Hi Chris,

I don't usually explain why I've suggested changes and some writers can't see why or don't care to ask or both . . . but I started reading and these are the things that stood out to me as needing strengthening.

I stopped here because with no guarantee of receptivity, I could spend a half hour rewriting the song for a let-down return.

Cheers,
Terry


I wrote a love song DEDICATED TO you
With six strings and a pen
TO your green eyes and LONG brown hair (some desc. of her hair)
And the way we were back then

Then you UP and left (When did she leave?? Doesn't connect to first verse the way it reads)
Headed back to Okarche
Nothing but a worn-out Martin (whose Martin . . . hers?)
And a voice that's way off key