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#985883 - 11/28/12 06:25 PM Final 4th Ch - "Just a Piece of My Dreams"  
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E Swartz Offline
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http://soundcloud.com/steady-eddie

CLICK ON "ALT/CHORUS-4b ONCE ON SOUNDCLOUD

Just made a 4rd chorus revision which is a bigger change.

I might be "caving" to Colin's suggestion--which isn't good for my ego, but he might be right. Let me know if you like this alt-4th chorus better. Thanks, eddie.


This song is about finished/but comments and opinions are surely welcome. A saxophone will be added subtlely mid 2nd verse and also handle a solo after end of 2nd chorus where vocals fade.

I think a lot of folks would like just a piece of their dreams.




Just a Piece of My Dreams

I used to say, just live for the day
Show tomorrow, no concern
But tomorrow’s here, it’s been several years
And life’s not, been so kind, you see

And when I was down, you could always be found
To comfort, and show confidence in me
But your patience grew thin, when I stumbled again
I'll never quit or give up, it's just not me

(Chorus) All I ever, really wanted, was just a piece of my dreams
But every time I start to reach
Just when I think that it’s for keeps
The walls come tumbl’n down

So I took a walk, I don’t want to talk
Don’t want to hear, you preach to me
But that’s not to say, I won’t listen, another day
Just give me some time, and let this boy unwind

(Chorus) All I ever, really wanted, was just a piece of my dreams
But every time I start to reach
Just when I think that it’s for keeps
The walls come tumbl’n down

(Sax Solo) (LV w/Sax ) whoa-whoa-whoa-oh-oh

So I took a walk, I don’t want to talk
Don’t want to hear, you preach to me
But that’s not to say, I won’t listen, another day
Just give me some time, let this boy unwi--i—i--nd—

(Ending)
(BG) “Give him some time”
(LV) Yea, yea, just give me some time, a little bit of time, is all I need
(hm - "a little bit of time)"
(BG) “ Give him some time,”
(LV) Yea-eh, now give me some time, a little bit of time is all I need
("hm - "a little bit of time)" (opt- tag)
st a piece of one of my own dreams.....

#985885 - 11/28/12 06:32 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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I think you used the wrong link, E., I have to log in to hear it.


An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
#985891 - 11/28/12 06:57 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Taggy Lee (D)]  
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It should work now, also added the lyrics that I forgot. Let me know if you still have to log in Soundcloud. Thanks Taggy.

steady-eddie.

#985893 - 11/28/12 07:48 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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.

#985901 - 11/28/12 08:52 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: maccharles]  
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Ed,

That is good. Probably the best I have heard from you. Got that BeeGees thing going! Who are LV and BG?

C


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#985907 - 11/28/12 09:47 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Colin Ward]  
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Colin,- Lol - (LV = Lead Vocal) BG = Background Vocal)

Thanks my friend. I assume you were joking.

Hi Mac. - Thanks much, I liked Bowie, never thought of him as a direct influence, but it's possible to subconcsiously be affected by music we've heard in the past, no question.

#985910 - 11/28/12 10:11 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Beautiful song, Ed.
Love the way the keyboard is recorded and mixed in, sounds great.
The vocal harmonies are very well done.

For the sake of trying to be helpful the only suggestion I can think of is maybe trying,

"It all comes tumblin down"
in place of
"The walls come tumblin down"

It ain't much but it's all I got. crazy

Impressive work on this so far
Ed and I know it will only get better.



"Yeees, I know... but I do enjoy trying!"
#985924 - 11/28/12 11:21 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Nelson]  
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Man, I just love the chord progressions here, Eddie - both in the verses and chorus. They back a really nice melody.

Digging the lyric too - I can relate. smile

Looking forward to hearing it with the sax!

Scott

#985947 - 11/29/12 04:41 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Scott Campbell]  
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Took a couple more tries but I got to hear it. It has a Harry Nillson and/or Bee Gees flavor to my ears. I especially like the chorus except for the last line which seems a little too abrupt.

Looking forward to the sax.


