Lisa,
I love it as it is!

--but commercially? I don't know!

Well I have no ideas except it's not a bombshell. Since you are here we know it. Do you want it mysterious?

I’d like to see some thunderous change in words and music here, before you come to the good end.

I fear there are too any oh sounds

(and when you are finished you have tinkling Chinese bells to end it!)


Good Luck to you!

annie