JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Okay! Next Feedback Submisson Here (this ones a doozy w/Skype)

Hi

Last time I had open submissions here for some feedback and discussion. Was going to pick ONE song to do. Wound up touching them ALL lol and going into heavy detail on the One or Two I picked out.

This time... we are going to do something LIVE and different if it works out.
If your registered with SKYPE, here's what I'm gonna do.
I'll pick a song from this thread then we'll pick a time and connect on Skype.

Only I'm gonna pick the song and help you develop it face to face with instruments in hand. So if your open to changing chords, melodies, perhaps lyrics, feel., tempo's whatever...
Just put your song up here.

We'll sit for a half hour to an hour depending on how we're feeling. And work on your song!

Worst case scenario is we'll talk about the song in detail.

Rules!

1. All ideas an input I give is YOURS! You do NOT have to make me a co-writer. If the song starts becoming killer then I'm gonna say "Please make me a co-writer" lol But do not have to worry about that oh what do we do? kinda nonsense with me.

2. It's FREE!

3. Don't submit if your not open to change an ideas, were gonna mess with your song. But that's whats so FUN! and you always can keep what you already had! Why don't more people get that concept?

4. Deadline - I'll come up with one soon and let you know. Also I have never tried multiple people Skyping at once. If it's possible we'll try that down the road for a different kind of thing.

Okay we may get nowhere with this but if you look back at all the time I've been here I've tried dozens of different things/concepts, some worked some didn't.

Hey folks, this is a fantastic opportunity!

Mike you da man!

Hi Mike

I'm very interested, if you pick our song "Call a Taxi", one problem, if ours is one you pick, you will have to show me how I can set up Skype, hmm, oh golly gosh. But Hell yeah, sounds like a lot of fun.

We got lots of great idea's off JPF, (I'll show you them if we get our song picked) "but not having enough experience, I'm stuck, as to making the changes, structure is one thing that I really struggle with" oh I'm also very busy at the moment too, cause we just moved house, and I'm still sorting out the JUNK, LOL.

Here's the lyrics and what we have so far.

Your just the best Mike, thank you.

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9718544

Critic

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9718547

Last lot of feedback on JPF I just found.

http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/848370/page/17#Post848370


Kristi McKeever, Michele Bolton, and Rodney Auld


Call a Taxi

[verse]
Carol's workin' until eight (8)
She'll be needin' a sweet escape
N' Donna loves those karoake songs
We'll turn the tables upside down
Dazzle the guys as we make our rounds
We'll get everyone to sing along
[pre-chorus]
Our Charm and witt cannot be matched (Tonight the boys have met their match?)
So catch us now and have yourselves a blast (If they catch us now they'll have themselves a blast)
[chorus]
Call a Taxi, book it now
Let's go, where, out on the town
And party.....................
Make some noise, dance around
Let's go girls, out in the crowds
And party.....................
Let's party.....................
[verse]
MM check him out in the leather pants
Oh yeah he sure knows how to dance
But we won't let it go to his head
Hey their girls look at that
The Hot one in the cowboy hat
He can put his boots under my bed
[pre-chorus]
Oh yeah, We've got charm, we've got class
And we know how to have ourselves a blast
[chorus]
Call a Taxi, book it now
Let's go, where, out on the town (Let's cruise around the town)(Let's cruise around and hit the town)
And party.....................
Make some noise, dance around
Let's go girls, get in the crowds
And party.....................
[bridge]

[chorus]
Call a Taxi, book it now
Let's go, where, out on the town
And party.....................
Make some noise, dance around
Let's go girls, get in the crowds
And party.....................
Let's party............................

I really like Colins idea, I thought that was very clever.


My first look at this song......you have got it well on its way!

I think everyone is thinking the same thing - that it needs a bit more flesh on the bones.

I would tack on the hook - Call a Taxi - on the end of the chorus, either after or instead of the last Let's Party.

You also might want to start each verse out soft and gradually build to the end of the chorus where it is going wild, then a stop, and another soft start for the next verse.

And I agree that a bridge near the end with a clever twist is needed. A different chord pattern, just an acoustic guitar or high hat for a couple of lines while the story is wrapped up, and then hit the chorus and ending hard. Something along these lines???

Carol's wearing the cowboy hat,
Cheryl's sitting on hot stuff's knee,
Donna's got the dance down pat,
Come on guys, what about me?
_________________________



_________________________

PS, I've missed you all here, I've had myself a good break, and I'm now fresh and raring to go. How yah been MATE??

Hugs Michele

I'll say !! what a doozy !! great offer Mikey -- you're a sweetheart !