An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
#985965 - 11/29/12 08:53 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Taggy Lee (D)]  
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Yes, Bowie could use this one.
I like everything about it except for some lines are a little wordy and sound rushed. But ..... that may be it's charm.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#985967 - 11/29/12 09:33 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Vicarn]  
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I thought BG was Barry Gibb and LV was Luther Vandross.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#985970 - 11/29/12 09:58 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Colin Ward]  
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such a cool song,i really like this!Mike

#986002 - 11/29/12 01:51 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Thanks guys for imput and opinions and will give all consideration.

Nelson--your idea would certainly fit, I used "walls come tumblin down" as I borrowed that from the song "Joshua fought the battle of Jericho"--I kind of prefer a metaforical line there as opposed to a general all purpose phrase--thanks for imput.

Scott--thanks much, sorry you relate!

Taggy & Vic--You both are right and Taggy, about the last line of the chorus being more abrupt. I experimented with that line doing it slower when I was establishing the rhythm bed of the song, I originally did it slower and felt that it was a "mouthful of words and came across less dramatic and more sad--instead of frustration." I didn't want the song to come across as feeling sorry for one's self. Vic you are right as well about the lyrics being wordy or almost fragmented thoughts, and that's actually how I see this song subject--I hope it works, and you said Bowie could use it---would you call him and tell him it's ready, thanks Vic.

Colin--Barry and Luther asked to be on the song, I said no.

Mike, thanks much for listening.

steady-eddie.




#986006 - 11/29/12 02:01 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Eddie,

I love the vocal on this, whoever is singing it has a wonderful voice to my ears. I really like this song, it totally appeals to me, but the singer in me wants more of a build in the chorus, when you put this much emotion in one place, it needs released, it needs an outlet within the song, that is my own opinion, but it also doesn't mean that I don't really like it.

Tammy


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Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#986013 - 11/29/12 03:08 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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Taggy--I've been thinking about your observation, and looked at the last line of the chorus to see if I could slow it down (without changing the music). I think my singing performance on the first chorus ending is timed slightly better than the 2nd chorus as far as feeling rushed--am going to go back and try and repeat that timing (it's still quick, as it has to be with the music). But thanks, I think I can improve that area slightly with a better timed vocal delivery.

Tammy--Thank-you. I will look at my performance there in the chorus from a dramatic/building perspective and see if I can improve upon it--it might be the best I can do--I'm no "Spring Chicken." I was hoping to move to my next song! Thanks, again.

steady-eddie.

#986018 - 11/29/12 03:20 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Thanks for sharing your thought process.

Keep up the excellent work.















"Yeees, I know... but I do enjoy trying!"
#986020 - 11/29/12 03:32 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Hey Eddie,

This a lyric everyone can relate to which is a very good song. Makes it universal. Pretty tune as well. I'm interested in hearing the completed project. Here's to you.

Stevie

#986132 - 11/30/12 11:33 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Little_stevie_b]  
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Thanks Stevie. You are right about many folks relating to the ups and downs of relationships, business or investment fall-throughs--I tried to keep it generic for that reason. Thanks a bunch!

steady-eddie.

#986148 - 11/30/12 01:12 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Eddie, The song drew me in with it's natural ease, the backing track and your vocals. It's got a nice melody to it. Overall the lyrics seem to work. Maybe they could use a tweak here and there. But this is a finely honed production. Good job.


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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#986207 - 11/30/12 06:47 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Dan Sullivan]  
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I thought the last line of the chorus was squished in that way for effect....but I actually think it would be better if it was not squished in. So I would change it to The walls tumbled down.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#986213 - 11/30/12 07:41 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Colin Ward]  
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Dan: Thank-you much. I've experimented some with some optional lyrics, tweaked them here and there--a process that could go on forever, and I'm always open to change should I like it significantly better. I appreciate your listening and remarks.

Colin: That could work, no doubt, but you are right that the chorus is written with a quick paced ending for that phrase and may notice the piano following that pace. Changing it too dramatically would get the piano and perhaps guitar out of sync with the vocal. I also like using "tumbling" as it feels more like the process of things not working out rather than just a "crash." Like I said to Nelson, I also like the reference to "Jericho" as an obscure metaphore even though most people won't pick up on it. Thanks much for your 2 cents, I alway highly value your opinions.

steady-eddie.




