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johannasvision
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Posts: 143
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2004

posted 12-03-2004 15:14     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If you asked me how I feel
I'd say a little down
A little blue, a little sad
A little lonely cause you're not around

Sorry that we didn't make it
Never found the rainbow's end
Knowing that I've lost a lover
Hoping I still have a friend

If I asked you how you feel
Would you say the same?
Are you sad and blue like me
Do you wish you hadn't played the game?

Are you sorry that we didn't make it
That we never found the rainbow's end?
Are you missing your lost lover
Do you hope we'll still be friends?

If you asked me how I feel
I'd say I have regrets
But knowing you and loving you
Brought happiness I won't forget

Thank you for the joy you've given
And the love you shared with me
One sweet moment held forever
Wrapped in timeless memory

Sorry that we didnít make it
Never found the rainbowís end
Knowing that Iíve lost a lover
Hoping I still have a friend


Copyright © December 2004 by D Rulliere

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AutumnEyes
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Posts: 55
From: Alpena, MI, U.S.A.
Registered: Nov 2004

posted 12-03-2004 16:14     Click Here to See the Profile for AutumnEyes   Click Here to Email AutumnEyes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*sniff*...ohhhhh this was so sad ....Wonderfully written, but darn it, just plain sad!

Tina

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johannasvision
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Posts: 143
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2004

posted 12-03-2004 16:18     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Tina!

sorry about the sad - also sorry to say it came straight from the heart - sniff.....

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sweetjoyce
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Posts: 4150
From: Bronx, NY, United States
Registered: Aug 2003

posted 12-03-2004 16:26     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Ozlady

funny the first advice i got about writing lyrics was the powers that be are sick and tired of break up songs, and not to dare send one, unless of course you wrote one better than all the rest....hell of a job Diane....sorry it's true....best break up line in a song i've heard is from dave mason....."there ain't no good guys, there ain't no bad guys, there's only you and me, and we just disagree".

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johannasvision
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Posts: 143
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2004

posted 12-03-2004 17:40     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Ritt. Dave Mason's words just about sum it up - that's just how I feel - nobody's fault - just didn't work out. Now I've got it out of my system (lyric-wise at least!) - I'll try and write something more bouncy and positive - any suggestions?

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 17:44     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why not try a Christmas song!!!

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johannasvision
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From: UK
Registered: Jul 2004

posted 12-03-2004 18:31     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
mmmm - now there's a challenge!

Does it have to be a jolly Christmas song? Cos that may be a challenge I'm not up to!

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sweetjoyce
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Posts: 4150
From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 18:36     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hmmmm wanna try one together? starting lets say sunday....and yes a happy one....immediate mind set is "Christmas Is For The Children" *and the child within us all*....?

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johannasvision
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Posts: 143
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2004

posted 12-03-2004 18:48     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ok Ritt - that's a challenge I can't refuse - the child within us all - I like that. Let's do it!

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 18:53     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
cool, dinner time here....lets see the time differential is five hours....gather your thoughts and i will mine, and lets say i'll e mail you at one pm my time or 1900 hundred hrs your time on sunday....

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 18:57     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oops i can't add, 1800 hrs your time lol

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johannasvision
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From: UK
Registered: Jul 2004

posted 12-03-2004 19:14     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You gotta date Ritt!

6pm Sunday - better get my jet-lagged head together! At the moment I'm well into tomorrow!

Di

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 19:17     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
when it snows and the clouds hide the stars
'round Christmas i listen for the sound
of rudolf, dasher, dancer, prancer, vixen, comet, cupid, donner, and blitzen
and by the time Santa come the stars will glisten on the ground

or condensed

when it snows and the clouds hide the stars
'round Christmas i listen for the sound
of rudolf, trailed merrily by a jingling blitzen
and when Santa is chimney bound, the stars will glisten on the ground

well it's rough, but that's why i have you lol....

[This message has been edited by sweetjoyce (edited 12-03-2004).]

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johannasvision
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From: UK
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posted 12-03-2004 19:24     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well thereís no way that ďmeek and mildĒ is gonna save the day
Jesus was reviled for words he didnít say
So say it loud and stand up tall
Be proud and brave and you can save the child within us all

Ah well - we have 2 days to try and get on the same wavelength!

Boy, do I need your help!

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 19:28     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i'll try to soften your verse, wanna try to keep this a kiddies song, with adult overtones, or is that undertones, oh well i like the concept, we'll get it done!!!!

