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I'm workin' on this tonite for fun. Turned the tables on it...

EXIT NINE All Rights Reserved 2007
lyrics by Janice Hopkins

(Up-tempo country)

Verse 1:

Runnin' away; won't go very far
Stayin'pretty close to where you are
I need some distance to work things through
It all moved quicker than I planned to

Should've put off that moving in day
wrote our love song, the old-fashioned way
Just one exit down is all it'll take
Don't wanna' rush, but my freedom's at stake

Chorus:

I'm spendin' time, right off exit nine
Slowin' the pace; the commitment race
Not gone forever; just buyin' time
Keepin' things in my own personal space
No lace-filled dryer; sad-movie crier
When football's on, the couch is mine
Until I grow up; evolve much higher
I'll be A mile away, right off Exit Nine

Verse 2:

A few nice dinners; regular dates
I'll call and ask; won't pick you up late
Maybe clean up good; might even shave
But, when we park; I doubt I'll behave

Repeat Chorus:

I'm spendin' time, right off exit nine
Slowin' the pace; the commitment race
Not gone forever; just buyin' time
Keepin' things in my own personal space
No lace filled dryer; sad-movie crier
When football's on; the couch is all mine
Until I grow up; evolve much higher
I'm spendin' time, right off exit nine

Bridge:

Could be I'll look back; think of the day
I saved my young life, by runnin' away
Three years later; I'm where I was then
With my own rent payment; you off exit ten


Repeat Chorus and Out

While I'm struggling to see if there is something more to exit nine than exit nine, I'm not committing either

Bridge threw me because you jump around in time....but the rest seems fine ..

Didya hear about the radio reality show in New Zealand, the third edition? Seems a Canadian girl married a New Zealander having just met and selected him on the show. Previous editions seems to have created good unions...say whatever happens to all those couples who get married in one day by Reverend Moon...never having met one another???


MMmmm..


Ciao

Cute Idea...dunno if it's gonna work with Today's Kids or not!

"Three years it took TO PROPERLY make you mine" I'd sug on that Prsent-Day Bridge..(& most of the rest I'd do in Past Tense.)

Gettin' There....Good Luck with it, Mich Sis!

Big Hugs,
Stan

Actually I was just havin' a bit o' fun with this one. Probably just tryin' to get my two cents in about a subject that I feel pretty strongly about....believe me, not a moral thing AT ALL..just have seen too many times where it was too easy to walk away instead of putting in the real work of WORKING ON IT...just me.

Bye now,

JAN

Janice - I like this. If there is a song about this topic, I can't think of it. I co-habbed before I got married, and loved every minute of it. But, I knew we were goign to marry. Before him, I lived with someone two for several years, and I thank God all the time that I gave that ring back!!! What a nighmare that would have been. Interesting hook. Music?? It wasn't what I expected when I saw the title as I am originally from NJ, and everyone always asks us, "hey, what exit?"

Hi Tiffany,

Thanks so much for stopping by and giving this your time. I'm glad you liked it and GOT IT! No music because I am not a musician. Usually there is a very distinct melody playing in my head that I can't do anything about, but not on this one. Any ideas? I'd appreciate suggs.

Have a great evening, Hope we talk again,

Jan

Hi John,

What the heck was that about New Zealand. Don't they have sheep there or something. Just a thought, and not a good one.....

Thanks for reading my lyrics even though they need work. That's an hour can bring sometimes.

Have a good one...

Jan

Hi Stan,

Thanks for the look-see. Appreciate the suggs and will take all into my brain and sort it all out. There may be hope... for the lyrics, I mean. I, for one am LONG GONE.....

Hugs from Mich.

Jan

In the lift, I think you should say get married. I might back off on words like "cohabitate". It implies a lack of feeling involved even though I know that there is. I would lose a few of the cliches-the counting, which I'd reserve for children or the simple minded. I can see that this woman is trying to think things through. Don't minimize her feelings by alluding to things being simple. Relationships usually aren't, by any means. I think the first verse is strong, after that you sort of lose my interest. Not trying to be harsh at all. I think it could use more work and please keep in mind that this is only my opinion. In general, others are getting it. I just want there to be more depth to this woman struggling to get this relationship right.

Tricia,

Thanks so much for your expert viewpoint. I really appreciate your kindness. Have a good day.

Jan

HI Janice.

Glad to meet you. I used to hang out here on Lyrics 3 a lot...I whole lot. But, I've been writing a lot of instrumentals lately and have been hanging out on the MP3 Forum quite a bit.

