JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Creative Challenge Forum HEY! Another Song Challenge! HOOK = 2 Rhyming Words!!

Good morning all!

Well, as we mosey into the last week of July, I thought it was high time I kicked off a new song challenge. Jean has been great about keeping these going, so I can't have you slackin' off now that it's my turn!!

ANYHOO, the inspiration for this one was Calvin-and-Joice's "Gun Fun". I thought it was a dandy little rhyme...and so I surmised, why not parlay that into a Song Challenge?

Thus, the challenge is as follows: Write about whatever you want to....but your HOOK MUST CONSIST OF TWO RHYMING WORDS, like "Gun Fun"....or "Flat Cat" (that might be something for Joe W., ) or "Dirty Bertie" or "Groovy Movie", etc.

I'm quite interested to see what you come up with...because literally, the possibilities are endless.

So get to it and have some fun! I'll be checkin' in on ya...and also hope to come up with an entry myself. I might even suprprise you, and go "Family-Friendly" for a change. )....

Ciao for now,
Beth

Saw your challenge while waking up. This came out. Not my best, but suitable...


FUNNY HONEY


(V1)
What's that grin you're always sportin'?
What am I in for now?
It seems you have a joke for every hour.

I can always see 'em coming
'cause your eyes get filled with glee.
I only hope it's not your favorite squirting flower.

(Pre-Chorus)
I think that Vaudeville's missing you
and your little straw hat too....

(Chorus)
You're just too FUNNY HONEY!
Got to love your for your mind,
not your looks or your money.
We are two of kind.
You think fast on your feet
and you never miss a beat.
With you, my life is sunny.
You're just too FUNNY HONEY!

(V2)
Where's your cane you have like Chaplin?
I miss that little walk.
Or maybe you can wear your Groucho nose?

But, I don't like the lipstick
when you dress up like Mae West.
Your hairy legs look strange in panty hose.

(Pre-chorus)
If I can put in my two cents,
You need to find an audience...

(Chorus)
You're just too FUNNY HONEY!
Got to love your for your mind,
not your looks or your money.
We are two of kind.
You think fast on your feet
and you never miss a beat.
With you, my life is sunny.
You're just too FUNNY HONEY!

(Bridge)
I've never seen a "top banana"
In this day and age
dancing to Hannah Montanna
on a kitchen table stage...

(Chorus)
You're just too FUNNY HONEY!
Got to love your for your mind,
not your looks or your money.
We are two of kind.
You think fast on your feet
and you never miss a beat.
With you, my life is sunny.
You're just too FUNNY HONEY!

I feel honored in a way that people can say things like "flat cat" and think of me. I feel I have touched people's lives in some sick and twisted way.

I was thinking of "snail trails" myself (have to do something about the Antarctican zombie snails, after all). Something like (no, it ain't finished, I'm just working on it):

Come with me to Antarctica
It's gonna be lots of fun
We can hike the trails of the zombie snails
In the light of the midnight sun
We'll make out amid the geysers
Till the glaciers start to glow
And rescue all the scientists
Abducted down below.

Come with me to Antarctica
The weather's always nice
And the frantic wails of the zombie snails
Echo 'cross the ice
We'll track them to their hiding place
Turn up the radio
And play 'em country music
Till they let our people go.

Come with me to Antarctica
I can't do this alone
We c'n collect the scales of the zombie snails
To sell when we get home
We'll round up all the scientists
And see which ones survived
And invite them to our wedding
If we make it back alive.

There will (alas) probably be more. Strange things done in the midnight sun, as ol' Robert Service used to say.

Joe

HEY, H & J!

So far, so good! I'll come back to comment in a bit. First I wanted to post this, while it's fresh in my mind....

Enjoy!!

Beth


"Stupid Cupid"
©2009 Lyrics, Beth G. Williams

Something’s wrong with Love these days
It’s all turned upside down
No one lets it just occur
Instead we comb the town

Annie falls in love with Dan
But Dan prefers Eileen
She has eyes for only Sue
Who has the hots for Jean

Why is romance so much work? It didn’t used to be
Hold on, I think I found the source of all this misery….
Stupid Cupid!!

