I took the advice of a fellow jpr'er and removed all of the backstory that I had originally included. The lyric should tell the story without all of the explanation. Thanks Ricki!
The Healing Lyrics Jim Colyer Music Paul Churchfield(Verse 1)
Things happen in life
That we can't explain
Things beyond our control
Can cause so much pain
We need to have trust
Faith in a higher power
If we can do that
A healing will be ours
(Chorus)
Prepare for The Healing
Though it may take a while
Open up your heart
Remember how to smile
You know that we love you
We ache for how you’re feeling
Learn to live again
Prepare for The Healing
(Verse 2)
How we wanted to stay
But we had to go
Though our time was so short
We want you to know
I wish you could see yourself
Each time it starts to rain
How a beautiful rainbow comes
To chase away all the pain
-Chorus-
(Bridge)
One day we will all be together again
Until that time just do the best you can
Until then, prepare for the healing
The Healing Lyrics Jim Colyer Music Paul Churchfield
Paul,
I can relate to this song having experienced a similar situation with our first child Alecia who passed away, full term in utero due to a cord accident.
Not to take away from Jim's lyrics at all because they are spot on for the task you originally set (well done, Jim!), but here's a sugg for the chorus in an effort to "globalize" it.
The Healing will come
it may take a while
to open your heart
and bring back your smile
The love will shine through
and ease what you’re feeling
as you walk the path
that leads to The Healing
As always, KoS. Either way this is a wonderful sentiment and I applaud you and Jim's efforts. The loss of a child at any stage can be devastating and this type of support is helpful, even if it you don't know it immediately.
Peace,
Dave
Dave,
Thank you for listening and giving feedback!
I will try your suggestion and see how it sings.
Much appreciated!!
Paul
You did a great job, Paul.
I'll see you in the morning.
Jim
Paul and Jim,
I want you to know I stopped in and Paul, my heart goes out to you and your family.
Love this line in the lyric:
I wish you could see yourself
Each time it starts to rain
How a beautiful rainbow comes
To chase away all the pain
I don't listen to songs like these because I am not mentally well after my own loss, but know that I did stop in and gave it a quick read and am sending my thoughts and energy to Paul and his family.
Tammy
Tammy,
Thank you so much for taking the time to look at my song and give your feedback. That is line is my favorite line as well. Maybe not the strongest lyric but it said the most, from my heart to Steph's and I know that is what is happening.
I'm sorry if reading this added to your sadness. I know there is no way to really get thru such a loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. It really does mean a lot to me, that you took the time to read and comment on it.
Thanks so much
Paul
It is difficult to critique a personal song, because in most cases, it's more for sharing. No one wants their personal stories tampered with, even if a change would mean a more interesting song. Personally, I belong to the school of not letting facts get in the way of a good story. I'm doing this critique because I think the song has the potential for being an even better one.
It's also hard to critique when so much background info is given up front. It would have been better to post the song with little to no explanation because now, it's too easy to pass over some things that should be questioned.
For example, there is no indication who the "we" is. What "things" happen? What "things" are beyond control? Healing from what? "Things"? Why did "we" have to go? And just how does one prepare to be healed?
My point is, you have answered all these questions in your lengthy explanation, but the lyrics have not. I'm sure Stephani understood and greatly appreciated this because she is in on the history of it. In that respect, it has served its purpose. So, well done to you both.
However, as a stand alone song, it is so open and general that there isn't enough information or imagery for a listener to hang their emotions onto. I think it would be a more powerful lyric if it did get a little more specific, more personal. It's all fine and good to say the listener can fill in the gaps for themselves but shouldn't the bulk of that be the job of the writer? A listener doesn't have to have had the exact same experience to be able to relate to a well told story, but there does have to be something concrete that draws them in. I felt more emotion from reading the explanation than listening to the song.
I think it's a mistake to try to depersonalize this any more. It needs to get more personal, more emotional, more real. All the facts are there, waiting to be teased out and organized to get the best effect but as a listener, I want to be devastated, eviscerated and rung out like a rag by the time the last line is sung. That's the difference between an OK/good song and a great one.
Just my take.
Ricki
Ricki,
Thank you so much for the feedback. Lots of great advice and insight.
That is what I was looking for. As I said above, most, if not all of my songs start out personal and seek to tell my story. I have so many experiences, sad, crazy and quite frankly unbelievable and it feels good to get them out. That is my primary motivator. But I have always connected with good music, for as long as I can remember. So, for me, if I can say something in song that tells one of those stories, I feel that there are listeners that will connect as well. Getting a cut, or notoriety has never, ever, been part of my agenda. Having said that, I think that if I capture the story in a song, it could become a great song and great things could come of it. It's just not my motivation.
