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#992852 - 01/22/13 12:45 AM Your Card  
Joined: Jan 2003
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Here is one that me and Kim wrote some time ago and I just had redone. It is based on an article I read and I always thought this was such a heartwarming story. Thanks to Gale (thegatorhole) and Melissa (vocal) for bringing this to life for me! Let me know what you think? :)))) Scotty


Your Card © Richard Scott/Kim Ragans

http://www.reverbnation.com/scottysongwriteronlyvariousmusicians#!/scottysongwriteronlyvariousmusicians/songs

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=12391057&q=hi

Your Card ©2012 Richard Scott/Kim Ragans

I was young, caught in the moment
Not caring where that night went
Just knew Iíd spend forever in his arms
But forever became the day
I told him I was late
He left and I felt my world fall apart

(Prechorus)
Now I realize to you itís just another birthday
But to me todayís the day they took you away

(Chorus)
Now I sign this same card every year
Even though itís not goingÖ anywhere
I hold it and hope you read it someday
(I hold it and hope maybe some day)
Dry my tears, then put it away

Iíve missed all the candles and wishes
First steps and pretty prom dresses
Wish I could have shared them all with you
But thatís the price Iíve had to pay
For the choice I had to make
Hope you understand what I had to do

Prechorus)
Now the only thing I have is the memory
Of that moment I held you close to me

So I sign this same card every year
Even though itís not going anywhere
I hold it and hope you read it someday
(I hold it and hope maybe some day)
Dry my tears, then put it away

(Bridge)
After years of hoping and waiting
I got a callÖ Lord knows Iíve been prayingÖ

(Final Chorus)
Now I sign this same card one last year
Cause that day Iíve prayed forís finally here
And I know itís not much but itís a start
Love MommaÖ baby hereís your card
Yeah Happy Birthday, baby hereís your card

Last edited by Richard Scott; 07/24/13 01:48 AM.
#992884 - 01/22/13 10:20 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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Stanj3 Offline
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Great county song, this is real country music.
Stan

#992886 - 01/22/13 11:23 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Stanj3]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Richard, I can't find anything to crit, so how big was that fish you're holding?

Seriously, I'm impressed with all aspects of your song--it's a finished, polished song, well done.

I've been in a couple of discussions on this forum lately about music flow between verse/pre-chorus/chorus/bridge/etc., and I could use your song as the example of how it's done from a musical flowing perspective--it's easy to structure a song this way, it's another thing to have the music flow smoothly. Super production.

steady-eddie.

#992895 - 01/22/13 01:06 PM Re: Your Card [Re: E Swartz]  
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9ne Offline
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9ne  Offline
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I hesitate to say anything as the demo's made and you won't be able to change anything....
If this was a work file I would have said, (to me) there's a few problems. There's a huge jump between the first verse, (well set up) to the pre. If you'd explained: ....and now it's Sept. 19th her birthday's come around again-the day etc. it may have flowed better. The chorus doesn't feel like a chorus to me-more like a bridge.
This verse appears to say what a chorus should:
Iíve missed all the candles and wishes
First steps and pretty prom dresses
Wish I could have shared them all with you
But thatís the price Iíve had to pay
For the choice I had to make
Hope you understand what I had to do

Some good stuff here but a few problems as well. Best of luck!
-Mike


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#992916 - 01/22/13 04:39 PM Re: Your Card [Re: 9ne]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Ohio
Richard, I went back and listened to this one again, thinking that I may have been caught up with the quality production and missed flaws within the lyrical structure as Mike was commenting about. Firstly, there is a jump from the 1st verse to the pre-chorus in "story thought process," but the title of this song is "The Card," and I think that jump is what makes the pre-chorus effective--in other words, it's launching the chorus. The chorus is promoting the song title and expounding upon those related feelings, and rather well. The "bridge," later, is making a digression and dramatic statement, and very well I might add.