Oh, this could be fun (and greatly informative).

I'm in for sure. But Mike, does the song need to have music already, or can it be sung A Cappella?

Donna

Looks like a great idea and opportunity. I think I'll find one of mine that has some commercial potential (in my mind, at least) and put it up here. Maybe "Girl, Can I Be Your Lover" -- that could be a country crossover song or even a Justin Bieber tune ("What's a Bieber?" -- Ozzy Osbourne).

Kevin

Oh Yeah! I'm in! Just signed up with skype. Now if I could just figure out how to make it go...

Ricki

Hi Donna

It would be easier with music especially to pick the song
But the vocal melody alone is fine.... We can easily tell about a song from that alone.

Thanks
Mike

Great guys!

EXTRA - Bonus John Daubert's taking me to the doctors for tests this week Wednesday so we may come back and do this together. Having him here will be a great help to both you & I.

Now if we could on;y figure out away to Skype you a great slice of pizza lol

Ricki - Hope you can get hooked up.

Note: If you have a MAc or I MAc there is a GREAT chance you have a camera built in at the top of your monitor.

If not they are pretty inexpensive to get a hold of....

Very cool idea Sub, and cool of you to put the time into this. Someone is gonna be pretty lucky

I don't have a camera on my computer so it'll probably be awhile before I get set up for skype. I have one on my lap top but the wireless router is acting up.... I'm always about 10 years behind. Except for songs, where I'm 30 years behind.

Will be reading this with interest though. I wonder if you can capture some of the skyping (don't know if that's a word) and show bits of it to the rest of us.

Scott

P.S. Good luck at the doc's

Hi Mike,

Very cool idea. And very nice of you to offer your services. So I know you would rather work from a fulldemo but I'm guessing a worktape might be ok? Thanks for all you do. Take care,
Roger

Here's the song I am entering in this friendly "competition": Girl, Can I be Your Lover?

I have dumped the BIAB auto-harmonies for the RPM 2011 CD, but I haven't posted that yet. I would like this song to be be done in a couple of different genres -- and I have no problem with musical or lyrical changes which would include co-writing credits.

(I am trying to do a high/falsetto vocal part on on the yea, yea yea stuff -- actually sounds good to my tone deaf ears -- ha, ha)

Kevin

P.S. I am actually practicing and learning this one as a guitar/vocal song for open mics! I think it works.

Hi Mike

Two submissions, come on you guys, where's the rest of them hah.

Good opportunity!

I hope Kristi didn't mind me submitting our song, I know Rodney wouldn't mind hey.

John is a great guy hey Mike, good luck at the Doctors.
Hugs Michele

OK, here's mine. It's not only just a guitar vocal, but it's MY guitar/vocal so, yeah, I'm open to any and all suggestions. I need a lot of help. Thanks, Mikey, I don't care what they say about you, you're all right!

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10193897

MIRROR
©Ricki E. Bellos

You’re not looking for answers
Just someone to blame
For another betrayal
And this ice in your veins
You live without feeling
And say it’s enough
Where is love
Where is love

Look in the mirror what do you see
Behind the fear just out of reach
Cut through the lies you keep telling the world
What do you see when you look in the mirror

It comes down to this moment
You can’t tell what’s right
Life’s lost its meaning
You’re fresh out of fight
You suffer in silence
At the end of the road
Where is hope
Where is hope

Look in the mirror what do you see
Behind the fear just out of reach
Cut through the lies you keep telling the world
What do you see

Look in the mirror what do you see
Behind the fear just out of reach
Cut through the lies you keep telling the world
What do you see
You hold the key
What do you see when you look in the mirror

Hi Mike,

Ok Ill bite. LOl. I've got nothing to lose. Here's the link to the song. It's called begins. It's only a guitar/vocal worktape but it should be good enough to at least get a feel for the melody,etc. Lyrics are below.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1103122&songID=9961652

BEGINS © 2010 Roger Sosnowski/Janice Hopkins

Verse 1

It all started in the bleachers
With that devilish look in his eye…..ohhhh
And that funny sideways smile

He started holdin’ my hand, tellin’ crazy jokes
We laughed ‘til we cried…..ohhhhh
I fell in love in such a little while

Lift 1:
First high school year, we never missed a day
But when summer came…..everything changed

Chorus:

‘Cos Jimmy always got sent up north
To his grandma’s deep in Pigeon Forge
I’d soothe my broken heart at night… by prayin’ again
Please God, let me see Jimmy….
When the new school year Begins

Verse 2:

Then the first week of September
At school, Johnny waited outside…..ohhhhh
He’d grown taller by a mile

Love hadn’t missed a beat, it was like before
When we’d go for a ride…..ohhhh
Our emotions were runnin wild

Lift 2:
Our Sophomore year, well, it just flew away
Then when summer came…..everything changed

Chorus

‘Cos Jimmy always got sent up north
To his grandma’s deep in Pigeon Forge
I’d soothe my broken heart at night… by prayin’ again
Please God, let me see Jimmy….
When the new school year Begins

Bridge:

After high school, Jimmy joined the national guard
Said, all he ever wanted was to make me real proud
I’d stay home just waiting for the day
He'd walk back through my parents front yard gate

Chorus 3 (changed up)

‘Cos Jimmy went and got himself sent to war
Had his training somewhere East of Pigeon Forge
I’d soothe my broken heart at night…. by prayin’ again
Please God, let me see Jimmy........

‘Cos this time when you send him back to me
That’s when our new life…..Begins

Outro:

What really matters is worth the waitin….
Like I always waited for him….
(slowly)
Now in my white dress….my new life Begins…..

BUMP!

How'd ya make out at the doc Mike?????

Nice gesture here Mike.

Here is one that Helen wrote about 20 years ago.

We would love to see it brought into this century lol.

God Bless Roy and Helen


http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10411814


Storm In My Heart


There's lightening and thunder and dark grey skies
Rain mingling, with tears in my eyes
Walking the streets, gettin' soaking wet
Rememberin' things I would rather forget
Whatever happened to the love we had
How did we let things get so bad
Those bitter rows that caused a rift
Were never made up, and left to drift

chorus
A storms going on in my heart
Turmoil, that matches the weather
Anger, hurt, love and hate
Recallin' those last weeks together

No more touchin', huggin' an' kissin'
The tender love we had went missin'
No one seemed to want to talk
Or hold hands, while takin' a walk
Accusations, would start to fly
Rows over nothin' and I would cry
Half of me wants to go back
But I walked out and took another track

chorus
A storms going on in my heart
Turmoil, that matches the weather
Anger, hurt, love and hate
Recallin' those last weeks together

Bridge:
If I went back, would things change?
or would they always be the same
If things got better, I would stay
If not, I'd leave again.

chorus
A storms going on in my heart
Turmoil, that matches the weather
Anger, hurt, love and hate
Recallin' those last weeks together

chorus
A storms going on in my heart
Turmoil, that matches the weather
Anger, hurt, love and hate
Recallin' those last weeks together

chorus
A storms going on in my heart
Turmoil, that matches the weather
Anger, hurt, love and hate
Recallin' those last weeks together

Mike,

I'm not sure if this would qualify because I feel like I do lots of work on songs, yet they aren't anything unless there's a good musician, but now that I am putting chords to my melodies and lyrics, any input would be helpful to me, but it is just my lyric, melody and me playing my autoharp badly, I still play it like a drum and guitar..LOL!!

I have trouble getting a good sing while playing and playing while singing, so keep that in mind...LOL!! This is the first song of mine I chorded.

UNTIL THE FOG CLEARS on SoundClick


Until The Fog Clears
Tammy
© 2010


it's all black and white
the sky's day and night
a fog warps my view

drowning in a mist
wanting more than this
I reach out for you


(chorus)
if there's no looking back or up ahead
then the here and now is all I have left
I can wait till it lifts, knowing you're near
please stay with me here, until the fog clears



the past has faded
leaving me jaded
nothing left to lose

the shadows haunting
leaving me wanting
a cure for my wounds


(chorus)
if there's no looking back or up ahead
then the here and now is all I have left
I can wait till it lifts, knowing you're near
please stay with me here, until the fog clears


(bridge)
the sun cannot shine
without it, I'm blind
my path is clouded
since I'm without it
I'll stay where you are


(chorus)
if there's no looking back or up ahead
then the here and now is all I have left
I can wait till it lifts, knowing you're near
please stay with me here, until the fog clears

Hi

I'll give it a little more time then try to pick one out to go over.

I have been worn out & busy being disabled and trying everyday not to be


PS- Tammy I really like that song.....
Loved the changes...

Hello Mike. If this is still going on I would like to submit my song entitled "Where"

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=7385114&q=hi&newref=1

Where
(01/01/00)

(A)
Where is the river running too?
Will it ever reach the sea?
Where is the river running too?
My young one once asked of me.
It’s running towards the ocean so green.
It’s mother’s waiting breast.
And only when it reaches her side
is when it’ll stop and rest.

