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Title: Join The Club
(c) All Rights Reserved,09/12/2010
Fran Williams

JOIN THE CLUB

V1)
The bartender handed me a- drink
said, buddy take my advise it's free
But, I didn't want to listen to him
Cause, I Was Feeling lost and lonely

V2)
There are so many other guys
who has felt just like-You
Who has been just as lonely
And maybe twice as-Blue

Lift)
Bartender said- Buddy join the- club
0f broken hearted losers-join the club

Chorus)
This bar is full of-broken hearts
who got lost in the land of boozers
Just take a look around this place
It's just a bunch of unhappy losers
He said, Hey buddy-join the club
A toast to you-welcome to our club,...[spoken words]

Bridge)
Here is to you and me-I hope we never disagree
But if we ever do-hooray for me-I'll pray for you
Welcome- To Our Club

V3)
They've all been down that-road
called the whiskey trail & beer
You found yourself the right place
Here's a drink-join the pity party

Repeat chorus)

Tag)
Bartender said, hey buddy-Join the Club
Bartender said, hey buddy- Join the Club

PS,
All constructive advice and suggestions are appreciated.
A co-write welcome and you will have full artistic freedom
to change the words and structure for music/singing.

Fran Williams

I think this is ok, but it seems more filler than actual song/lyric

The trick with songwriting is to say something significant with as few words as possible...not easy.

But from your first verse to your chorus you say basicly one thing, "there's alot of guys like you" and "welcome to the club" but use too many lines to say it, you need to move the story along as opposed to taking up space before the chorus.

I think what you should do is set it up differently.

Maybe have the guy tell the bartender his troubles, and have the bartender say "join the club"

how bout something like... I write this not to rewrite the song but to show you how to develop your idea, one line should lead to another, make it interesting for the listener.

The Club of Broken Hearts

I told the bartender I was feelin down
he handed me glass for a second round
he said "buddy, I heard it all before"
you aint the first to walk through this door

There was at least a hundred lovers
whose women left with others
another thousand dreamers
who were taken to the cleaners

then he said...

Chorus)
Buddy, join the club of-broken hearts
Those who got lost in the land of boozers
get out while you can
be a winner not a snoozer
you dont wanna be a member
of the club of broken hearts

D..Rock Star,
Thank you so much for the valuable suggestions.
I really love your input and it is very helpful.
However, I do prefer to keep my hook-line as it is.
"Join The Club" I have heard this so many times.

Folk,will be telling some bad situation, and the other
person or group, will say, brother I know just what ya
mean..Join The Club" You have some great lines, and I
will consider all of them for a rewrite..Thanks again.

PS, Are you a singer/musician?? I know this can be a
great song, with the flavor and style of Josh Turner,
Dirks Bentley, Jason Aldean and etc..They raise their
glass, one more round for the road,and say Join The Club

Life Time Member
Fran Williams

You can use the join the club hook, but dont use it in the lift, use it as part of the chorus. You dont have to throw a lift in there just for the hell of it, it should be important to the song, but being you already said it in the verses and the chours, there is no need for it in the lift.

I have heard the line join the club a thousand times, I dont know if it is original enough unless you come up with a unique way of using it.

Saying welcome to the club, in a bar is kind of strange too.

Maybe come up with a more unique way of saying join the club.

Really join the club is used when somebody complains about having some troubles, and somebody else says join the club. Like we all have problems.

But your setup doesn't suit that hook. Try it again or use the ideas you have and come up with a new hook.

Or ignore me completely...

What if the bar was called "Join the Club" and you worked around that? That seems interesting to me.

could call it "the club" but you;d have to, make sure the reader knows the place is called the club.

went to a bar called "the club"
told the bartender I was feelin down etc

the point is not to get crazy over this one lyric, but to help the writer to get better. Focus is important, and you need to develop the song as it goes, just as the music would develop, dont expect the music to make everybody forget about the lyric.

You write lyrics to be a lyricist, not to hope somebody turns it upside down and fixes it. write them so good that a musician would want to work on it. You do that by being original and being interesting.

DRS, you said it perfectly, my friend.

D- Rock Star,
There is nobody getting crazy over my lyrics, and I am not
expecting any one to just fix it. The phrase, is very
familiar, however it was never used in a song like this.
That is why it is original and unique. I appreciated your
suggestions..Chill-Out- Man--and "Join The Club" I know
my lyric can and will be finished and will be very good..

PS, I write lyrics to tell a great story, that the general
listening audience might identify with..

Life Time Member,
Fran Williams

chill out? lol

I was trying to motivate you to improve, you dont want to evidently.

I wont waste my time again.

Join The Club
(c) All Rights Reserved,09/12/2010
Fran Williams

JOIN THE CLUB

V1)
The bartender handed me a- drink
said, buddy take my advise it's free
But, I didn't want to listen to him
Cause, I Was Feeling lost and lonely

V2)
Look around this good-time-Bar
You will see-lots of other- Guys
Who try and drink troubles away
And they throw away their lives

Lift)
He said- Hey Buddy -join the- club
Of broken hearted losers-join the club

Chorus)
This bar is full of-broken hearts
who got lost in the land of boozers
Just take a look around this place
It's a real bunch of unhappy losers
Buddy here is a drink, join the club


Bridge)
Bartender said- hey- Buddy- Here is a toast
This is to you and me- hope we never disagree
If we ever do-Hooray for Me-and Hell to you
Welcome- To The Club- [Spoken words, with the eye roll]

V3)
We've been down that bumpy-road
Called the whiskey trail and beer
You found yourself the right place
Here's a drink- welcome to the party

[From the crowd]
With a drink in hand,they give a toast
Give me a "Hell Yell Join The Club".

Repeat chorus)

Tag)
Bartender said, hey buddy-Join the Club
Bartender said, hey buddy- Join the Club

PS,
All constructive advice and suggestions are appreciated.

I want to keep the Title & Story-line as written. Any
necessary word changes in the structure to help develop
my lyric for a Singer/Musician will be okay. If you
would like a 50/50 co-write please send a PM..Thanks!
Just picture the flavor & style of Josh Thompson, or
Toby Keith & Josh Turner.

Speak soon,
Fran Williams