Stupid Cupid
Threw the game
Stupid Cupid
Blew his aim
Naughty boy, for shame, for shame
Squandering Love’s brilliant flame
Stupid, yes he was…
Stupid Cupid

On-line dating was the rage
He vowed “I’ll get them back”
Laid it all out in his room
A One-Way Love Attack!

That’s why romance is so hard but didn’t used to be
Jealous baby Eros started all this misery….
Stupid Cupid!!

Stupid Cupid
Threw the game
Stupid Cupid
Blew his aim
Naughty boy, for shame, for shame
Squandering Love’s brilliant flame
Stupid, yes he was
Stupid Cupid

Until that day, he missed his mark, distracted by a sparrow
So Ann and Art, both in the park, were struck by Cupid’s arrow
She looked at him, he looked at her, she said “Let’s find some shade….”
“I’m hot” she said, and he agreed, and thus true Love was made

Stupid Cupid
Found his game
Lost the “stupid”
From his name
Though he wouldn’t take the blame
Still he shoots ‘em straight again
Stupid, yes he was…
Stupid Cupid

TAG:
So remember….
If you’re looking, you’ll never find it
But when Love strikes, Cupid’s behind it


Please note that though my hook isn't a PURE rhyme, it does qualify under Section 2, Sub-Section B, Paragraph iii, of the afore-mentioned challenge, whereby "the initiator of said challenge, may, as he or she deems fit, bend the rules a smidge to his or her bidding". Didn't you see that part? I'll send you a copy in the mail....

Cute, Beth. Much better, I think, than the song by those doo-wop guys back in the 1950s or so. Yours has an interesting (and entertaining) plot.

Joe

Hi Joe,

Like I said, I'll be back later to do some posting...but in the meantime, HOW DEVASTATING to learn another version of this hook exists!! And here I thought I was being so clever .....

Still, you're very sweet to clue me in in such an encouraging way!

Ciao for now,
Beth

P.S. Snails huh?

Yeah, snails. Abducting Antarctican Zombie Snails. to be exact. Can't you just see the music video?

And I wouldn't worry about the song-of-the-same-name problem. The old "Stupid Cupid" wasn't that popular a song, and I doubt many people remember it any more.

Joe

Ah Joe,

Would that it were so simple....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v5Hf6kTtgM

And worse YET, it's STUCK IN MY HEAD!!!

BooHooing Boo

Oh, that is too bad. There's more than one YouTube video with that song, too. Well, how about just calling yours "Cupid, Stupid"?

joed

Nah, I'm good. I never check for previously-used hooks, so this is ultimately an educational moment for me.

Later,
me

I think the snail song is going to turn into a love song. It has a chorus now, and that's going to force the verses to become more erotic (if it's possible to apply the term to snails--we'll see).

Joe

Emancipation Proclamation
©2009 Lyrics, Tom Tracy

I got a new life
A smoke and a knife
A flame and a fire inside
There’s nothing to hold me
Stepping out boldly
Casting the old life aside

Emancipation Proclamation
I’m telling ya
I am free
Emancipation Proclamation
No binding tyranny!


I fly with the eagle
Soar like the hawk
Run like the deer in the wind
I stand on the mountain
Walk through the fountain
Eyes no longer skinned

Emancipation Proclamation
I’m telling ya
I am free
Emancipation Proclamation
No binding tyranny!

Hey Heidi,

We can always count on you for supporting us in these challenges. So right up front, thanks for playing!

As for the lyric, hee hee hee. Such fun to correlate the "funny honey" with all the Vaudeville-esque characters. It would actually make a humorous music video too (though I suspect in a slightly different genre than Joe's.... ).

No obvious nits to speak of (I know this was a quickie )...but I couldn't quite get the meter in your opening verses. HOWEVER, you bring it all home in the chorus, and then you toss out THIS gem -- which makes it well-worth the price of admission:

But, I don't like the lipstick
when you dress up like Mae West.
Your hairy legs look strange in panty hose.

Ho ho ho, ha ha ha!

Thanks for the entertainment, Heidi. You're one "funny honey" too!

