|
11 members (JAPOV, Fdemetrio, Bill Draper, Sunset Poet, couchgrouch, bennash, Gavin Sinclair, Everett Adams, 2 invisible),
1,428
guests, and
309
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
|
.
by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
|
|
|
|
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 10:08 AM
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 12:41 AM
|
|
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/22/24 10:39 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/22/24 11:04 AM
|
|
|
.
by Rob B. - 04/21/24 08:40 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 03:22 PM
|
|
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 12:36 PM
|
.
by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 12:34 PM
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
This was recently on the lyric board. I recorded it as a draft for comments - off pitch and all warts showing! Questions are whether the treatment suits the lyrics? I am undecided whether to finish it out as an acoustic song or electrify as more of a rocker. Or should it be changed into a country song or what? All comments are solicited. [color:#990000][size:14pt]Chasing Seagulls[/size][/color] Chasing Seagulls Copyright © 2009 Colin Ward V1 Chasing seagulls, Dolphins jumping, I've got sand, between my toes, Small bikinis, Sun is shining, What I'm thinking, no-one knows V2 Chasing seagulls, Girls are laughing, Palm trees leaning in the breeze, Sailing green hulls, Waves are crashing, But it's not enough to please me Chorus 'Cause I'm not happy here in Paradise, When you're a thousand miles away, Take a chance and come on down, Let's go chasing seagulls today V3 Chasing seagulls, Skimming stones, People near me catching rays, Jethro Tull songs, Empty rib bones, My mind keeps drifting, up your way Chorus Bridge It's hard to leave your comfort zone, Hard to leave family behind, But life is good in Paradise, Stick your toe in the Gulf and you'll be fine Instrumental verse Chorus I'm not happy here in Paradise, When you're a thousand miles away, Take a chance and come on down, Let's go chasing seagulls today
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,845
Top 100 Poster
|
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,845 |
Writing this prior to listening.. When reading the lyric is gives me sort of an Elvis "Blue Hawaii" feel, or something Disney, like "The little mermaid" soundtrack.
So I'd expect a lighter pop treatment, perhaps with some carribian influences.
Back to listen tomorrow :-)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082 Likes: 1
Top 10 Poster
|
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082 Likes: 1 |
Hi Colin: Personally, I wouldn't countrify it....  Musical treatment fits it nicely as is, imo. I think it has the right vibe to it. This arrangement works for me. It is likely that a more electrified version would too though - maybe some electric guitar with reverb on the instrumental section.... I DO like it like this though - can imagine it playing while I'm laying on the beach at Fort Desoto Scott
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 81
Serious Contributor
|
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 81 |
Collin,
I like the feel that you have. I'd like to hear a full rhythm section but not too much other stuff. Percussion toys might be good.
A couple of thoughts re V3:
1) I wouldn't use a specific artist. It could be a deal killer for someone who hates Jethro Tull. (not me) Something more generic like "summer love songs" might work.
2) Don't know about "empty" rib bones. Maybe after they've been washed by the surf for a while. Are they whale rib bones? Some sort of tropical instrument? Maybe you were carelessly "tossing" rib bones. 8?)
I think it's pretty catchy and worth developing.
JW
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Hi Magne,
Not sure this sounds like you expect!
Scott,
Thanks for listening. This was inspired by my visit to Fort DeSoto last Sunday so I am glad you got the vibe.
JW,
I chose Jethro Tull for an incidental rhyme with seagull but I get your point. Not sure I care about someone liking it if they don't like Jethro Tull! Empty rib bones is a reference to the picnickers there. Thanks for commenting.
Colin
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
Top 40 Poster
|
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895 |
Hi Colin,
This has a very cool vibe. I really like the guitar and the acoustic treatment. Lyrically, I like what you have too, with only a few nits.
I like the Jethro Tull part but not so much the next line. You need another word than "empty". How about:
Jethro Tull songs,
Tossing rib bones
In the bridge, instead of
"But life is good in Paradise"
how about:
"Life can be good in Paradise"
because previously you said
"I'm not happy here in Paradise"
So, life CAN be good, IF she's there.
Overall, well worth working on but personally I wouldn't over-produce it. It's really cool now.
Just some thoughts.
Ricki
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3
Top 10 Poster
|
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3 |
I'm liking the guitar riff and the overall vibe. Lyric-wise the Jethro Tull line does not seem to fit the "beach" theme, but during the performance it doesn't really stick out as odd (if that makes any sense).
Nice lead stuff, too. Good vocals on this one.
Edit: This one can have an electric as well as an acoustic version -- why restrict yourself to one or the other?
