respond back tomorrow. I'm kinda beat right now. Hope you all had a great one!!! I'll catch back up soon...promise! Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Rick AND John V...
Thanks you guys!!! I appreciate the thumbs up. I'll try to get a "melody" up for it soon. Then you can crit that (might change your minds...lol)
Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Tricia ANd Alan.... Tricia, I totally understand the bein' tired scenario. Heck, I can't think straight when I'm NOT tired.  So you're one ahead of me to begin with! Let me know if you think of something...I'm open to sugs on the "tap" issue. Seems to be the hottest topic on this song. Alan, Again...what to do with "tap" is the question of the day. I AM considering clip...but I'm still in the rethinkin' stage. As with Tricia...let me know if ya think of anything else. Thanks for the kind words. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Calvin AND Vanessa.... Calvin, You are right about needin' some power behind the beginnin' of the chorus. I want a real punch there. Not sure about the "flap" thing...wouldn't that insinuate the other person wanting them to fly away instead of NOT wanting them to? But you picked up on the one area that seems to be the main concern. I am givin' it some thought. Thank ya soo much for stoppin' in and for the kind words. Vanessa, Thank ya gal! I appreciate the kudos. I like the fact that it can be applied to either married or not. My friend actually wasn't married to this girl. They dated during high school, she broke his heart during college, they got back together, he asked her to marry him, she said yes, she cheated on him, they broke up, he took her back a while later, she cheated on him again...etc... I don't know how things finally turned out. I haven't talked to him in a long time. I actually wrote this years ago. Just pulled it out last year & tweaked it just a little. Came across it the other day & thought I'd see what ya'll thought. Ok..I'll hush now. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Rickargo! Thanks again...you're good for my lyrical ego...ya know. lol Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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lynman, thanks for takin' the time to read this...I understand your questioning the "but" & "so"...however..I feel that since the song is progressing through the stages of dealing with this relationship ending, they are necessary. It helps move it along. That's why the last chorus doesn't have a lead in word. I'm glad you like the song. Maybe someday it will nail others too along the radio waves. (a gal can dream) Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Hiya Lynn, Don't stress about steppin' on my toes...ever! I wear steal toed shoes when I post a song I'm always open to hear what others see and think about my lyrics...even if I don't always agree...it helps me with future lyrics. So always feel free to say what ya think. With that said.... I'm not sure about the "want to" "wanna" line...I suppose it will decide for me when I actually try to sing it. As for the wing tappin'...as said before...issue of the day. I'm on it...not sure what I'll do, since there are votes both ways...but I'm givin' it some thought. About the "dealt" and tag though...that's somethin' to think about. I'll see what I can come up with. thank ya kindly for your time & sugs... Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Ok STANarooni! As always...you have some good sugs and a thing or two to say that I like. I'm pretty sure I'll be changin' V1 line 4...I think it flows better, especially takin' V2 line 4 into consideration. I see your point about the and/then switch up...I like the concept...just not sure how easily it'll sing. I'll try it when I do the rough vocal. I've already copied the other sugs to review when I rework this...I'll let ya'll know when I have revised. Thanks to ya for the sugs & kudos! Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Thanks Kathy!!! I'll mark down another vote for "keep tap" I like to be able to make a lyric personal...makes it more memorable IMO. Appreciate the kind words. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Rittman!!! I can see the video now...the animal rights activists would have a cow! Doves with wings in fire...lol...or in the fryin' pan. Just kiddin'...(hope I didn't upset any animal lovers) Seriously though...I see where you're goin' with the "filler" verse. I'll give that some thought. I wasn't thrilled with that first line...so I may end up redoing the whole verse. Stay tuned! Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Hey there Unkie Chuck! Your 2 cents are always welcome & appreciated. Actually...I kind of like that "tap" seems to bring up different things to different people and still work toward the meaning of what the lyric is sayin' overall. Because it COULD mean "to clip"...not let this person "fly" or it COULD mean to take advantage of as you said...because essentially...they are both correct. Hmmm...another vote FOR tap. Noted. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Mary Lou, I'm so glad you caught a couple of things I hadn't noticed. One is bein' taken care of with a sug from Stan (lines 4 not matchin' up) The other (lines 5 of each verse) I hadn't even noticed til' ya said something. Hmmm...I can't have that redundancy I'll work on it. Thank ya again, O' Keen Eye! Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Hi Bree I'll just throw in another alternative thought for 'tap'. Of course it depends on the meaning you wish to convey...."TRAP these wings" Nice one. jm
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Hi Joice!
Ya know...I kinda like that. Adding it to my list of things to mull over during rework.
Thanks so much!
Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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