Ciao for now,
Beth

Okay, hiwigo. Ignore earlier post. We have [drum roll]...


[4/4, as brightly as possible]

SNAILS' TRAILS
(THE ANTARCTIC TRAILS OF THE ZOMBIE SNAILS: A LOVE SONG)
--J. Wrabek

1.
Come with me to Antarctica
It's gonna be lots of fun
We’ll hike the trails of the zombie snails
Beneath the midnight sun
We’re gonna find the scientists
Abducted years ago
And used for breeding purposes
By the evil escargot.

CHORUS:
Summer in Antarctica
Where the sun shines bright above
And they tell strange tales of the zombie snails
And the things they do for love
Makin’ out amid the glaciers
In the land of ice and snow
And mating with the scientists
They abducted years ago.

2.
Come with me to Antarctica
The weather's always nice
And the lovesick wails of the zombie snails
Echo 'cross the ice
We'll track them to their nesting place
And turn up the radio
And play 'em country music
Till they let our people go.

CHORUS:
Summer in Antarctica
Where the sun shines bright above
And they tell strange tales of the zombie snails
And the things they do for love
Makin’ out amid the glaciers
In the land of ice and snow
And mating with the scientists
They abducted years ago.

3.
Come with me to Antarctica
I can't do this alone
We’ll collect the scales of the zombie snails
To sell when we get home
We'll round up all the scientists
And see which ones survived
And invite them to our wedding
If we make it back alive.

CHORUS:
Summer in Antarctica
Where the sun shines bright above
And they tell strange tales of the zombie snails
And the things they do for love
Makin’ out amid the glaciers
In the land of ice and snow
And mating with the scientists
They abducted years ago.

© 2009 J. Wrabek dba Outside Services Ltd. All the usual rights reserved just in case. No glaciers or scientists were harmed in the writing of this song. Not sure about the snails.

Okay, Joe, so you want me to skip this version? It does have its appeal...and I will say, it scared the patooties (sp?) out 'o my youngin's when I read it to them earlier....But your wish is my command...

Just not sure how this should work in the first come first serve department....

Back in a bit....
Beth

Yes, try the later one first. I think I incorporated almost everything. And thank you. I don't think I ever scared anybody so bad they lost their patooties before.

Joe

Ok Beth I'll bite

Ok need a disclaimer... This song is not meant to put down anyone from personal looks or choices.. It's to point out that people are not always truthful (that's putting it lightly) in online and other not in person dating services.. In that light on with the show...



Phony Bologna

1st Verse
Said you’d like the chance to meet me
Sent me a text from your mobile tele
Online dating service introduced us
Time has built a certain sense of trust

2nd Verse
Five foot six athletic beauty
Height weight proportional cutie
That’s the description I was given
Should a known I’d received a ribbin’

Pre chorus
Said you be sitting with your back to bar and a solitary red rose
All I saw was a half ton troll with three chins and half a nose

Chorus
Phony Bologna
The truth lies in outer space
Phony Bologna
The last six months a waste
Phony Bologna
I sure don’t want a taste..
Such a disgrace
It’s phony bologna

3rd Verse
You texted me on why I stood you up
When I’d asked to drink from your loving cup
Said girl didn’t you mean a fifty gallon drum?
I could only imagine my legs going numb

Pre- chorus
Then I said I also desire honesty and your in short supply
She said well I didn’t tell you the worst part hon I used to be a guy

Chorus
Phony Bologna
The truth lies in outer space
Phony Bologna
The last six months a waste
Phony Bologna
I sure don’t want a taste..
Such a disgrace
It’s phony bologna

Bridge
Learned an important lesson from that online dating service
Anyone who doesn’t have a live webcam sure makes me nervous

Chorus
Phony Bologna
The truth lies in outer space
Phony Bologna
The last six months a waste
Phony Bologna
I sure don’t want a taste..
Such a disgrace
It’s phony bologna

Copyright July 27th 2009 Derek Hines BMI All Rights Reserved

HI Derek

Do you mind if I post Mine with the SAME NAME ? still doesn't have music but different-- Ha maybe I'll write a New one too
: ) nice job .,,, jm

here ya go...............