I think you have a really unique hook. Kudos for that! Here's my take on the lyrics:

Verse 1 is pretty good as is. It gives enough info for everything else to fall in place. I'm okay with the lift...except I would replace "bond" with "love". It just sings better that way for me. The first two lines and last two lines ofr your chorus work just fine. But in between them, it stills needs some help. I would do something like this:

Now I'm spendin' time off exit nine
Slowin' the pace of the commitment race
Guess We jumped the gun
Co-habitation sounded with our move-in fun
The horse pulls the cart; now I see Let's give it some time
Can we let our love grow, while I'm I'm easy to find
Just A mile away, off Exit Nine

Those are just a few quick ideas. You can surely do better. But, I thought I would throw those out there as food for thought. Feel free to use it or lose it!

You want your chorus to really carry the song. As it is currently written, for me at least, it quickly loses its impact. And most listeners would simply turn off at that point. I'm not trying to be overly critical...just critical enough that it might give you some ideas to improve on a really great hook. The hook is definetley worth giving the effort!

Best of luck with this.

Al

Hi Al,

It's nice to meet you. Thanks so much for the time and thought you gave this one. This is one I was just fooling around with for a little while. Just thought I'd go ahead and toss it on here. I knew it needed alot of help. Thanks so much, because all the areas you addressed are the ones that were in question.(even though I did sort of like THE HORSE PULLS THE CART line.) Think my Mom was always telling me, "Now Jan, don't get the cart before the horse again". Anyhow, maybe I will actually try and work on this since you seem to like my hook. I liked it too, but a few minutes was not long enough time to fully develop it.

Thanks a million...I will make the chorus soar before I'm done I hope.

Sincerely,

Jan

Hi Janice

Good morning Sis I think there is a lot of potential here. The hook is actually pretty incredible. That said I wonder if it's looking for a different song? That sounds drastic I know. Though when I read the hook I expect something along the lines of Brooks and Dunns "Red Dirt Road". Maybe you could use the hook to tell stories of what happens off of exit nine? Lovers lane antics maybe? Or just simple life living. Sorry I hope it isn't taking too much away from your original song. I just think the hook is so strong it deserves a really good story.
Hugs an Blessings
Derek

Hey Janice played around with your hook a little and this is what I got. Keep or sweep(if you like it it's yours)

EXIT NINE All Rights Reserved 2007
lyrics by Janice Hopkins

(Up-tempo country)

Verse 1:

Ran away down this ole stretch of highway
Tried to leave my past in the dust
Found myself coming back to my old haunts
Lifting the shine from the rust

Lift:

Remembering everything in past times
Hanging out all night long at exit nine

Chorus:

Exit nine off the 101
Hangin’ out partying
Having lots of fun
Dreams die fast
When you don’t die young
Memories of 101
Haven’t up and died
Off of exit nine



Verse 2:

Shirley and me had our first kiss
Under the moonlight in my ole 66
Times in that car are times that I miss
I don’t miss the times it needed a fix


Repeat Chorus:

Exit nine off the 101
Hangin’ out partying
Having lots of fun
Dreams die fast
When you don’t die young
Memories of 101
Haven’t up and died
Off of exit nine


Bridge:

Well coming up on exit eight
I feel more heart beat double time
Thinking of the fun left to be had
When I get back to exit nine

Chorus

Exit nine off the 101
Hangin’ out partying
Having lots of fun
Dreams die fast
When you don’t die young
Memories of 101
Haven’t up and died
Off of exit nine

Again just my take on another way to use exit nine

Hi Derek,

That's really good. I like it, but it's not the statement I was trying to make. It's a good lyric in and of itself though. I just wanted to say that a couple jumped the gun on living together before they really knew each other. The guy was strongly interested in building their relationship, but had to get out of the co-habiting thing, but didn't want to be FAR away from where she was. They both knew they had a good thing, but living together too quickly was bound to ruin it. There, that said, I'm officially off my soapbox for the day. LOL.

Hope you are doing well. We went to a talent semi-finals last night. Big prizes. Tonite is the finals. My son is one of the judges, then afterwards he will perform. Anyhow, last night I hooked up with another guy to do a demo for me(with a different type of voice than what Matt has) Real good singer, more Pop .

Heather Cowles just did a demo for me of IN Boxes Under Bridges. I like the way it turned out, but now I have it in my e-mail and being a dunce pretty much with the computer, I don't know what to do next. Could you help me? I want to get it on SoundClick and of course be able to put links on all my posts on the forums. I would appreciate your help so much. Speak slowly like you were talking to a third-grader though, or I probably won't get it. Once I have it, I'll be fine, but I don't know where to start. Thanks for any and all help, Derek.

Hugs,

Jan

Hi Janice

Well even after your explanation, I just have to ask this question still. What does Exit Nine have to do with it? My apologies for being dumb here.

jm

Ok Janice first things first.

1 Sign up for sound click making sure you sign up as an artist (don't worry if for some reason you accidentally sign up as a regular user)

2 Go to your band administration page (you shouuld be able to do this by signing into your sound click and there should be a link that says upload music.

3 On the band administration page look for a link that says update songs.

4. You will be asked each and everytime if you understand all the copyright rules and such just click yes an move to the next step.

5. You will be asked for a description of your song and your name as writer and the aritist (if you want to include the person who did the demo you can.) date it was written or made. and a description of story behind the song. After all this is finished click next(or whatever it says continue or ok or whatever)

6. It will now let you upload your file. You need to have the file off the email to get it uploaded. Download the file onto your desktop so it's easy to find.

7. Now click browse on your sound click upload page. Find the song by looking on your desktop. Upload the song. After click next or whatever the option is.

8. Now you will be asked if you'd like to upload a photo. Unless you have one picked out I suggest skipping this part. If you have a photo you must make sure it's small enough that it uploads easily. Click next when your done or whatever it says to do.

9. That's it you should have it all posted. Pm me if you need more info and we'll discuss it slowly as it happens.

Derek,

Thank you so much for walking me through this. I think it sounds like I can do it? Then how do I get the link for it onto my Jpf forum posts ( told you I am not computer smart) I really appreciate you taking the time!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs and thanks,

Jan

Joice,

You're not dumb, probably I am. I'm still working on this hook trying to develop it better. I didn't post it as a finished piece. It's definitely a work in progress and I know it.

Thanks though for stopping by. I appreciate it....

As Ever,

Jan

What was that about sheep Janice?

Actually I thought that apart from the time issue in the bridge, this was fine...the line about exit nine was simply a bit of fun with "committment", which I saw as the central theme...

Cya

John,

The sheep line; just me being goofy....

Yes, the central theme WAS about commitment and not trying to make it too quickly. I'll work on the time frame of the bridge and other things. I don't think anyone got the fact that I was planning on this being a male vocal...surprise!! Makes it even more problematic now probably.

Thanks for stopping by and for the suggs.

Jan

Hey All,

Here's a bit of a new theme on this hook...Kind of tongue-in-cheek....Thanks, Jan

Could anyone give me some help on this one? I'd appreciate you looking at this tongue-cheek re-write. Thanks alot, Jan

Hi Janice

I do like the rewrite. However I still think it's on the weak side. Might say doing fine on exit nine (adds a nice internal rhyme) Also I'd start it out by saying well I guess you need your personal space. So instead of making this a guy who isn't sure what he want's make it a guy who know's what he want's but can;t get it so he's moving on at exit nine. Just a thought. most guys wont depreciate themselved by saying they are de-evolved. Jmo stow or blow
Hugs
Derek

Yeah, this is one that I knew the guys wouldn't like, but the girls might appreciate. Wasn't going for commercial at all, Just having some fun with a too young guy that couldn't/ wouldn't/shouldn't commit. thanks for the look. It was mostly for laughs.........I promise you. If you were to spend half an hour with me, you'd see that this stuff comes easily for me. I think in a past life I was Roseanne Barr....but I look AND sing better.LOL

Still love ya' Lil' Bro,

Janice Elaine Hopkins(that's my stage name)Ha!!

Hi Janice

Ok I think I see the problem now. This one written from the male perspective. A guy honest enough to know these things about himself an to be that good enough to step back isn't the loser your trying to paint a picture of. Maybe you need to write this one from the female perspective. Something along the lines he left me and untill he grows a brain he'll evolutionarily decline off of exit nine. Or maybe till he grows a brain I'll spend "my" time off of exit nine. Again just a couple of ideas
Hugs
Derek

Derek,

Yes, it is to be a male vocal. And no, I do not think he is a loser, just very in tune with where he is in his life at this point. He's young, like say, 19-20. He jumped too soon and realizes that he's just not THERE yet. I'd say that's very astute, not stupid. The writer always knows what they mean, doesn't mean everyone else will. And sometimes, that's ok.
It is not a rant about men in general. This is a boy, left mama's house a bit too soon.

As Ever,(or AS IF)

Jan

Hey Janice

Might I say. Yuove learned well lol. good job sticking to your guns on this one. It might be that it has an audience that will fully understand the sentiment. I have to say one of the ones I posted recently hasn't found an audience here and I was sure it was hit material. Oh well can't win em all! or even half lol

Derek,

AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH.......I'm always amazed at what people seem to like and don't like, but that's what makes us individuals. Will have to say though, I'm surprised when I'm so far off sometimes in getting my point across.

No, we can't win them all. We're not supposed to. Then we'd have nothing to learn. At this point in my life, I'd be happy just to PLACE. I'm workin' on it.

Jan(your fan)

Much, much better/clearer, Janice. My only nit now is Off of Exit Nine. I'd say "right off Exit Nine". I realize it's country and you can get away with off of. You did good.

Hi Tricia,

Thanks for stopping by again. Glad you like this tongue-in-cheek version. I like your word change idea and have already done the editing. I liked it better too.

Have a good evening,

Jan