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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 67
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 67 |
Take look at this review of a cargo net from a well known web seller site. If the average Joe/Jane can write like this, what should we be doing???! What a hoot!
"I was quivering with excitment on the arrival of my cargo net. My hands were shaking as I opened the packaging. "mmmmm" I thought, "what excellent use of high grade tape around a solidly constructed cardboard box", as I carefully used my scissors to free my wonderful prize. Once free of it's, no doubt, recycled prison I could see my purchase in all it's glory. What splendour in black nylon! What tenacious spring of the rubber rope around it's edge! How can man alone have fashioned such a fantastic thing as this, surely somewhere along it's slow trail to birth it was kissed by the Gods. My thoughts were racing - "no more escaped groceries, no more rolling bottles across the cavernous reaches of the luggage compartment of my car, no more thump as my snow scrapper hits my beautiful plastic interiors". I made my plans. A quick trip to purchase four shiny black carabiners and I could let her have her head and take her for a trail run. 20 minutes later I nervously fixed my black beauty into place. Carefully I place my emergency pack and snow scrapper under her, feeling the might of her rubbery grip as I did so. I closed the tailgate. Starting the engine I gave up a little prayer to the Gods of luggage stowage. I pulled gingerly away before throwing the car into a series of sharp turns and every severe stops! Not one clang, not one bang, not one thud of scrapper against car was heard or felt. The joy, the exaltation, the heart thumping excitment of it all.
Well we have been together for a while now and "Ol' Blackie", as I have christened her, has never let me down. Sure we have had a couple of close things with rampant soup cans rolling perilously close to escaping and a number of odd shaped purchases threatening to burst through Ol Backies loving embrace, but none have suceeded in their struggles for freedom so far and I know as long as I treat her right Ol Blackie will never let me down. Well off to work out now and guess who will make sure my gym shoes aren't rolling around the back of the car - you got it! "Ol' Blackie I got a job for you!"
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,032
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,032 |
**hypothetical letter**
From the desk of the I. M. Sorry President and CEO of Fargo-Cargo Nets, Inc.
Dear consumer,
Hello. We regret to inform you that the item CGO-123NET_blk - "Black Cargo Net" you recently purchased has been recalled. The FDA along with ATF, CDC and other cooperating entities has determined that the nylon fabric used in this item is toxic at levels unfit for humans. It has been reported that upon exposure it immediately induces a annoying sense of euphoria and causes hallucinations unlike any prescription medications currently known or used. Reports of extreme happiness, giddiness and "This is awesome!-ness" have flooded our call centers. We strongly urge you to discontinue use of this product immediately before exposure illicits a desire to name your cargo net. Once this occurs, death is imminent. We apologize for this inconvenience and will gladly refund your account for the purchase price (minus shipping) upon your request. Thank you for being a loyal FCN customer and we look forward to serving your netting needs in the future.
Sincerely,
I. M. President\CEO Fargo-Cargo Nets, Inc.
Peace,
Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 67
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 67 |
Super job Dave!!! One thing's for sure, YOU can write!
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271 |
Now who can top that Dave
I couldn't lol
maybe a letter back to the company from the customer...
God Bless Roy and Helen
Last edited by Roy Cooper; 11/02/12 10:26 AM.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,998
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,998 |
"Please, do not call me 'Ol Blackie' again. That is not my name. If you consult my manufacturer, I am sure they would be delighted to tell you my real name." I stare incredulously at the cargo net I had just purchased and installed. Nowhere in the instructions did it say the cargo net could talk. Nowhere in the instructions did it say anything about the cargo net being picky about a name, or even a nickname for that matter. Puzzled, I continue to stare, wondering what to do about this. As if reading my mind, the cargo net speaks again, "For starters, you could stop standing there looking like an idiot and put me to good use. I wasn't made to be gawked at." My excitement evaporates. Perhaps this cargo net is possessed by the ghost of George Carlin. That wouldn't be so bad, would it? "Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? You're not moving, so maybe I'll call you an idiotic maniac!" I spoke too soon. This cargo net did just quote George Carlin, with a quip of his own added for good measure. Well, I don't know if good would be the right word to use, as it just called me an idiotic maniac. Just my luck to get stuck with a haunted cargo net. On the other hand, I liked George Carlin when he was alive and road trips definitely won't be boring from now on! I decide to keep the cargo net. Closing the trunk of my car, I fumble for my keys, open the driver's seat of my car, get in, close the door, stick the key in the ignition, and drive away. "Did you know that I don't like authority and regulation? I do my best to disrespect it, but I do that for myself. It's self expression only. If I'm exhausted, you'll know. Especially when I'm fuming. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Soon, you might not even have enough room in your house to keep everything. Is that why you got me? That's pretty selfish of you if it is. If you're going to use me like an endentured servant, I expect you to pamper me!" The cargo net goes on and on and on and on....Finally, I stop the car, remove the annoying cargo net, and in a last ditch effort, toss it over the side of a cliff. I don't think it'll get a chance to have anyone else fall for its witty comments! Now, to figure out where to go have lunch....
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 59
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 59 |
I think you guys wives should take a look at how you are spending your time on the internet and maybe they can put you to work doing something useful. LOL
Disclaimer: My opinions are not based in any way on research, knowledge, experience, talent, insight, facts, or in some cases reality. Take any advice I offer at your own risk
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
I don't really feel like a songwriter. My songs just come to me when I sit around strumming the guitar. I think most all of my writing is on the subconscious or unconscious level.
Last edited by Jim Colyer; 11/07/12 09:17 AM.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 67
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 67 |
Jim, you open up a new subject of interest. What is a songwriter really? Is it a progression one goes through (writer, poet, songwriter) based on degrees of difficulty? A writer has to be able to express ideas in the clearest fashion to the greatest number of readers. If it's entertaining too, that's icing on the cake. The poet has the constraints of rhyme and meter added to the 'requirement' or at least they used to; not so much anymore with free verse and flow-of-consciousness styles. The songwriter has many problems to overcome to be successful. They have to 'write to the music' or find music the frames the lyric. They have to 'obey' the established meter or risk jerking the listener constantly out of the flow of the music (unless it's jerky too). Ah, the flow .... That lyric has to 'flow' or the listener will hit too many 'speedbumps' along the way and get tired of cringing. Songwriters do that when they force a rhyme or use too many cliches or just don't make sense. We all have our own lists of "don'ts". If the writer mixes elements (E.G. visual or sensory) in their work, it may actually become something other than a song if it has too much of another element in it. That becomes a matter of ratio-and-proportion, but I digress. Jim, you just keep on following those feelings, and if it flows and is entertaining, call it a song, therefore you sir would be a "songwriter"!
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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