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Loss
by Travis david. 12/06/19 02:22 AM
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Mexico
by MFB III. 12/06/19 12:44 AM
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Stand
by JAPOV. 12/04/19 01:10 PM
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#981716 - 10/27/12 10:21 PM
Beach Chalet
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,455
Tom Franz
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster

Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,455
Northern California
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http://soundcloud.com/tom-franz/beach-challet-post-aHi All, I managed to write a new one, took awhile. I would appreciate any comments and advice. (Thanks to Wendy and Sarah for suggestions). Beach Chalet By Tom Franz V1 A flea bitten coastal Bar The wind and rain have left quite scared But when that sun goes down It kind of comes around V2 The sign lights up the fog rolls in And you would be surprised when Your bleary eyes can see Possibilities C1 Where everyone it seems Seeks to be redeemed Where dreams do not come true But kindness can slip through Tonight at the Beach Chalet V3 Lonely eyes and hungry heart They will not set you apart But you hide them just the same Because they are burning like a flame V4 So you act above the fray Just sit back and let it play Then she’ll catch your eye Now you cannot deny C2 That even you it seems Seek to be redeemed It’s near closing time And your heart’s on the line Tonight at the Beach Chalet B All alone on your way home You do not feel the same Words she said are in your head And the way she said your name C1
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#981753 - 10/28/12 02:17 AM
Re: Beach Chalet
[Re: Ricki E. Bellos]
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Michele Howlett
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Hunter Valley NSW Australia
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Hi Tom I thoroughly enjoyed listening to your song, my only nit is I believe you can sing it a lot better, flowing it,  other then that, well done from me. The music fits perfect, loved it.  Hugs Michele
Last edited by Michele Howlett; 10/28/12 02:17 AM.
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#986069 - 11/29/12 09:11 PM
Re: Beach Chalet
[Re: Nelson]
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,420
E Swartz
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,420
Ohio
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Hi Tom. I think this is the first time I've heard one of your songs. To start with, thid is a great song with an exquisite melody that gives strength to the song. There are so many possible arrangements that would work with this song as well which could be good from a "pitching perspective." Also like the mood set with the harmonica and its reinforcement or return at the ending--nice. Sweet tune.
I have a couple of ideas I'll throw your way at least for consideration, not sure if they will be of any help, but here they are: In the first verse where you say, "It kind of comes around." At first I thought you meant the sun coming back around, then I realized that the "Chalet kind of comes "back to life" or around. Maybe saying "That Chalet kind of comes around" --may be more clear meaningwise. Not sure. I think since you are describing the chalet, and that last line should pertain to the chalet "coming to life" after the sun goes down--you are doing that already, just could be confusing to some.
The other idea I had is at the beginning of the bridge it may distinquish itself better with some background vocals-like "oohs or aahs" for a little added flavor and warmth. Another possibility would be a very short musical interlude just preceding the bridge. These are only ideas that jumped into my mind after only hearing it once, you may have entertained such ideas and discarded them. I really like the tune, feels kind of "Chapin-esk." Nice job!
steady-eddie.
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