FFFING DIANE. rewrite
V
She's a real nice girl but got a foul mouth
lives in the north but raised in the south
Every word she speaks ain't telling no lies
need to nudge her so she'll apologise
C
Everyone calls her Fffing Diane
know this is sexist but she swears like a man
She even fff's when she talks in her sleep
when she turns out the lights she's counting Fffing sheep
Can only guess when the swearing first began
but everyone seems to know Fffing Diane
v
We got married in the chapel this year
poor preacher had to cover his ears
Can still see mom fainting in the pews
to hear "Do you take this man? Yes i fffing do!

B
Some say her granny was to blame for her fffing outbursts
as she came into the world granny started fffing at the nurse

C
Everyone calls her Fffing Diane
I know this is sexist but she swears like a man
She even Fffing when she talks in her sleep
when she turns out the lights she's counting Fffing sheep
Can only guess when the swearing first began
but everyone seems to know Fffing Diane
v
We went to the doctors to get some advice
when kids come along fffing won't be nice
He called in an expert results were slow
basically he responded, *&%$"* if I know!

c
Everyone calls her Fffing Diane
I know this is sexist but she swears like a man
She even fff's when she talks in her sleep
when she turns out the lights she's counting fffing sheep
Can only guess when the swearing first began
but everyone seems to know Fffing Diane

A rewrite on this one
John

That could be fun at the Ffffing pub. You'd best gauge the crowd each time though. Some may be offended.

It went well at a party with a few friends and a beer or three Gary.
That's about as far as I'd go, but yes you're right.
Thanks for your comments and read
John
.

Love this! Made me laugh. We need more songs like this.

Can probably quible some with smaller words, but the fun shows through. And it's an original idea (I think)

Did wonder how you knew she swears in her sleep, so that was a bit of cool suspense...

Overall a good write IMO