Having said this, there may be merit in what Mike is saying and little in what I am saying to be fair. I always enjoy differences of opinion, as sometimes everyone learns perhaps one small thing, including myself.

I still think this is a fantastic write aside from the performance and production being top notch. No question, when the production is stellar, it is easy to over-look basic structure or lyrical flaws. Take another (subjective) listen Mike, come on now this one's in the can anyway. Scotty may quit fishing from depression!

steady-eddie.

#992979 - 01/22/13 11:15 PM Re: Your Card [Re: E Swartz]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Louisiana
pretty smooth Scotty,i like it!Mike

#992983 - 01/22/13 11:34 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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StanJ, thanks for stopping by and taking a listen!!

Michael, I appreciate your comment dude!!

:))) scotty

#992986 - 01/22/13 11:46 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Mike and Eddie... wanted to say thanks for listening and commenting. The original version of this one clocked in at damn near 5 minutes which is too long, too much trying to explain what the story was. In this version, I rewrote it to try and condense everything to where the story was explained but much less wordy. As you said eddie, the 1st prechorus is two lines bringing in the whole birthday thing while also letting you know she gave the girl up for adoption. The chorus' are the meat, saying that she signed the same card each year, hoping to one day be able to give it the daughter. The bridge let's you know the daughter connected and the final chorus means she gave her the card to show the daughter she has thought of her all these years. Whew!! LOL This wasn't an easy story to tell in these few lines but I tried!! Thanks again for your comments!! Eddie, that's a Speckled Sea Trout that went a hair over 4 pounds!! :))) scotty

#992992 - 01/23/13 12:01 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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mike kruse Offline
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Richard, I love it,that's how a country song should be done.Good music,good story line......Mike

#993047 - 01/23/13 01:47 PM Re: Your Card [Re: mike kruse]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Mike, thanks for taking a listen and the great comments,I appreciate them!! :))) scotty

#993130 - 01/23/13 09:02 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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BIG JIM MERRILEES Offline
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Edinburgh, Scotland. UK
No nits from me sounds like a pretty pro demo......and a well crafted song. I like the twist at the end when we find out who the card is for.......it was a curved ball I was not expecting.

#993136 - 01/23/13 10:25 PM Re: Your Card [Re: BIG JIM MERRILEES]  
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Dan Sullivan Offline
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MI
Scotty, Great demo of your song. It kind of grows on me as I listened. I'm not a big fan of these pre-chorus or lifts. I think you could just go from the verses directly into the chorus. I'd also rewrite the melody of the first line of the chorus to slide more smoothly into the last three lines (and I LOVE last three those melody lines). Something seems off about that first melody line. Maybe its an unusual chord that doesn't fit to my ear. (Now I sign this same card every year). Or maybe it's just me. If nobody else notices it, I could very well be wrong.

You've done a good job on this. Congratulations.


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

https://dansullivan2.bandcamp.com

http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/dansullivan2
#993154 - 01/24/13 01:46 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Dan Sullivan]  
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niteshift Offline
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Hey Richard,

Man, that's a real tear jerker. Solid writing, and a very good demo. It's going to mean a lot to some folks more than others, but it's a very good write on a very difficult subject.

cheers, niteshift


#993159 - 01/24/13 02:10 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Dan Sullivan]  
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Nelson Offline
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Baltimore, MD
Bravo Scotty
Another masterfully crafted piece.
Thumbs up to all involved.

You folks are on a roll.

Good luck with it.


"Yeees, I know... but I do enjoy trying!"
#993288 - 01/25/13 12:51 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Nelson]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Jim, thanks for taking a listen and commenting!! :))) scotty

#993289 - 01/25/13 01:02 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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John Lawrence Schick Offline
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PA
Real pro stuff here Scotty! Solid work all around. I'm impressed.