Kevin
Last edited by Kevin Emmrich; 08/24/09 12:11 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
Top 50 Poster
|
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210 |
This was recently on the lyric board. I recorded it as a draft for comments - off pitch and all warts showing! Questions are whether the treatment suits the lyrics? I am undecided whether to finish it out as an acoustic song or electrify as more of a rocker. Or should it be changed into a country song or what? All comments are solicited. [size:14pt]Chasing Seagulls[/size][/color] Chasing Seagulls Copyright © 2009 Colin Ward V1 Chasing seagulls, Dolphins jumping, I've got sand, between my toes,-[color:#FF0000] maybe got sand between my toes- instead of I've got?? Small bikinis, Sun is shining, What I'm thinking, no-one knows V2 Chasing seagulls, Girls are laughing, Palm trees leaning in the breeze,- if you shorten the 3rd line of verse one, as I suggested then you can say Palms leaning instead of palm trees.. just a thought Sailing green hulls, Waves are crashing, But it's not enough to please me_ I would leave off the ME- it seems to crowded and you still keep the rhyme- :) Chorus 'Cause I'm not happy here in Paradise, When you're a thousand miles away, Take a chance and come on down, Let's go chasing seagulls today V3 Chasing seagulls, Skimming stones, People near me catching rays, by me Jethro Tull songs, Empty rib bones, My mind keeps drifting, up your way Chorus Bridge It's hard to leave your comfort zone, Hard to leave family behind,- It may be me, but maybe you can say leave IT all behind so it doesnt sound like you are asking someone to leave her family- as in husband, kids, and it still is clear in meaning, to leave IT behind- which is more broad. jmho:) But life is good in Paradise, Stick your toe in the Gulf and you'll be fine Instrumental verse Chorus I'm not happy here in Paradise, When you're a thousand miles away, Take a chance and come on down, Let's go chasing seagulls today
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,845
Top 100 Poster
|
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,845 |
Hey Colin, Back to listen! I like it a lot, and think what you have works. Some suggestions.. I really think the riff you use throughout is great! It sounds too bluesy to my ears, though, having the lyric in mind. Perhaps you could play it more Bossa Nova like? Here a couple of ideas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl8J2AcwngAhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCrcpulSZCU&feature=channelThat's what I would prefer to hear over this.. I think the music you have is fine, so it just a suggestion on style. Lyrically, I'd swap the Jethro Tull reference, as the music is nothing like Jethro Tull unless you plan to put an electric flute in the demo arrangement. So works like an distracting image for me. Arrangement wise, a light keypad and something more could soften up what you have, but preferably with a more lighter feel than blues comping. Blues sounds a bit 'hard' for this lyric, to my ears. But arrangement could soften it up a lot, even without going bossa, I think. So, this would work if rest of your set sounds like that, but 'chasing seagulls' sounds like a good invitation for dancing some bossa nova. So to me that would be getting the most of this wonderful lyric :-) Anyway, great job on writing and putting music to this, Colin. I like it a lot!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,904
Top 100 Poster
|
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,904 |
Colin,
I'm partial to acoustic guitar so I know I prefer the current version to an electric one (but that is just one old folkie's opinion). Both the rhythm and acoustic lead parts are really nice. If you were to put in some electric guitar I think it should just compliment the acoustic guitar and not override or replace it. I enjoyed listening!
Clint
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Top 10 Poster
|
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186 |
Hi Colin
I love everything about this.... made me wanna sing along........
I think you should write the girl singer version also. : D jm
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 47
Serious Contributor
|
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 47 |
I feel what you are trying to get across. There are alot of great comments on the flow of the lyrics. Great gutitar work!
I really like Magne's idea of putting this in a bossa nova. Why? People like it when you can smile through the pain. I always argue with people about prosody and in this case you have it, too much, imo. I felt like chasing seagulls with rocks, I was so mad that my wife was'nt with me on this awesome beach!
Maybe this is a poor example but look at "born in the USA" its a downer of a song but everyone loves it cuz the way he plays it.
I would like to hear this as a "happy sounds with anhedonia on the beach theme" I am curious as to how this would sound.
just my $0.0000345
Tim
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Ricki,
Thanks for the listen...good suggestions which I will no doubt adopt or learn from.
Kevin,
Thanks for listening. The Jethro Tull mention is just to describe what I heard on the beach - plus it is a passing rhyme with gull. I am leaning toward a mainly acoustic background with some electric and piano fills - we will see what happens.
Kim,
Thanks for taking time to make suggestions. I agree that the lyrics need cleaning up as you said.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Magne,
Thanks for the listen and the suggestions. I agree that the bluesy riff is not a keeper. It was more of a filler to get it going. As far as bossa nova is concerned, I haven't done that since the Girl From Ipanema was a hit. I tried singing the lyrics along with the video you linked and could not get my head around that combination - but I learned a couple of cool chords.
Probably stick with my basic structure but make some changes to make it unique.
Clint,
Yes I think acoustic will be the foundation with some decoration from other instruments.
Joice,
The girl singer version, eh? Should not be too difficult - I'll give it a try.
Tim,
Thanks for your thoughts. I don't think the bossa nova is going to work. But the contrast of happy vs sad will. I confess I had to look up anhedonia.....I'm only an amateur psychologist.
Colin
|
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,778
Posts1,161,485
Members21,470
| |
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
|
"Sometimes, the best thing you can say, isn't the easiest thing" -Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|