Phony Bologna © 2008 Joice Marie

smooth moves, she's smart
got the sweet words down
even talks, courts 'n sports
with the jocks around

it's funny, boys don't know it
but she takes and takes
phony bologna, rich girl and real fake
hot dogs and wieners
Save your roll 'cause she's cold
And plain phony bologna

always a punch line
gushing comradery
my oh my, that's divine
then takes the cheese

it's funny, boys don't know it
but she takes and takes
phony bologna, rich girl and real fake
hot dogs and wieners
Save your roll, 'cause she's cold
And plain phony bologna

guess it's the knockers, that knock out their sight
flattery makes a mockery, as lemmings fall from great heights

it's funny, boys don't know it
but she takes and takes
phony bologna, rich girl and real fake
hot dogs and wieners
Save your roll 'cause she's cold
And plain phony bologna

it's funny, boys don't know it
but she takes the cake
phony bologna, rich girl and real fake


it's funny, boys don't know it
but she's phony bologna
always takes and takes
phony bologna
rich girl and real fake

it's funny, boys don't know it
but she takes the cake
phony bologna, rich girl and real fake
hot dogs and wieners
Save your roll 'cause she's cold
And plain phony bologna

Satans Waitin'
© words and music by C. Stewart ( July 28, 2009 )

Ya walk through life
See the sunshine
But look the other way

Hear the laughter
Smiling faces
But that's not how you play

Satans waitin'
Screaming out your name
Satans waitin'
Hopes you play his game

You're on his list
Of things to do
Is it too late to pray

Hell yeah !
Hell no !
Make a decision
Which way do ya go

Satans waitin'
Waitin' round for you
Satans waitin'
Goin' down with you

There's a red hot flame if ya want it
A parkin' place with your name on it
Satins waitin'
His best friends are evil and lust
They'd love to get their hands on us

We're on his list
Of things to do
Is it too late to pray

Hell yeah
Hell no
Make a decision
Which way do ya go

Satans waitin'
Satans waitin'
Satans waitin'
Satans waitin'

Yes go for it! I don't mind

Oh you did lol... Cool we thought of the same title lol
Derek

Wow that was awesome Joice ... Very good use of the hook and I loved the line about men being lemmings falling from great heights! Priceless!

Derek
aka
tHaT
gUy

Hey JM and TG,

I'll come back to your individual songs in a bit...but thought I'd share that I had some thoughts about a lyric of my own with the hook "Phony Bologna" ! Clearly, a case of THREE great minds thinking alike!!

Back to you soon,
Beth

Does pose an interesting question. Is there a synonym for "phoney baloney" (not "phogna bologna"--that's not a synonym) that also rhymes?

Joe

Do the two words have to be right next to each other?
My mind is wondering and I'm thinking ideas like:
- Dress for success
or
- EEK a GEEK!

Okay, Joe, here we go!!

Let me say, right off the bat, this is priceless. I enjoyed everything about it. It's beyond unique...and you brought in so many interesting elements and details.

I can't even pull out favorite lines...because I love ALL of it...no kidding. You MUST musicate this one, Joe. I bet you could find some great sound effects for the "snail"...sort of a squooshy, muffled, conspiratorial noise? There are so many cool ways to go with it. Actually, though, you're right: a music video would be even better. Gosh you could have some fun. I'd love to see the storyboard for it!!!

One question: do you think that when the "evil escargot" (HA!) got together with the scientists, they might have asked for a few huskies to get in on the act, and then only had male progeny? I'm thinking that's where the whole "snips and SNAILS, and puppy dog tails, that's what little boys are made of" came from...

Anyhoo, Joe, this is one of my favorites of yours ever. As for commercial viability...hmmmmm...seems a bit of a niche market....but who cares!?!? It's awesome!!

Thanks for sharing,
Boo

P.S. For fear of additional patootie loss, on such a hot day, I have yet to read this version to the kids. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes, if I dare to risk it...

Hey Tom,

Thank you for your patience...though in reading your lyric, I'm wondering if there is some hidden hostility towards females lurking between the lines !

