JPF Home Page Forums General Messages Songwriter Message Forum Crappy lyricist seeks crappy to moderately crappy co-writers

Hey guys and gals,

I'm still looking for some co-writers. If you are interested in looking at my work I currently have 3 or 4 somewhere in section 3 of the lyrics section.

"God Lovin Fam'ly Man"
"Pinky Promise"
"Dust Off And Try Again"

A little about myself - I'm not overly bright (one of those online tests gave me a 133 IQ but it also gave my brother a 130 and I'm way smarter than him), I've never won a beauty contest although my wife thinks I'm a sexy beast , sometimes I think my lyrics are great but I may be biased, I've been playing guitar for about a year and most recently played at my cook out this summer, it was great you should of seen me, I only screwed up a couple of times. There's not much more I can say about myself, I think I may have said too much already. Oh, one more thing...I'm looking for some musicians to work with.

Thank you,
Gary

Hey Gary,
Now here's a guy I can identify with!!!
You're prob'ly a step above me though, 'specially on the guitar.
(I DID manage to pick "Red River Valley" once though, (Kinda' <G<)
Hey, you musicators, I'm prob'ly not as good as Gary but I ain't all THAT crappy <G>
Wy

Wyman,

I can pick songs all day long. Just yesterday I was at Walmart and I pick(ed) up George Strait's latest CD (all 13 songs). No problem what-so-ever.

And please don't try and say you're crappier than me, I may have to prove you wrong.

Gary

Gary:

I just had to open up this link after seeing your brilliant title... LOL! It takes real courage to label one's self that way and I suspect you are alot better than the average songwriter. I'm not into collaborations (although I've done a few) but I want to encourage you and wish you all the success life and music have to offer. Keep pluggin' away... and pay no attention to "Y" Man. According to Bethyboo he's relatively harmless!

Glad to have you with us here at JPF and looking forward to hearing some of your work.

Dave

That is a great title for a thread. Congratulations.

I am always taken by titles from melody and lyricists on places like these talking about how great they are. It never ceases to amaze me. I have gone to some of them just to check them out and I have never found anything that would remotely qualify as even mediocre, much less great.

I am friends with a lot of the biggest writers in Nashville. People who have had legendary hits for 20-30 years. Hall of Fame writers, people who have had millions upon millions of sales. And I have NEVER met one that thinks of, talks of him or herself like that.

Hit and accomplished writers don't have to talk about themselves. Their music and works speak for them, as well as other people talking and referring them. They are confidant (not arrogant) at what they do, and don't have to tell people about it.

Insecure, mediocrity is always having to scream "listen to me, listen to me" because they don't have any work that they can look to, to promote them. And usually when you get to know them, their attitude speaks volumes about why no one has anything to do with them.

We have a phrase, "Those that crow the loudest got the least to crow about."

This is a refreshing thread. Thanks for that. Always play yourself down. It will get you a lot farther.

MAB

Ha...I thought someone resurrected an old thread of mine..but then I realized I only thought it but never admitted it in print.
I'm tied to a few at the moment so I couldn't, in good concience. T'e on another at this time, but it shouldn't be too long. Keep me in mind if you ever decide you like my style of writing ( assuming I actually have a style)

Congrats on a great thread...When everybody is telling how great they are it is a revelation to hear about someone who has a great sense of humour and claims to suck......not only does that catch eyes and promote interest it gets results. I wish you success and hope you find great collaborators.

Your post cracked me up, Gary.
Way to go.

I'm a lyricist and don't play an instrument, but I've got Audacity, Songsmith, and BIAB. So far, everything I've done on them has been crappy. Would that be good enough, do you think?

(Just teasing. I wouldn't inflict me on anybody. )

Donna

"""""""""""and pay no attention to "Y" Man. According to Bethyboo he's relatively harmless!""""""""""""""""""""""""
"""""""""""""
What does BethieBoo know?!!!!!!
She won't even come on board and fight fair"""""' Just cause of a little Swine Flu, A little pneumonia, (I know that's spelled right cause I saw Donna spell it that way <G>), AND a little broken arm, Boo just deserts us""""""" <G>
Y

Gary

I hear what you are saying. I consider myself a (want a be) song writer. Some would say the word lacks confidence. I try and write songs because I enjoy it. My suggestion would be Hire Heather Cowles. Its not very expensive and it a place to start.
Good luck with your songs.

I may have to throw up an MP3 of me singing. Maybe even a video of me on my accordion, as that other thread seems to be getting all the attention. lol

Hi Gary.
Just had a look at your lyrics 'God Lovin Fam'ly Man'.

Good lyrics my friend. Yes, maybe a couple of little
changes... but overall.. I think your very close.

Which of your songs posted, 'Do you think needs work on'.
Let me know and I will have a look see.

All the best Roy

So, what did you think? Why did you say you were 'crappy' instead of 'excellent'? Don't you have the slighest notion in proper self-advertisement?

Don't know if everybody saw the correlation between the 2 threads, though. Now you may have to do something extraordinary to save your reputation.

