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#995703 - 02/13/13 06:35 PM The Dream  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,552
GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
The Dream
Words & Music By David S. Becker

This is a song originally written at the start of the new year. I wrote this after dealing with illness involving some people close to me as well as an illness that I suffered through back in 2007. It was originally recorded with just acoustic and an electric playing single chord volume swells. A musician named Paul Battersby heard the song and asked if he could add drums, bass and some orchestration to it (2 violins, cello, piccolo, flute and viola). He is also responsible for the mix. I wrote the song, sang it and played all guitars on the track. Paul did everything else. I love what he did with it. I am interested in your feedback as well.

By the way, I posted another song two days ago. I hope I am not breaking site protocol by posting another so quickly. If there is some protocol regarding this, please let me know. I am really enjoying the talent and input on this site.

http://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/the-dream-with-paul-battersby

Intro

Verse 1

Well I'm Walking
Down a narrow road
I'm Carrying
Such a heavy load
I'm losing my breath
Trying not to fall behind
I'm Struggling
To Stay within the lines

Verse 2
A weight it lifts
No more need to fight
A blast of air
And a radiant light
I'm for once at ease
As the air it fills my lungs
The pain is gone
My body and mind go numb

Pre-Chorus
But I can't escape
From this nightmare
Why must I have to wake
This existence I'd forsake
I've survived too long
In this hospice
In my dream I'm set free
It's where I want to be

Chorus
I want to go home
Home
There's nothing here for me
But pain & misery
Home
I need to go home
Won't someone set me free
Take these shackles off of me

Bridge
Well I have a pulse
My heart's beating
I can take a breath
I'm breathing
But the pain it's never easing
And to suffer there's no reason

Verse 3
I am sleeping
With a peaceful ease
No bitter cold
Just a soothing breeze
There's a voice that's faint
Shouting "stay with me"
A shock to the chest
Why can't they let me be

Repeat Pre-chorus
Repeat Chorus
Outro


© 2013 David S. Becker
All Rights Reserved

Last edited by GocartMoz; 02/13/13 06:42 PM.
#995713 - 02/13/13 07:29 PM Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Doug Healey Offline
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Anaheim calif. Mickey Mouse
Hey David,
I enjoy listening to your songs...Welcome
Doug


Learn all the musical rules inside and out- Then break 'em...
Grace..Peace...Love

#995735 - 02/13/13 11:24 PM Re: The Dream [Re: Doug Healey]  
Joined: Jan 2013
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B K Williamson Offline
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B K Williamson  Offline
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Louisville, KY
Hi Dave,
Same here man. It moved me deeply.

Bryan

#995748 - 02/14/13 12:42 AM Re: The Dream [Re: B K Williamson]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Thx Doug and Bryan. Your input is much appreciated.

#995752 - 02/14/13 02:07 AM Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Dan Sullivan Offline
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MI
David, That's a unique lyric. It cuts right to the bone. Maybe too close for some. But I like it. The music is good. So's the singing. You got a winner here.


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

https://dansullivan2.bandcamp.com

http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/dansullivan2
#995770 - 02/14/13 10:28 AM Re: The Dream [Re: Dan Sullivan]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Thx for listening Dan. I appreciate the kind comments.

Dave


#995794 - 02/14/13 02:02 PM Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Jun 2005
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Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Good treatment of a difficult time in everyone's life.


#995810 - 02/14/13 03:13 PM Re: The Dream [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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Tom Breshers Offline
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Tom Breshers  Offline
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Dave will check back...soundcloud doesn't like me...won't play...tom

#995824 - 02/14/13 04:49 PM Re: The Dream [Re: Tom Breshers]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Thx Neil for the listen. Tom, I checked the link. Seems to be working. I appreciate you stopping by nonetheless to attempt to listen.

Dave

#995848 - 02/14/13 06:49 PM Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]  
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MFB III Offline
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MFB III  Offline
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ohio
love the intro, and the vocals, a great story,and the ending holds much truth, once we step over to the other side, it's not our desire to come back anymore. nicely done.~~~MFB III

#995849 - 02/14/13 07:19 PM Re: The Dream [Re: MFB III]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Ohio
Hi Dave. You have a real nice song going on here--definitely unique and your with own sound. I like your production & performance.

If I was to put on my "producing hat," I might maybe experiment with shortening the pre-chorus a couple of lines. Another thing I might experiment with using the pause only in the last chorus. The bridge is fine, but I almost felt like the song should go back to "verse" there--with the long pre-chorus and chorus, I'm not sure the song "needs" digression there, or even a bridge at all with the structure of your longer pre & chorus. Maybe because of the long pause, I wasn't ready for a bridge, as that pause in itself acted as a major transition. I'm not sure, it all sounds real good--I'm just throwing out ideas or subtle reactions.

If you aren't going back with production changes, it's not a bad idea to mention that in your intro as well--save's people like me who get fairly analytical--which is just opinion anyway! You definitely have some good writing going on--dig your lyrics and their flow. Great job! (We'll let you slide on posting so soon)! Some do, and some don't, do what you like, but no question, when folks over-do their posting, they end up getting less feed-back.

steady-eddie.

#995866 - 02/15/13 02:51 AM Re: The Dream [Re: E Swartz]  
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Richard Scott Offline
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Dave, welcome to the board dude!! I enjoyed this, you told the story very well!! :)))) scotty

#995881 - 02/15/13 11:13 AM Re: The Dream [Re: Richard Scott]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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Florida
Tha MFB, Ed and Scotty for the feedback. It is much appreciated. Ed. Thanks for the suggestions. I will experiment with them for sure.

Dave

#995976 - 02/16/13 12:26 AM Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]  
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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New Hampshire
I posted on this song on the Muse, just copying my reply so that you know I did listen:

Really love the lyric on this, what a wonderful handling of the subject matter.

I like the song, but there were a few parts that I felt could be more dramatic in the music, but I'm over-dramatic anyway.

Very nice!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#996036 - 02/16/13 04:11 PM Re: The Dream [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Feb 2007
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Kevin Emmrich Online content
Kevin Emmrich  Online Content


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Posts: 10,664
Crozet, VA
Nice production on this one and the singing is pretty good once again. Hmmm, you really do spend a lot of time of the darker side of life in your music (OK, I've only heard 3 -- but that's 3 of 3).

It is easier to write about pain sometimes than it is to write a happier one. I am not saying that you should write "happy" songs, but maybe one where there is a way out at the end!

You got some talent -- keep writing and playing.


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in videos. "
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
#996248 - 02/18/13 12:50 AM Re: The Dream [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
Joined: Jun 2010
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Doug Buche Offline
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Doug Buche  Offline
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Southern California
Very sensitive and touching take on an issue that is difficult to deal with.

Nice interwoven lyric and melody, with solid vocals as well. The fellow that added the orchestration augmented it as well.

You will be a nice addition to this site, David.

Doug

#996415 - 02/18/13 07:58 PM Re: The Dream [Re: Doug Buche]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Thank you Tam, Kevin and Doug for the listens and comments. It is much appreciated. Kevin, I actually have some happy ones as well, but you are right, sometimes the inspiration flows easier from pain and the sadder things in life.

Dave

#996420 - 02/18/13 08:25 PM Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Mackie H. Offline
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Mackie H.  Offline
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NASHVILLE, TN
DAVE--

INSPIRATION IS EVERYTHING IN LYRICS AND MUSIC--I TOO, TEND TO WRITE MORE SAD SONGS BECAUSE OF LIVING A HARD LIFE--LOOK BACK THROUGH THE GREATEST HITS--MANY ARE SAD ONES--IT'S PART OF LIFE WE REMEMBER THE HURT AND PAIN AND SHARE IT WITH OTHERS!

THIS ONE IS WELL DONE, ENJOYED GETTING TO LISTEN!

WRITE ON--

Mackie

#996534 - 02/19/13 05:46 PM Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Little_stevie_b Offline
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Pretty powerful stuff here, Dave. A subject so many can relate to and you handled it well.

Stevie

#996542 - 02/19/13 05:57 PM Re: The Dream [Re: Little_stevie_b]  
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Andy Kemp Offline
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UK Wales
I'm really into tracks with guitar volume swells at the moment and this track is a cracker.

Cool tune with a great arrangement. Top draw for sure :-)


http://soundcloud.com/m0rk
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/ajk-ep/id926329402

Work for hire Acoustic/Electric studio quality guitar tracks. I will also produce and master any old/new work tapes up to demo standards. :-)
Just PM or email:

Email -- mork1976@gmail.com

#996579 - 02/19/13 07:52 PM Re: The Dream [Re: Andy Kemp]  
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IronKnee Offline
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Wow....love the Dylan-esc sound to this....the writing is GREAT. Love the lyric!! This tune also smacks of what Celio and Kapono was doing in the '70's. Love this stuff, guys!!! You two put me in a much nicer place, after listening....thanks!
GREAT job.......... -Tom

#996663 - 02/20/13 02:26 PM Re: The Dream [Re: IronKnee]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Thx Mackie, Stevie, Andy and Tom ... Appreciate the listens and comments. Tom, I am not familiar with celio and kapano but I will look them up.

Dave


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