It's an interesting approach you take -- as if you've really stripped yourself of all the modern-day contraptions, and gone back to almost a Neantherthal existence (you should listen to Ricki's song "Wild Oats"...where she mentions how hubby has turned the basement into his "man cave" !).

Course, I could be accused of "projecting", but no worries either way. I thought this was sparse and well-written. Any lyric where you can incorporate nature and not sound like a Granola commercial works for me. (not that there's anything WRONG with Granola, mind you, some of my best friends eat Granola !! )

Also, on the yucky "Eyes no longer skinned" line : I wonder if you could somehow talk about life as BLINDING, and that would rhyme with "BINDING" later. Not sure that would make a difference, just a thought.

Anyhoo Tom, thank you for playing. I appreciate the time and support.

Have a groovy day!
Beth

Good idea, Beth. And one I couldn't resist.
In fact, I've included this as one of my 50/90 Challenge songs.

Don't know where all the raunchy stuff is coming from...Maybe I need to get a real life.

Donna

Stranger Danger

(v1)
Dark draws down
Like a rough woollen cloak
To hide the fading light
You stand in the doorway
Light up a smoke
Then step out into the night

Chorus
There’s no stranger danger
Than danger with a stranger
And it’s no strange thing
That what attracts me to you
Is you’re no stranger to danger
And you know I’m danger too

(v2)
Ev’ning plans
Start to slowly unfold
I see it in your eyes
Been watching each other
With heat on hold
Trying blasé on for size

Chorus
There’s no stranger danger
Than danger with a stranger
And it’s no strange thing
That what attracts me to you
Is you’re no stranger to danger
And you know I’m danger too

Bridge
t’s all playing out on Temptation street
You nod, move toward me, don’t miss a beat
I feel my skin flush, there’ll be no rush
Need to be discreet when strangers meet

Chorus
There’s no stranger danger
Than danger with a stranger
And it’s no strange thing
That what attracts me to you
Is you’re no stranger to danger
And you know I’m danger too

©2009 Donna Devine

Hey, Thankee for The Challenge..I been a bit Blocked this week!

Hereweegooooo....

Life Comes Apart when Ya Lose your Heart
To A RICH BITCH
So HARD To SCORE, when It's ALL Been DONE BEFORE
By That RICH BITCH
You can Pick-&-Choose (But ya Alway Lose)
Choosin' THIS BITCH
See, Chances ARE She Can Buy & Sell YOU
'Cuz She's a RICH BITCH!

Yeah, After Dark, She WON'T Walk In The Park
She's A RICH BITCH
Her Romance ONLY Gets HOT If Ya Got a YACHT
(That Works for THIS BITCH)
Ya Humiliate Yourse'f to be Her BFF
'Cuz She's a RICH BITCH
She Won't Appreciate You, Just One Thing T'DO
Hey, Pull a SWITCH-BITCH!

(BRIDGE)
Yeah, Beware when She's Got MONEY
She's NOT Out Shoppin' for a Poorer HONEY
You Won't SCORE with Her DAD & MUMMY
They'll All Laugh at YOU (& IT Ain't FUNNY!)

So Play-The-Field to get a Better-Yield Than
A RICH BITCH
Usually Stuck on Themself & Their Superior Wealth, Yeah
A RICH BITCH
Somehow You'll Learn, Usually AFTER You're Burned
Watch Out for THIS BITCH
A Poorer-Gal..Makes a Lifetime PAL, So DITCH
Your RICH BITCH

(TAG)
There Ain't Much JOY..Bein' HER Boy-Toy
So Ditch Your RICH BITCH~!

(C) 2009 by Stan Good, BMI
All Rights Reserved.

Tom, I'm just seeing this now, as I head off to La-La land...was going to hold off on some more posting here until I wake up some tomorrow!!

Anyhoo, while Control-Issues-Driven Boo might be inclined to say it MUST be Two Consecutive Rhyming Words, and Nothing Else....Ne'er-Do-Well Boo is going to loosen her bun (metaphorically speaking of course) and relax the rules at the same time . So as long as you have two rhyming words in there somewhere, Tom, the skies the limit!!

Besides, far be it for me to stand in the way of a MUSE!!

