JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum You Saved Me (with "TampaStan" Good)

A while back Stan had commented on a thread that he enjoys writing lyrics to existing music so I decided then to contact him the next time I got stuck on the lyrics. When I got stuck after only a couple of lines on this song, I sent Stan a rough worktape and he turned it into a song. This is still a work in progress...when I sent Stan this version, he emailed be back the next day with an improved second verse. So feel free to suggest improvements...or just point out anything that isn't working. (Apologies in advance for the vocals.)

You Saved Me
©2009 Stan Good/Mark Schuessler
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7716593


I was so Blind I could Not See...
This World's Dead-Weight was Killing Me...
Knee-Deep in Shattered Dreams-That-Died
Until You Rallied..By My Side...

(CHORUS)
Yes, I was Lost, but then, You Found Me..Found Me..Baby You Found Me
You came and wrapped your loveAround Me..'Round me..Love all Around Me
Now, I Thank God for What You Gave Me..Gave Me..(Oh, What You Gave Me)...
Baby...YOU SAVED ME!---

My High-Hopes Piled (Up) In The Dust
Those BIG Plans for..The 2 of Us
(&) As They Vanished..in the Wind
You Helped Me find My Feet Again...

(REPEAT CHORUS)

(BRIDGE)
Oh, I Was Wrong..I Can't Go-On...On My OWN...
No Man is Ever..Strong-Enough...ALONE...

(CHORUS OUT)

Hi Mark and Stan,
This is so beautiful.The music/lyric combination is perfect to me.Kinda Jim Brickman sound to it.And I dont see any reason for your apologies on the vocals....you're voice is very nice and in fact,perfect for this song...congrats to both of you.This is awesome!
Michelle

Mark & Stan,

This sounded great to me!

Beutiful melodic work, sound very crafted and solid. The short intervals in the chorus melody makes it very catchy and memorable. Sounds exactly like good pop should!

I think the repetitions in the chorus would work fine as backing vox, too.

Best of luck with this!

Hi Mark,

great melody, and they're hard to find.
Like Magne said, I'd also like the lyrical repetitions not to be sung by the lead (too rushed).
The lyrics are strong.
I wouldn't mind listening to this song with a better performance and sound, I think it's got what it needs to go to the professional demo level.

Take care,

yann

Mark

Nice vocal delivery I remember the voice of Hugh Grant in the movie Music and Lyrics.

No nit with the lyrics if Stan wrote it I bet all of my future earnings because everything is perfect.

Your melody NO nit also. Go and produce this collaboration. Simple piano in the beginning, Then hit the instruments in the 1st chorus give some extra in the bridge and if you can increase one pitch in the last chorus to sound like a pop ballad.

You can also add some 3 vocal harmony in the chorus

Possible artist? YOu.

Goodluck to both of you.

Lynman

Hey Mark:

Yes, lovely melody. And the lyric is well-written and nicely suited to it.

Only thing I think needs something is the repetition lines in the chorus. For instance, here:

Yes, I was Lost, but then, You Found Me..Found Me..Baby You Found Me

The second "found me" might not be needed. Just hold the first one out longer. On the other hand, if you tried it and found that the second one really was needed, maybe sing it in the background and still hold the first one longer. Right now, I think the first one is being cut too short because you gotta start the second one....

Really a pretty song, Mark! Nice job, Stan!

Scott

Hi Gang!

WAS gonna post The Lyrics at Board 3, but Mark's already got the MP3 Up & I'm glad he's got The Whole Song here to comment on/I'm not out to steal any Thunder.

When I first heard Mark's raw-ideas on this Baby (Which included this Great Hook!) it had "Hit-City" all over it. (Hey, I'd been desperate-enough for a Great Melody, I'd been writing Parodies..a while..remember?) ;-)> (WILL still do some more for ya SOON, Doc..as-promised..heh!) But I loved Mark's Melody..Hook..and Concept..from The Get-Go.

And..heh..The Timing couldn't been any Better, since My Financial Life's anything-but-rosy at the moment. It was SO easy to get the Right Mindset & pen these words! (&..La Femme IS quite-worthy of having these words penned for her, at this time.)