(A)
Where is the ocean rolling too?
Will it reach the distant shore?
Where is the ocean rolling too?
My young one, wanting more.
It’s rolling in all directions so far,
will touch many a land.
As it has for millions of years
since the earth began.

(A)
Where is the earth headed too?
Will pollution be it’s demise?
Where is the earth headed too?
Said my young one concern in his eyes.
The earths future is bleak at times
with an un-certain end.
But I believe she will survive
having you as a friend.

(A)
Where will I be going too?
When I am older and on my own?
Where will I be going too?
Will I be left all alone?
Your life will run like the river so swift,
and roll like the oceans of old.
Your future will be hidden in mystery.
You must wait and watch it unfold.

(Break)

(Tag)
Your life will run like the river so swift,
and roll like the oceans of old.
Your future will be hidden in mystery.
You must wait and watch it unfold.

Copyright © 2011 by Douglas Murphy

"BUMP!!"

This is such a neat idea so I thought to bring it up and keep it fresh.

Douglas

I do not know if I can even qualify for this, this is why I have not posted one until now, because this is done with Jam studios, I am not a musician, and I don't as of now have a camera for my skype though I could get one..if you can stand looking at me... But you may want to collaborate with a musician and if so, I understand.
This is one of the best opportunities in the world..so I will give you one I had always hoped I could get in a lot better place. It needs all the help it can get and I can NOT SING..(and it is supposed to be in a male's voice)..and I am not again'st changing the melody or lyrics where needed..thanks

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9072319

The Oddest Things


I admit I have rambling in my veins
Freedom seduces more than anything
Yet that lady made me feel like I was home
But after the good times, I moved on

I find myself thinking about her now
Just can't help it, but I remember how
She cursed and cried when I walked out her door
'til then I never gave a damn before


Now that she's a memory
I recall the oddest things
It's somewhat mystifying, just a bit strange
I've come to appreciate her special little ways
Now that she's a memory
I recall the oddest things

She liked ketchup and mustard on her fries
Spinning pottery and baking apple pies
She wore snake skin boots, drank water from a spring
Loved to read classics and quote Dr. King


Repeat Chorus

Bridge
Today, I found her picture in my bag
Her faded number written on the back
Yes, I loved her, she moved me somehow
But I'm gonna keep travelin'
'til my peace of mind is found


Repeat Chorus

© 2010 Kimberly Hales Kime, All Rights Reserved

Mike,
Don't know if you are still considering songs for this, but Kim Kimes and I would like to submit our collab "someone I need." It has a pretty good start to it as far as arrangement goes, but we both have ideas on where to go from here. Thanks for considering......come to think of it, I may have removed it from my soundclick list, so I will need to add it again.

www.soundclick.com/tracyharris

ok don't know if you're still working on this or if you're finished..but hey what do I have to lose...this is me singing, and you all know i'm not a singer, and this is only the 3rd time of doing my own music, but maybe you'll get the idea of what I was hearing when I wrote this one...at least i'm trying and having fun....thanks glyn

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9760757


We've been dating quite awhile
got to know each other real well
I could see behind his eyes
There was something he needed to tell

Tonight as he held me tight, like no other night
Unspent tears behind his eyes, his words began to flow
He said girl, i'm falling in love with you
There's one thing you gotta know



"When I was young I met this girl
but our love could never be
she was sent away to have our son
her folks hid the truth from me
being raised an orphan I didn't fit in
that's where my heart has been"



I felt his pain as he spoke each word
after ten years she calls on the phone
their son wants to meet his dad
next week she's bringing him home

He saw my fear, said BABY don't worry
I'm not looking for anything more
my future's with you, she's my past
He's the son i've waited for

That's where my heart has been


"When I was young I met this girl
but our love could never be
she was sent away to have our son
her folks hid the truth from me
being raised an orphan I didn't fit in
that's where my heart has been"


That's where my heart has been



written by: glyn
BMI copyright 2010

Hi Mike

Mike I've got some really great things going on here in Australia. I have just found a young artist, her name is Jessie, and she is 18 years old. Mike you should hear this girl sing, Wow, I'm very excited, so is she. Jessie is going to record "I'm Over it/I'm Over you", and she also wants to come in as a co-writer on "Call a Taxi" and record that one too. I've given her everything we have on the song, and I just wanted to make sure you haven't done anything about my submission hey.

We are going to work on an album for her, YIPEE, I got a great feeling about Jessie, she is such a lovely girl. We hit it off straight away.

Your well wishes are working Mike

Please get back to me Mike, thanks.

Hugs Michele