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johannasvision
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From: UK
Registered: Jul 2004

posted 12-03-2004 19:33     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Could be a two-tone song Ritt - you know - the cynical bitter voice being answered by the voice of faith and sweet simplicity - could work!

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 20:01     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
cool, but might want to keep the chorus a bit more on the fluffy side and leave the questioning/deeper side for the bridge????

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Calvin
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From: Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Registered: Apr 2002

posted 12-03-2004 20:01     Click Here to See the Profile for Calvin   Click Here to Email Calvin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello you two !

I'm anxious to hear your Christmas song, I have a good feeling about it.

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/o/calvinstewartmusic.htm

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johannasvision
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From: UK
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posted 12-03-2004 20:09     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Whatever you say Ritt - you're the man! You do the fluffy - I'll do the huffy!

Hi Calvin - so glad you joined us. what do you think?

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 20:10     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
or second verse, lead in to the chorus, then a requestioning and resolution in the bridge....hmmmm

thanks C

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 20:13     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ok, cept we're trying to raise your spirits lol, maybe you'll do the last two lines of the bridge, the happy part

and C, you're gonna do the music.....right?

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Calvin
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posted 12-03-2004 20:15     Click Here to See the Profile for Calvin   Click Here to Email Calvin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're off to a good start & working soooo out in the open.

C

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Corey
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From: Pearl, MS
Registered: Feb 2001

posted 12-03-2004 20:16     Click Here to See the Profile for Corey   Click Here to Email Corey     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I like this... Ritt's right though. It would have to have something just drop-dead breathtaking about the story and a great tune to have a shot at getting cut, probably. This is solidly written though... and very emotional. Some nice lines thoughout. The chorus could be a little 'hookier' probably.

CP

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johannasvision
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posted 12-03-2004 20:17     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Donít talk to me of snow and stars
And endless reindeer lists of names
Donít you know that kids round here are stealing cars
And use real guns to play their games

What do you want for Christmas Sonny
I want a knife to cut them down
I need to show them Iím no dummy
Gotta be the meanest kid in town


Why don't you send me your idea for the structure, and we'll work it out from there?

Looking good! I have a kinda rap idea in my head - overlaying the fluffy stuff (by no means am I denigrating the fluffy stuff - that should come out winning I think!)

Did you ever hear Simon and Garfunkel doing Silent Night to the news broadcast about Vietnam? Something like that in reverse - the good overcoming the bad?

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Calvin
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posted 12-03-2004 20:18     Click Here to See the Profile for Calvin   Click Here to Email Calvin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ritt, ya never know....the 1st time I read Christmas Kisses, I sure never knew that I'd be doing it.

C

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 20:21     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
laughing, me thinks you've been hanging round Calvin too long....sorry bro, you did do missiletoe....lol

lots to ponder....maybe a twenty verse Christmas epic lol

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Calvin
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posted 12-03-2004 20:23     Click Here to See the Profile for Calvin   Click Here to Email Calvin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
and KILL WHITEY, ha

C

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johannasvision
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From: UK
Registered: Jul 2004

posted 12-03-2004 20:24     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey thanks Corey! appreciate your thoughts. Sadly it's not a drop dead different take - same old, same old story I'm afraid. I'm a long long way from getting anything cut - I write for pleasure - and sometimes pain. Maybe one day I'll come up with the hookiest hook that ever hooked - but for now - I just write!

Thanks

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-03-2004 20:27     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ahhhhhh ayyyyyy that too lol

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Tall_Terry
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From: Salt Spring Island
Registered: Aug 2002

posted 12-03-2004 22:42     Click Here to See the Profile for Tall_Terry     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Johanna,

You wrote:

"Maybe one day I'll come up with the hookiest hook that ever hooked"

First of all, get rid of the notion that the hookiest hook is what constitutes a marketable song -- what would Dylan think!!


Meanwhile, I like this:

Donít talk to me of snow and stars
And endless reindeer lists of names
Donít you know that kids round here are stealing cars
And use real guns to play their games

What do you want for Christmas Sonny
I want a GUN to cut them down
I need to show them Iím no dummy
Gotta be the meanest kid in town

People are "cut down" with guns, not knives.

------------------
TallT

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 12-04-2004).]

