EDIT - Revised version is up at link based on your thoughts.

Good day to you JPF folks. This is a tune that is in the home stretch for a disk that is forthcoming from my band (Blackfoot Daisy). It is about three generations of women caught in the cycle of domestic violence. We have been performing this song live for about three years now and it was difficult to capture the energy of the live version but I think 'musically' we have done this on the recording.

I mention this because I am not looking for feedback on the lyric or the song itself. It's basically a "done deal."

My issue is the vocal. I am considering redoing it. I don't know if it's my voice, the performance, or the mix but I just can't seem to settle with it. Can a few of you listen and give me some feedback? Maybe it's my phrasing? I am at a loss.

Also, if you do have any thoughts on the musical elements re: mix, etc., those are appreciated as well.

Thanks so much and I will be back to listen/provide feedback for others.

https://soundcloud.com/mamby-p/leaving-daddyspec1/s-W0u8h


Leaving Daddy (DuMond/Sechelski)

When she was nine
He pushed her down
Pulled her hair out
By the crown
She just cried
And mama lied
About leaving daddy

When she was ten
They moved back in
Swore he'd never
Do it again
She just cried
And mama lied
About leaving daddy


Daddy fought and he drank
Ran from the law
Ran from the bank
She just cried
And mama lied
About leaving daddy

Then she grew up
And found a man
He was mean
Didn't give a damn
Her baby cried
And she just lied
About leaving daddy

Now she drinks
And she cuts
She's got scars
But she's got no guts
She just dreams
of bigger things
And leaving daddy

Her little girl
Is alone in her room
loading a gun
Cause he's coming soon
She just cries
And mama lies
About leaving daddy

She just cries
And her mama lies
About leaving daddy x 2

Wow, Wendy...glad to see/hear you haven't lost your edge! Cool vibe. Not sure what you want from your vocal? This song may benefit from a grittier one but that's not your style so, I'd say stick a fork in it and call it done because you still make it sound great. And the band sounds great as well.

Ricki

Wendy,

This all sounds great to my ear. On the vocal, I think Rikki May have it right in terms of what might be driving your hesitation—but she’s also right that you stay true to your own vocal style here. And it works really well.

Since you are welcoming comments on the mix, my only thought would be that on some of the high notes the flute is a little harsh. Perhaps dial back the volume on those high notes a smidge to take off some of the edge. Just a thought. And, caveat, I’m listening on a pair of not so great earphones, so take that thought with a grain of salt.

Great tune and terrific write.

Cheers,

Deej

Your vocal sounds right to me.
Maybe as Deej says, turn back the flute a little and maybe so it isn't there all the time.
I like the guitar riff.
One thing in the lyrics:
"When she was ten
They moved back in."
Was she living on her own at 10?

Good one though.
Vic

I like this!
I think you need to give that flute some room-verb to put it in the background just a bit, cut some of the mid-highs out of the guitar so it’s not competing with your vox, give that kick drum just a little more bottom, and reach a little higher on "mama lied/lies"

Hi Wendy:

I don't think I know anyone creating music then singing their own stuff... that will not listen the next day and think... "What was I thinking?" Your vocal is spot on and the arrangement is good. You asked, my friend... and I will suggest that you exclude the "flute sounding instrument" and replace it with something more folk sounding.

Possibly a combination of a Harmonica or Resonator Guitar... experimentation is the answer... but the "bones" are there and I know you guys can pull this off.

Thanks for sharing. Best of luck to you, yours, the band... and for all the success in the world.

----Dave

Wendy,

Vocal is great. If you just listen to the vocal with the right panned guitar--perfect balanced relationship. I do think you could move the flute 10% more to the left
or and maybe move the vocals 5-7% right--experiment, just to give them optimal 3D spacing. The flute is a strong hollow sound that "can" supersede your vox if too loud or positioned too close to your vox. I love it, but think you perhaps can improve that space relationship with a slight panning & maybe a couple areas bringing down the flute volume--but all small tweaks IMO.

You are amazing!

steady-eddie

Hi Wendy,
Nice to see, and hear you again. Yes this is edgy, it's meant to be. I don't know enough about recording or mixing to give you any advice but your voice sounds good to me. Good luck with thissun;.

Hi Wendy,


Wow----------that's powerful. Good job !
You've got some good suggestions already, I like the idea of lowering the volume a little bit on the flute.


Calvin

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=11440

Hi Wendy
First off - great song and performances all around.
You are a great vocalist - don't ya know that the lead singer is never 100% happy with his/her take?
I'm loathe to nit-pick since it is so good.
But my only suggestion is, at 4 mins, the song gets a bit samey by the end.
For example, if you take a section near the start, and then compare it to a section near the end you can't tell the difference in sound.
I would suggest a key change around the 3 min mark - that would lift your vocal emotionally and keep things fresh.
If you do re-record the vox, maybe consider singing the melody a bit differently in verses near the end.
This offers a unexpected surprise to the listener after he thinks he can predict what's coming next IMHO.
Hope this doesn't sound harsh - I really do respect what you've done here
Paul

Haunting song Wendy, love the vibe.
The recording has captured that live performance feel... to my ears anyway.

Good luck with it. It's a mighty fine piece of work and you guys sound marvelous.

A few possibilities come to mind

1~ Maybe push your vocals a bit further forward in the mix.

2~ And maybe try panning the flute about the same distance left, the guitar is panned right, so it won't be competing your vocals and may enhance the balance of the musical sections between the guitar and flute.

3~ You might try muting the flute during...
"She just cried
And mama lied
About leaving daddy"
… since the guitar is doing it's thing and you're delivering the hook and the flute kicks it up a notch doing the proceeding instrumental section.

Great song all round to be honest the flute sounded good to me and works
John

Nothing wrong with your voice to my ears. I love it. The flute sounds good to my ears too, although for me there's maybe a bit too much in the way of instrumental breaks, which slows down the story. Not a problem when done live and everyone is digging the atmosphere, but I would cut one of them for the recorded version. That's probably just me, and it doesn't stop me from appreciating what a great job you've done here.

Hey people,

I just wanted to pop back here and thank you guys for your feedback. We put a new mix up based on some of the feedback we obtained here. I listened to a bunch of great stuff from you folks over the weekend and will be back to post some thoughts. I just have not been home almost every evening since last week. This week is looking the same (hosting an open mic tonight, making cookies for the school tomorrow, still have to get the tree up, etc.) but I think by this weekend, I should be back with some crits. I think we may down the road get an alternate vocal with Don singing this instead of me. New link is here and I also added it above.

https://soundcloud.com/mamby-p/leaving-daddyspec1/s-W0u8h

Again - thanks so much. Your input on this has been extremely valuable.

Still liking this one! 👍

Hi Wendy,
Sounds great, I like the production, and the vocals.
there is that old saying..we can be our worse critics ..
Both of the tracks sound good to me. Lane