Best, John smile

#993381 - 01/25/13 08:50 PM Re: Your Card [Re: John Lawrence Schick]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Dan, Nite, Nelson and John.... thanks to all of you for listening and commenting, I appreciate and take note of them all!! :)))) scotty

#993496 - 01/26/13 07:19 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
Hi Richard,
Good country story line. good melody and Kudos to Kim on the vocal.
Yeah,the jump from 1st V to pre, probably will throw some people. You'd pobably get a difference of opinion in different sites as to how well it works. Course there's always a difference of opinion between "It should explain itself as it goes along" and the "Twist" song.
For whatever reason, Kim seems to hold it all together and make it work. Maybe her rather "Plaintive" for want of a better word, delivery. You kinda sense right away what happened.
All JMO
Write on

#993510 - 01/26/13 11:35 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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Iggy Offline
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Hey Richard, nice quality recording. We can nit and go back and forth all day on country lyric structure and flow, but when it comes down to itís how the song is presented. This was nicely done.

#993579 - 01/27/13 05:17 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Iggy]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Iggy, thanks for the comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :))) scotty

#995129 - 02/08/13 07:42 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Wyman, thanks for taking a listen, been a long time since I've seen you commenting? :))) I really didn't intend for this to be a "twist" song, I thought I was telling the story as it went along. Of course, as a writer, we know exactly what we are saying and don't realize that there are other perceptions that are equally valid! I just hope that everyone arrives at the same point at the end of the song, she finally met her daughter and was able to give her the card she had been saving for all those years!! :)))) scotty

#995139 - 02/08/13 10:51 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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Little_stevie_b Offline
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Powerful stuff there, Scotty. You done gooood. Tugs at the heart strings for sure.

Stevie

#995150 - 02/09/13 02:04 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Little_stevie_b]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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Thanks Stevie, I'm glad you liked it!! :))) scotty

#995195 - 02/09/13 04:32 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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Tom Breshers Offline
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Richard,

Really well done...Good country!!!

tom

#995208 - 02/09/13 07:34 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Tom Breshers]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Tom, thanks for dropping by and taking a listen, I appreciate your comments!! :)))) scotty

#995212 - 02/09/13 07:49 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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rogerjohn Offline
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Canada
Nice song. Ill tell you your a good writer. Shes a good singer. The song is a good country song for sure.

#995222 - 02/09/13 10:31 PM Re: Your Card [Re: rogerjohn]  
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Scotty,

Really like the song, very emotional and great vocal on it.

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#995243 - 02/10/13 01:58 AM Re: Your Card [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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ejlawrence Offline
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Richard, what a wonderful country song. Great story-telling, very emotional. Really good vocal. I enjoyed it a lot. I could hear this on the radio. Below are a few lyrical suggestions. Keep or sweep. Thanks for sharing.

_____________________________________
Even though it's not going anywhere
Change to: And each time, I'm crying the same tears

I hold it and hope maybe some day
Change to: I hold it and hope you'll read it some day

#995249 - 02/10/13 02:24 AM Re: Your Card [Re: ejlawrence]  
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Lisa Gundling Offline
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Sounds great, Scotty!! -- Lisa

#995335 - 02/10/13 09:07 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Lisa Gundling]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Roger and Tammy, thanks for taking a listen and I'm glad you enjoyed it!! :)))) scotty

#995867 - 02/15/13 01:54 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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ej, I'm gonna keep the "read it some day" suggestion in my hip pocket, you said it better than me!! Thanks man!!

Lisa, glad you enjoyed it!! :))))

scotty

#995907 - 02/15/13 02:49 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,441
Florida
Nothing for me to critique. I think this is a fantastic write and professional mix and recording. Really well done.

Dave

#995949 - 02/15/13 06:05 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,844
Mackie H. Offline
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Mackie H.  Offline
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NASHVILLE, TN
SCOTTY--

ANOTHER ONE READY FOR THE RADIO AND JUKEBOX!