Mark & I've gone over the words..and over. V2 JUST got a Re-write..see if ya think it's An Improvement:

"My High-Hopes Crashed into The Dust/
Those BIG Plans for The Two of Us/
& as Faith Vanished in The Wind/
You Helped Me Find My Feet Again"

We're also Mulling a Maybe-Stronger Opening Line..Feel Free to suggest Anything You Might Think's a Better One.

(I agree with "Maybe a Background Singer oughta sing the Middle Rep in those long Repeated Chorus Bits." Good Idea/Thanks Amigos...The Collective Brain-&-Music Power here at JPF never fails to Amaze...(& Save) Me!

BIG Group Hug...(& "Hats-Off" to Mr Mark, for Sure!)
Stan

(PS: I'm thinking "No ONE is ever strong enough..alone" for that Bridge Line...when it's pitched to a Female Artist..soon.)

(& I agree...Mark's got the Chops to sing this one quite well!)

The vocals stick me as being very good. That was the first thing - I like how they are upfront for this song. The lyrics work - strong and confident. The music is pretty and flowing. I like having just the piano for this one.

Tom

Very sweet sounding tune. You shouldn't worry about your voice, sounds really nice! I like the simple arrangement for this, but it might be nice to try breaking out in the last half, but that's just an arrangement issue, the song is wonderful!

Hi there Mark and Stan,

This is just wonderful! The lyrics marry to the music perfectly.
I think you guys have done a terrific job on this, and I wish you all the best with it.

Kind wishes,
Gail

Hi Mark and Stan

I think this is a Real Fine collaboration. Mark I'm also thinking that your vocals work real well here too. I enjoyed what you have. : ) jm

Hi Mark & Stan,

I really like this one. A simple piano/vocal, heartfelt lyrics and pretty melody that suits it so well. Only thing I saw in the lyrics was this line:

"My High-Hopes Piled (Up) In The Dust"

Would hopes pile up in the dust or crumble into dust? Just a thought.

Over all, very well done all the way around.

Ricki

Hi Mark, Hi Stan,

What a beautiful colaboration. I love the lyrics and the message,and Mark, the simple piano accompniament is very nice because I think it is your vocal that is hilighted, and I love the sound of your voice and enjoyed the range you used.

Very nice to both of you,

Letha

Michelle:

Thanks for listening and for your kind words. I was really straining for those high notes (even after doing the vocal warmups Brandon taught me!) Glad it didn't make your ears bleed.

Mark

Magne:

Thanks for the critique. I played around with the chorus melody a bit until I got something that sounded catchy to me. It wasn't until I added that little repetition that it really clicked for me. Doing that with backing vocals is a good idea...that never occurred to me but I think that would work. Thanks for the suggestion!

Mark

yann:

Thanks for listening. It looks like that little repetition in the chorus is not working. (And it worked so well on the piano before we added any words!) That will have to be fixed...maybe with background vocals, maybe by just repeating it with the piano. I don't know.

I think when we get things ironed out with the song, we'll do another demo. Maybe a pro demo, but at least better vocals.

Thanks.

Mark

Lynman:

Thanks for giving this a listen. I actually liked that movie Music and Lyrics, especially the scene where they recorded the song.

I agree with you about Stan's lyrics. He's already improved on his second verse (which I was already totally satisfied with!) It has been a pleasure working with him on this song. In addition to being a top notch lyricist, he has been professional, enthusiastic and fun to work with. Plus, all those hours I usually spend agonizing over every syllable...didn't have to do that with this one. I certainly hope to collaborate with Stan on future songs.

I like all your suggestions on the production. Early on I was thinking about a Fray-like production and that might be a possibility. I think Stan's got some ideas about this, too. It might be fun to do a full production.

Mark

Scott:

Thanks for the comments.

Yeah, that repetition...I think it adds to the melody (but it's starting to look like I'm the only one.) When I was originally playing with melody ideas, that was the thing that really made it work for me. I guess it doesn't sing well, though. So we'll have to look at other ways to get that same effect...background vocals or echoing the phrase with the piano (or something else.) If it really doesn't add anything we should probably drop it cause it would sing smoother. I was thinking that it was a hook but it sounds like it's really not.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Scott. They are appreciated.