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
Registered: Aug 2003

posted 12-03-2004 23:26     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ok, Tall T

How are we doing????

when it snows and the clouds hide the stars
'round Christmas time i listen for the sound
of rudolf, dasher, dancer, prancer, vixen, comet, cupid, donner, and a jingling blitzen
and i know when Santa is chimney bound, the stars will glisten on the ground

Donít talk to me of snow and stars
And endless reindeer lists of names
Donít you know that kids round here are stealing cars
And use real guns to play their games

What do you want for Christmas Sonny
I want a GUN to cut them down
I need to show them Iím no dummy
Gotta be the meanest kid in town

hey big shot you gonna be the toughest guy in jail
watcha gonna do when hardcore wants you to be his gal
you can bend to the pressure or relieve the weight
Jesus died for your sins so it's never too late

to heal your soul
be a kid again
to dig out of your hole
in Jesus you have a friend

Cause

Christmas is for the children
and the child within us all
on a winter wind a thrill to send
a prayer to He who heeds your call

John Wayne outro

listen up and listen good
i know it gets tough in the hood
but if you would just look up
you'll find nothing but His love

cause

Christmas is for the children
and the child within us all
on a winter wind a thrill to send
a prayer to He who heeds your call

[This message has been edited by sweetjoyce (edited 12-04-2004).]

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Tall_Terry
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From: Salt Spring Island
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posted 12-04-2004 01:35     Click Here to See the Profile for Tall_Terry     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Since you asked so respectfully

When it snows and the clouds hide the stars
ĎRound Christmas time THEY listen for the sound
Of rudolf, dasher, dancer, prancer, vixen,
SO THEY know when Santa is chimney bound.

BUT donít talk to me of snow and stars
And endless reindeer lists of names
That kids round here are stealing cars
USINí real guns to play their games

BUT SHE SANG:

Christmas is for the children
And the child within us all
WINTERíS CHILL WARMED BY THE THRILL
OF LOVEíS ANSWERED CALL

STILL THUNDER ROLLS IN TROUBLED SOULS
UP AGAINST THE WALL. . .

What do you want for Christmas Sonny?
I want a GUN to cut them down
I need to show them Iím no dummy
IíM THE meanest kid in town

SHE SANG:

Hey big shot
You gonna be the toughest guy in jail
Watcha gonna do when hardcore wants you
WHOíLL HEAR YOUR WEEPING AND YOUR WAIL?

You can bend to the pressure
OR COLLAPSE UNDER the weight
Jesus died for your sins, INSIDE
To give you a fresh clean slate

AND it's never too late. . .

To heal your soul,
TO REACH YOUR GOAL
TO be a kid again
To dig YOURSELF out of your hole
In Jesus youíVE GOT a friend

SO listen up and listen good
I know it gets tough DOWN in the hood
but if you would just look up. . .
AND LOOK INSIDE

SANTA IS THE IMAGE OF THE SPIRIT
IMAGINATION IS THE RIDE

YES. . .

Christmas is for the children
And the child within us all
WINTERíS CHILL WARMED BY THE THRILL
OF LOVEíS ANSWERED CALL

© 2004 D. Rulliere, ritt , Terry C. Graham


[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 12-04-2004).]

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johannasvision
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From: UK
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posted 12-04-2004 04:54     Click Here to See the Profile for johannasvision   Click Here to Email johannasvision     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey! I go to bed and wake up to find the job is done!

It's looking good Terry! what do you think Ritt?

Imagination is the ride!

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-04-2004 06:47     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Tall T a well earned ©

only thing and it's trivial at best, but I was trying to avoid James Taylors' You've got a friend..... Hi Diane....Christmas Is For The Children (Imagination Is The Ride) ?

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shayneman
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From: Edmonton, KY USA
Registered: Apr 2002

posted 12-04-2004 07:55     Click Here to See the Profile for shayneman   Click Here to Email shayneman     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Christmas is for the Children"
Great title, don't abuse it with a lot of graphic negative images.

Focus:
Christmas is for the Children
WHY?
List the reasons in your verses.
BECAUSE:

------------------
http://shayneman.proboards19.com/

[This message has been edited by shayneman (edited 12-04-2004).]

[This message has been edited by shayneman (edited 12-04-2004).]

[This message has been edited by shayneman (edited 12-04-2004).]

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sweetjoyce
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From: Bronx, NY, United States
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posted 12-04-2004 10:20     Click Here to See the Profile for sweetjoyce   Click Here to Email sweetjoyce     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Shaneyman

are you doing your Donavan imitation again....?! lol.

We would in essense wind up rewriting jingle bells, I think the contrast we've presented will work well with todays inner city youth; face it most Christmas songs are written for kids in suburbia....

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