Thanks for the question, Tom. Have a good evening!

Beth

Don't forget "loose Muse." Has possibilities, it does.

joe

Hey Joe

I got a muse loose song.. It's in my library somewhere.. If Beth doesn't object I'll post it!
Derek
aKa
ThAT
gUy

I may have a few that fit, but will challenge you to think of the one song that has many sets of two words that rhyme. Can you guess it? It wasn't a big hit, but was sung by someone who has had many big hits.

Hey Beth Thanks for your comments. This was a COMPLETELY different approach, and kind of an experiment to me. I had the two big words I wanted to use that rhyhmed. They created an imagery, and I wanted to show freedom power and a false sense of immortality. But once I had the two words, a melody, and a concept in my head, I didn't think about words or what I was saying, just wrote down what came into my head at the moment. It was most likely entirely written in a minute or two. Just an experiment if you will, so don't read into it too deeply. NO hidden hostilities.
As far as the "skinned my eyes" it's an old antiquated expression that means "stay alert" or "on guard". Very odd one, but it's what came to me quickly.
Thanks for letting me play! I'll go back to reading what others write and eating my granola.

Sorry kids!

I know, I'm way behind here , but I hope to get cranking on my comments tomorrow . In the meantime, I'm psyched to see so many posts, going in all sorts of different directions !

Thanks, then, for your patience. And if I can, I'll also try to toss out some other combos -- maybe one will catch someone's eye. How about, for example, "Pickup Hiccup" ...or for that matter, "Hiccup Pick-up" ?! SEE, I told you it was past my bed-time!

In the meantime, beechnut, I'm afraid I don't know (I don't think) the correct answer to your question. The only song that comes to mind is "The Name Game".... but I'm looking up the singer for that, let's see.... Shirley Ellis? Does she qualify? Anyway, a fun song nevertheless....BUUUUUUUT, I bet if you read the LYRICS, you're going to get it caught in your head, so proceed with caution!

Shirley!
Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley
Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley!

Lincoln!
Lincoln, Lincoln bo Bincoln Bonana fanna fo Fincoln
Fee fy mo Mincoln, Lincoln!

Come on everybody!
I say now let's play a game
I betcha I can make a rhyme out of anybody's name
The first letter of the name, I treat it like it wasn't there
But a B or an F or an M will appear
And then I say bo add a B then I say the name and Bonana fanna and a
fo
And then I say the name again with an F very plain
and a fee fy and a mo
And then I say the name again with an M this time
and there isn't any name that I can't rhyme

Arnold!
Arnold, Arnold bo Barnold Bonana fanna fo Farnold
Fee fy mo Marnold Arnold!

But if the first two letters are ever the same,
I drop them both and say the name like
Bob, Bob drop the B's Bo ob
For Fred, Fred drop the F's Fo red
For Mary, Mary drop the M's Mo ary
That's the only rule that is contrary.

Okay? Now say Bo: Bo
Now Tony with a B: Bony
Then Bonana fanna fo: bonana fanna fo
Then you say the name again with an F very plain: Fony
Then a fee fy and a mo: fee fy mo
Then you say the name again with an M this time: Mony
And there isn't any name that you can't rhyme

Every body do Tony!
Pretty good, let's do Billy!
Very good, let's do Marsha!
A little trick with Nick!
The name game

Until tomorrow then!
Beth

HEY T.G.!

Gee, you're going to spoil us with all these visits! And thanks a bunch for taking the bite!

As for worries about it referencing anyone's looks, you're sweet to provide that disclaimer. But I think you're capturing the reality of what very often becomes a "blind date" situation! And frankly, this line is priceless!!

All I saw was a half ton troll with three chins and half a nose

I do think the meter could be cleaned up a bit in the verses and the pre-chorus...but the Chorus is great. My only sug there might be to remove "THE" from the beginning of your second line, which is teensy.

Phony Bologna
The Truth lies in outer space
Phony Bologna
The last six months a waste
Phony Bologna
I sure don’t want a taste..
Such a disgrace
It’s phony bologna

The payoff where "she" is actually a "he" is fun -- though I daresay it might have been even funnier if the conquest was SUPPOSED to be a guy (written from the gal's perspective of course). Then you'd have that "double meaning" for your hook.

