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#575889 01/15/08 08:58 PM
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Hello everyone and Happy 2008. It seems I always begin my posts by stating how much I haveN'T been writing. Well, today is no different. It seems as though it's very difficult these days to put my thoughts into some semblence of a lyric, so when the muse shows up, I have to accept what she gives me and do the best I can to put it down... FINALLY, today the muse showed up for about an hour and I was able to write something.

I realize Rascal Flatts had a pretty big hit with a song with a similar title, but I'm hoping it is different enough to stand on its own. It's what she sent me, so I had to humor the muse...

Thanks in advance and I miss you all and think of you often.

When It Hurts the Most
Cindy Miller
(c) January 15, 2008

A (VERSE)
When the night is dark and lonely
And my heart is full of ache
I hold your memory close to me
'N lie here wide awake
Shadows from the moonlight
Chase the fading ghost
Of a love that surely would have been
That's when it hurts the most

A (VERSE)
When the day is gray and gloomy
Yet clouds withhold the rain
My throat tightens from the tears
I've held back once again
Sultry air's thick with sorrow
From hope (that) was so close
To think we almost touched tomorrow
That's when it hurts the most

B (BRIDGE)
If prayers were always answered
And dreams were all we'd need
The hands of time would just rewind
And you'd be here with me

A (VERSE)
We should have had forever
But it was out of our control
Though I treasured every moment
I only skimmed your soul
Destiny seemed like a promise
But fate is a cruel host
Now every second of every day
Is when it hurts the most

TAG
Every second of every day
Is when it hurts the most


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

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Hi Tink,

Liked it all.
But the bridge was beautiful..

The hands of time would just rewind
And you'd be here with me

Have a good evening.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


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ok...I'll critique this and welcome back Cindy. first you have some really, really good lines in there. the opening is great. and the hands of/rewind are great, too. you've got the makings of a real song in there. the weakest parts are the ones connected to the Rascall Flatts' song. that song for better or worse was a monster and will keep any love song with a similar title off cds for a looonng time. If you want your lyric to go beyond JPF(and it has that potential), drop that title and the surrounding lines and write something different. The meat's already there, you just need the spuds.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
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Howdy Ms. Tink!

I sensed you'd be here! Believe that??? Prolly not. grin

Real pretty stuff! Liked it a whole bunch!

The only nit I'd nit you on is breaking up your meter on the bridge to differentiate it from the verses. Maybe it's just my head-singer but I felt like I could interchange the melody from verse to bridge.

My favorite line:

My throat tightens from the tears

Great to see the muse is delivering again! smile

Stick around will ya??

Uncle Chuck


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Hey there Calvin! Thanks so much for the kind words. And very happy ye liked the bridge. That was the hardest part for me to write.

Thanks again and you have a GREAT evening too!

wink Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

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Hi Robert!

I had to laugh, cause your first sentence almost made it sound like it was painful... hee hee. But, seriously Couch, thanks so much. I really appreciate your thoughts on this. Although it makes little difference because the titles sound a lot alike, I just realized they are a little different. Mine is "When It Hurts the Most" and Flatts' is "WHAT Hurts the Most". You are correct, though, it was a monster hit!

I'll ponder your suggestions - mucho appreciation Grumpy Sofa! smile

Cindy


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Hi Cindy,

I'm not really in a position to critique this very emotional lyric seein' as I don't write in this genre'. But, I did want to congratulate you for writing another one that has been so well received. I'm happy for you. smile

Vanessa


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Sure I believe you, Unca Chuck! It's Serendipitous you would know! wink

Anyway, darn that head-singer! What's funny about that is that I knew it was coming out that way. Sometimes I sing things as I write them and because my melody changed when I wrote the bridge, I was hoping it would work... however, since I can't rely on myself to get this musicked, that don't matter much, huh?

AND have I told you lately that I love you? You absolutely picked out MY favorite line! Thank you, my dear dear friend! And if you ever get inspired by another of my lyrics, feel free, will ya?

I hope to stick around - I'm also hoping my muse does the same.

thanks again for your kind words!!
wink Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

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Cindy,

This is a great lyric, well-executed in nearly every part...Yeah, those Rascalls had a major hit with a similar title, so I'd probably try to work away from that a bit....

For some reason, each time I read v.1 over...I get the same thing, could be just me, but here's what I hear...

When the night is dark and lonely
I lie here wide awake
I hold your memory close to me
Still feeling my heart ache

and....

Destiny is all that was promised
But fate was it's cruel host


That's all the nits I had on this great one. Keep going on it. Think you're on the right track...(I also write to breathe)

Jan

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Hi Cindy,

I like it. A very well thought out and well written lyric. Bobbie always hollers at me that I make my musicians work too hard, because I write a lot of verse/chorus in the same meter/rhyme scheme. Ah well!!! I think you have a very good sad song here. Good luck with it.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
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Wowie Tink...it is SO good to see a thread by you. You know you have a lot of us fans still lurking here. You have such a way of pulling out all the emotional stops. I like that!! We miss you but you know...quality is so much preferable over quantity any day. When you churn out stuff this heartfelt...you don't need to write more than a few a year!! Just wish you could get music for them more easily so they could get out there!!

I am thinking that probably everybody's been through this...pretty universal.

This line felt a bit awkwardly worded to me:
"And my heart is full of ache"
Mebbe..and my heart just wants to break
Or...And I can't stand the ache
Or..don't know how much I can take

Lots of great lines. My two favorites:
To think we almost touched tomorrow...and...
I only skimmed your soul

Two words that always sorta bug me when they crop up in a song (yeah, I use them too but rarely) are destiny and fate. Just because they really are not words we generally use in conversation and they are just what I call "song words". Is probably just a pet peeve of mine. Songwriters overuse them though...so it does bother me when I see them.

Just a bit of polish and this one will be sparkling!!

Hugs,
Bobbie


They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you.

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Not much to add other than I think this is a terrific write. I see a couple of good suggs but not much polished needed here. Pleeez get some music to this song so we can enjoy it even more.

great job
pete

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Good evening Vanessa,

Thanks so much for stopping in and your kind words!
Take care,
wink Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

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Hi Jan,

I like your thoughts on verse one. When I write, I usually do a sort of "stream of consciousness" and sing it as I write, not giving myself too much time to overthink it. This is what came out in one shot - 'cept the bridge, I had a few different lines there.

So, this one prolly needs a bit more polish 'fore it shines. I appreciate your thoughts on it and I shall ponder...

Thanks again,
wink Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

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Wow, {{{{Tinky}}}, you still write an Incredibly-Good Song!

I'll happily settle for Quality-over-Quantity, any day!

"KUDOS"...some really GREAT Lines (that could be Songs, themselves), like "I only skimmed your soul"..."we almost touched tomorrow".."(If) dreams were all we'd need"...

To steal a Mellencamp Line, this Baby "Hurts SO Good!"

Welcome Back {{{Tink!}}} You've been Missed, Mz!

'Nuther {{{Hug}}}
Stan


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Wow...

Shadows from the moonlight
Chase the fading ghost
Of a love that surely would have been

That hits me where I live. Beautiful stuff.

Gotta admit, that hook probably is too close to the Rascal Flatts one...hate it when that happens...but it likely would hurt this one's chances.

Gorgeous lines.

-Lyle

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Hi John,

Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate it. Yeh, I get stuck sometimes with a rhythm when I'm writing and the bridge ends up with the same meter/rhyme scheme. Maybe if I was more "musically inclined", it would spark something at the time, but I'm not. frown I still have the guitar Dawg mailed me and I get it out once in a while, but haven't learned any chords yet. Guess I don't have to worry about being a musical genius anytime soon! grin

Thanks again,
Cindy


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

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Hey there, Bobbie!!! I really miss you! I had Dawg's old guitar out a couple of weeks ago. My son came home for Christmas Break from College and asked, "Hey, do you still have that guitar you got in the mail?" I told him of course I do! He asked if I'd get it out and he sat down with it a while. He's picked up a few chords at college. He asked if he could take it back with him and I told him I would never part with it. I explained how special it is to me even though I can't play it. He told me he understood and if he took it, he'd take very good care of it. I told him I'd think about it, but he didn't ask again. He left for school while I was at work today and I forgot to mention it again... guess I'll find out when I get home whether it's still there.

Anyway, I digress... it's a habit.

You are SO kind in your reply. I can't tell you how much it means to me. Thank you so very much!!

I'm definitely going to think about your suggestions - you got some good'ns.

I know, I know... the destiny and fate debate. I've had it before with another lyric I wrote about 5 years ago. Still not sure where I stand yet... but I will give it some deep thought.

Thanks again and I love ya, girl!
wink Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

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Hi Pete! And thank you, sir for your very kind words! I would definitely love to get some music for this. It's been a while since I've heard my words anywhere but in my head. grin Unfortunately I can't play a note or sing a tune, so I'm at the mercy of generous collaborators. I may check in with one of them and maybe I'll get lucky! wink

Thanks again,
wink Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

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Cindy, I really like what you've done here, I wish I could think of a way to get away from being so close to Rascal's hit hook phrase, but every angle I come at it from cuts pretty deep into what you have written, this just rolls off the tongue pretty well as is, but the publishers I fear would do an about face with it being that close. Very nice work, if I brainstorm a solution I'll let ya know, it's on my mind now ya know how that is...ha...be well, write great , stay warm...Moker

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Awwww {{{STAN}}}, you always know just what to say to pick me up! You are such a sweetie and I appreciate your kind words so much. I miss ya, my friend!

Take care and {{{BIG HUGZ}}}
wink Tink


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Hi Cindy,

I want to add that I loved those lines that Bobbie pointed out. Also, wasn't sure about the fate/destiny words. But, I'm not in any position to critique this one like I said. I should have at least mentioned what I did like though. smile

Vanessa


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