Mackie

#996259 - 02/18/13 12:56 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Mackie H.]  
Joined: Jan 2003
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Dave and Mackie.... really glad you took a listen and enjoyed this one, it was a great story that I wanted to write into a song!! :))))) scotty

#996300 - 02/18/13 05:06 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
Joined: Jul 2011
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IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Hawaii
Very sweet, Richard. Nice sound!! Love the lyric.
I think that this is a good piece of music!!
Good stuff............ -Tom

#996628 - 02/20/13 02:01 AM Re: Your Card [Re: IronKnee]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Tom, I'm glad you liked it and thanks for taking a listen!! :))) scotty

#1001828 - 03/30/13 01:30 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
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bossier city, LA. USA
I liked EJs suggestion on the third line of the first 2 chorus' and I had Gale and Melissa change them and remix this one. Let me know what you think? :)))) scotty

#1002297 - 04/04/13 10:27 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,864
MFB III Online content
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MFB III  Online Content
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,864
ohio
So many Moms left motherless, because of the need for cruel separations that life throws at them, but there is an umbilical cord between a mother and a daughter, that runs just eight or so inches below one heart to another, and cannot ever be severed. Nicely done.~~~Matt

#1002367 - 04/05/13 01:01 AM Re: Your Card [Re: MFB III]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Matt, that's what drew me to this story and had me write a song about it. Glad you liked it!! :)))) scotty

#1002391 - 04/05/13 11:44 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,441
GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,441
Florida
Wow, Richard. What a fantastic lyric. Men arn't supposed to admit crying, right? Well, I am going to admit that after reading this lyric, a tear came to my eye (Then again, I cried when Old Yeller died). I am a sap though. This was truly tremendous. No suggestions or complaints here. This is perfect, as is. Lyrically, performance, music, recording ... all spot on. Congrats on a great one.

Dave

#1002633 - 04/07/13 12:46 AM Re: Your Card [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Dave, thanks for the great compliment and I'm glad you connected with this one!! :))))) scotty

#1002709 - 04/07/13 09:34 PM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
bruce l Offline
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bruce l  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 75
Boston, MA.
The singing really shines on this well written life affirming tune - beautiful work all around.

#1002873 - 04/09/13 12:28 AM Re: Your Card [Re: bruce l]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Bruce, welcome to the board and thank you for taking a listen and the nice comment!! :))) scotty

#1002912 - 04/09/13 09:15 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,789
Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
This is VERY nicely put together, thanks for the entertainment.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1003019 - 04/10/13 01:02 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
Calvin, thanks man!!! Means a lot to me!! :)))) scotty

#1016724 - 07/24/13 01:51 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
Joined: Jan 2003
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Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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bossier city, LA. USA
I had a guy message me on LinkedIn and said he owns the rights to a software program that rates the merits of a song as far as hit potential, and this one earned a 92%, which he called very respectable. Y'all ever heard of that?? Hmmmmm... :)))) Scotty

Last edited by Richard Scott; 07/24/13 01:52 AM.
#1017176 - 07/28/13 01:04 AM Re: Your Card [Re: Richard Scott]  
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 55
JosieB Offline
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JosieB  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 55
Good song and good demo Richard.

It made me think about how not so long ago you would've had to change it to third person or make the singer be the baby grown up receiving the card because a female country singer couldn't or wouldn't put herself in that light with her fans by singing the lyrics as written. Times change though so hopefully that won't be a problem for you pitching it.

I like it. Very emotional. Enjoyed listening.


Josie

Check out My Videos

Hear more of my music Josie Beck Songs
#1017224 - 07/28/13 01:57 PM Re: Your Card [Re: JosieB]  
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
Richard Scott Offline
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Richard Scott  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
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bossier city, LA. USA
Josie, welcome to the board, I've haven't "met" you before!! Thanks for taking a listen and commenting. Yeah, that was a problem when I wrote this but it just didn't "read" well as third person, I wanted the song to be about the "Mom's" emotions and I felt it worked better with her as the singer. Thanks again!! :)))) Scotty


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