#986288 - 12/01/12 12:48 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Eddie,

Really like this. I try to listen before reading other comments and the only nit I have is the line Nelson pointed out

"The walls come tumbl’n down"

kinda jumped out at me.

I usually hear the music before I hear the lyrics. That line just didn't seem to flow for me...maybe "tumbling" instead of "tumbl'n".

Anyway just my take...waiting for the sax, bet it will be cool.

tom


#986293 - 12/01/12 01:41 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Tom Breshers]  
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Hi Tom.

Thanks for your listen. I'll look at that phrase and experiment "enunciating" a bit better, I want to re-do another word as well. I kept it an(n'sound) which I use more with "country" music as a rule, and your right it may sound better using the ("ing") pronunciation. Sometimes you do things a certain way from the beginning and it becomes very normal to your own ears after repetition as you know yourself what you are saying--I'll definitely try it; but those 1/8 notes don't give me a lot of time if you know what I mean, and the music is done, so I have to accomdate the music timing for sure. Taggy and Colin touched on it as well. Thanks again,

steady-eddie.


#986316 - 12/01/12 08:34 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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STEADY EDDY--

A LOT OF FLOWING EMOTION IS REVEALED WITH THIS SONG--I REALLY LIKE IT!

Mackie

#986325 - 12/01/12 09:09 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Mackie H.]  
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This song is great except for the last line of the chorus. I know your fighting it but it really needs to be fixed. Too much vocally to fit in there. I'm sure you know that when the music speeds up it works very well to slow the vocal down in contrast. I think that would work very well here but you will have to "give up" some syllables. I keep hearing:

and the WALLS COME DOWN

Sometimes less is more. If you have to keep it the way it is I think I would try to start the last line earlier and see if I could make it work. Tag it onto the previous line a little and it might work. The biggest problem for me isn't so much the speed at which you sing it but the abruptness of the line. Know what I mean?

Only negative in my view. LOVE the song.

Ricky

#986331 - 12/01/12 10:12 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Ricky Layne]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Mackie -- I appreciate it much, I tried to put a lot of emotion in the song, probably cause I do relate to the lyrics a bit more than I wish!

Ricky -- Bingo! You nailed it, it isn't the syllables, I just need to start the phrase earlier as you suggested. It will still be quick, as that's how the song is written, but it will be smoother. I also notice by doing it that way, I actually have time to hold the phrase ending word "down," almost an extra beat which also helps alleviate the lines abruptness. A certain amount of abruptness is needed to convey frustration and determination not to quit, rather than conveying self pity.

I think the reason I'm rushing it is because having played this song a hundred times without a a click track or drums and developed natural pauses to ease the singing; but while in the recording studio, timing has to remain consistant and won't forgive any bad habits. That I believe may have caused me to start rushing at that critical point as I fell behind and tried to catch up. Fortunately, it's not a major problem, and can be fixed. Thank-you my friend!

#986335 - 12/01/12 10:36 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Lydia Offline
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Eddie, I don't have much to say but that I really like this a lot! I could definitely listen to this song again. It's easy to listen to and the vocals and music work really well together. Keep it up smile


Even so, it is well with my soul <3
#986347 - 12/02/12 02:00 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Lydia]  
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Doug Healey Offline
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Anaheim calif. Mickey Mouse
Hey Eddie

That was really good!! You have about 4 definite influential sounds of artists goin on in this piece...nice work I love it!!
enjoy the rest of your day...
Doug


Learn all the musical rules inside and out- Then break 'em...
Grace..Peace...Love

#986429 - 12/03/12 01:58 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Doug Healey]  
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Hey Doug--Thanks much. I have a couple tweaks to do with it yet, then I need to get moving to another song. Your voice reminded me of someone and I couldn't think of who at first, but it then came to me -- "Tom Jones," he was very up-tempo crooner in his prime. Take care.

steady-eddie.

#986510 - 12/03/12 07:05 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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For those who recommended tweaking the last line of the chorus, I have done that. Please let me know if you like it better or like the original version. I kind of used Colin's idea, but still needed to add one more word--but I believe the phrase comes off more smoothly this way, and doesn't take away from the song.