Regardless, a nice light-hearted romp!!

Thanks for playing,
Boo

Hey there J.M.!

I remember this from when you posted it a while back -- and the passage of time has done nothing to dilute my enjoyment of it.

EVERYONE knows a girl (or group of girls) who are like this. And still, as you note, the fellas seem impervious to her guile!

Accordingly, this is still my favorite part :

guess it's the knockers, that knock out their sight
flattery makes a mockery, as lemmings fall from great heights

My only consolation is that SOME of these same gals either burn out really quickly, go thru 8 or 9 husbands (not necessarily their own!) with not much REAL love to show for it and/or end up all alone at some bar, as washed-out has-beens with a bad dye job.

Was that too harsh?!

Still, others can keep on working it and live happily ever after. So good for them.

Sorry, Joice, didn't mean to go off on this little diatribe! I guess you just caught me in one of those moods!!

That aside, thanks so much for your insightful social commentary!!!

Have a good day,
Beth

Just thought I would tell you what the song was I mentioned that had many sets of rhyming words. It was "Small, y'all" on a Randy Travis CD.

Hiya Calvin,

Now THERE'S a hook I think we can all relate to (well...some of us more than others I suppose ) !!!

Anyhoo, good concept. I like how you've played out the good boy-bad boy dilemma here...

Hell yeah !
Hell no !
Make a decision
Which way do ya go

....and that you leave it unresolved.

I trust if you musicate this one, you'll make it suitably sneaky and sinister, using that real low register of yours I like so much. OOOOH, I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

Of course, having just re-read Joe's zombie snails from Antarctica piece, that wasn't a big leap....
Anyhoo, thanks for getting into the spirit of this challenge and having some fun too.

Ciao for now,
Beth

HEY, that Randy fella SO totally stole the words outta my mouth!! Course, I was goin' for "TALL, y'all" , so I guess I'll cut him some slack...

Still, thanks for sharing....thought I'd do the same....

Looking forward to what you come up with next,
Beth


Small, Y'all

Honey, you think he's got an attitude,
So you treat him just a little too rude.
Buddy, you think she's a little too cold,
So you act like a two-year old.

Don't it make you feel low, Joe?
Don't it make you feel mean, Jean?
Don't it make you feel ashamed of yourselves?
Don't it make you feel small y'all?

Boy, you say something bad about her brother.
Girl, you say something mean about his mother.
Tempers flare and insults fly
And you're both just wantin' to die.

Don't you feel like a jerk, Kirk?
Don't you feel like a ninny, Ginny?
Don't it make you feel ashamed of yourselves?
Don't it make you feel small y'all?

Now lady, you say you don't live him no more.
Mister, you kick down the bedroom door.
She calls you names you never heard before,
And now its a full scale war.

Don't it make you feel crazy, Daisy?
Mentally ill, Bill?
Don't it make you feel ashamed of yourselves?
Don't it make you feel small y'all?

Six o'clock, eight o'clock, nine o'clock, ten,
The neighbors all know that you're at it again.
And two little kids just a few feet away,
Hear every word you say.

Don't it make you feel bad, dad?
Don't it make you feel wrong, mom?
Don't it make you feel ashamed of yourselves?
Don't it make you feel small y'all?

Don't it make you feel ashamed of yourselves?
Don't it make you feel small y'all?

What's What

The what ifs and whatevers
In the routine of daily endeavors
The what nows and what fors
The shoving and slamming of doors
Never spending more
Than a passing thought
To find out what's what

A long stare or a quick glance
Write it off to happen stance
Never thinking of a second chance
Just another flip reply
Nothing more than a passerby
Contect to express only despair

The what ifs and whatevers
In the routine of daily endeavors
The what nows and what fors
The shoving and slamming of doors
Never spending more
Than a passing thought
To find out what's what

The loud burst or silent phrase
Yielding to that which pays
Never thinking of waking days
Just another quip to try
Toe see what will and won't fly
Content to play only solitaire

The what ifs and whatevers
In the routine of daily endeavors
The what nows and what fors
The shoving and slamming of doors
Never spending more
Than a passing thought
To find out what's what

Copyright © 2003 by Kennan Zishka

Hi Donna,

OOOOOH, another one giving me goosebumps!! Of course, in a different way than I had expected. Being the parent of two youngins, we're always talking about STRANGER DANGER -- don't follow the man who says he's looking for a lost kitten! Don't take the offered candy! Etc.!