Mark

Tom:

Thanks for the encouragement and the vote for a piano demo. After we get the kinks out we'll have to decide which way to go. The piano is definitely easier than a full production (and cheaper, for a pro demo!)

Thanks, Tom.

Mark

Bob:

You know, sometimes I forget that I'm the only one who hears my vocals before pitch correction (except for my dog, of course, and she's getting old and her hearing isn't what it used to be!)

Thanks for the kind words and the vote for a fuller production.

Mark

Gail:

Yeah, Stan stepped in and set his lyrics right to the existing melody...and I love that. It saved me lots of banging my head against my keyboard. (And, no, I don't type with my head!) Thanks for listening and sharing your thoughts.

Mark

JM:

Thanks for stopping by. I haven't been around too much lately and I owe everyone a critique, but it's good to see you.

I know you have collaborated a lot here, and I'm starting to see why. This is my third collaboration and I'm really starting to enjoy it. It's nice being able to share the heavy lifting with someone and pool your ideas, etc.

Thanks for weighing in.

Mark

Ricki:

Good point (as always!) Stan re-wrote that verse after I recorded the work tape:

My high-hopes crashed into the dust/
Those BIG plans for the two of us/
And as faith vanished in the wind,
You helped me find my feet again...

I think he also had the high-hopes crumbling into dust at one point, too. All three lines sing well...I like the crashing best. It's more active.

Thanks for giving this the once over. I hope your writing is going well. I'll have to check out what you've been working on while I've been doing home renovations (well, renovation...so far it's only been a master bath but I'm not very good at it and it is a pretty big job.)

Mark

Letha:

Thanks for the kind words.

I had a slightly different angle on this when I sent Stan what I originally had...but when he wrote the lyrics he went off on a different direction. I was like, what? But I find that sometimes I'm just thinking about the thing the way I'm thinking about it...not because it's better...it's just the way I'm thinking about it. Sometimes the better idea is just different. So, for me, collaborating means opening up to new possibilities that are different than what I have in my head. (And that's a good thing because mostly what I have in my head is old Simpson's episodes and commercial jingles from the 70s!)

Mark

Hi Stan and Mark,

This song connects with me. I feel the singer's love for his beloved. It's apparent in the lyric and in the singing as well.

I loved the melodic leap in the "yes I WAS lost" chorus, very pretty.

The piano, especially the into, reminds me of Marc Cohn, some very pretty sounds...only...I wanted those eight notes to be EVEN, and they sound like they are "swingin'" a little, like the first,third, fifth, and seventh are getting more WEIGHT than all the even ones!

A couple things didn't work for me. "Dead weight" needs carefull phrasing. The way I do "closed words " like these are to give those final consonants strong diction, and their own "note", like an eight note after the long " O " sound.

I wanted "saved me" to just be two little notes, with no grace notes at all, just boom boom...something like, in solfeggio, "you re do" and just hold on to the "me". The very last "saved me" should be the only one like how you are doing it every time on the demo, imo.

This is one of the prettiest songs, musically and lyrically, that I've heard in some time.

Nice work, you guys,

Mike

This is a very pretty song. I think all the experts have weighed-in, so I have nothing to add. Wish I could play anything (guitar, piano, etc..) this well.

This is a good work tape. It's not demo quality but clear enough to give a good preview of the song. Your voice is very pleasant to listen to. Lyrics sound good but you mentioned that Stan has improved the lyrics so I will wait for those.

I really like the chorus. The repetitions don't sound right for one singer to sing but they will sound really good if back up singers are singing some of them with harmony.

The melody of the verses could use a little more work. I can't remember exactly where but there were some places where a pause occurred between words that I think shouldn't be there. If I have time I will go back and find them.

Good work guys. Good collaboration.

Mike:

Thanks for the detailed critique.

I'm not sure if I meant the piano to be like that or not...I'm not very good on the piano (and my timing is bad.) I took lessons for a year but my knowledge improved a lot more than my playing, I think. If we get a pro demo they will straighen out this type of thing.

Those are good tips on the phrasing. This demo contains the two of the three things I do the worst - singing and playing piano (arranging is next, I guess.) I'll have to remember this one because I have a hard time with phrasing.