Thanks, steady-eddie.

#986532 - 12/03/12 11:08 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Eddie,

Better for sure but in my opinion not quite there. For one thing you added the word "just" and you use that word in the line before so I think you should eliminate it from that lase line. (or change it in the previous line.)

The timing seems right though. You have to keep the word walls on the beat imo.

I do like tumble instead of tumbling. As I sing it I think "the walls tumble down" would work really good keeping those words on the beat. If you keep another word like "just" in there you have it the best it can be in my opinion.

One other thing you might try is changing the word "walls" to just "wall". I can't explain why but it seems like a better fit right there to me. (Of course you would have to change tumble to tumbles.) One wall coming down is a little more personal than a bunch of walls but maybe that's just me.

Good job either way and I am kind of nit picking at this point!

Ricky




Last edited by Ricky Layne; 12/03/12 11:09 PM.
#986534 - 12/04/12 12:16 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Ricky Layne]  
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Eddie,
Such a small thing, one line...one word...nit picking...just love the whole song.

Went back and listened to both versions...3 or 4 times I liked the first version much better than the new one...

In fact I think what you had works just fine...I still vote for
tum bel ing rather than tum blen

I'm a lotta of help...right grin Nitpickers who needs 'em

tom

#986538 - 12/04/12 03:16 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Tom Breshers]  
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Hey Ricky & Hey Tom,

I'm kind of thinking I like my original better myself, but haven't decided for sure. Ricky, I may take your advice on getting rid of the word "The," and just start with "Walls." That would free up a bit of time and I'll experiment with the "ing" sound also Tom.

It is smoother this new way, but having the lyrics change pace quickly might add to the song's "feel." Even if I keep it pretty much as is, I think I can improve the transition a bit anyway.

Thanks for getting back, it has been helpful.

steady-eddie.

Last edited by E Swartz; 12/04/12 12:58 PM.
#986544 - 12/04/12 04:41 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Eddie,

I think it will work out good either way really. It is abrupt the first couple of times you hear it but gets better as you get used to it. I like the smoother version but I also think they are pretty close to the same.

I agree with getting rid of "the" if you don't need it.

Ricky

#986597 - 12/04/12 05:07 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Ricky Layne]  
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Those who suffer from head lice need nit pickers. People who enjoy them don't.

I don't think adding words then rushing through them changes anything. It may seem trivial but you can't count on anyone other than your friends to listen more than once in order to get used to it.



An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
#986605 - 12/04/12 06:03 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Taggy Lee (D)]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Eddie, late to this one but I really like it! As someone said, it has a Bee Gees feel to it but that's a good thing! :)))) scotty

#986624 - 12/04/12 07:32 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Richard Scott]  
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Just made a 2nd Chorus lyric revision--kind of a compromise.

I kept all three versions on Soundcloud for comparison. I have all three versions in my DAW, so I can think on it, as the song says, just give me some time..... Thanks all!

Richard, thank-you for checking out my song.

Taggy, again thanks for your interest and perspective. I've made another change which compromises all suggestions and I think let's me keep the music feel and lyrical expression that I am striving for. Best to you.

steady-eddie.

#986630 - 12/04/12 08:39 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Yay

Alt/Chorus 3 for me...Orig is next choice.

Again just such a minor change....don't know where you get the energy to sing them again... grin

Wow, now I know why you are Steady Eddie grin

Can't wait to hear the sax...cool chords...

tom

#986636 - 12/04/12 09:42 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Tom Breshers]  
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I like 2 then 1 then 3. Go figure!

Bowie is a good comparison btw!

Ricky

#987134 - 12/08/12 09:08 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Ricky Layne]  
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I listened to the three chorus versions. I don't think #2 and #3 solve what I perceive to be the problem. I stand by my original suggestion of The walls tumble(d) down. All three of your versions have too many syllables IMHO. I think you may have listened to it so many times it sounds odd if the words are not squished in, but to the new listener, it sounds out of character with the rest of the song (IMHO).

I will not be mad if you don't do it my way...it's your song and you can do it however you want!!!!


