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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 47
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 47 |
Hi all,
Everyone loves an underdog, someone who gets knocked down but gets back up again.
Can you look at this and see if any bumps or other ideas pop out at you? Thank you!!!
Lovable Loser copywright 2009 Timothy Pratt
Hello I’m a loveable loser Try a cheap shot and put me down If you say mean things about my mother You’ll only look like a clown What does not kill me make me stronger Karma always comes around
You said before we fell out How you truly felt about I never cried so hard I never prayed to God Like I did when I lost you I did not lose it all But I almost lost myself along the way
So take it from a loveable loser Who always sings the blues The only gift I give today Is my song to you
Had a job and paid me well Blind to the ax to fell I shoulda known Changes already sown It always rains on my parade I did not lose it all But I almost lost myself along the way
I hope this story pays it forward So remember when you fall down It hurts like hell But ya need to yell And remember the truth I found What does not kill me make me stronger Karma always comes around
(Chorus )
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578 |
Hi Timothy,Welcome, A good theme and hook, I'm not sure what all the parts are, as the rhyme scheme doesn't seem to be consistent ,so I'll just confine myself to the C----- It seems like it'd flow better like so, if it says what you want to say - So take it from a loveable loser Who always sings the blues The only gift THAT I HAVE LEFT Is my song to you
Write on Wy
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 47
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 47 |
Thank you Wy, I wrote 5 pages of stuff to whittle it down to that, and wind exhausing myself with possiblities, and then I wound up writing something completely different in a snap that used a lot of these lines but the new song made more sense and worked the Nietzche quote a little harder and lost the lovable loser part. I think that, in the end no likes a loser no matter how lovble they are. Tim
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