For the last two words of the chorus, I was trying to get back to the tonic and that two note interval didn't sound right to me. I remember having trouble with that part...but after doing it this way a couple of times it started to grow on me. That's why fresh ears here are so important. I had forgotten that this was a trouble spot.

Thanks for taking the time to share your insights. We'll be making another demo of this song and I'll try to address some of these issues.

Mark

Wendy:

Thanks for listening and for your encouraging words.

Just so you know, I practiced this simple piano part for a LONG time. I didn't play it all the way through on the recording (you can hear the pops where I punched in.) When I was mixing in the vocals, I noticed the name of one of the wave files (which are automatically numbered for each take) on the piano track - it was take 79. I got so frustrated the first night I tried to record this that I gave up and didn't want to record any more. I'm not a good piano player...I'm just REALLY STUBBORN!

Anyway, I would love to sing as well as you do!

Thanks, Wendy.

Mark

Jean:

Thanks for the kind words. We'll post a demo with the revised lyrics when they are locked down.

Yeah, it looks like the repetitions in the chorus didn't work for most. We'll have to address those.

I had a couple of phrasing issues in the verse (I think "vanished" was one, "dead weight" was another that Mike picked up on.) If you remember where those were, please let us know.

Thanks for sharing your impressions.

Mark

Mark/Stan I've had a few listens now I really think you've got a good'un here, worth investing in a full scale demo. You do a very good job with the vocals Mark, but it's a real singers song, and a really high class singer could take it to another level. It could work as a female or male song, I'd say the female version might edge it though.

Some people have mentioned the repetitions in the chorus but I think these are important melodic hooks and part of the signature of the song, so I wouldn't mess around too much with that part.

Good Luck with it!

Lucian

HI Lucian, & Thanks for the Kind Words, Amigo!

When I fist heard Mark's rough-outline of his Melody he had the Chorus pretty-well Lyrically-laid-in. I, for one, LIKED the Emphatic Quality of the Repeats in the lines. IF you imagine a Person DROWNING..(& I've once grabbed Someone Who Was)..their speech IS Rushed/Repeated/and...yeah..even a bit CRAMMED that MOMENT You HAVE Saved 'Em. There IS a bitta Chaos..in EVERY Rescue.

So..I've admired Mark K's sug about Background Singers supplying the Mid-Repeats..BUT have no qualms about The Singer delivering all-3-Reps each of those lines..since, JMO, it's Realistic AND It's Quite an EMPHATIC way of heightening the WOW Power of that Chorus. Musically, he's well-built the TENSION into those lines with those Repeats.

I'll defer to Mark S's better-judgement come Demo Time on HOW Best to Sing the lines-in-question. Neil Diamond comes to mind with the Singer Singin' Back-&-Forth with the Background Gals..(Anyone Remember "Cherry Baby"?) It's certainly Do-Able.

But..IF it sorty Interferes with that "One-On-One" Conversational "Feel"...I'd go with Just The Singer in that section..myself. "Hurried" ain't ALWAYS a Bad Thing.

(And..Just "My POV" ain't always either...heh!) Thanks for adding in Yours..so I could add-in Mine.

I'll add..I set our MP3 of this to the Dad of the Gal who's JUST cut another of my Co-Writes saying "I'm sorry I went around our Producer-Chum's back, BUT I KNOW you're already looking for Her NEXT Hit, and I think We've GOT it here..Already. My Collaborator's in the process of making a Pro Demo for you..& we WILL pitch it through My Producer Buddy..soon."

His Reply: "That Won't be Necessary...I've got The Ears...AND my Daughter's got a full-blown 16-Track Recording Studio in her home. If I hear a Hit, we'll take it from there..& get back to you. Don't spend another penny."

Haven't "Heard Back" yet...but know they're all in Nashcity this week..Label-Shopping..& this song ain't YET "Priority One"..he's probably NOT even heard it YET.

By MY Ears tell me it's an even BETTER ONE than what she's Already Recorded..heh..and I expect The Phone to Ring-Again, soon. (That last one was on HIS Nickel...always a Real Good Sign!)

Time to shaddup & get back to work on Yet Another Song. But, again, a Great BIG Thanks to everyone who commented, & Lucien, you know your Craft, Amigo!

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan