http://soundcloud.com/tom-franz/beach-challet-post-a

Hi All,
I managed to write a new one, took awhile. I would appreciate any comments and advice. (Thanks to Wendy and Sarah for suggestions).

Beach Chalet
By Tom Franz

V1
A flea bitten coastal Bar
The wind and rain have left quite scared
But when that sun goes down
It kind of comes around

V2
The sign lights up the fog rolls in
And you would be surprised when
Your bleary eyes can see
Possibilities

C1
Where everyone it seems
Seeks to be redeemed
Where dreams do not come true
But kindness can slip through
Tonight at the Beach Chalet

V3
Lonely eyes and hungry heart
They will not set you apart
But you hide them just the same
Because they are burning like a flame

V4
So you act above the fray
Just sit back and let it play
Then she’ll catch your eye
Now you cannot deny

C2
That even you it seems
Seek to be redeemed
It’s near closing time
And your heart’s on the line
Tonight at the Beach Chalet

B
All alone on your way home
You do not feel the same
Words she said are in your head
And the way she said your name

C1

Hi Tom,

Glad to see you've still got it.

Where dreams do not come true
But kindness can slip through

Well said and this was nicely done. Keep writing.

Ricki

Hi Tom

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to your song, my only nit is I believe you can sing it a lot better, flowing it, other then that, well done from me. The music fits perfect, loved it.

Hugs Michele

Ho Tom,

ALWAYS good to see you posting.
NICE SONG, good sounding vocals.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Tom,

Just love everything about this one. Great job!

"that other tom"

Hey Tom... it's been awhile

This is simply a brilliant write, my friend.
The music is warm and soothing, the perfect fit for your lovely vocals.

Excellent work

Hi Tom. I think this is the first time I've heard one of your songs. To start with, thid is a great song with an exquisite melody that gives strength to the song. There are so many possible arrangements that would work with this song as well which could be good from a "pitching perspective." Also like the mood set with the harmonica and its reinforcement or return at the ending--nice. Sweet tune.

I have a couple of ideas I'll throw your way at least for consideration, not sure if they will be of any help, but here they are: In the first verse where you say, "It kind of comes around." At first I thought you meant the sun coming back around, then I realized that the "Chalet kind of comes "back to life" or around. Maybe saying "That Chalet kind of comes around" --may be more clear meaningwise. Not sure. I think since you are describing the chalet, and that last line should pertain to the chalet "coming to life" after the sun goes down--you are doing that already, just could be confusing to some.

The other idea I had is at the beginning of the bridge it may distinquish itself better with some background vocals-like "oohs or aahs" for a little added flavor and warmth. Another possibility would be a very short musical interlude just preceding the bridge. These are only ideas that jumped into my mind after only hearing it once, you may have entertained such ideas and discarded them. I really like the tune, feels kind of "Chapin-esk." Nice job!

steady-eddie.

really nice Tom!Mike