Thanks again
Paul
Pretty song. Reminds me some of Jim Croce chordally. Maybe a bit of a reverb to wash lightly over the track would lend some ambience as the vocal is a bit dry but that's a really small thing. More a taste thing than anything.
Stevie
Stevie,
Thanks for listening and taking the time to give constructive feedback. This recording was just a quickie, one take, guitar and vocal, to serve as a worktape. I will definitely take your feedback into consideration, when I do the next recording of this one.
And thanks for the Croce comment. I consider that a big compliment
Thanks again!
Happy New Year everybody!!
Paul
Paul,
I think you have a real nice sweet song here. I like your melody and music bed with the soft tender vocals. I do think a "pop filter" would benefit your vocal track--an inexpensive item as well.
I agree with a bit with but Ricki said concerning offering a little more "story," yet keep it relatable--the first vs would be a IMO the best place to start--I think you can find a better way to jump start the song than with the word "things," too general. I'd use a different rhyme vs. one and not use "pain" twice, and go for a different vowel keeping verses contrasting in sound--not imperative, but does give a song more variety with phonetics. JMO, mate!
I like how your "bridge" digresses with a reflective statement, but wonder if the bridge might not fit better after the 2nd vs, then finish the song with your chorus hook? Not sure, but I might experiment with that. If you did move the bridge, I also may also consider, since it would now NOT be the song's ending, to use a new/different last line there, and letting the chorus keep that "healing" line exclusively. Food for thought or experimentation--I know I experiment a lot in the structure and arrangement process both lyrically & musically.
You have a very pretty song here, with even more potential IMO.
Good luck with it!
steady-eddie.
Eddie,
Thank you so much for all of the feedback.
I like what I'm hearing and will certainly try and see what I can do with it.
I know about the pop filter too. Just keep forgetting to order one, when I make an order from my music supplier.
Thanks again for the feedback!!!
So appreciated!
Paul
Paul, this song has potential. We need to stay with it.
Hi Jim and Paul,
This is beautiful. I love the chord progression, finger-picking, vocal melody, and this is up there with your best lyrics Jim.
Great works guys.
Michael,
Thanks again for taking the time to listen and comment.
I was listening to some of your stuff yesterday on SoundCloud and you've got some great songs as well.
Paul
Thanks Calvin
Nice song. I too think it is a bit on the vague side. The lyric that's there is great, it's just not giving me much to build a scene in my head with. I like the message... hang in there, have faith, we're here for you, this too shall pass, but I just wish it was applied to something a little bit more concrete.
I love the chorus. Especially the "prepare for the", and "you know that we". Those words roll really well the way you worked the melody, and it gives it a real nice feel.
Thanks for the listen. I really enjoyed it.
John
John,
Thanks for the feedback.
I am working on this one still with Ricki Bellos, to remove the vagueness that you mentioned. ORiginally I had a huge backstory but removed it recently, to allow the lyrics to do their job.
Thanks again,
Paul
Here is our first re-write, with the help of Ricki Bellos
Healing 1 (first re-write)Healing 1 - Jim Colyer, Ricki Bellos, Paul Churchfield
How I wanted to stay
But it wasn’t to be
There’s a much higher power
With plans just for me
I was not with you long
But felt strength in your Mothers touch
I know you’ll stay strong
For those who love you so much
Healing
Though it may take a while
Open up your heart
Remember how to smile
Know that I love you
And ache for how you’re feeling
Learn to live again
Through healing
Though you’re living this loss
You’re never alone
I’m the star of your night
Your heart is my home
I wish you could see yourself
Each time it starts to rain
How a beautiful rainbow comes
To chase away all the pain
REPEAT CHORUS
When we’re together again
We’ll live in the light and be one
REPEAT CHORUS
Healing 1 (first re-write)
Hi Paul and Jim:
This is a really nice collaboration. Eddie provided some good advice but the message is clear... and your vocal and backing is sincere and uplifting, although sad. Thanks for sharing. I hope someday you will be able to have a full-blown demo made of this.
Well done! ----Dave
Thanks Dave,
Ricki Bellos contributed a lot to the latest lyric, as well.
Hopefully it has helped to clarify the unknowns, since I removed the preamble (ie backstory).
And yes, Eddie did give me some great feedback!
I appreciate everyone here that took the time to listen and give constructive feedback!!
-Paul