Always something happening on JPF, lol.
By the way, I don't think I know you. I'll have to check on your lyrics. See, it works too!

Have a nice weekend! Yann.

Yann,

I think most picked up on the correlation. If others think my lyrics are better than crappy then that's just dandy with me. Most of the time, even negative attention is better then none. Please check them out and let me know what you think.

Roy,

I think most lyrics could always use a little tweaking. Please feel free to comment or add suggestions as you see fit. I'm just looking to get my lyrics out there and possibly team up with some co-writers along the way.

Thanks,
Gary

Hi Gary

Thanks for making me chuckle this morning – I love the thread title. I’m sure you will find a crappy collaborator, if you are really unlucky it might be me!

Cheers

Nige

I don't think Nigel will fit in Gary <G>
Wy

Gary...

While I believe I am one of the "crappiest lyricists" I have noticed some of your 'tomes' and I must admit in all honesty I am a bit crappier than you...I too seek co-writer's (living or dead) if you are dead especially as I am de-composing myself.. to collab with....as proof of my lyrical acumen I would direct you all to one of my best (most likely Lyric 3 page...oh well way back there somewhere) entitled..."I Am Sorry My Dog Loves Your Leg"....

If any have an interest in my work you can visit my website: "whycan'tImarrymydog.com

Larry

(Not that one...I wish...lol)

Lord...I apologize and the Pygmies in New Guinea..

Bro Gary, this place gets Funnier (& Finer) Every Livelong Day!

Helpful Hint on Becoming Ever-More Crappy: CAPITALIZE all over The Place. (I've found it drives The Pros BATTY..and it's good exercise for your Fingers.) And..with Enough Exercise...I'm sure I'll be playin' Crappy Guitar in no time!

Here's to Settin' The Bar LOW!

Big Guy-Hugs,
Your Fellow Crapaholic,
Stan

Mr. Crappy here,

I think I may hold the title to being the crappiest of em all.
Me no rite very well.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart[/b]

Who do those funny writers think they are, calling themselves crappy all the time when they don't deserve the title?

I'd like to call myself crappy a lot, but I'm realistic: that's a long term project. Meanwhile, you can call me 'shitty' any time. One step at a time and I'll do fine.

Thanks guys. On a rainy day like today it's especially nice to read all your humorous posts.
Nadia

Thank you all for making me laugh this morning!That's the way I like people best, a little humble! Writers need to be their own best critics,that's how we improve.I've been writing music and lyrics a long time and I'm just O.K. I've tried to come up with something funny this morning but my coffee hasn't kicked in yet!The world is full of unsuccessful talented people. Persistence is the key. Music and art are very much the same when it comes to creating.A piece of work is never done, the best you can hope for is that we quite in a good spot.Wish the best for you!

It is great when people don't take themselves so seriously. A lesson for everyone to learn.


Happy Crappy-ness,

MAB

Marc, I think there's a song title there! "Happy Crappy-ness to you, Until we meet again". Oh, I think that song has already been written.

Have a crap-tastic day!

kevin

I think Shirley Ellis had a big hit using that subject. Oh... wait a minute, my mistake - I was thinking of The Clapping Song.... which is something completely different

Gary, While I must admit, hearing someone denegrate themselves in public, is one of my favorite things....denegrating my OWN self is much more satisfying.

I will tell you right now, there are alot of crappy writers on these boards, but I myself have taken it on as my final mission in life, to be one of the truly crappiest...apparantly it is working out just fine and according to plan. I have now been turned down my nearly the best in the industry....and believe me, they know crap when they hear it....even if it IS less than 45 secs....sometimes thats all it takes to be sure that someone takes the prize in the crappy arena.

While I admit....on some days the title sits better with me than others are far as crappiest lyricist goes.....but one thing that we could be in total agreement on....on ANY given day is that I am HANDS DOWN the crappiest guitar player on these boards...or maybe even North of Nashville...(may as well include those other three directions in there as well) I have been playing and abusing one of the nicest guitars the store had to offer for about 6 mos. now....if it wasn't for her beautiful sound.....I couldn't even stand to be in the same room with me as I play her.
I can improvise and play my own stuff, but I as yet CAN NOT learn a single cover tune. Must be I only relate to the crap going on in my head....makes me wonder.

I do lots of co-writes, but have yet to find a writer as crappy as me....sounds like you may be IT.
Pm me if ya' want to see who's the crappiest....

Jan

I don't want to seem snobbish but, I refer to my sh*t as Crappe'.

Rick,

You must be French

Janice,

Too funny. Try "Knocking on Heavens Door". That was my first song I learned, I butchered it for weeks. After a year now I've just about got "Wanted Dead or Alive" down by Bon Jovi. I've been butchering it for months now.

RAOFLMAO

Primarily American, decendant from Canadian Irish people. It may be that bi-lingual influence.

I'm pretty crappy! I'm up for the assignment! I'd only make it worse, but hey, you advertised for crappy...you get what you pay for, man!