This was a welcome respite in that regard.

Anyhoo, talk about setting the scene. Loved the alliteration right at the outset....and the slow smokey build.

As I'm reading this, it's giving a better idea of your suggestions on my song over on Lyric 3. You've created a MOOD and flushed it out with details...as opposed to jamming in details to justify a mood.

I don't have any issues with the tongue-twister nature of the Chorus. BUT, it might take a person a few times listening to it to follow your different uses of the word "stranger".

Anyhoo, me like. Thanks for playing...and glad it gave you some additional fodder for your 50/90 challenge.

Catch ya later,
Beth

Hey Stanerooski,

It was fun chatting with you earlier today. And I'm glad this Challenge seems to have unblocked your muse -- how many songs have you got going these days anyway ?!?!

So let's see what we have here..."Rich Bitch", huh? Funny, I just finally listened to "Bitchy Ass", and earlier we were talking about "The Bitch Is Back". There must be something in the water....

My, there is quite a bit of vitriol here Stan! PLEASE don't tell me this is The One That Got Away....because if it is, GOOD RIDDANCE.

And if not, you've painted a very real description of a common two-word-rhyme personality. While it doesn't account for POOR bitches, or RICH girls who AREN'T bitches, I think you've chosen the most interesting combination.

While this is one of my fave lines...

Her Romance ONLY Gets HOT If Ya Got a YACHT

....I'm not sure what you meant in these lines:

She Won't Appreciate You, Just One Thing T'DO
Hey, Pull a SWITCH-BITCH!

Do you mean, like pull a SWITCH BLADE OUT? Or make some sort of switch and get a new guy? Or do you mean, you want to pull THE switch -- as in the electric chair? All possibilities as far I can see, Mr. G.

Anyhoo, this was a good cathartic romp. Thanks for playing!! I'll have to check your other one out a bit later....

Ciao for now,
Jackie

Good idea Joseph. But up he-uh in Maine, don'tcha know, we've godda keep ah eyes open for the "LOOSE MOOSE"....

Laytah!

Beth

I know. one of my neighbors (Chippewa Bob, the saw player) has a bumper sticker on his truck that says: "EAT MOOSE. 24,000 wolves can't be wrong."

Joe

Hey Tom/"John",

Yes, I had to say I was surprised -- pleasantly so -- by this new direction from you. That's what's so cool about these challenges...they don't "cost" us anything, give us an excuse to try something new...and if something viable comes out of them -- musically and/or commercially, all the better.

Thanks for the explanation on the eyes thingy -- I think! And again, thanks for playing!

Beth

Hi Kennan,

You have been supremely patient here waiting for my response...so let's qualify this as the "Last But Far From Least" entry -- how does that grab ya!?

Anyhoo, I liked your hook. It immediately took me to the Abbott and Costello "Who's On First" routine...but I was way off on that one it seems...

The lyric itself is quite melancholy, bordering on depressing. Which is okay, I'm just trying to "peg" it. You've communicated the Sense of Futility which many of us feel, making it very relatable.

You've also got some great imagery and rhymes....the "whatevers" with "endeavors" is quite ingenious.

My only nit would be that you've given your singer a bit of a tongue twister with some of the transitional phrasing. Meter-wise, it seems off a smidge too, which might make it even more challenging for a musicator. Of course, the latter could be addressed in the musication....

As a weird aside, I'm hearing a little Dr. Seuss in here too. I must be getting dehydrated or something!!

Seriously, Kenna, I appreciate you taking the time and interest to participate in this challenge. I think you have the existential beginnings of a terrific song....so I'd love to hear you playing around with it a bit more (even though I note the copyright is 2003.) Sometimes we just need that extra kick in the pants to get going...

Have a good evening,
Beth