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#987225 - 12/09/12 11:01 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Colin Ward]  
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Hey Colin -- Thanks for your take. I will look at that one line objectively and certainly experiment with your idea again. I did a couple of weeks ago try your suggestion, and compromised with the 2nd & 3rd versions (and did reduce a couple of syllables). I agree with you that sometimes we all can get "acclimated" to a certain way we do a song and it becomes normal to our ears. I like the quick delivery, but could be biased. I will experiment and record it your way and try it out on my ears for a bit, as well as some others that are just everyday music listeners and not songwriters--you may be correct in your assessment.

With this song, I feel it importnant since the chords have a building effect with the chorus especially, to have a more climatical chorus ending. I'm concerned that I may lose that effect by getting too "vanilla" with this key phrase of the song. I'll give it a go, I'm in no hurry. Thanks for your input, always valued.

steady-eddie.



steady-eddie.

Last edited by E Swartz; 12/09/12 11:04 AM.
#987339 - 12/09/12 11:57 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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I listen a little while ago and noticed I didn't leave a message. I am listening to "Just a Piece of My Dreams-Alt/chorus-3" version. It does have a little "bowie" influence it seems -- especially the vocals when less is happening musically. It has a pretty good sound -- good instrumentation and vocals. I got what you were trying to do with that "walls come tumbl’n down" -- I just think it needs more work (or practice or extra vocals). Also, I am not sure the title of song should be "Just a Piece of My Dreams" -- it didn't really stand out to me.

This is a tough song for me to comment on -- it's complicated (ha, ha). In any case, very well done.


"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The 'hard' is what makes it great."
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
#987346 - 12/10/12 12:41 AM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
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Thanks, Kevin.

I was glad to see you visit my song. It is an unconventional type song, and meant to be. I've always liked songs that aren't always predictable as well. I write a variety of music styles and enjoy changing genres as well as being being creative and not having my songs all sound the same. I have some pretty "vanilla" ones as well. You are correct in that there isn't a song "title" that jumps out at you for this song. I chose that line from the chorus because it reflects I think best (from the song) the idea of hope and never giving up.

Thanks much!

steady-eddie.

#987430 - 12/10/12 06:13 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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Group:

I have recorded Colin's suggestion, and have to admit, that I may be "swaying" to that direction, but not 100% sure. It's always harder "caving-in" to an old friend than a new friend--just joking. Hope to resolve this chorus issue soon, thanks for your attention.

steady-eddie.

#987449 - 12/10/12 11:24 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: E Swartz]  
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I left you a pm, Eddie but, after reading some of the above, I'm having some more thoughts.

I think it flows better without the "come" in there - so I'm leaning towards the last version.

But originally, I thought it was a syllables problem and, after reading the above, I guess I'm willing to admit it isn't.

But I also don't think starting it earlier is going to fix it. To get it to flow you'd have to start it really early, I think - right on top of the end of the previous line.

Some more food for thought: What if it's just an enunciation issue? I've found that certain syllables often just don't sound good together - though I haven't thought about it enough to detect a pattern. But consider this:

You wouldn't sing it this way but try it just to see how it flows:

The walls are tumbling down

And compare it to:

The walls come tumbling down.

I don't know about you but I find the first much easier to sing than the second even though the number of syllables are the same. Might just be that "walls come" is a tough combination in this metering.

Scott

#987845 - 12/13/12 01:17 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Scott Campbell]  
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First of all Scott has a great point about words not gelling together sometimes. I think this has been some of the issue for me.

I like this version the BEST of all that you have so far. It's just not jarring in that section like it was. It still stands out but not TOO much.

Ricky

#987869 - 12/13/12 03:33 PM Re: New Song - in final production "Just a Piece of My Dreams" [Re: Ricky Layne]  
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Thanks Ricky. I think with the way the music is written it will be a compromise actually of what I was expressing and feeling. There is part of me that will be biased for awhile for the original version, but I know that it is because I have heard it that way a hundred times, so it was always anticipated. The consenus which I'm in agreement with, is that you have to make sure that it feels right the first time you hear a song, because you only have one 1st impression with anything!

Thanks again,

steady-eddie.


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