This has to be the crappiest cowriting request EVER! Look what you've done, all the posts are pure crap!

You fit right in, with all of us crap writers, in this crap business.

Looking forward to hear what new crap you come up with..

I thought I was crappy. Turns out I was full of crap! Can't win for losin.

I hope none of you vote lol

JD

I used to fish for crappie, do I qualify? ...lol

mmmm crappie, oh how I miss fishing in Mizzou at Lake Wapapello.

Hey,I'm full of crap does that count!Louie

I like how everybody tried to jump on the crap bandwagon once it started rolling. Well there's not enough room for everybody. I'm only taking the crappiest of the craptastic crappers.

Gary

well guess that leaves me out of the "crappening" ....oh well as a famous fisherman(me of course, I was famous to a limited few)once said" If it ain't crappening then must be some other feces"

i once caught crapps....had to get medication...Terry

Look at my posts on my profile, and see how I do what I do, then if ya still wanna co-write....give me a shout.

As so many have been saying, this thread is hillarious..and a wonderful parody on the "other thread"...I actually thought for a moment "the other guy" had changed his title and become a bit more humble.

But I divert from my real purpose.

I would like to team up with GK, but the line up of wannabees is is soooohhh long....I think we should have a contest.

The crappiest lyric wins...and GK can choose the worst.


TOTALLY ARBITRARY RULES SECTION
1) Lyric must be posted on Lyric Board 1
9) Format must be aabacab
3) Must reference the action of at least one domestic animal
7) Must use at least one over used cliche
2) No other rules apply

On to Lyric Board 1....lets resurrect it while the serious stuff is happening at 3

here's mine
http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=774429&page=0#Post774429

We can cut this off midnight whatever, and the following day will then henceforth be known, and celebrated, as "Crappy Day"

Happy Crappy Day to you and yours....and may the crappiest lyric win.

I am qualified! I have a crappy voice. Oh how I'd love to sing my songs but no matter how many times I've tried as I hear them all in my head, when I record them, it's painful to listen to so I'm sure I'm definitely qualified. Just checked myself now before posting.
Nadia

OK, BurleyBuddy..."THE CRAPPIEST SINGER IN NASHVILLE" is Crappily-Posted at Bd 1. (There's even an Elvis Joke in it!) ;-)>

Enjoy,
Stan

In the meantime, I think we sould sell the movie rights.

mmm

A Fistfull Of Crap
The Crap Father
Crap Wars (this could have sequals and prequals)
The Unbearable Lightness Of Crap
No Country For Old Crap
Crappies Heroes
Casacrappie
The Crapshank Redemption
Pulp Crap
Raiders Of The Lost Crap
Its A Wonderful Crap
A Crapwork Orange
The Treasure Of Sierra Crapre
Who's Afraid Of Virginia's Crap


Of course Disnew could get in on it too
The Lion Crap
101 Dalmations Crapping
Beauty And The Crap
Crapping Nemo
Pirates Of The Crappybean
Snow White And The Seven Craps



OK, enuff...

John, a few more:

The Lion, the Crap, and the Wardrobe
The Taking of Pelham--One, Two... Crap
Crapping with Wolves
I Married a... Crap

Joe

NO! NO! NO! You have it all so very wrong.

First a little back ground story to set the stage. "Crappy?" HA!


You want to know from crappy well I'll tell ya from crappy...
What was I thinking about Oh. Ya!

Once was asked to sing at a friends wedding, even wrote them their song (they are divorced now)..."Wait a minute."

I also wrote and performed songs for two other weddings and they ended up divorced too. Satistically I think I am two for two but happily I also wrote and performned for my own and...."OH! %*#)@!"

But I digress.

Once was asked to sing at a friends wedding, the cermony was beautiful, the church packed and when it came for my performance the wedding party (ALL OF THEM!! ) got up and left. (Seemed that the next wedding was set to appear and since I was halfway in to the part about being married et al it might have be premature to continue before they said their "I Do's" or some one spoke out when asked that question, "Does anyone here..." (Has that ever happened?)

Anywho. One audience, a group of two year olds and younger, were set to hear me sing at their daycare. I strummed my guitar, then began finger picking and softly broke into "Twinkle. Twinkle, Little Star" and.... they all layed down to nap.

They fell asleep

Now that is crappy or really really bad luck.

But if you are interested in co-writing have a gander at some of my Post in Forum 3 or at my Soundclick page and drop me a PM.

Doug

Amazing stories, Doug, full of humour. Thank you for sharing. It has been a rainy dull day today here and your post made me smile.
Nadia

Hi Gary

I thought I would let you in on a secret!

My first song "Don't push my button" had that word crap in it.

I won't take your CRAP no more, but my singing teacher talked me out of it, and I'm pleased he did hah.

What an enjoyable read.

Good luck, I hope you find what your looking for.

Hugs
Michele

Reminds me of that old Donna Fargo song...what was it..oh yes: "I'm the Crappiest Girl in the Whole USA"!